xbox360 news

The veteran difficulty on Call of Duty 2 is fucking hard. Very fucking hard. Harder than Halo 2 on Legendary. But, it is the best game I have played in a long time, which is why I continue to beat my head against the wall on a level I can not pass. Wish me luck as I may waste a few more hours tonight or tomorrow trying to clear one last house full of Nazis.
Fuck I hate Nazis.

And coming soon: Info about a raffle I will be putting on to fundraise for the Cowlitz Volleyball Club that my wife and I coach for. Why would I mention that here you ask? Because I just found out I will have an Xbox360 to include in the raffle prizes. That's right, I will be selling the opportunity to win great prizes, including an xbox360, for $1 each. Interested yet? Want to help a non-profit club that allows young volleyball players hone their skills in the off-season with the hopes of one day earning college scholarships, with the added bonus of winning a 360, or Mariner tickets, or Blazer tickets, or other great prizes??? You bet you do.

And one last-minute edit: While searching for a picture of the "geek" shirts I have to give away in the raffle, I found Cafepress.com and their huge selection of geek-themed shirts. Definitely worth a look. My favorite has got to be "I wear black because I am a ninja." The description if you click on the shirt says "Are you a ninja? Wear this shirt and let the whole world fear your ninja-ness. "

the H&R Block Experience

So last week or the week before (damn you short-term memory loss) I took my taxes in to H&R Block to have them done. It all started out well. I called and made my appointment. Showed up on time and moved right to a "tax specialist". His name was Jerry. He was about seventy years old. Despite being old enough to fart dust, he was a tax wizard.
Before I took my taxes in I figured them out on my own. I was just using H&R to get my refund in a week or so. Well Jerry got me another hundred and some odd dollars. That's my motherfucker. Something to do with my 401k or company stocks or something.
Anyhoo, I call yesterday to see if my refund was in. I was ordered (and not in a good way) to call another number. After punching in all my info I found out my refund was in fact in. Cha. Ching.
So after work I cruise over to H&R to pick it up. I show up and the place was pretty dead, yet nobody was working the front counter. I leaned up on the counter and waited about thirty seconds for a lady to come up and help me. She starts out our conversation by ordering me off of the counter. "It squeaks!" she explained.
"I need your ID!" was the next sentence out of her mouth.
After waddling back to the file cabinet and searching the alphabetical file folders for a couple of minutes, she pulls my refund out of the file.
"What's your address on the refund?" she barked at me.
"20 Jump Street*" I reply.
"Well how come your license says '1620 Memory Lane*'?" she half-yelled back before I could even finish my response.
"Umm....I moved." I explained, which I figured was a pretty rational answer.
"You need to get this changed." she ordered (see any similarities?).
I need to stop watching that damn Chappelle show, because I caught myself before I almost accidentally blurted out "Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?"
Then I went to the bank, cashed my check, and enjoyed $1000 worth of hookers and blow. (just kidding, it was $1350)

*actual addresses have been changed to protect n8

Slowly moving away from superbowl talk

I realized what was really important.
As you can see from the previous post, and the one to the left, it will be a while before we drop the superbowl issues that we have, but for now, here is some unrelated humor.
First, taken out of context, anyone can have a "quote of the day"...
"I love the airplane with the small dick"
-Nate

Second, Willie finally got off the ship in Cali, and apparently waded through months of useless fowards that he had been skipping past in his email. He sent this cool site colortest (beat my 88% on the first try if you can) and this is the best funny one he sent to me:

The Point System
In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do somethingshe dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system
==============================
SIMPLE DUTIES:
You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow. (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants. (+5)
In the rain. (+10)
But return with beer. (-15)
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)
It's her pet. (-25)
==============================
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS:
You stay by her side for the entire party. (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a collegebuddy. (-2)
Named Tina. (-4)
Tina is a dancer. (-10)
Tina has breast implants. (-80)
Really big breast implants. (-200)
==============================
HER BIRTHDAY:
You take her out to dinner. (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar. (+1)
Okay, it is a sports bar. (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is paintedthe colours of your favourite team. (-10)
==============================
A NIGHT OUT:
You take her to a movie. (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
And it's called "DeathCop". (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans that was featuredon "Oprah". (-15)
==============================
YOUR PHYSIQUE:
You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggyHawaiian shirts. (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-10,000)
==============================
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)[Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT you say.]
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, "Wh! ere?" (-35)
Any other response. (-20)
==============================
COMMUNICATION:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying whatlooks like a concerned expression. (0)
You listen for over 30 minutes. (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-5,000)

A Picture is Worth 1000 Words...

