What a shitty way to start a weekend. I got roped into coming into work and doing some pre-inventory prepping. Our inventory starts next weekend and it usually takes up two full weekends. We decided to start at 8 o'clock this morning.
I quit drinking last night somewhere around 2.
I started drinking right after work at about 5.30 last night.
And I don't remember eating anything, except for the buffalo chicken wing and jalapeno popper I stole from Go-Go and Reg.
The result of all of this is me waking up at 7.30, not quite knowing fully where I am at (I was at home in my bed), with the lights and tv still on, and my contacts still in my eyes from the night before. Not exactly an ideal way to start the day.
Here in aboot another hour or so I am gonna roll over to Erik & Mrs. G's and check out their garage sale action. I scored a couple of sweet beer glasses and a book from them last night when I stopped by. Those Guttormsens are alright in my book.
After the garage sale, I have a special, double-secret probation mission that I must complete. I will fill you all in on the details Monday morning hopefully (like you care). And then I am going to sleep. I may try to make it to Jackmove's show, but being hungover and hanging out in a bar full of people listening to music turned all the way up to eleven doesn't sound like much fun right now.
I think I'm going to go throw up now. Later.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Friday, June 09, 2006
I'm sorry, but it's an addiction
For those of you who have stayed up all night trying to beat Final Fantasy, or those of you who only answer to your warcraft screen name, or those of you who have ever said "just one more level, then I'm going to sleep," there is hope.
Detox Clinic Set for Video Game Addicts
Also, I couldn't get blogger to work at all yesterday, so you get the short above post to make room for this gem.
Joke of the Day
Brought to you by my dad, who is the inventor of the line “I had a girlfriend like that…”
A guy sits down to dinner after a hard day at work, and sees candles, flowers, roast turkey (his favorite), and a nice bottle of wine. He immediately looks at his wife and says, “Honey, I can’t believe it, but I totally forgot our 25th anniversary. I have no excuse. I’m so sorry.”
She turns to him and says, “I understand. I won’t even get mad if you make it up to me.”
“Anything, whatever you want,” he says.
“When I wake up in the morning, I want something in the driveway that goes from 0-200 in under 3 seconds.”He thinks it over for a second, and then tells her no problem. They sit down to their meal and have a nice relaxing night together.
The wife wakes up in the morning, and seeing her husband is already out of bed, rushes down to the front door. Whipping open the front door, she looks out to see nothing in the driveway. Surprised, she walks outside, and then notices a small package sitting in the middle of the driveway. She bends down and tears off the paper and inside is a scale.
Detox Clinic Set for Video Game Addicts
Also, I couldn't get blogger to work at all yesterday, so you get the short above post to make room for this gem.
Joke of the Day
Brought to you by my dad, who is the inventor of the line “I had a girlfriend like that…”
A guy sits down to dinner after a hard day at work, and sees candles, flowers, roast turkey (his favorite), and a nice bottle of wine. He immediately looks at his wife and says, “Honey, I can’t believe it, but I totally forgot our 25th anniversary. I have no excuse. I’m so sorry.”
She turns to him and says, “I understand. I won’t even get mad if you make it up to me.”
“Anything, whatever you want,” he says.
“When I wake up in the morning, I want something in the driveway that goes from 0-200 in under 3 seconds.”He thinks it over for a second, and then tells her no problem. They sit down to their meal and have a nice relaxing night together.
The wife wakes up in the morning, and seeing her husband is already out of bed, rushes down to the front door. Whipping open the front door, she looks out to see nothing in the driveway. Surprised, she walks outside, and then notices a small package sitting in the middle of the driveway. She bends down and tears off the paper and inside is a scale.
Somebody's Got A Case Of The Fridays (now with more links!)
I am so happy it's finally weekend time. Tonight I think I may go play a little Texas Hold 'Em over at my buddy Jim's house. Hopefully I turn my gambling luck around from my trip to Vegas. Then I plan on sleeping in tomorrow. I'll probably roll out of bed around the crack of noon.
I also have some top secret stuff going on this weekend. I will reveal what it is on Monday, but for now mum's the word. A certain somebody may read this blog and then whatever chance of secrecy there was would be gone. Hopefully it will go off without a hitch.
I'll probably download some more tunes over the weekend also. I've been adding music to my iTunes collection at an alarming rate. The newest song to crack my top 25 list is a band called Panic! at the Disco and the song is called "I Write Sins Not Tragedies". Very catchy song. I've also been enjoying Gnarls Barkley's St. Elsewhere album and another group Block Party that a good friend introduced me to.
