my Weekend

First off I would like to warn everybody. What you see in the above picture may look like beer. It is not. Don't be fooled like Erik Williamson was Friday night.
So I spent my Friday hanging out with Erik W., Mike, and the Guttormsens. I went to high school with Mike and haven't seen him in a while so that was nice. They came over and drank some beers and hung out for a while. We watched Dave Chappelle's standup "For what it's worth". (I think that's the title)
After consuming my Red Stripes and Willie's Coronas, we decided we needed some more brews. Willie and I headed out to the always reliable Market Place. Decisions, decisions. We finally settled on some Killians red, some Tecate (w/limes) and Bootie Light. Good choice, good choice, terrible fucking choice. Mike compared the taste of Bootie Light to that of severely watered piss. I'm not sure how Mike knows what piss tastes like but I agreed with him after a taste of the Bootie.
(That's a great ending to a sentence "a taste of the Bootie")
Saturday I wasn't feeling too good. I don't know what it is about getting a little older that makes you a wuss. Seriously, I couldn't have had more than nine beers. It might have been on an empty stomach, as I don't remember eating anything for dinner, but still, nine beers?
So Saturday my neighbor was celebrating his 50th B-Day. Beers and BBQ for all! My buddy Ed decided to come into town and hang out so we headed over to the neighbor's, had a couple brews, ate way more than I should have, and came home to play some X-Box and have a little chat with the coach. Good times. J9 showed up about 9ish and made some of the best munchies evah. I don't remember falling asleep, but J9 woke me up about 1.30 and informed me it was time to come to bed. My couch is pretty damn comfy.
Yesterday I spent doing laundry and mastering the new Blitz: the League on X-Box. I hate doing laundry.

Ch-check it out

I am so glad it's Friday. Cannot wait for the weekend so I can waste it playing X-box and sleeping. I'll probably hang with the girlfriend a little bit too.
And last weekend I decided to buy a new bed. Best. Purchase. Ever. My old bed was great when I was single, but J9 wasn't liking it very much. So a couple of weeks ago we decide to check out the new Sleep Country in town (Longview is becoming such a metropolis). I was just going to look and check out some prices, to get a feel for what I might want to get. Only problem was their salesman. This guy was good. He could've sold a Ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves. The end result is me having a very nice king size bed with some kind of memory foam pillow top. He reassured me that it was very nice. And he was right.
So the Sleep Country delivery crew stopped by Sunday and dropped this bad boy off. Since it was the end of the weekend when I received it, I haven't really had the chance to really sleep in. The alarm going off at 5.30 in the morning kind of negates any chance of sleeping in. So this weekend I am hibernating. And it's gonna be the bombdizzle.
I also in the process of having a new computer built by my good friend T, O Double D. This guy has forgotten more about computers than I could ever hope to learn. He writes code for fun. Anyhoo I stopped by his pad the other evening to check on Operation: Goatcheese. (Operation: Computer sounded gay. So does Goatcheese I guess.) T, O, Double D tried explaining how kickass my new machine was going to be but I don't really speak computer. From what I understand it's gonna have a 17" flat screen, DVD burner, 250gb harddrive, 164 mega-pixel jiggaprocessor, a double cohesion flux capacitor and a cool wireless keyboard and mouse. I can't wait.
When I do get it I will have a chance to check out some more blogs on a semi-regular basis. I can't believe how many truly great writers there are out there. I am currently reading about ten different blogs.

1. Mulgrew
2. Pork Tornado
3. Red Red Rine
4. Ginapalooza
5. Lisaopolis
6. Waiter Rant
7. the Letter D
8. the Sneeze
9. planet Dan
10. Tucker Max

All very good. If you have the means, I highly recommend it.

Damn Jessica Alba is HOT!

Have a gr8 weekend all. Seacrest out.

International Rules of Manhood

01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella
02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
03: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
05: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
09: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never, ever ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ...and it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever

The Office

found another good site http://www.lifeintheoffice.com/index.php which is a blog about the Show The Office and its refrences to the real town of Scranton where the show takes place.

Other than that, The Blazers beat the Lakers last night. It was cool, although those of us that attended (not nate, loser...) think there is a conspiracy between the Blazers and Taco Bell. Taco Bell advertises with the Blazers, and gives coupons to everyone as they are leaving for a free Chaulupa, but ONLY if the Blazers score 100. Last night Zach Randolph missed one of two free throws with 2 seconds left to score 99. Fuckin bullshit. Saves Taco Bell about 30 grand in coupons, and they still get to advertise. I want my chaulupa!


