quote of the party and Mulgrew

Crazy party friday night. I was a good boy and stayed away from the hard liquor most of the night, therefore I actually remember the whole party until I left about 4:00AM. Best part had to be the quote by Nate:

Erik- "Hey Nate, think of something happy so that you don't puke."
Nate - (smiling) "hmmmm, Smurfs."

on a cooler note, I lost a bet to Nate today. I bet him a case of McMenamin's Ruby Ale that he wouldn't get mentioned on Jason Mulgrew's website. We emailed him offering him a beer if he wanted to stop in Longview on his way to LA last week. See how I lost the bet here.

excerpt (So I both apologize to those who wrote in and thank them for their kindness, even Nate in Longview, WA who said if I wanted, I could watch him and his girlfriend have sex. I'm going to have to take a rain check on that Nate, but thanks.)

Thank you and Happy Birthday

Thanks to all (both) the wonderful readers here at NOSE, and thanks to the contributors, because without you we would not have wonderful links and funny shit to talk about. For instance, Nate has scored again with the sneeze and probably the best place to start on the Sneeze steve_dont_eat_it .

Also, Happy Birthday Nate. I hope you get some.

(nate is the guy in black with the fem-stance. you gotta love 10 year old pictures)

tuckermax and battle of the books

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the Maze...

My buddy Gym here at work showed me this maze. It starts off easy enough but it gets harder about the end of the third level. I barely made it past there and onto level four which I couldn't beat. What about you?

Michael Jackson announces "new" Beatles Greatest Album

So it looks like Jacko is at it again. It seems he has gotten bored with the little boys of Click'click'dert or wherever the hell he has relocated and decided to get back into the music game. As some of you may have heard, sometime back in the eighties, Jacko purchased the rights to the Beetles library. Pretty smart move for a guy who sleeps in a hyper-bolic chamber. But what he has decided to do is just plain crazy. It seems that Mike thinks it's a good idea to release a "greatest" hits for the Beatles. But basically all he is doing is re-releasing a couple of albums and repackaging it. The first one he decided to add was the 1962-1966 double album, affectionately known as the "Red Album". You can see the original artwork below.


Added to the melodic sounds of this early classic is the slightly more psychedelic 1967-1970 a.k.a. the Blue Album. Michael said "he wanted to spice it up a little". Wow, what a nutjob.

And if ripping off the Beatles music wasn't bad enough, you should see the alterations he made to the album cover. I mean combining the two is a great idea but what the hell?

hhhhmmmmmmm, piiiizzzaaaa

I love pizza, and garfield, and thought todays comic was particularlly good.

Happy Valentines Day. May you all get pizza gift certificates as presents.

Also, I got my wife the 2-disc special edition of Sense and Sensebility, a book of art by Georgia Okeefe, and a teaching book instead of flowers this year. Is that a good gift compared to something that will die in 1 week, or are flowers kinda just required?

One Last Rant

Okay so the Super Bowl was over a week ago and everybody out there is probably getting tired of us here at NOSE bitching about the officiating. So after this post, I will give it up. Let the dead dog lie.
The bottom line though is the Seahawks got screwed. If you don't think so you are blind. In any other game the calls wouldn't have mattered. But in this game their were about four calls that significantly affected the outcome. That shouldn't happen. The refs should never decide any game let alone the Super Bowl.
I was checking out the Phat Phree this morning and came across this article which even includes a couple of pictures. You can clearly see Roethlisberger being short on his so called touchdown and Hasselbeck not even being close to Steeler he supposedly illegally blocked. Check it out.
When's baseball start?

xbox360 news

The veteran difficulty on Call of Duty 2 is fucking hard. Very fucking hard. Harder than Halo 2 on Legendary. But, it is the best game I have played in a long time, which is why I continue to beat my head against the wall on a level I can not pass. Wish me luck as I may waste a few more hours tonight or tomorrow trying to clear one last house full of Nazis.
Fuck I hate Nazis.