Saturday night my plan is to rock out with my cock out. Jackmove (the band, not the wiffle ball team) is gonna be playing a show with Zeke at a local bar, Porky's. If you're in the area and like some good, fast, loud hard rock you should go check it out. And you could by me a beer. That would be super.
On Sunday we have a full slate of wiffle-ball games in the CCWA. My team is taking on our closet competition in our league, the Lexington Brewers. And it will be our first game without TJ being here. It should be a great game. In our last contest with the Brew Crew, we swept both games. Timmy Kramer did hit a monstrous homerun off of me to start the game but my team came back in the fourth inning with back-to-back-to-back jacks by myself, then Tony, and finally TJ. That pretty much won the game for us. After our game, Gus and his team play the infamous Fuck Sticks. It should hopefully be a good weekend for wiffle ball.
Hope you all have a great weekend.
I also have some top secret stuff going on this weekend. I will reveal what it is on Monday, but for now mum's the word. A certain somebody may read this blog and then whatever chance of secrecy there was would be gone. Hopefully it will go off without a hitch.
I'll probably download some more tunes over the weekend also. I've been adding music to my iTunes collection at an alarming rate. The newest song to crack my top 25 list is a band called Panic! at the Disco and the song is called "I Write Sins Not Tragedies". Very catchy song. I've also been enjoying Gnarls Barkley's St. Elsewhere album and another group Block Party that a good friend introduced me to.
Saturday night my plan is to rock out with my cock out. Jackmove (the band, not the wiffle ball team) is gonna be playing a show with Zeke at a local bar, Porky's. If you're in the area and like some good, fast, loud hard rock you should go check it out. And you could by me a beer. That would be super.
On Sunday we have a full slate of wiffle-ball games in the CCWA. My team is taking on our closet competition in our league, the Lexington Brewers. And it will be our first game without TJ being here. It should be a great game. In our last contest with the Brew Crew, we swept both games. Timmy Kramer did hit a monstrous homerun off of me to start the game but my team came back in the fourth inning with back-to-back-to-back jacks by myself, then Tony, and finally TJ. That pretty much won the game for us. After our game, Gus and his team play the infamous Fuck Sticks. It should hopefully be a good weekend for wiffle ball.
Hope you all have a great weekend.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
The Mis-Adventures of Willie (vol 2)
I also have many stories of the infamous Erik B. Williamson. This is one I would like to share.
About a year ago Willie and my buddy Bailey and I headed down to the coast for Memorial Day weekend. The plan was to get extremely drunk and just have fun hangin out and hopefully meet some girls. We headed out of town on Friday afternoon on our way to Long Beach, Washington. It's about an hour and a half drive and I think Willie probably consumed somewhere near a half-rack on the way there. This is somewhat usual for Willie.
We rolled into town and secured a hotel for the evening. After that we walked out to a local hangout, the Long Beach Tavern or LBT as it's affectionately known. We hung out at the LBT for a couple of hours drinking pitcher after pitcher of Bud Light. By this time Willie's words were starting to slur a little bit. If you have ever drank with Willie you know that when his words start slurring, something fun is gonna happen.
We wandered down to the go-karts after the LBT. Probably not the best idea. The attendant at the go-kart track could tell Willie was drunk and warned us numerous times that if we "screwed around" on the track he would "kick us out for good". Wow. Not even a probation period, just done for good. Well I think we made it around the track three times before Willie started bumper-carring everybody else out there. I think Bailey got the worst of it, but Willie was also tradin paint with people we didn't know. Shortly thereafter, we were told to leave. I tried arguing that I wasn't being out of control like my buddy, but the attendant told me "You guys came in together, you're leaving together."
We decided our next stop should be another bar. Since there's only like four bars in Long Beach, the selection was pretty much limited, so we hit the closest bar to us, Nick's West where they don't care if you write long ass run-on sentences.
**********
BREAKING NEWS
I just got off the phone with Gus and he said that Willie called him, and although his dick is still purple, it doesn't hurt anymore.
**********
So we wandered into Nick's and found a nice place by the bar. The waitress stopped by, took our order for us and was back with our pitchers of beer in about three minutes. We start drinking and Willie almost immediately starts pounding his beers like they were shots. Outfuckingstanding! About fifteen minutes into our visit to Nick's, Bailey starts talking to a couple of ladies at the table next to us. And for once, he's actually talking to good looking girls. So I join in on the conversation and after about three minutes, one of the girls points to Willie and asks if he's alright. He was hunched over his beer, speaking gibberish to it.
