The Three

One night a couple of months ago me and my now ex were having a chat about cheating. And although it's never right, I told her that she would have to give me a free pass when it came to three ladies. She agreed and said it was only right if she had a free pass also. The Three was born.
The Three is three people out there, that if you had a chance to hook up with, you could and your significant other had to let it slide. One rule was that they had to be famous people that were pretty much unattainable. You couldn't say somebody that you actually knew.
I braced myself for the worst when I asked the ex who her three were. I was actually pretty relieved when she said Jake Gyllenhaal (gay), Derek Jeter (flaming gay), and Carrot Top (huh?).
This brings us to my Three. And although this list has changed a couple of times, I feel pretty good about it. Lindsey Lohan was up there, but she's kind of let herself go lately. I just watched the Girl Next Door again, so welcome to my Three Elisha.
Jessica. The Shit.
Elisha Cuthbert.
Maria Sharapova.




So who's in your Three?

Tootsie Pop

ONLINE POLL
Do you, or do you not, get a free tootsie pop if your wrapper has an indian shooting a star?

The Beer Of Summer

It's official. I am officially declaring New Belgium's Skinny Dip the Beer of Summer.
I was introduced to this beer about two weeks ago and it was love at first drink. It is the perfect beer for the beach, picnics, hanging out at the lake or river, BBQs, the 4th of July (it's American), concerts, midget tossing, karaoke, golf, kayaking, wiffleball, bowling, hang-gliding, walking the dog and for just hanging out with friends.
As we speak, I have a tasty six-pack chilling in my fridge that I am going enjoy right after work.
If you have the means, I highly recommend it.

Ooohhhh, Mexico

Oohhhh, Mexico, I can't wait to go. http://www.paradisevillage.com/

If anyone needs a bottle of tequila or a pair of oakey's, let me know, as I shall be travelling to a land where no one will call me to check the status of their loan request. And I won't have to vacuum or cook dinner. And I will only get up early if I am thirsty for a margarita. I'm getting just a little bit of a chub thinking about it, and can't concentrate anymore, so see you in a couple weeks...

"I'm Pimpin' It"

This has got to be the coolest car ever*!
Starting at the ground, you gotta love the 26" red and yellow rims that match the not only the paint job, but the interior. Sweet Ass Candy.
My only worries are that Ronald McDonald is tied up in the trunk...


*This car is definitely not the coolest car ever

Intellectual Conversation (by email)

-I love ripping on Todd. It makes my day.
Erik
-HA HA HA you are so funny I forgot to kick you in the jimmy's!
Todd
-jimmys? I thought jimmy was slang for penis, not balls? anyways, I am funnier than you.
Erik
-A jimmy is the shlong.....when your putting on a jimmy hat it doesn't cover your balls
Thank you,Nate
-It is corporate email ..lingo for your baby makers. I have a wide foot I will get both of them.
Todd
-I agree with Nate. Jimmy is shlong. Jimmy hat is well known. whoever told you jimmys was balls is stupid. and you should have corrected them.
Erik
-That is it. I am good at boxing and when I get down there you are both getting punched in the twins …just don’t run because I am fat and don’t like to run
Todd
-When was the last time you saw your jimmy? I think that may be why your so angry.....
Nate

All-Stars

http://www.geocities.com/wiffleballrankings/WestAllstars.html
First Nate and Erik make the American League All-Star team for the CCWA, and now they have been voted to the West Region's All-Star team on wiffleballrankings.com

I know you are all excited, but once we get our new shipment of 2006 Topps, we will sure to make autographed cards available to all of you.

Edit: Smoot brags a lot, so when he comes to town, we are having a wiffleball game so he can prove himself. And we will borrow one of those little school size rulers so he can have a penis measuring contest too. And lose a bet to himself!

Wiffleball, Gen-Pets, Inventory, Bachelor Parties, Wedding Season, 4th of July

So my team has two more games left this wiffleball season before we start the playoffs. Tomorrow night my team, the Suckerpunch Pirates, is taking on Erik's team the Bruce Lee Wannabes. Erik wasn't able to play in our first two games so it'll be interesting to see how he does. I was calling my players last night and found out two of my more regular players weren't going to be able to make it. Andy joined our team at mid-season and just last weekend hit a grand slam. He has to work. Skyy (just like the vodka) has been with the team since we started and can pretty much play any position. He too has to work. Damn the man!

