Great Success!

Dicko's fantasy football game just came to an end and I was victorious! I seriously have no idea how I pulled this off. My team was fucking terrible. I mean, when Lamont Jordan is your first round draft pick you aren't supposed to win these things. (Thanks for that advise Hewey)
I was able to luck out with a couple of pick-ups over the season (Ladell Betts and Rex Grossman, I'm looking your direction), picked Drew Brees in my draft and also lucked out with Baltimore's defense.
The championship game I had to play LDT. Lucky for me the Seahawk defense shut him down*. And just like that, the Bad News Monkeys had defeated Twan's Dongers.
Dicko, I want my two dollars!


*and by "shut down" I mean contained him better than anybody else had this year. GO HAWKS!

Time to sell my 89 Upperdeck?

Ken Griffey Jr. Breaks Hand in Accident

Griffey gets hurt more than the guys on my fantasy basketball team and dickos fantasy football team. I wonder if it's time to sell my 89 Upperdeck Rookie card yet...

seriously, out of a 14 man roster, 8 starters and 6 bench, I had 5 injuries as of Monday, I dropped a guy and picked one up, and now Nowitzki is hurt too, putting me back up to 5 injured guys. I almost can't even field a full roster.

Also, I love picking on Christmas light displays. I have what some might refer to as an addiction. Yes, Christmas spirit and all that shit, but tacky is tacky, no matter how you justify it.

The first is tacky. The second is tacky. The third, I can't decide. Sometimes a lot can look good if you don't overuse lights that don't match and snowmen and raindeers, etc. These are internet pictures, but I bet If I drove by I would think "HOLY SHIT, THAT'S TACKY!"

And We Have A Winner... (Christmas Light Snob 2006)

I found an interesting article on the web today. This guy over in the Boston area has over 250,000 Christmas lights. His power company had to install a new power line because he blew up the old one with all of the juice his grotesque display is drawing. I just wish this guy lived across the street from Erik so we could all listen to him bitch.
And I believe I found the most ridiculous display in Longview. I should have some great pics of some terrible displays up on here soon (if I could just remember my camera).
I would also like to take this time to thank my inconsiderate neighbors, who keep their bright white Christmas lights on all night right outside my bedroom window. I know how Griswold's neighbors feel now.

Blazers half court tundra

Blazers Half Court Shot for a new Toyota Tundra. I missed this game but Alex sent me this clip. Pretty crazy to actually see someone with a hint of athletic ability get a chance at one of these half court shots. The last game I was at the guy's shot didn't even land in the key. I hate when people don't even come close. I want to kick them for not signing up someone they know with athletic ability instead of signing themselves up. And I boo them. Loud.

Christmas lights

Speaking of articles in the daily news,
Christmas Lights

They did an article about all the grossly over decorated homes in the area, although they were a little nicer about it than I am.

I was mad I didn't take a camera down Shaun and Angela's street last night. There is a house near theirs with at least 10 inflatables out front, and two houses across the street with more lights than the rest of the block combined.

Letter to the Editor (update)

So it looks like Erik's rant about the idiot drivers in town got published by the local newspaper. Check it out here...
The published version sure is a lot less angry sounding than the original I noticed.

Letter to the Editor (drivers)

I am going to send a letter to the editor about the circle I mentioned yesterday. I have been meaning to do it for about 4 years now since I started working at the Bank and travel the circle on average of 16-20 times a week.

I got fucking cut off again this morning entering the civic circle. Up yesterday's average from a few times a week to at least 3 times a week.

Another case of seeing the car coming on the inside lane about 5-10 over the limit of 25 MPH, seeing that the car in the middle lane was patiently waiting to yield, and KNOWING IN MY HEART that this fucker in the 85 black datsun pickup was not going to yield and then going to double lane change in front of me...

If I hadn't slowed down, he would have t-boned me, and the asshole probably would have thought he had the right away...even though there is a FUCKING YIELD SIGN AND IT HAS BEEN THERE FOR 50 YEARS. Fuck.