And coming soon: Info about a raffle I will be putting on to fundraise for the Cowlitz Volleyball Club that my wife and I coach for. Why would I mention that here you ask? Because I just found out I will have an Xbox360 to include in the raffle prizes. That's right, I will be selling the opportunity to win great prizes, including an xbox360, for $1 each. Interested yet? Want to help a non-profit club that allows young volleyball players hone their skills in the off-season with the hopes of one day earning college scholarships, with the added bonus of winning a 360, or Mariner tickets, or Blazer tickets, or other great prizes??? You bet you do.

And one last-minute edit: While searching for a picture of the "geek" shirts I have to give away in the raffle, I found Cafepress.com and their huge selection of geek-themed shirts. Definitely worth a look. My favorite has got to be "I wear black because I am a ninja." The description if you click on the shirt says "Are you a ninja? Wear this shirt and let the whole world fear your ninja-ness. "

the H&R Block Experience

So last week or the week before (damn you short-term memory loss) I took my taxes in to H&R Block to have them done. It all started out well. I called and made my appointment. Showed up on time and moved right to a "tax specialist". His name was Jerry. He was about seventy years old. Despite being old enough to fart dust, he was a tax wizard.
Before I took my taxes in I figured them out on my own. I was just using H&R to get my refund in a week or so. Well Jerry got me another hundred and some odd dollars. That's my motherfucker. Something to do with my 401k or company stocks or something.
Anyhoo, I call yesterday to see if my refund was in. I was ordered (and not in a good way) to call another number. After punching in all my info I found out my refund was in fact in. Cha. Ching.
So after work I cruise over to H&R to pick it up. I show up and the place was pretty dead, yet nobody was working the front counter. I leaned up on the counter and waited about thirty seconds for a lady to come up and help me. She starts out our conversation by ordering me off of the counter. "It squeaks!" she explained.
"I need your ID!" was the next sentence out of her mouth.
After waddling back to the file cabinet and searching the alphabetical file folders for a couple of minutes, she pulls my refund out of the file.
"What's your address on the refund?" she barked at me.
"20 Jump Street*" I reply.
"Well how come your license says '1620 Memory Lane*'?" she half-yelled back before I could even finish my response.
"Umm....I moved." I explained, which I figured was a pretty rational answer.
"You need to get this changed." she ordered (see any similarities?).
I need to stop watching that damn Chappelle show, because I caught myself before I almost accidentally blurted out "Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?"
Then I went to the bank, cashed my check, and enjoyed $1000 worth of hookers and blow. (just kidding, it was $1350)

*actual addresses have been changed to protect n8

Slowly moving away from superbowl talk

I realized what was really important.
As you can see from the previous post, and the one to the left, it will be a while before we drop the superbowl issues that we have, but for now, here is some unrelated humor.
First, taken out of context, anyone can have a "quote of the day"...
"I love the airplane with the small dick"
-Nate

Second, Willie finally got off the ship in Cali, and apparently waded through months of useless fowards that he had been skipping past in his email. He sent this cool site colortest (beat my 88% on the first try if you can) and this is the best funny one he sent to me:

The Point System
In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do somethingshe dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system
==============================
SIMPLE DUTIES:
You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow. (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants. (+5)
In the rain. (+10)
But return with beer. (-15)
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)
It's her pet. (-25)
==============================
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS:
You stay by her side for the entire party. (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a collegebuddy. (-2)
Named Tina. (-4)
Tina is a dancer. (-10)
Tina has breast implants. (-80)
Really big breast implants. (-200)
==============================
HER BIRTHDAY:
You take her out to dinner. (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar. (+1)
Okay, it is a sports bar. (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is paintedthe colours of your favourite team. (-10)
==============================
A NIGHT OUT:
You take her to a movie. (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
And it's called "DeathCop". (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans that was featuredon "Oprah". (-15)
==============================
YOUR PHYSIQUE:
You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggyHawaiian shirts. (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-10,000)
==============================
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)[Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT you say.]
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, "Wh! ere?" (-35)
Any other response. (-20)
==============================
COMMUNICATION:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying whatlooks like a concerned expression. (0)
You listen for over 30 minutes. (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-5,000)

A Picture is Worth 1000 Words...