Also, I thought I would show you a picture of the thing that decides what I have for lunch. I call it the magic eightball, because even though it is not black and does not have an 8 on it, it performs the same function. Also, I would feel silly telling Nate I can't go to lunch with him because the magic white-"imagine the possibilities"-moose-lodge ball told me so...

What's Worse? (and gaming grandma)

(note, this post is an example of what happens if you think about what you are going to post on your blog before you post it, so you have time to edit out stupid shit and then also have time to realize that your post will not be just straight from your crazy mind with no editing...)

original version:
Lets Play "What's Worse Than That?"
I say something bad, and you comment something worse.

What's worse than looking forward to leftover food all morning, only to find that fuckers had eaten it all when you weren't looking? (the answer? It's worse if the food was pizza, and it was free at work, and all that you had instead was half a 2 day old sandwhich left.)

long version: (that part plus all this)
I checked the fridge twice this morning, over a full large pizza left. I only saw one person having a few pieces. I knew for sure that no one ever eats the leftover Taco pizza, so even if the peperoni disappears, I will still get some pizza. And then I work through lunch, and go into get some at 1:30, AND THERE IS AN EMPTY FUCKING BOX IN THE GARBAGE. Sons-a-bitches. It's that kind of joy-killing thing that just underminds any happiness you expected to feel for the rest of the day. Stupid half a roast beef sandwhich. fuck.

Also, I was reading the march EG mag, and there is a couple good blogs listed about gaming, one by the developer of God of War, and one by the gaming granny. kind of cool. really kind of cool, check them both out. best example of why this blog written by her grandson is worth your time.

A Funny

An elderly couple decides to go see the doctor, as their memory is deteriorating, fearing the early stages of Alzheimer's. The doc examines both of them and tells them that they are in good health and that their hearing is just a result of aging. He suggests to them that from now on they write everything down, so they won't forget anything.
A couple of nights later the couple is laying in bed. The husband turns on the lamp on his nightstand and begins to get up.
"Where are you going?" his wife asks.
The husband responds "Down to the kitchen, for some ice cream".
"That sounds delicious, I'll have a bowl too. You better write that down".
To that he says "I can remember two bowls of ice cream".
"But I want cherries on mine" his wife tells him.
"Cherries, got it" the husband replies.
"How about some whipped cream too. You better write that down" she says again.
"I can remember that!" He snorts back.
About a half an hour passes and the wife is beginning to lose hope. In walks her husband, carrying a huge tray of pancakes, eggs, bacon, orange juice, and all the condiments for the meal.
The wife asks "Where's my toast?"

more pics

Convict Nate and his girlfriend Jeannine, and Willie playing the part of Burt Reynolds.

Also, happy sad news, they are making a 184 proof whiskey, but it wont be ready for 10 years.
story

Pardon me, I have nothing to say

That's a very funny line from George Carlin's standup bit about "ways to keep people on their toes." And it fits with how I feel today. After about 40 hours of coaching this weekend in Yakima, I considered letting exhaustion, sickness, and an overall "ahh, fuck it" attitude keep me in bed all day today, but instead I am at work with the nice big bags under my eyes.

On the plus side our team did really well, in fact better than our team has ever done at the big Yakima tournament . If not for a few losses at the end of the second day, and the fact that we got bumped to a shitty little hotel with not enough hot water, it would have been perfect. So my attitude today will involve little talking, many one word answers to questions from people I can't find a way to avoid, and some kind of nap or going to be early, (of course, this will be after doing the write-up for our team, downloading pictures from our team and the other 11 teams that played this weekend, working on the raffle some more, and trying to fit in a Lions meeting.)

Come to think of it, with practice as well as training at work tomorrow night, and blazer tickets wednesday, I think I'll probably be running on empty (or emptier) til about Thursday. As a matter of fact, I think I will probably end up taking advantage of a weekend with no tournament to still NOT get all the boxes of garage sale and christmas decorations into storage, just like the last 2 months...

edit: on a side note, while getting Carlin's link, I saw on the website that he underwent an angioplasty (surgery) this winter, but is doing okay. Get better soon Mr. Carlin.

Also, Kennedy sent in this awesome link gizoogle of my website from gizoogle.com.

BREAKING NEWS: Big Bird dies from bird flu

From the article it sounds like he was just visiting Thailand. First Mr. Rogers, now Big Bird. I just don't know what to think. See the full article here.