Luckily I was not as happy this morning cause I had to run all the way home for something I forgot, and this was on the way back to work, and I just found out I have about 25 hours of work to try and squeeze into the next two 9-10 hour days with no breaks...for no overtime. Luckily because I FUCKING LAYED ON THE HORN ABOUT 5 FEET FROM HIS PASSENGER SIDE DOOR until he was through the circle. About 10 seconds at least. He actually stopped changing lanes for a second before he realized I wasn't going to hit him, and then proceeded with his illegal non-yielding double lane change with no signal. I hope he peed just a little bit. I know that fucker in the passenger seat did. I could see it in his eyes.

Note: also, you must check out Mulgrew's blog. The post about the wine competition and drinking in Seattle is so funny, I feel good about not crashing into that fucker above so that I was around to read it.

Lucky Drivers

The following people that drove like idiots/assholes in front of me in the tiny window of 15 minutes I was on the road today, you are lucky I was in a semi-good mood. And don't have a magic tire-popping device, like a .44

• The person that didn't yield from the inside lane around the circle. Happens every week, but still pisses me off.
• The person who pulled into the intersection and then didn't switch lanes to get out of the intersection when their light turned red, blocking me during an entire green light.
• The person who blew through a red on the next green light after the intersection was unblocked by said dumb bitch, and amazingly didn't hit me or the person coming the other way who just had to sit through an entire green light. Just so you know, that light wasn't even CLOSE to yellow. It was red at least 50 yards before you got there. Fucker.
• The car that went straight from the right hand turn lane, cutting me off as I was going straight. Again, this happens at least a few times a week on this road next to my work, but never ceases to amaze me.
• The car that crossed 3 lanes on a one way road to get into the left turn lane in front of me.
• The next car that crossed 2 lanes, realized they also needed to turn left, and blocked all 3 lanes. You are welcome for letting you in.
• The NEXT CAR that crossed 2 lanes, same story. DID I NOT HAVE MY LIGHTS ON? You are also lucky I am a nice person and let you in.

This may not seem like a lot, but remember that I drive at most 3 miles to and from work and did very little other driving today. I drove about 6 blocks to my wife's work, and Nate drove to lunch. This amount of stupid/inconsiderate people in less than 20 minutes worth of driving is very close to a new record for me.

Speaking of which, Nate got a dirty look from some old guy who didn't think we should turn in front of him while the car in front of him was also turning. Is it a full moon today? What the fuck is wrong with people?

Say Thanks...

Something cool that Xerox is doing.
If you go to this web site, http://www.letssaythanks.com/ , you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq. You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to some member of the armed services.
How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one!!! This is a great site. Please send a card. It is FREE and it only takes a second. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these?
Whether you are for or against the war, our guys and gals over there need to know we are behind them...

Christmas Light Snob (2006) version 2.0

I pass this beauty every night on the way home. While at first glance, it may not seem as bad as Stacy's entry, you need to know that those are twinkle lights, and that you can only see half of them. And I provided a close up to really show you whats in the window and on the porch...

That is an OUTDOOR Noel light up display put in the front window instead of the yard or on the roof. And that is a light up snowman guarding the lit up front door at the end of the lit up path and garden. And again, you can't see how obnoxious the flashing roof lights are, but imagine at least 1000 more lights along every crease in the roof and covering every leaf on the bushes...

Keep in mind this is actually my 2nd place entry. My first place entry is still to come, and will give Stacy's a run for its money. Like Dicko said, it's nice when people decorate, and this one definitely isn't a winner in the tacky department, but it helps put my snobbery into a frame of reference. Not only do I detest tacky, I also give the finger to unsymetrical, too many colors, colored lights mixed with white lights, and snowmen that are not made out of snow.

I hope when they saw my flash go off 3 or 4 times last night, they heard me laughing and didn't think I was taking pictures because of how beautiful their decorations are...

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.

My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi? I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

Thanks,Bob

Christmas Light Snobs (2006)

Another year, another chance to look down upon those that tackily display hundreds of dollars worth of Wal-Mart and Ace Hardware specials. A hint for you. If you buy a new lawn or roof decoration every year, and just add it to your display instead of replacing an old decoration, you have a problem and should seek help.