I went back over to our table and started talking to Willie and he decided that he wants to wrestle. This happens on a fairly regular basis with him, and it means the end is usually pretty near. So as I'm trying to block his karate chops, I finish my beer so I can take his drunken ass back to the hotel.
We get to the hotel and he flops onto one of the beds and is out in like 2.5 giga-seconds. Giga-what? Giga-who? I make sure he's alright and head back to the bar.
Bailey is still chatting these girls up so I join back into the conversation. It is clear pretty early on that these girls are bitches. Bailey still chatting them up, hoping to pull something, but I start drinking again. After about another hour the girls decide they are leaving. We finish our beers and decide to hit one more bar before going back to the hotel. At this bar I proceeded to burn the fuck out of my lip. I will cover this in another post, because it is a fucking hilarious story.
Anyways, Bailey and I head back to the hotel and crash for the evening.
The next morning Willie is up at about 9.30. So Bailey and I get up and they decide to start drinking. We decide that we've had our share of Long Beach and agree to head over to Seaside, Oregon. It's about a 45 minute drive and during that time, Willie and Bailey decide to share a sixer of talls. It is going to be a good day.
We roll into Seaside at about eleven and decide to get a cocktail and some breakfast (or rut-fut if you're Willie's mom). We hit the closest bar and all order Bloody Mary's. Not any ordinary Bloody Mary's, but probably the tastiest Bloody Mary's evah. Willie decides to share this fact with all the people walking by the door on the sidewalk. "HEY Mister! You like Bloody Mary's? Cause these are the BEST in the World! Woooooooo! Bloody Mary's! Wooooooo!" or something along those lines.
We all finish our drinks and order another round. At that point the bartender informs Willie that he is cut off. Sweet Ass Candy. It's not even noon yet, and Willie's cut off. So he orders a coffee and Bailey and I have another Bloody Mary (they were the shit).
The rest of the day gets kind of hazy but I remember Willie going back to our hotel on two or three occasions and taking naps after getting cut off at different bars through-out the day. I think by the time it was all said and done he got cut off four different times. It was such an amazing display of drinking ability, that I don't think the likes of it will ever be seen again.
About a year ago Willie and my buddy Bailey and I headed down to the coast for Memorial Day weekend. The plan was to get extremely drunk and just have fun hangin out and hopefully meet some girls. We headed out of town on Friday afternoon on our way to Long Beach, Washington. It's about an hour and a half drive and I think Willie probably consumed somewhere near a half-rack on the way there. This is somewhat usual for Willie.
We rolled into town and secured a hotel for the evening. After that we walked out to a local hangout, the Long Beach Tavern or LBT as it's affectionately known. We hung out at the LBT for a couple of hours drinking pitcher after pitcher of Bud Light. By this time Willie's words were starting to slur a little bit. If you have ever drank with Willie you know that when his words start slurring, something fun is gonna happen.
We wandered down to the go-karts after the LBT. Probably not the best idea. The attendant at the go-kart track could tell Willie was drunk and warned us numerous times that if we "screwed around" on the track he would "kick us out for good". Wow. Not even a probation period, just done for good. Well I think we made it around the track three times before Willie started bumper-carring everybody else out there. I think Bailey got the worst of it, but Willie was also tradin paint with people we didn't know. Shortly thereafter, we were told to leave. I tried arguing that I wasn't being out of control like my buddy, but the attendant told me "You guys came in together, you're leaving together."
We decided our next stop should be another bar. Since there's only like four bars in Long Beach, the selection was pretty much limited, so we hit the closest bar to us, Nick's West where they don't care if you write long ass run-on sentences.
**********
BREAKING NEWS
I just got off the phone with Gus and he said that Willie called him, and although his dick is still purple, it doesn't hurt anymore.
**********
So we wandered into Nick's and found a nice place by the bar. The waitress stopped by, took our order for us and was back with our pitchers of beer in about three minutes. We start drinking and Willie almost immediately starts pounding his beers like they were shots. Outfuckingstanding! About fifteen minutes into our visit to Nick's, Bailey starts talking to a couple of ladies at the table next to us. And for once, he's actually talking to good looking girls. So I join in on the conversation and after about three minutes, one of the girls points to Willie and asks if he's alright. He was hunched over his beer, speaking gibberish to it.
I went back over to our table and started talking to Willie and he decided that he wants to wrestle. This happens on a fairly regular basis with him, and it means the end is usually pretty near. So as I'm trying to block his karate chops, I finish my beer so I can take his drunken ass back to the hotel.