ESPN 2

ESPN 2 is great when you aren't reading Skip (fucking hit me with a 3 iron) Bayless.
Check this out about the Superbowl and recent college basketball conspiracy theories.
The best line has to be:
Worst new slogan: "Brown and Bubbly" -- this, I must admit, does not evoke an image that makes me thirsty.

I also came up with some VERY good ideas, but don't have the time to follow through with them. Basically they involve making fun of the refs.

1. The first idea making my own "Pontiac Game Changing Performances" but you would substitute clips of the refs making or missing calls on Sunday. And then you would vote for the most outragous fuck-up.
2. The second idea would be a funny pictures of the ref making the Pass Interferance call, and the first time he tugs his flag and misses, he accidentally starts to pull out his Terrible Towel, and then tucks it back in and throws the flag.

Fucking classic, but I don't have the time or technology to pull it off, so if anyone wants to borrow the ideas and make them a reality, just give me a little side credit along the way.

These are the kind of ideas you have when you had too many HOT, HOT sausages at your superbowl party and are keeping the toilet company first thing in the morning. (ouch, I thought they were hot on the way in...) Also, the next blog button strikes again with jokesandfunnystories.

A Living Legend Retires

So the Natural has had enough. At Forty-two years old I guess he's earned that right. What an amazing career. Not just the recent battles with Chuck Lidell, or the fact that he's been the World Champion twice in two different weight classes, but just the way he carried himself. He was a class act through and through. While some of the younger guys (i.e. Nick Diaz) talk all kinds of shit about their opponents, Randy never did. He was confident but never cocky. He would wink at his oppenent and shake their hand before the fight, and then give them a respectful embrace after the match was over.
I actually had the good fortunes to meet Randy on my last trip to Las Vegas. I was in town to watch the UFC 54 in which he was going to fight Mike Van Arsdale. The night before the fights me and my buddies went and watched George Carlin (hilarious). When we got back to our hotel we noticed a black, UFC edition Hummer H2 sitting out front. Who other than Mr. Couture himself comes walking out of the hotel. We all said hello and told him to "kick Van Arsdale's ass". He shook all of our hands and I believe my buddies got some pictures takin with him (I'm not positive, this was after many Heinekens). I remember on the way to our rooms how we all talked about what a class act he is.
Thank you Randy Couture.

Four Things.....

1. Congrats to Ben Roethlisberger for fooling the officials enough to give him a touchdown.
2. Did anybody see Darrell Jackson push off right before his touchdown? Yeah, me neither.
3. Holding on Sean Locklear? If Joey Porter was a Seahawk he would be complaining about the refs wanting the Steelers to win and giving them the game.
4. How do you call a low block on Matt Hasselbeck when he makes the tackle?

The fact of it is the NFL wanted the Bus and the Steelers to win it. It was some of the worst officiating I have ever seen in my whole life. It's funny how the game was decided by eleven points, but if you give D. Jack his touchdown and don't call the phantom hold on Locklear there's more than likely eleven points right there.

Whose Side Are You On?

Even the President gets into the Super Bowl. "Are you fucking blind, Bettis was short by at least THIS MUCH!"

I got the hat, the coozy, the keychain...too early to start adding to the Diet Coke on Friday? Not when you are going to see the Blazers Friday night I say! Also, we just won a kick ass box of superbowl food for Sunday from Cascade Title. man I can't wait for Sunday. I even just bought a t-shirt, and it is the shiznit.

Fuck the media

Sports writers and talk show hosts are all pussies. I watched a show late last night, where everyone but one AGAIN sided with the Steelers. What happened to rooting for the underdog? In this case you would actually be rooting for the better team, so there is less risk than normal and you would think that more than one of these pussy comentators could side with the NW.