These first two pics are of the same house, sent in by our very own Stacy, to show the first of the many problems with tacky displays. You have to look at them during the day.

Direct email quote "What you cant see on the photos is the 2nd set of carolers behind the ice skating penguin. (Never thought I'd type that sentence!)"

If you are like me and Abby and Stacy and most other sane people, you may look at this, and realize that you too, are a Christmas Light Snob (CLS). Welcome to the club. Please send in your favorite (i.e. most hated) display that you pass by every day, and we will make this a contest. I myself have seen two "winners" just driving home every day and up to my parents' house. I'll get them up here as soon as I remember the camera and my eyes recover from viewing thousands of twinkle lights and inflatable scooby doos at the same time...

Also, check an old post for CLS 2005. Funny to see how similar last year is to this one. Posts in December last year were talking about the Seahawks, Christmas, drinking, dicko losing at fantasy football...

Get The Drunk Home!

I received a link in my e-mail today for this wonderful time-killer (thanks Shon!). The point of the game is to get the drunk guy home. You have to use your mouse to keep him upright while he walks. What makes it so tough is you can't see your mouse and he keeps leaning from side to side. My high score so far is 72. See if you can beat it.

Coolest "Holiday" Evah....

So I just found out that December 5th is "Day of the Ninja". If I had known this beforehand I would have totally thrown a Ninja Day party! Who wants to go have some ninja-beers with me?

Joke of the day

The Pharmacist

A calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy and walked right upto the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I wouldlike to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big, and he exclaimed, "Lord, have mercy! Ican't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! Iwould lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds ofbad things will happen! Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husbandin bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

I have my Christmas decorating party tonight at the bank, and then the bank Christmas party tomorrow night at Rutherglen Mansion. It's a good thing I took 3 or4 days off from drinking, cause after bowling a 549 series (i.e. 76 oz of budweiser) Wed., and watching My Name is Earl and The Office (48 oz of winter beers) Thu., I have a feeling I might partake in the consumption of libations for 2 more nights. Hmmmmm, winter beers....

Best Christmas Station Ever

This song just came on Yahoo LaunchCast Scrooge Tunes Station.
I Farted On Santa's Lap
Funniest kids Christmas song ever.


Followed by Blink 182's
Happy Hollidays, You Bastard
More Christmas songs need swear words.

And that uplifting classic
Daddy Drank Our Xmas Money

On other news, in case you didn't see the thermometer to the left, it is COLD AS SHIT here. We generally don't get much snow, and never in November, and it has been winter rain storm after another for the past month or longer, and the last few days it actually snowed and iced over and has been around or below freezing all week. Man, frozen balls suck.

The Office (on my cell?)

Wierd. I just got a phone call from a pre-recorded message from Dwight from The Office. Pretty funny clip from the show, and at the end it told me to go to the website and type in a code "Dwight Rules" in order to see special deleted scenes. Wierdest phone call i've had in a while.

Anyone wanna own up to signing me up for this?

New best comeback ever

That was a good comeback by the General. Almost as good as the comeback by Dicko the other day on Nate.

• Nate - Screw you Dicko, you like pre-ops.
• Dicko - Yeah, pre-op guys. You like em post-op.

I laughed for hours on that one. Nate had no comeback.

Also, we came up with a hypothetical question on the way to the Blazer game last night, when discussing the finer points of Nate's new favorite saying, "that's gayer than a bag of dicks."

• What's gayer? A big bag of little dicks or a little bag of big dicks?

Williamson shed a little light on the subject with a new classic Willie quote of the day. "I would say the little bag, because with it full of big dicks, there is a chance they could be sticking out of the bag and touch you."

The Best Comeback Ever

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended. You gotta love the Marines

Voice Mail and Glorious Day

1. I hate people that listen to their voice mail over speakerphone in cubicles or closely placed offices. There is something about the sound of someone's voice coming over those shitty phone speakers that I can't tune out, and rate just below chalkboard scratching and cats fighting outside my bedroom window on my list of sounds I can do without.

