Friday, March 31, 2006

March Madness & Work Sucks

So it looks like Mr. Shaun Campbell is most likely gonna win the 1st annual NOSE/RRR March Madness Tournament pick 'em. Congratulations Shaun on an amazing first round and following it up with some solid couple of rounds. Mr. Tasker is sitting in third place and has a possible chance of pulling it out with a win by UCLA. And that could very well happen with how the rest of this tourney is playing out. The boys here at NOSE both scored higher than our buddy Emily over at Red Red Rine so let the shit-talking begin.
Work as been extremely brokeback this week. One of our counter salesman blew out his knee a couple of weeks ago. He's been wearing a brace on it and to the doctor a couple of times and the doc decided he needed to operate. So Bob (totally a fake name) is home recouping from surgery. Guess who gets to work his job? And still have all of my regular responsibilities too. I've been so tired every night this week that I go home, watch TV for a couple of hours and usually fall asleep on the couch.
I probably won't be writing much for the next week so I will leave you with what could possibly be the most racist robot joke evah. Hope you enjoy it.
A business man is in a new town where they just built a brand new, five-star golf course. The business man goes to the golf course and approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddy."
The man behind the counter says, "The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this. We just got 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and if you will come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today."
The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer.
He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, "I think my driver will do the job." The robot caddy turned to the man and said, "No sir. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole."Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green. The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance.
As the golfer pulled out his putter, he said, "I think this green is gonna break left to right." The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left."
Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole, thanks to the robot and his advice.
But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddy.
Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, "How was your game?"
The golfer stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next time I am in town."
A couple of weeks pass, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop.
Upon entering the pro shop he turned to the man behind the counter and said,"I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please."
The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, "Well, the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints."
Confused, the golfer cried, "COMPLAINTS? Who in the hell could've complained about those robots? They were incredible."
The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance. It was that they were shiny silver metal, and the glare from the machine was blinding to other golfers on the fairway."
The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?"
The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did. And then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for unemployment, and the other two robbed the pro shop."

Thursday, March 30, 2006

The finals

Two sets of finals going on.
The first is VOTE NOW for Tricia and the sonic dancers trying to make it to the finals.

The second is of course the NCAA that we all have no chance at because of all the Sweet! upsets. Any side bets on the remaining teams from the NOSE/RED RED RINE fans? I'm going with Florida and Noah and that WNBA fro hes got going on.

Also, I will be on hiatias (or how ever you say vacation in a cool way these days) while over in Walla Walla on Saturday, and although wine-induced posts are very funny, I probably wont have internet while in a 12 passenger limo/van and hitting up my 5th or 6th winery. And since hangovers and being awake don't mix, don't expect a post Sunday either. Smoot and Nate, its up to you to not let both our readers down...

And Smoot, sorry, but you didn't win the raffle either.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Mind of Mencia

Smooty introduced me to Carlos Mencia last year. And I was just lucky enough to catch the new Mind of Mencia on Comedy Central. And that show is one of the best shows on TV. Hey made fun of Kanye West, and had some huge chicks and midgets dancing at the end of the show...absolutely hilarious. Thank you Smoot for starting down the path.

and then, a commercial for David Spade's ShowBiz News. "Michael Jackson's 2,600 sq ft Neverland Ranch closed this week. It's 15 years old, so I guess he's just not attracted to it anymore..." That's awesome. I need to watch more Comedy Central.

Oh yeah, on another note, I held the drawing for the Xbox360 and the other prizes in our Volleyball Club's raffle. Nate, you didn't win. But I held the auction during the 18s division practice, and found out that I may be out of shape, but I can still hit the ball almost as hard as half their team...of 17 year old girls, so I got that going for me. And I even blocked one...But shit, these girls are taller than me, so I feel pretty good about that.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

The Broken Printer

A coworker got a pen stuck inside our printer.

He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to maintenance. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.

About 20 minutes later, one of the maintenance guy's comes in laughing and says he was just in the office, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate. Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to........


Funny stuff, and the egg

First of all, some quotes to read, so they don't have to keep going around the email chain:

  • "I feel so miserable without you. It's almost like having you here." --Stephen Bishop
  • "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." --John Bright (this is about Todd)
  • "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." --Winston Churchill
  • "He had delusions of adequacy." --Walter Kerr (Again, about Todd)
  • "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." --Groucho Marx
  • "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." --Mark Twain
  • "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." --Oscar Wilde (this is Ahn)

And then another funny list from Alex:
How to Make a Woman Happy-
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
a friend
a companion
a lover
a brother
a father
a master
a chef
an electrician
a carpenter
a plumber
a mechanic
a decorator
a stylist
a sexologist
a gynecologist
a psychologist
a pest exterminator
a psychiatrist
a healer
etc. etc. (there is a lot more, but you get the idea)


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY- It's not difficult:
1. Show up naked 2. Bring beer


-Egg Found And for those of you in the area that read the paper, The Daily News had an easter egg hunt going, with daily clues in the paper to where the $1,000 egg was located. And after a couple weeks of good clues that sounded like the egg was at the Lake in the center of town (Longview), it was in fact located in some park I have never heard of in Castle Rock. I would like to be the first to say THAT IS FUCKING BULLSHIT. If 80% of your readers live in one area, don't make a prize available to 8% that live 20 miles North. I had never even heard of the place they found the egg, and I am sure I am not in the minority of people that thought "that sucks." I did however appreciate that a couple of "pranksters" (as the paper called them) took my idea and hid some fake eggs around town. That's awesome.

Wow! Britney Has Really Let Herself Go