We get to the hotel and he flops onto one of the beds and is out in like 2.5 giga-seconds. Giga-what? Giga-who? I make sure he's alright and head back to the bar.
Bailey is still chatting these girls up so I join back into the conversation. It is clear pretty early on that these girls are bitches. Bailey still chatting them up, hoping to pull something, but I start drinking again. After about another hour the girls decide they are leaving. We finish our beers and decide to hit one more bar before going back to the hotel. At this bar I proceeded to burn the fuck out of my lip. I will cover this in another post, because it is a fucking hilarious story.
Anyways, Bailey and I head back to the hotel and crash for the evening.
The next morning Willie is up at about 9.30. So Bailey and I get up and they decide to start drinking. We decide that we've had our share of Long Beach and agree to head over to Seaside, Oregon. It's about a 45 minute drive and during that time, Willie and Bailey decide to share a sixer of talls. It is going to be a good day.
We roll into Seaside at about eleven and decide to get a cocktail and some breakfast (or rut-fut if you're Willie's mom). We hit the closest bar and all order Bloody Mary's. Not any ordinary Bloody Mary's, but probably the tastiest Bloody Mary's evah. Willie decides to share this fact with all the people walking by the door on the sidewalk. "HEY Mister! You like Bloody Mary's? Cause these are the BEST in the World! Woooooooo! Bloody Mary's! Wooooooo!" or something along those lines.
We all finish our drinks and order another round. At that point the bartender informs Willie that he is cut off. Sweet Ass Candy. It's not even noon yet, and Willie's cut off. So he orders a coffee and Bailey and I have another Bloody Mary (they were the shit).
The rest of the day gets kind of hazy but I remember Willie going back to our hotel on two or three occasions and taking naps after getting cut off at different bars through-out the day. I think by the time it was all said and done he got cut off four different times. It was such an amazing display of drinking ability, that I don't think the likes of it will ever be seen again.
Mass Hysteria
Movie Line?
Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria.
Adventures of Willie vol 1.5:
Well, Willie hasn’t called since that great conversation yesterday, so you get an update on the life of me. We have decided to hold a yard sale to unload about 30% of the crap we own and NEVER USE. I spent about 16 hours straight yesterday working for the Man and then working at home til 12:30 in the morning. While the hours were long and hard (he he), I did get inspired and start a few home improvement projects while sorting garage sale stuff. So while rearranging the front bedroom and living room, because I can’t focus when doing tasks, I am also now removing all the space heaters since we got central air 4 years ago, and removing the wood paneling and looking to install cable in the front bedroom to bring it out of the 60s to match the rest of the house. More on this later. Let's see if I can keep up the intensity or if I end up drunk in the hot-tub instead...
Bitch of the Week:
I fertilized my lawn with some stuff that was supposed to also kill weeds last week. So of course my lawn was HUGE, the weeds were bigger and healthier, and the dead spots grew some new weeds but no grass. My back yard even grew some new weeds with flowers that didn’t even exist in my yard before the fertilizer. I had to empty the bag about 20 times, but I got a good workout, so I got that going for me.
edit: 2nd Bitch of the Week:
I had to type this twice, the pic of the dogs and cats together wouldn't post, and yesterday the pic of Willie wouldn't post. Luckily the 3rd time it wouldn’t post I typed it in Word first so I didn’t lose it. Now trying for the 5th time it appears to be working, and the pic works. Blogger.com technology is wonderful... which brings up another point.
Interesting thought of the day:
Is it wrong to be pissed off when free stuff doesn’t work out correctly? For instance, free websites like hotmail or blogger, or gifts of faulty Subway cards (fuck you subway), or any gift for that matter when it isn’t what you want or is more trouble than its worth? What if you get a beer making kit, but upon reading the directions find out that it is a lot of work? Is it wrong to be upset?
Sin City Here I Am (part two in an epic two-part mini-series)
TJ woke me up at about 8 on Saturday morning. That wouldn't have been so bad if we didn't stay up until 5 the night before. "Let's get the truck unloaded before it gets hot" was his reasoning. At 8 in the morning it was already in the mid eighties. In L-town it hits mid eighties in the middle of Summer so to have it that hot at 8 in the morning was a little hard to take.
As we were moving shit up to their second floor condo, the condo's security guard rolled on over to our truck in his golf cart.
"You guys better get some Gatorade. It's gonna be hot today." My first thought was "No shit dumbass. It's fucking eighty degrees at 8 in the morning." "If you're not from around here the heat may surprise you" the security guard added. TJ asked him if water would be okay or if we better run down to the store and grab some Gatorade. The guard replied that "Yeah, water would probably work too."