March Madness (please don't sue me NCAA)

It's about that time of year again. Those of you down with college hoops know what I'm talking about. March Madness is about to begin. This year I am gonna jump on the Gonzaga bandwagon. Adam Morrison is killing the competition averaging 29.3 points and one terrible moustache per game.
In years past I have rooted for whichever team(s) I draw in my office pool. I haven't really paid much attention to a single team since the university of Nevada Las Vegas broke my heart in the 90-91 season when they lost to Duke. Effin Dookies. I remember getting slightly excited by the Fab Five at U of Michigan, but these last couple years I haven't really gotten too interested in basketball (college or pro).
But I do like gambling, especially on sports. I'm not talking anything too serious like Rick Tocchet, just a couple of pools and maybe a bet or two on the Super Bowl. And maybe an occasional wager on the UFC. But that's it. I'm no Burckhardt. I do tend to get a little crazy during March Madness though. Usually filling out anywhere between three to seven brackets and at least getting into one pool where you draw teams. The bad thing about drawing teams is it's all luck. And it seems like every year I am rooting for University of Louisville (seriously, I've had them the last four years) to upset some team from my beloved Pacific Northwest.
This year let's try something different. Bragging rights only here. Anybody who wants in on the First Annual NOSE March Madness basketball pool, leave a comment with your e-mail address and I will e-mail you for your picks. Winner is going to be receiving something AWESOME that is yet to be determined (just trust me on this). I realize we are a little early here but better to be safe than sorry. Anybody is allowed to enter, one entry per person. Who's up for this?

Mulgrew

If any of you out there haven't checked out www.jasonmulgrew.com now is the time to do so. We here at NOSE *heart* him very much. So much, that Erik and I both invited him to stop by Longview for some ice cold brewskis on his recent roadtrip from Seattle to Los Angeles. He didn't stop by because he is way cooler than either of us.
Anyways today he updated his blog and it's fantastic. You should check it out and if you like it, sign up for the monthly e-mail posts he will be sending out.
Also look for the post from February 17th were he gives yours truly a shout out (take that Emily), winning me a case of McMenamin's Ruby Ale (mmmmm, BEER) from Erik. And no I didn't invite him to stop by and watch me and my girlfriend have sex. Maybe some light fondeling, but sex was never part of the deal.

win an xbox 360

I said I would post more info on here about winning an Xbox 360 once I finally got the raffle I am putting together all situated. Well, I am expecting tickets to be available for sale this weekend, with the winners being drawn in late March. The money goes to benefit the Cowlitz Volleyball Club, which I coach for. There are tons of great prizes, so check out the site I made,
www.cowlitzvolleyball.com/raffle.htm, as it will be updated if I get more prizes donated to give away.

Also, for those of you already on Xbox Live, I found a calender of events that shows what games are played by tons of people each night. http://www.xbox.com/en-US/community/calendar/

And those of you not interested in Xbox, the raffle includes prizes like Mariners tickets and REI camping gear, so check it out.

Happy Birthday to Me (some things I hate)

Thanks to all for the many birthday wishes (both of them). And let me just tell you it was a rough weekend. It all started out Thursday (my b-day) when I got off work. I went home and drank a couple of Heinekens while I waited for Jeannine to come get me for dinner. We went to an Italian Steakhouse in town, Don Renato's. Verdict: Delicious. After dinner we decided to go home and have a quiet evening due to the exciting weekend we had planned.
On Friday I decided to take the day off. So I started drinking at about three in the afternoon. Grey Goose Vodka and Jones green apple soda together are delicious. Delicious and deadly. So I drank until about 6 when Jeannine and I went to meet the family for Chinese food. After a ton of General Tso's, Honey-Walnut Prawns, and various other entrees (and a couple of Tsing-tao's) we left the Golden Palace. We stopped briefly at my apartment to drop off my birthday loot. Next stop: BoPhal (bo paul) and Suriya's for a birthday/costume/housewarming party.
We arrived a little before everybody else finding Gus and Willie dressed up and drinking. Gus looked just like Marty McFly from the Back to the Future series. Willie was doing his best Burt Reynolds. BoPhal showed up shortly after and threw on his 1984 Michael Jackson Thriller ensemble. And decided to top it off with a mullet wig?
What the fuck? One thing I hate about costume parties is the people who show up not dressed up. And this party had many of them. I on the other hand was Cowlitz County Corrections February Inmate of the Month.
As soon as Jeannine and I showed up, the Grey Goose/Jones soda combo was in our cups. Add to that mix a vodka-Red Bull, a shot of Captain Morgan's, some beer and who knows what else and you have a very sick Nate. One other thing I hate is puking. And I did a bunch of it Friday night. And it was disgusting.
Here is Willie dressed up like Burt Reynolds. He found a great wig, leather jacket and Aviator shades at the Goodwill. It just wasn't complete so I drew a moustache on him with Jeannine eyeliner pencil. Voila, Burt Reynolds!
Saturday night was supposed to be strip-club night according to our original plans. I was so hungover that I really didn't feel like going but was gonna be a soldier and just get through the evening. My friends, Dez and Erica, came over to the house at about 7 on Saturday evening. Jeannine and I were already there and we waited about an hour to see if anybody else was gonna show up and join us in our adventure to Portland. After nobody (Willie) showed up we headed out on the road. None of us had eaten yet so we decided to stop in Portland for some grub. McMenamin's White Eagle, here we come! Little did we know there was a concert in session at the White Eagle and not a table to be found. After getting our refund of $6 each we headed out into Portland. McMenamin's Ringler's/the Crystal Ballroom was also packed sending us to choice number three, Rock Bottom brewery. What a great choice. We all enjoyed great food, delicious drinks and good company. Afterwards we were too full to do anything else. I hate making plans to go see some boobies and then not seeing boobies. We decided to head back to Longview and call it a night. And as soon as we hit I-5 north Jeannine and Dez were both out. We made it home in shortly under a hour and went to bed.
The other thing I hate is laundry. Which I spent my day yesterday doing in my still, slightly hung-over state.
One thing I love though is free Beer. Thanks Gus.