ESPN 2

ESPN 2 is great when you aren't reading Skip (fucking hit me with a 3 iron) Bayless.
Check this out about the Superbowl and recent college basketball conspiracy theories.
The best line has to be:
Worst new slogan: "Brown and Bubbly" -- this, I must admit, does not evoke an image that makes me thirsty.

I also came up with some VERY good ideas, but don't have the time to follow through with them. Basically they involve making fun of the refs.

1. The first idea making my own "Pontiac Game Changing Performances" but you would substitute clips of the refs making or missing calls on Sunday. And then you would vote for the most outragous fuck-up.
2. The second idea would be a funny pictures of the ref making the Pass Interferance call, and the first time he tugs his flag and misses, he accidentally starts to pull out his Terrible Towel, and then tucks it back in and throws the flag.

Fucking classic, but I don't have the time or technology to pull it off, so if anyone wants to borrow the ideas and make them a reality, just give me a little side credit along the way.

These are the kind of ideas you have when you had too many HOT, HOT sausages at your superbowl party and are keeping the toilet company first thing in the morning. (ouch, I thought they were hot on the way in...) Also, the next blog button strikes again with jokesandfunnystories.

A Living Legend Retires

So the Natural has had enough. At Forty-two years old I guess he's earned that right. What an amazing career. Not just the recent battles with Chuck Lidell, or the fact that he's been the World Champion twice in two different weight classes, but just the way he carried himself. He was a class act through and through. While some of the younger guys (i.e. Nick Diaz) talk all kinds of shit about their opponents, Randy never did. He was confident but never cocky. He would wink at his oppenent and shake their hand before the fight, and then give them a respectful embrace after the match was over.
I actually had the good fortunes to meet Randy on my last trip to Las Vegas. I was in town to watch the UFC 54 in which he was going to fight Mike Van Arsdale. The night before the fights me and my buddies went and watched George Carlin (hilarious). When we got back to our hotel we noticed a black, UFC edition Hummer H2 sitting out front. Who other than Mr. Couture himself comes walking out of the hotel. We all said hello and told him to "kick Van Arsdale's ass". He shook all of our hands and I believe my buddies got some pictures takin with him (I'm not positive, this was after many Heinekens). I remember on the way to our rooms how we all talked about what a class act he is.
Thank you Randy Couture.

Four Things.....

1. Congrats to Ben Roethlisberger for fooling the officials enough to give him a touchdown.
2. Did anybody see Darrell Jackson push off right before his touchdown? Yeah, me neither.
3. Holding on Sean Locklear? If Joey Porter was a Seahawk he would be complaining about the refs wanting the Steelers to win and giving them the game.
4. How do you call a low block on Matt Hasselbeck when he makes the tackle?

The fact of it is the NFL wanted the Bus and the Steelers to win it. It was some of the worst officiating I have ever seen in my whole life. It's funny how the game was decided by eleven points, but if you give D. Jack his touchdown and don't call the phantom hold on Locklear there's more than likely eleven points right there.

Whose Side Are You On?

Even the President gets into the Super Bowl. "Are you fucking blind, Bettis was short by at least THIS MUCH!"

I got the hat, the coozy, the keychain...too early to start adding to the Diet Coke on Friday? Not when you are going to see the Blazers Friday night I say! Also, we just won a kick ass box of superbowl food for Sunday from Cascade Title. man I can't wait for Sunday. I even just bought a t-shirt, and it is the shiznit.

Fuck the media

Sports writers and talk show hosts are all pussies. I watched a show late last night, where everyone but one AGAIN sided with the Steelers. What happened to rooting for the underdog? In this case you would actually be rooting for the better team, so there is less risk than normal and you would think that more than one of these pussy comentators could side with the NW.

It's one thing to say that you have been a steelers fan and hope they win. It's another to say that the Steelers are the favorite because the NFC isn't as good as the AFC this year. So the AFC was harder this year. I bet if the Giants or the Bears were in the Super Bowl, everyone would be talking about how good they are becuase they beat the Seahawks. No-respect-giving mother fuckers. And Texas A&M, go fuck yourself.