After he rolled off we finished unpacking the truck. Since it was already a beautiful day, and we were all warm from moving shit on a hot day, we decided to hit the pool. We hung out at the pool for about an hour before heading back up to the condo, having a little chat with the coach, and taking a little six hour nap.
After waking up from our naps, Jill and TJ said we should head over to the new Red Rocks Casino and check out their buffet. The coach agreed with this thought and we were on our way.
Next time your in Vegas stop by and check out the Red Rocks. It's new but it's not right on the strip. It's a very nice place, and I didn't get lost once. Last time we were in Sin City we stayed at the MGM Grand and over the course of three days I got lost about five times. The numerous Heinekens may have played a part in that too though.
After spending a solid couple of hours chowing down, we decided to do some gambling. I decided to hit up the "Wheel of Fortune" slot machines and proceeded to almost immediately go up fifty bucks. I then gave it all back to the casino while waiting for my Heineken that never showed. Stupid waitress bitch. I mean don't tell somebody you're going to bring them a refreshing Heine and then not show. That's just rude.
After gambling a little we decided to go check out Fremont and the light show. Somewhere along the way we had managed to lose a couple of hours and by the time we got to Fremont, the light show was done for the evening. We hit a couple of casinos on Fremont for beverages and decided to head down to the strip.
I forget the name of the place, but on the strip there is a casino that has a mechanical bull in the bar. This sounded terrific. Let's get hammered and then go get hurt. After making our way through the casino and to the entrance of the bar, we decided that we didn't want to pay the cover if we weren't going to be able to ride the bull. And on Saturday night's they have bikini girl bull-riding. If I had another week or so to hang out in Vegas I would have checked it out. Since I was leaving the next morning we head back out onto the strip.
After unsuccessfully trying to get a parking spot at the Double-Down Saloon we decided to make our way to the Hard Rock Casino for Carmen Electra's Celebrity Poker tournament. Well the tournament must've been over already, cause none of us spotted any celebrities. A little more gambling and a couple of Heinekens later we decided to head back to Jill & TJ's place.
On our way out of the Casino we spotted none other than Skid Row's own Sebastian Bach passed the fuck out on a slot machine. This was easily the highlight of my weekend. Right in front of us was the mastermind behind such hits as 18 and life and some other shit I can't remember right now. Awesome.
On the way back we hit the drive-thru of the infamous Fatburger. Nothing to write home about. Anyhoo, we head back to the condo and proceeded to p.t.f.o. I believe it was about five in the morning.
The next morning Jill woke me up at about ten to go to breakfast. I was in for a treat. The Hash House A Go-Go is tha shiznit. I have never seen a plate of food as outrageous as the meals at the Go-Go.
The size of Jill and TJ's pancakes were unreal so I took a pic just to document it. My waffle was also giant in that it was about a square foot and about an inch and a half thick. The pancakes were about fourteen inches across and about a half an inch thick.
We gorged ourselves on breakfast and then made a quick pit stop by the condo. I grabbed my bag, had a quick motivational pep talk with the coach, and was off to the airport.
After one of the most turbulent rides of my flying career I landed safe and sound in PDX. My only regret was that I couldn't stay in Vegas longer.
As we were moving shit up to their second floor condo, the condo's security guard rolled on over to our truck in his golf cart.
"You guys better get some Gatorade. It's gonna be hot today." My first thought was "No shit dumbass. It's fucking eighty degrees at 8 in the morning." "If you're not from around here the heat may surprise you" the security guard added. TJ asked him if water would be okay or if we better run down to the store and grab some Gatorade. The guard replied that "Yeah, water would probably work too."
After he rolled off we finished unpacking the truck. Since it was already a beautiful day, and we were all warm from moving shit on a hot day, we decided to hit the pool. We hung out at the pool for about an hour before heading back up to the condo, having a little chat with the coach, and taking a little six hour nap.
After waking up from our naps, Jill and TJ said we should head over to the new Red Rocks Casino and check out their buffet. The coach agreed with this thought and we were on our way.
Next time your in Vegas stop by and check out the Red Rocks. It's new but it's not right on the strip. It's a very nice place, and I didn't get lost once. Last time we were in Sin City we stayed at the MGM Grand and over the course of three days I got lost about five times. The numerous Heinekens may have played a part in that too though.
After spending a solid couple of hours chowing down, we decided to do some gambling. I decided to hit up the "Wheel of Fortune" slot machines and proceeded to almost immediately go up fifty bucks. I then gave it all back to the casino while waiting for my Heineken that never showed. Stupid waitress bitch. I mean don't tell somebody you're going to bring them a refreshing Heine and then not show. That's just rude.