You are too lazy to place the phone on your shoulder, even though the phone has the special ergonomic design that allows you place it on your shoulder with little discomofort. FUCK YOU.

You are too old and inconsiderate to realize that full volume is louder than you need the message to be, and that everyone within 20 feet is not also taking down this message. FUCK YOU.

You want to be able to drink coffee and take notes and numbers like listening to your messages is 3rd year world history. FUCK YOU.

You and people that talk loudly on their cell phones in quite areas like my bank or in restaurants can kiss my ass. Right in the middle.

2. This rant prompted my decision to waste 2 more minutes. So I read Mulgrew's post today. This prompted me to waste 20 more in glorious rememberence of my best "glorious day."

He describes a "glorious day" as one where you drink with no plans except for the plan to drink. Some may think this could be a little bad, but I agree with him totally that it is not, and have done this multiple times also. It's not about anything except the fact that I like to be able to say I can drink that much, and then back it up. It's a talent that most people don't posess, and while it's not a resume quality trait, it is one that I am also proud of none-the-less.

We had established yearly rituals for this at Wazzu, and we called them Open-to-Close. I have drank like this other days since college, usually not in bars as I have responsibilities now, but there is something special that first time back in 99. It was about waiting for the doors to open at 11:00AM, pushing past your friends to say you were the first person in (like Dicko and I did), and not leaving the bar until 2:15AM. The occasional water, the occasional burger or fries or both, the massive steady stream of inexpensive beer and well drinks, and the fact that I remember the majority of it, were priceless beyond imagination. We actually had the sense of mind to walk away from the bartenders as they were closing, so that we could be the last person out (again, Dick and I). That is 15 hours of drinking. No sleeping, no naps, only darts, pool, shuffleboard, golden tee, and drinking. But mostly drinking.

The first time we stepped up to the plate, Shakers (best bar ever, on Playboys top 50 college bars the year before we did this) decided to start a plaque and keep track of number of pitchers consumed on Open To Close. The main reason probably being so that they could stop people from potentially killing themselves and/or suing them, the second reason so that they could use us to promote other groups' attempts to best our record. Fools. They stopped counting after 192 pitchers and started giving some of them to us for free to make up for it. They said if we set the record too high, no one else would try to get on their new plaque. Fuck them. Last I heard from Dicko (correct me if I'm wrong) we went well over the 225 mark and lost count after that, and this was before midnight. Without specifics on number of people (between 20-30 I think), this may be lost on you readers that weren't there, but that is a lot. More than a lot. I don't think we even came close on later attempts. And while there may be other names on the plaque, they all have an asterix next to them in my book.

Here's to beer. And wine. And liquor. Cheers. Let's hear your comments if you were there, or stories of your own if you weren't.

Jagshemash!

I went and watched Borat (again) last night. It quite possibly could be the funniest movie evah. I went with a group from work and everybody thoroughly enjoyed it. And it wasn't because we all drank a bunch of beers beforehand.
If you haven't seen it yet, you should go this weekend. I may end up seeing it again with a chick I've been hanging out with. And then afterwards maybe make romance explosion on her stomach. It's nice! I like!

Apple Cup?

You can tell how exciting the apple cup will be, by how early huskies and cougars start talking shit to each other the week before. Everyone's of course always talking shit, but no one really gets specific until the week of and we see how each of our teams have fucked themselves that year. In our case, we lost to both Zona teams this month. In the huskies case, they lost to Stanford, and a bunch of other teams.

So I offer this pictures from Drew, and the following jokes from Dicko by way of Coug email chain: (the best ones are at the bottom in bold)

www.thenoseonyourface.com (and a funny site included in the email)

>Q. What do a Husky cheerleader and a Husky quarterback have in common?
>A. They both spend a lot of time on their backs.