It's one thing to say that you have been a steelers fan and hope they win. It's another to say that the Steelers are the favorite because the NFC isn't as good as the AFC this year. So the AFC was harder this year. I bet if the Giants or the Bears were in the Super Bowl, everyone would be talking about how good they are becuase they beat the Seahawks. No-respect-giving mother fuckers. And Texas A&M, go fuck yourself.

Also, Skip (see below) is an ass. I read some more of his articles, especially this one, and he is a big part of the reason that reporters are interchangable with lawyers in the joke "what do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? -A good start"
although, this article shows that he is probably just a normal media fuckhead and not really a seattle hater. He wants drama, suffering, and arguments, becuase it gives him a job. Also, a Skip Archive link incase you want to see how full of shit this guy is, and send him multiple emails stating so.

Skip Bayless: Dumbass!

Where the hell does this guy get off calling our Super Bowl bound football team the "Sea-frauds"? This guy thinks he knows everything about the NFL yet he hasn't shown the Hawks any respect all year. I've heard him say that they are a team of nobodies and got lucky with a soft schedule. Nobodies? Wasn't our Running Back the MVP of the NFL this year? And now he goes off saying they have no place in this Super Bowl where they are way overmatched by the AFC's sixth seed, the Pittsburgh Steelers. He goes as far as calling Seattle, south Alaska. WTF? Read it all for yourself right here.
If you are a diehard Seahawk fan and don't appreciate some ESPN B-Lister disrespecting our state, sports, and way of life, I encourage you to send hate-mail here.
Who watches Cold Pizza on ESPN 2 anyways. GO HAWKS!

edit: (a good excerpt from one of his columns) - "I can relate: After opening the first few of 2,000-plus e-mail responses to my Sea-Frauds column, my computer screen cracked. Each one was a fireball of unprintable passion."
Thats right fucker, read em and like it.

the Flash?....Seriously?

I was just admiring the beauty of Ford Field, site of Super Bowl XL on Erik's last post. Who woulda thunk it? Our beloved Seahawks in the biggest game of the year. And despite what Joey Porter says, these Hawks are leaving with the Lombardi. No disrespect to Jerome Bettis (isn't he from Detroit?) but these Hawks are winning it all.
Anyways I thought I would check out the comment left on his last post and found this:
redlib said...
I was going to make some snarky East coast comment, but I can not get over how ugly that ski sweater was. Although I have a vintage 80's ski coat in toxic green with a purple swirl on it, so who am I to say?
And I am gonna have to agree with her. G, that sweater was all kinds of disgusting. Nice shoulder pads, Liberace. Anyways I thought I would check out her blog and found the "which super-hero are you quiz" and thought "why not?"

Your results:
You are The Flash

The Flash 80% Spider-Man 75% Robin 63% Green Lantern 60% Superman 50% Hulk 50% Iron Man 50% Supergirl 43% Wonder Woman 38% Batman 35% Catwoman 30%

Fast, athletic and flirtatious.

Steeler Fans can't follow through

An article at the bottom of Saturday's daily news sheds more light on the fact that the Seahawks will win, because the Steelers and their fans just aren't good enough.

Town renames itself 'Steeler' 'til Super Bowl

WASHINGTON, PA. - Just to make sure there's no confusion about which team they are pulling for in Super Bowl XL, the mayor and council voted unanimously to change this city's name.

Welcome to Steeler, PA.

The name change for the city of about 15,000 people south of Pittsburgh will last through Feb. 5, the day of the game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Seattle Seahawks. "Iknow the folks in the state of Washington are rooting for the Seahawks, so we wanted to make sure everyone knows the city of Washington is fully in support of the Steelers," Mayor Kenneth J. Westcott said.

You'll want to keep addressing those bills, cards, and letters to Washington, PA., though, becuase the name change is cosmetic and isn't recoginzed by the U.S. Postal Service. "It's just a spoof until after the Super Bowl," Westcott said.