After gambling a little we decided to go check out Fremont and the light show. Somewhere along the way we had managed to lose a couple of hours and by the time we got to Fremont, the light show was done for the evening. We hit a couple of casinos on Fremont for beverages and decided to head down to the strip.
I forget the name of the place, but on the strip there is a casino that has a mechanical bull in the bar. This sounded terrific. Let's get hammered and then go get hurt. After making our way through the casino and to the entrance of the bar, we decided that we didn't want to pay the cover if we weren't going to be able to ride the bull. And on Saturday night's they have bikini girl bull-riding. If I had another week or so to hang out in Vegas I would have checked it out. Since I was leaving the next morning we head back out onto the strip.
After unsuccessfully trying to get a parking spot at the Double-Down Saloon we decided to make our way to the Hard Rock Casino for Carmen Electra's Celebrity Poker tournament. Well the tournament must've been over already, cause none of us spotted any celebrities. A little more gambling and a couple of Heinekens later we decided to head back to Jill & TJ's place.
On our way out of the Casino we spotted none other than Skid Row's own Sebastian Bach passed the fuck out on a slot machine. This was easily the highlight of my weekend. Right in front of us was the mastermind behind such hits as 18 and life and some other shit I can't remember right now. Awesome.
On the way back we hit the drive-thru of the infamous Fatburger. Nothing to write home about. Anyhoo, we head back to the condo and proceeded to p.t.f.o. I believe it was about five in the morning.
The next morning Jill woke me up at about ten to go to breakfast. I was in for a treat. The Hash House A Go-Go is tha shiznit. I have never seen a plate of food as outrageous as the meals at the Go-Go.
The size of Jill and TJ's pancakes were unreal so I took a pic just to document it. My waffle was also giant in that it was about a square foot and about an inch and a half thick. The pancakes were about fourteen inches across and about a half an inch thick.
We gorged ourselves on breakfast and then made a quick pit stop by the condo. I grabbed my bag, had a quick motivational pep talk with the coach, and was off to the airport.
After one of the most turbulent rides of my flying career I landed safe and sound in PDX. My only regret was that I couldn't stay in Vegas longer.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
The Mis-Adventures of Willie (vol 1)
After about the 50th phone call from Willie since he left for San Fransisco, and the fact that he makes me laugh every time, especially at work when I need it, I have decided to chronicle some of the best one quotes, stories, and embarassing happenings that are his life.
6-6-06 (oohh, spooky)
Willie calls at 1:00 (for the 5th time today since I didn't answer 3 of those times)
(note, from now on in these stories, W is Willie, E is me, N is Nate)
E-What's up stalker?
W-He he, you busy? You at lunch yet?
E-Of course I'm busy. Too busy to go to lunch these days. What's up?
W-I hurt myself bad yesterday.
E-Oh yeah?
W-You know how people in China town only come up to your chest, or maybe chin if they are really tall? Well I was walking and talking on the phone, and all of a sudden I was stopped suddenly. I looked down and there was a waist high "no parking on this side of the street" sign. And then the pain hit me. It couldn't hit me in the leg, or the thigh, no...I't hit me right in the dick. Right about then I realized how much pain I was in and dropped to the ground. A little chinese guy walking behind me stopped to laugh, and between gasps, he asked if I was okay. I tried to get up and kind of walk it off...and then the real pain hit me and I dropped to the ground again.
E- (listening and laughing the whole time) That sucks man. Right in the junk is the worst.
W-I finally did get back up, go down one more time, then got up and hobbled off. The guy hadn't stopped laughing yet, but he was nice enough to make sure I was okay enough to walk away. And later when I took a pee, the end of my dick was all purple.
E-(I proceed to lose it) HA HA HA, I am totally putting this on the Blog.
W-Yeah, if I had a Vag, it would have hit me right in the camel toe.
E- So what are you doing now?
W-Going to see the new X-Men movie. And I am the geek who went by himself, and since there was a line for the 1:00 show, I got a ticket to the 1:30 show so I can get a good seat, and now I am by myself.
E-Are you that guy who talks on his cell phone during the pre-previews?
W-I wanted a good seat.
E-That's awesome. You should come home instead of hang in San Fran pretending to work. Then we could see it together.
W-That's okay. I'm gonna sit here and masturbate with my hurt dick.
E-(I lose it again) You have fun with that. I gotta go back to work.
Stay tuned for the futher adventures of Willie the wonder-friend.