>Q. How do keep a Husky from drinking too much?
>A. Slam the lid on his head

>{Two guys are sitting in a diner}
>Guy #1: By chance, are you a Cougar?
>Guy #2: Yes, how could you tell?
>Guy #1: Just by your sense of pride, & the way you carry yourself.
>Guy #2: I see, hey, are you a Husky?
>Guy #1: Why, yes, how could you tell?
>Guy #2: I saw your class ring while you were picking your nose.

>Q. What do you call a Husky in a 3 piece suit?
>A. The defendant.

>Q. Name the 3 famous Cougars
>A. Edward R. Murrow, Keith Jackson, and Paul Allen
>Q. Now name the 3 most famous Huskies
>A. Ted Bundy, Jerramy Stevens, and Sundodger

>Q. What's the first thing a Husky cheerleader goes in the morning?
>A. She goes home.

>Q. What did the Cougar Alumnus say to the Husky Alumnus?
>A. "You have the right to remain silent...."

>The huskies didn't want to play late in Pullman one year because they would have to drive in the dark.
>Of course, the Cougars offered a solution: ...... turn on your lights.

>Did you hear about the Coug who transferred to the UW and raised both schools GPA'S?

>How do Husky brain cells die?
>Alone.

>Did you hear about the Husky linebacker that stole the Police Car?
>He saw the "911" on the side & thought it was a Porsche.

>Did you hear about the new Husky Honor System?
>Yes, Your Honor, No Your Honor.

>What do you call a Husky with half a brain?
>Gifted.

>What is the difference between a Husky and a catfish?
>One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

>Why are Huskies like laxatives?
>They both irritate the crap out of you.

>What do you call an intelligent person in Husky Stadium?
>A visitor.

>Did you hear about the Husky who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
>He had it bronzed.

>A Cougar and a Husky were strolling down the street when the Coug said, "How sad - a dead bird." The Husky looked up and said, "Where, where?"

>A Husky football player was working out in a gym one day when he smelled smoke. He quickly rushed to the phone and dialed 911. In the calmest voice he could muster, he reported the fire. The dispatcher asked "How do we get there?" The Husky hesitated a few seconds then asked, "Don't you guys have those big red trucks anymore?"

>What's the difference between a Husky fan and a Husky dog?
>Drivers will swerve to miss the dog.

>What is the difference between a Husky cheerleader and an elephant?
>About 40 lbs.
>How do you equalize the two?
>Feed the elephant.

>A woman received some bad news one day. It seems that her husband had been in an accident and was brain dead. However, the hospital had perfected a new brain transplant procedure and luckily there were two brains available. A Cougar brain transplant would cost $10,000. A Husky transplant would cost $100,000. Curious, she asked why the Husky brain was so much more expensive. The reply...."The Husky brain has never been used."

>Four alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Northwest School, and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally, as they reached the top, the OSU Beaver hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for OSU!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the UO Duck threw himself off the mountain, proclaiming "This is for U ofO!". Seeing this, the Cougar walked over and shouted "This is for WAZZU!", and threw the Husky off the side of the mountain.

>A Cougar and a Husky get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither alumnus is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the Cougar sees the Husky's logo shirt and says, "So you're a Husky, I'm a Cougar. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign that we should be friends, put our rivalries aside, and live in peace the rest of our days." The Husky replies, "I agree with you completely." The Cougar continues, "And look at this. Here's another sign. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Jack Daniels didn't break! Surely we should drink this and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the Husky. The Husky agrees, takes a several big swigs and hands the bottle back to the Cougar Alum. The Coug takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the Husky. The Husky asks, "Aren't you having any?
"The Coug replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."

>There was once a Cougar and a presumptuous husky who lived next door to each other. The Cougar owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg. He was about to go outside to pick up the egg when he saw the contemptuous husky sneak into the Cougar's yard and steal the egg. The Cougar ran up he overbearing husky and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The arrogant husky disagreed because he was holding onto the egg. They argued for awhile until finally the Cougar said, "At WAZZU, we normally solve disputes by the following actions. I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up. Then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg." The conceited husky agreed to this and so the Cougar found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the overconfident husky and kicked the husky as hard as he could in the balls. The egotistical husky fell to the floor clutching his nuts, howling in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually the pained husky stood up and squealed, "Now it's my turn to kick you."The Coug said, "Keep the egg."