If you are going to change your name, then change it. Don't change it as a spoof but not actually change it. Don't take a great idea and then piss all over it by saying it's only for a week and it's not for real. That's like someone going to the game and saying "My name is The Bus, but only for today because its the Super Bowl." If a whole town of Steeler fans is too pussy to follow through 100% with their idea, then how can their team feel that they are REALLY rooting for them.

Stupid Steeler Fans.

Public service

Because all you are gonna get this week is Seahawks excitement, and the normal tits and fart information, I thought I would pass on an educational link that I found by accident (while trying to look up a video game...)
http://www.eb.com/
That's right. Why buy enyclopedia britanicas at your door, when you can search them online baby!

Also, in case you missed it in the last post comment section, Seahawks 35-Steelers 21

Only 3 More Days!

I cannot wait for the Super Bowl to get here. I have never in my life been this excited for a sporting event. The only comparison for how excited I am could be Christmas of 1985. When my little brother and I opened up our 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System I think I may have pissed in my pants a little bit. I was that excited!
I am now realizing how awkward it will be at the Super Bowl party I am going to be attending when the Seahawks score that first time and I piss my pants a little.
GO HAWKS!

ha ha, you said hump

Wednesday is Hump Day, so here you go.

I got an jokemail about 15 toys that didn't make it to production, and this was my favorite. It was a hard fought contest between My Little Pony Glue Factory (the lego gas station + my little ponies + a new Elmer's sign for the station and truck) and Little Johnny Peeper Night Vision Goggles (showing a kid in camo with goggles, and a picture from American Beauty with Thora Birtch in her underwear) but any toy about humping and robots that makes kids happy is okay by me.

Also, the next blog button strikes again, with a blog by a chick that likes Comics. That is cool, and I wish I could be a comic nerd still. http://redlibcomic.blogspot.com/

Who the Hell is Tanner Hall?

So I was sitting on my couch last night, talkin to the coach and unwinding from a long, grueling day at work. My buddy Bora called me from Colorado and told me he was at the Winter X-Games and that there was some pretty amazing stuff goin down. So I tuned into ESPN to check it out and he was right.
Has anybody noticed some of the stuff skiers are doing these days? This kid Tanner Hall threw down a fakie 1080 to win gold in super pipe. A fakie 1080? Three and a half rotations in the air after taking off backwards? That's levitation Holmes.
Well if you've ever watched the X-Games you know how they like to show a little bit of back story on each athlete. It turns out that this Tanner Hall kid had one of the most horrific wrecks ever about a year and a half before the X-Games. It seems that they were doing some filming in the backcountry of Mormonville (Utah) for a DVD where they were all hitting this jump, flying about ninety feet through the air, and hitting their landing. Tanner comes flying in fakie (backwards), hits the jump and pulls a 900 in the air. He comes up short of his landing hitting the lip of it and begins ragdolling through the air. He lands in the snow on his back and begins sliding down the slope. As he's sliding he begins screaming. "BROKEN.....MY ANKLES ARE BROKEN!" It was one of the most chilling things I have ever seen. I will never forget his screams. You can read a recollection of it here from somebody who was there that day.
So he goes from being one of the top skiers in the world to not being able to walk in a matter of seconds. And he goes through rehab and comes back to win on the biggest stage possible. Amazing.

Ski weekend pics

Although no one thought to actually bring their camera up on the mountain, there are some good pics on Apul's photo album of the drinking the night before and the night of the big ski trip. Here is me winning the ugly sweater contest saturday night, and a quick glimpse of part of the reason I puked after the first run down the mountain saturday morning.

the Adventures of Living with a Slob (part 2)