quote of the party and Mulgrew

Crazy party friday night. I was a good boy and stayed away from the hard liquor most of the night, therefore I actually remember the whole party until I left about 4:00AM. Best part had to be the quote by Nate:

Erik- "Hey Nate, think of something happy so that you don't puke."
Nate - (smiling) "hmmmm, Smurfs."

on a cooler note, I lost a bet to Nate today. I bet him a case of McMenamin's Ruby Ale that he wouldn't get mentioned on Jason Mulgrew's website. We emailed him offering him a beer if he wanted to stop in Longview on his way to LA last week. See how I lost the bet here.

excerpt (So I both apologize to those who wrote in and thank them for their kindness, even Nate in Longview, WA who said if I wanted, I could watch him and his girlfriend have sex. I'm going to have to take a rain check on that Nate, but thanks.)

Thank you and Happy Birthday

Thanks to all (both) the wonderful readers here at NOSE, and thanks to the contributors, because without you we would not have wonderful links and funny shit to talk about. For instance, Nate has scored again with the sneeze and probably the best place to start on the Sneeze steve_dont_eat_it .

Also, Happy Birthday Nate. I hope you get some.

(nate is the guy in black with the fem-stance. you gotta love 10 year old pictures)

tuckermax and battle of the books

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the Maze...

My buddy Gym here at work showed me this maze. It starts off easy enough but it gets harder about the end of the third level. I barely made it past there and onto level four which I couldn't beat. What about you?

Michael Jackson announces "new" Beatles Greatest Album

So it looks like Jacko is at it again. It seems he has gotten bored with the little boys of Click'click'dert or wherever the hell he has relocated and decided to get back into the music game. As some of you may have heard, sometime back in the eighties, Jacko purchased the rights to the Beetles library. Pretty smart move for a guy who sleeps in a hyper-bolic chamber. But what he has decided to do is just plain crazy. It seems that Mike thinks it's a good idea to release a "greatest" hits for the Beatles. But basically all he is doing is re-releasing a couple of albums and repackaging it. The first one he decided to add was the 1962-1966 double album, affectionately known as the "Red Album". You can see the original artwork below.


Added to the melodic sounds of this early classic is the slightly more psychedelic 1967-1970 a.k.a. the Blue Album. Michael said "he wanted to spice it up a little". Wow, what a nutjob.

And if ripping off the Beatles music wasn't bad enough, you should see the alterations he made to the album cover. I mean combining the two is a great idea but what the hell?

hhhhmmmmmmm, piiiizzzaaaa

I love pizza, and garfield, and thought todays comic was particularlly good.

Happy Valentines Day. May you all get pizza gift certificates as presents.

Also, I got my wife the 2-disc special edition of Sense and Sensebility, a book of art by Georgia Okeefe, and a teaching book instead of flowers this year. Is that a good gift compared to something that will die in 1 week, or are flowers kinda just required?

One Last Rant

Okay so the Super Bowl was over a week ago and everybody out there is probably getting tired of us here at NOSE bitching about the officiating. So after this post, I will give it up. Let the dead dog lie.
The bottom line though is the Seahawks got screwed. If you don't think so you are blind. In any other game the calls wouldn't have mattered. But in this game their were about four calls that significantly affected the outcome. That shouldn't happen. The refs should never decide any game let alone the Super Bowl.
I was checking out the Phat Phree this morning and came across this article which even includes a couple of pictures. You can clearly see Roethlisberger being short on his so called touchdown and Hasselbeck not even being close to Steeler he supposedly illegally blocked. Check it out.
When's baseball start?