Jagshemash!

I went and watched Borat (again) last night. It quite possibly could be the funniest movie evah. I went with a group from work and everybody thoroughly enjoyed it. And it wasn't because we all drank a bunch of beers beforehand.
If you haven't seen it yet, you should go this weekend. I may end up seeing it again with a chick I've been hanging out with. And then afterwards maybe make romance explosion on her stomach. It's nice! I like!

Apple Cup?

You can tell how exciting the apple cup will be, by how early huskies and cougars start talking shit to each other the week before. Everyone's of course always talking shit, but no one really gets specific until the week of and we see how each of our teams have fucked themselves that year. In our case, we lost to both Zona teams this month. In the huskies case, they lost to Stanford, and a bunch of other teams.

So I offer this pictures from Drew, and the following jokes from Dicko by way of Coug email chain: (the best ones are at the bottom in bold)

www.thenoseonyourface.com (and a funny site included in the email)

>Q. What do a Husky cheerleader and a Husky quarterback have in common?
>A. They both spend a lot of time on their backs.

>Q. How do keep a Husky from drinking too much?
>A. Slam the lid on his head

>{Two guys are sitting in a diner}
>Guy #1: By chance, are you a Cougar?
>Guy #2: Yes, how could you tell?
>Guy #1: Just by your sense of pride, & the way you carry yourself.
>Guy #2: I see, hey, are you a Husky?
>Guy #1: Why, yes, how could you tell?
>Guy #2: I saw your class ring while you were picking your nose.

>Q. What do you call a Husky in a 3 piece suit?
>A. The defendant.

>Q. Name the 3 famous Cougars
>A. Edward R. Murrow, Keith Jackson, and Paul Allen
>Q. Now name the 3 most famous Huskies
>A. Ted Bundy, Jerramy Stevens, and Sundodger

>Q. What's the first thing a Husky cheerleader goes in the morning?
>A. She goes home.

>Q. What did the Cougar Alumnus say to the Husky Alumnus?
>A. "You have the right to remain silent...."

>The huskies didn't want to play late in Pullman one year because they would have to drive in the dark.
>Of course, the Cougars offered a solution: ...... turn on your lights.

>Did you hear about the Coug who transferred to the UW and raised both schools GPA'S?

>How do Husky brain cells die?
>Alone.

>Did you hear about the Husky linebacker that stole the Police Car?
>He saw the "911" on the side & thought it was a Porsche.

>Did you hear about the new Husky Honor System?
>Yes, Your Honor, No Your Honor.

>What do you call a Husky with half a brain?
>Gifted.

>What is the difference between a Husky and a catfish?
>One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

>Why are Huskies like laxatives?
>They both irritate the crap out of you.

>What do you call an intelligent person in Husky Stadium?
>A visitor.

>Did you hear about the Husky who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
>He had it bronzed.

>A Cougar and a Husky were strolling down the street when the Coug said, "How sad - a dead bird." The Husky looked up and said, "Where, where?"

>A Husky football player was working out in a gym one day when he smelled smoke. He quickly rushed to the phone and dialed 911. In the calmest voice he could muster, he reported the fire. The dispatcher asked "How do we get there?" The Husky hesitated a few seconds then asked, "Don't you guys have those big red trucks anymore?"

>What's the difference between a Husky fan and a Husky dog?
>Drivers will swerve to miss the dog.

>What is the difference between a Husky cheerleader and an elephant?
>About 40 lbs.
>How do you equalize the two?
>Feed the elephant.

>A woman received some bad news one day. It seems that her husband had been in an accident and was brain dead. However, the hospital had perfected a new brain transplant procedure and luckily there were two brains available. A Cougar brain transplant would cost $10,000. A Husky transplant would cost $100,000. Curious, she asked why the Husky brain was so much more expensive. The reply...."The Husky brain has never been used."

>Four alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Northwest School, and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally, as they reached the top, the OSU Beaver hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for OSU!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the UO Duck threw himself off the mountain, proclaiming "This is for U ofO!". Seeing this, the Cougar walked over and shouted "This is for WAZZU!", and threw the Husky off the side of the mountain.

>A Cougar and a Husky get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither alumnus is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the Cougar sees the Husky's logo shirt and says, "So you're a Husky, I'm a Cougar. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign that we should be friends, put our rivalries aside, and live in peace the rest of our days." The Husky replies, "I agree with you completely." The Cougar continues, "And look at this. Here's another sign. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Jack Daniels didn't break! Surely we should drink this and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the Husky. The Husky agrees, takes a several big swigs and hands the bottle back to the Cougar Alum. The Coug takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the Husky. The Husky asks, "Aren't you having any?
"The Coug replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."

>There was once a Cougar and a presumptuous husky who lived next door to each other. The Cougar owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg. He was about to go outside to pick up the egg when he saw the contemptuous husky sneak into the Cougar's yard and steal the egg. The Cougar ran up he overbearing husky and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The arrogant husky disagreed because he was holding onto the egg. They argued for awhile until finally the Cougar said, "At WAZZU, we normally solve disputes by the following actions. I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up. Then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg." The conceited husky agreed to this and so the Cougar found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the overconfident husky and kicked the husky as hard as he could in the balls. The egotistical husky fell to the floor clutching his nuts, howling in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually the pained husky stood up and squealed, "Now it's my turn to kick you."The Coug said, "Keep the egg."

>How do you get a husky off your front porch?
>Pay him for the pizza

>Did you hear they are resurfacing Husky Stadium with cardboard?
>Because the Huskies only look good on paper.

>What is the difference between a Husky dog and a UW alumn?
>The dog licks it's own balls.

>What happens when you give a Husky Viagra?
>He gets taller.

Sex Panther

I just found a new t-shirt and team name for what ever team Nate and I play on next.

And guess what happens when sick people go to work. They get others sick. Namely me. Dammit. So my drunkon stupor in Seattle was kept at bay this weekend. I only had 2 beers at the Irish Pub in Kirkland. Then I only had four...teen of em at Smooty's. Which was just enough to talk sick and tired Gus into walking up the street to some Seattle bar with golden tee, darts, and ugly people in the basement. But it was that or drink at home some more, so we played darts and taught Garrett's new girlfriend golden tee. X-SITE-ING. Then the sickness kept just hanging around until it could ruin my fun at James' birthday party, the actual reason we went all the way up to Seattle. I was feeling a little sick, so only had a few mimosas with breakfast, a handful of beers while waiting to take a power nap during college football, so that we could rally for partying at the West Seattle Bowl. And then the cold finally reared its ugly sinus pressure causing head. And limited me to two beers and an early trip home at midnight. But I bowled good, and everyone else got nice and drunk, so it was still very fun. James even slipped and fell into the lane, becuase Jager and bowling do not mix.

Plus Nate emailed me this, so I will post it. Cause it's funny and it fits in well with how most of those people probably felt on Sunday.

Five Levels of Hangovers

• One Star Hangover (*) No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
• Two Star Hangover (**) No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
• Three Star Hangover (***) Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.
• Four Star Hangover (****) Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your ass is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
• Five Star Hangover (*****) You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you as your passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with ar rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...

*****THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon

*****THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Specificity; British Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder;Loquacious; Transubstantiate

*****THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK :

1.) Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

2.) Nope, no more booze for me.

3.) Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4.) Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.

5.) Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

6.) Sorry I'm being such a jackass.