I posted a little pic last week about these little things called Gen-pets. Well it turns out it is all a big hoax done by some canadian artist. He didn't really give that good of a reason on why he does it just saying "I’m not against bioengineering, I’m simply hesitant towards where and how and by whom the technology will be used. That’s what this art sums up". Ughh, Okay weirdo.

As most of you have heard, I have inventory this weekend at my work. Inventory is usually an all weekend thing here. Last year we started on Friday morning, worked til about 2 am, came in Saturday at 8 and worked til midnight. This year it should be a little bit better. I'm hoping to be out of hear at a reasonable time on Saturday.

Because Saturday is Teabag's bachelor party. Actually it starts Friday with some camping in Bend, OR. Then Saturday they all are going white-water rafting while I have to work. After they are done rafting, everybody is heading back to Portland for some partying. If I'm lucky I will get out of work sometime Saturday evening and have time to drive down there and catch the end of the party. I *heart* Bachelor Parties. And I hear Teabag's party is gonna involve a Donkey.

It seems like all of my friends that didn't get married during the now infamous 2001-2002 wedding season are getting married this Summer. As of current count I have five weddings and receptions to attend this summer. And I can think of at least another one that I haven't heard the date of yet. One of those five that I have to attend is my brother T.R. Rumor has it that I am in the wedding, but as of know he hasn't mentioned it. It's two month's away and if I'm gonna be the best man (hopefully not, we'll get into that some other time) I would like to know so I can begin planning the bachelor party.

Weddings are a blast. Everybody's dressed sharp, it's Summertime and nice out, and there is usually a bar. If it's an open bar, that's even more reason to celebrate. It's gonna be a very fun, busy, drunken summer highlighted by the Fourth of July.

I am gonna get so drunk this year that my piss will be at least 60 proof. I am gonna take it a little easy at the Beer Gardens on the first. The CCWA playoffs and World Series will be on the second. I probably will stay pretty sober at that too. My team needs to win. I have to work the third, but plan on getting WASTED that evening. (Gus, you know I'm serious when I use the capitals) And then on the fourth I'm gonna hang out with the Guttormsens and drink myself into Williamson status. If you are around on the fourth, Do Not let me play with fireworks. It will only end in disaster. Trust me on this.

Why I love being a guy

Because, as a guy you don't get wedding, wedding shower, baby shower, and bacheloretter party invites. You get one invite. Invite to the bachelor party, and if you have a girlfriend or wife, you will probably get a wedding invite too, although I would be okay with an email and reminder of the date while drinking at the bachelor party. Only guys can send out an email to attend camping/drinking/white trash olympics, as well as come up with the plans for said events 0n a bar napkin. It sucks I can't go, but the idea is so great, I felt it had to be published. Any sport that involves drinking and competing is okay by me. First dodgeball, then kickball, now wiffleball, and the cou de' gra (or however the fuck you spell that) WHITE TRASH OLYMPICS.

(p.s. Yours truly is up for player of the year in the Cowlitz County Wiffleball League. Please take this opportunity to go to the above league to check out my team, and then go to the homepage and cast your vote. I bribe with cheap beer, and lots of it.)

Big Ben's 2006 Topps

I'm sorry, it's too funny not to post. What a retard. "When I ride in the future, I will wear a helmet. Rocckkky Rooad, Bay-Bey Ruthhh"

What The Hell Are These?

My friend Erica sent me an e-mail yesterday with this site in it. Holy shit was the only thing I could think of when I saw it. Some company in Canada has bio-engineered a living mammal type creature. It kinda looks like Golem from LOTR. Too crazy to explain. You have to check this out. Just click on the picture. Leave a comment, let me know if you're as weirded out by these little guys as I am.....


Have a great weekend everybody.