Also, Skip (see below) is an ass. I read some more of his articles, especially this one, and he is a big part of the reason that reporters are interchangable with lawyers in the joke "what do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? -A good start"
although, this article shows that he is probably just a normal media fuckhead and not really a seattle hater. He wants drama, suffering, and arguments, becuase it gives him a job. Also, a Skip Archive link incase you want to see how full of shit this guy is, and send him multiple emails stating so.

Skip Bayless: Dumbass!

Where the hell does this guy get off calling our Super Bowl bound football team the "Sea-frauds"? This guy thinks he knows everything about the NFL yet he hasn't shown the Hawks any respect all year. I've heard him say that they are a team of nobodies and got lucky with a soft schedule. Nobodies? Wasn't our Running Back the MVP of the NFL this year? And now he goes off saying they have no place in this Super Bowl where they are way overmatched by the AFC's sixth seed, the Pittsburgh Steelers. He goes as far as calling Seattle, south Alaska. WTF? Read it all for yourself right here.
If you are a diehard Seahawk fan and don't appreciate some ESPN B-Lister disrespecting our state, sports, and way of life, I encourage you to send hate-mail here.
Who watches Cold Pizza on ESPN 2 anyways. GO HAWKS!

edit: (a good excerpt from one of his columns) - "I can relate: After opening the first few of 2,000-plus e-mail responses to my Sea-Frauds column, my computer screen cracked. Each one was a fireball of unprintable passion."
Thats right fucker, read em and like it.

the Flash?....Seriously?

I was just admiring the beauty of Ford Field, site of Super Bowl XL on Erik's last post. Who woulda thunk it? Our beloved Seahawks in the biggest game of the year. And despite what Joey Porter says, these Hawks are leaving with the Lombardi. No disrespect to Jerome Bettis (isn't he from Detroit?) but these Hawks are winning it all.
Anyways I thought I would check out the comment left on his last post and found this:
redlib said...
I was going to make some snarky East coast comment, but I can not get over how ugly that ski sweater was. Although I have a vintage 80's ski coat in toxic green with a purple swirl on it, so who am I to say?
And I am gonna have to agree with her. G, that sweater was all kinds of disgusting. Nice shoulder pads, Liberace. Anyways I thought I would check out her blog and found the "which super-hero are you quiz" and thought "why not?"

Your results:
You are The Flash

The Flash 80% Spider-Man 75% Robin 63% Green Lantern 60% Superman 50% Hulk 50% Iron Man 50% Supergirl 43% Wonder Woman 38% Batman 35% Catwoman 30%

Fast, athletic and flirtatious.

Steeler Fans can't follow through

An article at the bottom of Saturday's daily news sheds more light on the fact that the Seahawks will win, because the Steelers and their fans just aren't good enough.

Town renames itself 'Steeler' 'til Super Bowl

WASHINGTON, PA. - Just to make sure there's no confusion about which team they are pulling for in Super Bowl XL, the mayor and council voted unanimously to change this city's name.

Welcome to Steeler, PA.

The name change for the city of about 15,000 people south of Pittsburgh will last through Feb. 5, the day of the game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Seattle Seahawks. "Iknow the folks in the state of Washington are rooting for the Seahawks, so we wanted to make sure everyone knows the city of Washington is fully in support of the Steelers," Mayor Kenneth J. Westcott said.

You'll want to keep addressing those bills, cards, and letters to Washington, PA., though, becuase the name change is cosmetic and isn't recoginzed by the U.S. Postal Service. "It's just a spoof until after the Super Bowl," Westcott said.

If you are going to change your name, then change it. Don't change it as a spoof but not actually change it. Don't take a great idea and then piss all over it by saying it's only for a week and it's not for real. That's like someone going to the game and saying "My name is The Bus, but only for today because its the Super Bowl." If a whole town of Steeler fans is too pussy to follow through 100% with their idea, then how can their team feel that they are REALLY rooting for them.

Stupid Steeler Fans.

Public service

Because all you are gonna get this week is Seahawks excitement, and the normal tits and fart information, I thought I would pass on an educational link that I found by accident (while trying to look up a video game...)
http://www.eb.com/
That's right. Why buy enyclopedia britanicas at your door, when you can search them online baby!

Also, in case you missed it in the last post comment section, Seahawks 35-Steelers 21