>How do you get a husky off your front porch?
>Pay him for the pizza

>Did you hear they are resurfacing Husky Stadium with cardboard?
>Because the Huskies only look good on paper.

>What is the difference between a Husky dog and a UW alumn?
>The dog licks it's own balls.

>What happens when you give a Husky Viagra?
>He gets taller.

Sex Panther

I just found a new t-shirt and team name for what ever team Nate and I play on next.

And guess what happens when sick people go to work. They get others sick. Namely me. Dammit. So my drunkon stupor in Seattle was kept at bay this weekend. I only had 2 beers at the Irish Pub in Kirkland. Then I only had four...teen of em at Smooty's. Which was just enough to talk sick and tired Gus into walking up the street to some Seattle bar with golden tee, darts, and ugly people in the basement. But it was that or drink at home some more, so we played darts and taught Garrett's new girlfriend golden tee. X-SITE-ING. Then the sickness kept just hanging around until it could ruin my fun at James' birthday party, the actual reason we went all the way up to Seattle. I was feeling a little sick, so only had a few mimosas with breakfast, a handful of beers while waiting to take a power nap during college football, so that we could rally for partying at the West Seattle Bowl. And then the cold finally reared its ugly sinus pressure causing head. And limited me to two beers and an early trip home at midnight. But I bowled good, and everyone else got nice and drunk, so it was still very fun. James even slipped and fell into the lane, becuase Jager and bowling do not mix.

Plus Nate emailed me this, so I will post it. Cause it's funny and it fits in well with how most of those people probably felt on Sunday.

Five Levels of Hangovers

• One Star Hangover (*) No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
• Two Star Hangover (**) No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
• Three Star Hangover (***) Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.
• Four Star Hangover (****) Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your ass is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
• Five Star Hangover (*****) You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you as your passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with ar rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...

*****THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon

*****THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Specificity; British Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder;Loquacious; Transubstantiate

*****THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK :

1.) Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

2.) Nope, no more booze for me.

3.) Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4.) Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.

5.) Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

6.) Sorry I'm being such a jackass.