(note: some of Willie's comments have been altered to make them funnier, and/or speed up the conversation, as he tends to talk about 3/4 speed unless he is drunk.)
6-6-06 (oohh, spooky)
Willie calls at 1:00 (for the 5th time today since I didn't answer 3 of those times)
(note, from now on in these stories, W is Willie, E is me, N is Nate)
E-What's up stalker?
W-He he, you busy? You at lunch yet?
E-Of course I'm busy. Too busy to go to lunch these days. What's up?
W-I hurt myself bad yesterday.
E-Oh yeah?
W-You know how people in China town only come up to your chest, or maybe chin if they are really tall? Well I was walking and talking on the phone, and all of a sudden I was stopped suddenly. I looked down and there was a waist high "no parking on this side of the street" sign. And then the pain hit me. It couldn't hit me in the leg, or the thigh, no...I't hit me right in the dick. Right about then I realized how much pain I was in and dropped to the ground. A little chinese guy walking behind me stopped to laugh, and between gasps, he asked if I was okay. I tried to get up and kind of walk it off...and then the real pain hit me and I dropped to the ground again.
E- (listening and laughing the whole time) That sucks man. Right in the junk is the worst.
W-I finally did get back up, go down one more time, then got up and hobbled off. The guy hadn't stopped laughing yet, but he was nice enough to make sure I was okay enough to walk away. And later when I took a pee, the end of my dick was all purple.
E-(I proceed to lose it) HA HA HA, I am totally putting this on the Blog.
W-Yeah, if I had a Vag, it would have hit me right in the camel toe.
E- So what are you doing now?
W-Going to see the new X-Men movie. And I am the geek who went by himself, and since there was a line for the 1:00 show, I got a ticket to the 1:30 show so I can get a good seat, and now I am by myself.
E-Are you that guy who talks on his cell phone during the pre-previews?
W-I wanted a good seat.
E-That's awesome. You should come home instead of hang in San Fran pretending to work. Then we could see it together.
W-That's okay. I'm gonna sit here and masturbate with my hurt dick.
E-(I lose it again) You have fun with that. I gotta go back to work.
Stay tuned for the futher adventures of Willie the wonder-friend.
(note: some of Willie's comments have been altered to make them funnier, and/or speed up the conversation, as he tends to talk about 3/4 speed unless he is drunk.)
Sin City Here I Come (part one in an epic two-part mini-series)
So a couple of months ago my step-sister Jill, got a new job with an Interior Design firm down in Las Vegas. Beforehand she was working in the L-town, for a local Interior Decorator. This past weekend her boyfriend, TJ, moved down there. I had the pleasure of going with him. We were scheduled to take off from Longview on Thursday morning. I arrived at TJ's place at about 9 on Thursday to see that he wasn't done packing yet. After a couple more hours of packing he decided that he was going to tow his 1966 Volkswagen bus behind the rental truck. This added about two hours to our leaving time and in the end somewhere between six and eight hours of drive time. So we stop back by the local Budget truck depot and pick up a trailer. TJ also added me as a driver of the truck while we were there. Awesome. After Suzy the garden gnome finished filling out our paperwork and us hooking the trailer up to the truck, we were off back to TJ's for the bus. We got that loaded up and we were off. Well after a quick stop to talk to the coach. We drove down I-5 for about seven and a half hours finally stopping for the night in beautiful Ashland, Oregon. We checked into a hotel and watched a little Sportscenter before dozing off. Beforehand we agreed that we would be up early to hit the road as we figured there was probably about 12-14 hours left of driving. Jill woke us up with a phone call. Needless to say, we did not get an early start. We headed back out on I-5 about 9:30 that morning. We drove for a couple of hours before stopping for breakfast in Northern California. I figured that since we were heading to Vegas, we should be big-ballin and all so I enjoyed some Crystal with my Break-
fast. I can see why all the rappers love this stuff. It was good. Fo Shizzle.
After Breakfast we headed back out onto I-5 for the most boring stretch of the trip. I mean there are just so many fields, orchards, and fields that you can look at. Northern California is damn boring for driving.
We were supposed to hit a junction that would've have ran us right through Bakersfield on our way to Vegas. We missed it. So we ended up in Buttonwillow, California. Worst. Place. Ever.
We were hungry so we decided on some tasty Carl's Jr. for dinner. We ordered our meals and were told that our food we be ready soon.