A couple of days ago I wrote about my first two roommates, "Josh" and "Derek". Some may not believe that they were as dirty as I said they were, but to the left here I have an actual snapshot of "Josh's" room. Just think ladies, somewhere under that pile of garbage is where the magic happened for him (on a somewhat regular basis that would probably surprise most of you).
I'm not sure how he wasn't embarrassed bringing a lady home to that mess. I can't speak for everybody else but when I bring a date home, beforehand I clean like Martha Stewart on methamphetamines. Not "Josh" though. But then again when it's three in the morning and your date has consumed enough Jack Daniels to kill a moose, she's not really gonna notice your room.
Okay so that's really a picture of the dump, but his room was almost as bad. I think he may have done laundry three or four times (the laundry room was all the way downstairs) while we lived in the house and the rest of the time he would just go buy new clothes. So his dirty clothes would just pile up along with empty bowls of Easy-Mac, half-empty cans of beer, dead midgets and I'm pretty sure there was a used diaper filled with Indian food in there somewhere.
But that rancid smell quite possibly could have been his socks. Combine over-productive sweat glands with bad hygeine and the habit of taking his stank-ass socks off and just leaving them around the house and you have a problem. You try putting the moves on a date when out from between the couch cushions she discovers a old, sweaty, dirty sock that smells like a turd covered in burnt hair. Needless to say, those damn socks cock-blocked me on more than one occasion.
All in all it was a good learning experience though. Except for the place smelling like Bigfoot's dick. Seacrest out.

Out of Shape

You know you are out of shape when:

• After Snowboarding your arms hurt more than your legs from picking yourself up off the ground all day.
• When you finally stop falling down every 15 seconds, but have to stop and take 5 minute breaks instead because you are so tired.
• When you puke your fucking brains out after the first run down the mountain
• When you spend as much time in the lodge as you do out in the blizzard
• When you don't go boarding a second day, because you hurt...everywhere

but on a funnier note, the ugly sweater contest saturday night was a success, and as soon as I get some pictures from Brandon, I will be sure to post a pic of me wearing one my mom's old sweaters from the 80s...that says Skiing on it. absolutely horrible.

the Adventures of Living with a Slob (part 1)

So when I first decided to leave my parent's house for the first time to live on my own, I moved into a fairly nice house with two of my good buddies. To protect the not-so-innocent we will refer to my former roomies as "Josh" and "Derek". The three of us lucked out and found the perfect bachelor pad. It was two-stories and the top floor was all hard-wood floors, a huge living room, the kitchen, a bathroom and two bedrooms. And it was considerably warmer upstairs than down in the concrete surrounded downstairs. But the downstairs had a humongous party room with a bar and fireplace where we used to have some very serious foosball tourneys, my bedroom, a laundry room, a storage room and a sweet-ass bathroom with a sauna and a 1970's era hot-tub/whirlpool. Two words: Very fucking nice.

"Josh" was one of my good buddies from high school. We used to hang out together and shoot hoops, drink brews, gang fight with midgets, play video games, and just basically get into as much trouble as we could get away with. Moving in together may have been the worst idea I ever made.
Out of the six months we lived there, I recall coming home EVERY DAY and having dishes piled up in the sink. EVERY DAY. Somewhere around month four something happened in the upstairs (my roommate's) bathroom and made it so the tub would not drain. Instead of putting some drain cleaner into it what do the roomies do? Start using my bathroom. And to say these guys were dirty is like saying "Guttormsen likes to play his X-Box 360". So after filthying up my bathroom for a solid three weeks they went on vacation with a couple of other buddies. Destination: Mexico.
About the third day they were gone I decided to go check out their bathtub to see if I could fix it (I was working in a home improvement store at the time). My first plan of attack was to drop a little drain cleaner down the drain and see if that helped. Well if you've ever used "good" drain cleaner you know not to drop it into standing water. And that presented a problem since there was a good ten inches of water that had been sitting in that tub for who knows how long. So I looked around and noticed their toilet plunger sitting in the corner right behind their toilet. I thought to myself "why not?" You know why not......once I started plunging, thick clumps of black who-know-what started coming out of the drain and into the tub. About a good ten minutes later the water started to drain leaving the black clumps sitting in the bottom of the tub. I left that as a welcome home present for the dos amigos.
And what did they do when they got home. Bitch at me for leaving a mess. What the fuck?
About two more months go by and the roomies decide they don't like living together. The failed to let me know as I was in Bellingham, Washington visiting some friends at college. I found out they didn't want to live together anymore when I arrived home to an empty house, except for my stuff, the garbage they didn't want, and a bunch of old, near rotten food. Oh and I had three days til rent was due. Suffice to say I ended up back at my mom and step-dad's.
This story is kind of running on so I will share more of my roommate mis-adventures later. And they never did clean up the black clumps.