Wiffleball

So we are down to two more weeks in the Cowlitz County Wiffleball Association regular season before we have our championship series. There are lots of good games this weekend, as it is interleague play. My team, the 9-3 Pirates, will be taking on the National League leaders, 9-3 Jackmove. This has a chance of being one of the greatest games of the year. It should be fun.
As I was surfing the web the other day I found WiffleballRankings, and I thought it would be interesting to submit our league. Well we were reviewed yesterday and it was determined that we have the number 2 league in the West Region. I think we have a legitimate shot at number one. I checked out the Fresno Wiffleball League's page yesterday and wasn't too impressed.
Next week on Wednesday is my team's last two games of the season. We just so happen to be playing Erik's Bruce Lee Wannabes. The last time we played, Erik couldn't make it and we ended up destroying them. Gus is quite the baller so it should be a great couple of games. Unless we just give him the Barry Bonds treatment and walk him. That would probably be the best.

Good Joke

I know that I've already posted about fifteen times today, but seeing how it is slow at work today I figured one more wouldn't hurt. I just got this joke from Tara, who is the piss in my pants, here goes.

Two Trees

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert.. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.
He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch."
"It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

White Trash Tattoo (Uncensored)

Just got some fresh ink. I think the ladies are gonna love this one...

Did you miss last week?

For those of you chiming in that may have been busy last week, it would be worth your time to go back and check out the Sin City stories and Mis-adventures of Willie. Classics in the making.
http://gus008.blogspot.com/2006_06_04_gus008_archive.html

and because posts gotta have something new and exciting...
Comeback of the Week:
You are lame smoot.
comeback:
You are lame turd burgler!

Comics Rock

I came on to post the Get Fuzzy comic and remark about Censorship, but Nate beat me to both of those. On the plus side, while going to get the link to the Get Fuzzy comic, I found a couple other great ones that needed to be seen.

(damn, can't get the foxtrot comic from today to upload.) today's foxtrot, but here's the caption I wanted. "It's okay, my parents are cool with it."

Also, I was very disturbed by a few of the 4 headlines that popped on on my Adelphia homepage.
Hicks Tops People's 'Hot Bachelor' List
NEW YORK (AP) — "American Idol" Taylor Hicks is ranked as the No. 1 "hottest bachelor" by People magazine — and he's looking for love. The 29-year-old silver-haired crooner tops People's... Full Story
• Teen Uses Video Games to Become Racer
• Bush: E-Mail on Alberto 'Inappropriate'
• Study: Meth Use Rare in Most of the U.S.

• The old looking dude on American Idol is not hot. Sorry about that. He ranks right up there with Mulgrew, in the fact that he is popular and deserves a good woman, but not hot.
• I think Video Games are good, and here is another article backing me up.
• Bush does something inappropriate everyday. Granted, I didn't even click on this one, but lets assume something funny like an email of Alberto with a huge cock pasted on or something. Very funny, but probably considered inapproprate by those right wingers. or is it left wingers. Probably all wingers. Fuckin narrow minded wingers.
• If meth is so rare in the U.S., what Country is Longview in? I thought we were in the U.S., but I guess we are annexed like Wyoming.

Test Post

Drake

I can't even describe how much I like this comic strip. Get Fuzzy Rules!
I used to live with my buddy Tosh a couple of years ago. Tosh had this siamese cat Drake, that I believe Bucky in Get Fuzzy was based upon. He was an arrogant, stubborn, cranky little bitch of a cat.

CENSORSHIP

What is wrong with the world today when you can't even post a picture of your new tattoo?

Now I know how the 2 Live Crew must've felt.

Sissy Job

One of the good things about working in a bank (i.e. sissy job) is that since there are a lot of women, we always have really good ideas when it comes to what to get for someone's birthday. You can get cake, you can get ice cream, but lately we get this.

Best Fresh Strawberry Pie in town from Judy's on Washington Way. Absolutely outstanding, and it has been the treat at the last two bank meetings as well as the last 2 going away parties and last 5 or so birthdays. I am going to go have some right now. Suckas.

Other best thing about Sissy job? Every time the bank buys beer or wine for parties we host, no one else drinks the left overs. So guess who has two thumbs and usually gets free beer and wine...