"Ninety-two" the manager calls out about ten minutes later. Since we were given no order number, we should have known that a Guacamole Bacon Burger meal and a Spicy Chicken Sandwich meal is a 92 in fabulous Buttonwillow. The manager called out 92 about four more times before she finally got pissed and screamed out "#8 and a Spicy chicken meal". TJ grabs our food while we can hear the trollish manager saying "I called out 92 like five times!" Well that doesn't really work if you don't tell us the number. I was amused by how pissed off she was.
The next stop was the local Chevron for some petrol and a couple of Full Throttles. Once inside the Food Mart I noticed that they had no Full Throttles. What the fuck? I headed back out to the truck and noticed another minit mart right across the street. As TJ was still filling up the truck with gas I ran across the street (closer to jogged) and made my way into the minit mart. I'm pretty sure the owner of that there minit mart was/is on something. I grabbed three Full Throttles and placed them on the counter. I was expecting somewhere between five and seven dollars. Here in town they are roughly a buck 79 each. So you can imagine my surprise when the clerk told me eleven bucks. I politely laughed in her face, and left empty-handed.
We headed back out onto the road and drove through Bakersfield and out to the Mojave desert. Two words. Bo Ring. We decided to stop at a rest stop and had a little pep talk with the coach.
We headed back out onto I-15 and immediately pissed off every single trucker around. You see towing a Volkswagen bus on a full sized trailer behind a completely full truck will get you to right around 55 mph. I guess the truckers like driving faster than that (who knew?)
We drove for a couple more hours, arriving in Sin City at 2 in the morning on Friday night. We were so tired that there was no drunken debauchery that night, only a little sleep.
Stay tuned for my Saturday and Sunday morning in Vegas.....
fast. I can see why all the rappers love this stuff. It was good. Fo Shizzle.After Breakfast we headed back out onto I-5 for the most boring stretch of the trip. I mean there are just so many fields, orchards, and fields that you can look at. Northern California is damn boring for driving.
We were supposed to hit a junction that would've have ran us right through Bakersfield on our way to Vegas. We missed it. So we ended up in Buttonwillow, California. Worst. Place. Ever.
We were hungry so we decided on some tasty Carl's Jr. for dinner. We ordered our meals and were told that our food we be ready soon.
"Ninety-two" the manager calls out about ten minutes later. Since we were given no order number, we should have known that a Guacamole Bacon Burger meal and a Spicy Chicken Sandwich meal is a 92 in fabulous Buttonwillow. The manager called out 92 about four more times before she finally got pissed and screamed out "#8 and a Spicy chicken meal". TJ grabs our food while we can hear the trollish manager saying "I called out 92 like five times!" Well that doesn't really work if you don't tell us the number. I was amused by how pissed off she was.
The next stop was the local Chevron for some petrol and a couple of Full Throttles. Once inside the Food Mart I noticed that they had no Full Throttles. What the fuck? I headed back out to the truck and noticed another minit mart right across the street. As TJ was still filling up the truck with gas I ran across the street (closer to jogged) and made my way into the minit mart. I'm pretty sure the owner of that there minit mart was/is on something. I grabbed three Full Throttles and placed them on the counter. I was expecting somewhere between five and seven dollars. Here in town they are roughly a buck 79 each. So you can imagine my surprise when the clerk told me eleven bucks. I politely laughed in her face, and left empty-handed.
We headed back out onto the road and drove through Bakersfield and out to the Mojave desert. Two words. Bo Ring. We decided to stop at a rest stop and had a little pep talk with the coach.
We headed back out onto I-15 and immediately pissed off every single trucker around. You see towing a Volkswagen bus on a full sized trailer behind a completely full truck will get you to right around 55 mph. I guess the truckers like driving faster than that (who knew?)
We drove for a couple more hours, arriving in Sin City at 2 in the morning on Friday night. We were so tired that there was no drunken debauchery that night, only a little sleep.
Stay tuned for my Saturday and Sunday morning in Vegas.....
Monday, June 05, 2006
Mondays
MONDAYS FUCKING SUCK!
hmm, I thought that might make me feel better, but I still want to go on a killing spree, so I guess that didn't help. Maybe if I mix all the partial bottles of liquor I have together and then me and Nate take turns swilling it out of an old mason jar until we pass out I might feel better. Or at least forget about work for a while. Just the thought of that makes me feel a little better, so I guess this wasn't a complete waste of 30 seconds...
hmm, I thought that might make me feel better, but I still want to go on a killing spree, so I guess that didn't help. Maybe if I mix all the partial bottles of liquor I have together and then me and Nate take turns swilling it out of an old mason jar until we pass out I might feel better. Or at least forget about work for a while. Just the thought of that makes me feel a little better, so I guess this wasn't a complete waste of 30 seconds...
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