Las Vegas, A Love Story

So I spent last weekend in beautiful Las Vegas. I flew down on Thursday and immediately started drinking. Actually I started drinking Thursday morning before my flight even left.
I landed in Vegas and realized I was hungry. It was then that I discovered the new love in my life, the Double-Double Burger from In-N-Out. It was Heaven on Earth. I felt like I should’ve had a smoke afterwards. It was that good. So I made two more stops by In-N-Out before I left sin city to enjoy the double meat and double cheese goodness.
That night I headed down to the Golden Nugget on Fremont. After putting a hurt on my stomach with their buffet offerings I tried my hand at the Wheel of Fortune slot machines. I now understand that Wheel of Fortune is the devil’s game. Fifty dollars later I was outside the casino, enjoying another Heineken and watching the Fremont Experience. Aside from losing my money, it was pretty awesome.
Friday, I woke up and decided to head out to the lovely Lake Las Vegas. While at Lake Las Vegas, I ate at an Irish Pub and enjoyed some tasty Guinness. After eating I decided it was time to gamble some more. I foolishly lost another 20 on Wheel of Fortune (damn you Bob Barker) and then made my way to the blackjack table. It was here I should’ve stayed for the rest of my trip. I was up about 150 when I walked away from the table. I’m sure if I would have sat right there for another couple of days I could’ve walked outta there owning that damn casino. But I am a very foolish man and made my way back down towards the strip.
That night I met up with my buddy Anh who is living in Vegas. I enjoyed a Grey Goose and Red Bull followed by numerous Heinekens. Feeling pretty good about life, I made my way to Terrible’s Casino for some gambling. Bad idea. I dropped $50 on the blackjack table and another $20 on that damn Wheel of Fortune (I tell you, it’s the devil). After my losses, I decided I deserved some prime rib. It was delicious and filled me up to where all I wanted to do was go pass out. Which I did successfully.
I woke up Saturday, full of piss and vinegar. Well not so much vinegar but definitely full of piss. After relieving myself, a little breakfast was in order. Hash House A Go-Go is easily the greatest place in Vegas for breakfast. The food is huge and served on some big ass plates. And their Bloody Mary’s are delish. I started drinking at 10 this morning. By the time I hit the Red Rock’s Casino I was feeling pretty good. I lost some more on Wheel of Fortune and then decided to try out some Keno. If you wanna get drunk, cheap in Vegas Keno is the answer. I played for about an hour on ten bucks. I also enjoyed a couple of Heines in the process. Afterwards I foolishly sat back down on at the blackjack table. Seventy dollars and a couple more beers later I was leaving the table with no chips. Defeated I made my way back to the house. A couple of more beers later and I was ready to go again. So TJ and I made our way to In-N-Out and enjoyed a couple of burgers, swung by the “Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas” sign for a picture and then made our way to the MGM Grand. The MGM was alright and we had a couple of beers there. We left there and made our way to the Palms. And the Palms was packed. I started back in with Grey Goose and Red Bulls and we wandered around the Palms checking out the “scenery”. After ordering my third GG&RB I sat down at a slot machine to rest my feet a little. It was then that I saw my third “rock star” in three trips. My first trip down we ran into Ice T. Last time I witnessed a very passed out Sebastian Bach relaxing on a slot machine. This trip it was Dave Navarro of Jane’s Addiction and Chili Peppers fame. I almost didn’t recognize him cause he’s so damn short. Seriously like 5’8 at the most.
We figured the Palms couldn’t get much more exciting than that and we made our way back to the Red Rocks Casino. The plan was to meet my friend Shanna (who’s also from Longview) and she was going to give me a lesson on craps. Well, a couple of beers later and I’m down $70 quick. I guess her advice of “Just bet on six and eight” wasn’t very good. After craps we made our way to a bar and resumed the GG&RB regimen. By this time it was close to 10 PM and I had been drinking for about twelve hours. Shanna got us into a new nightclub Cherry that was located inside the Red Rocks. At this point the night gets somewhat foggy. I remember seeing my friend Stacey here and drinking. Besides that, I’m lost. I slightly remember eating breakfast at a place called the Outside Inn and finishing up a couple more beers. By this time it was four in the morning.
I woke up Sunday and wanted to die. After some breakfast, I took a much needed nap and then went and enjoyed the new Borat movie. I could write a huge post on this movie alone. It was fanfuckingtastic. Go right now and watch it. Seriously. Leave work and go see it. It’s cool, I’ll wait. Go.

See, I told you it was good. And that ending? Hilarious.

Monday I spent most of the day with Anh checking out more of Vegas. I ate dinner that night with my sister and TJ and then went to the airport to come home to the torrential downpours. Of course I left a couple of things out but that’s Vegas. I plan on making a return trip in February. It will be awesome!

Hard on?

Is it okay to get a little bit of a hard on for a video game?
Gears of War
Grab the DEET! The Locust Horde is Coming!
If you're quiet you can hear them beyond the horizon, growing stronger and getting closer. To them, victory is nearly at hand. But then again, you weren't one to just roll over and die. Right? In Gears of War for Xbox 360, your fight as Marcus Fenix against the invading Locust Horde represents mankind's last chance for survival.

If you haven't seen trailers or video clips of this game, you are missing out. I've only pre-ordered three things since I got old enough to buy my own geeky shit. Halo 2, the Xbox360, and now Gears of War. It comes out today, and I say that any game where your character sports a machine gun with a chainsaw attached, is worth a little hype and excitement, and yes, a little bit of a hard on...

Cause this is Thriller!!!

Jackson Plans `Thriller' Performance
Wednesday, November 8, 2006 10:59 AM EST
Michael Jackson to Perform 1982's `Thriller' at the World Music Awards in London Next Week…


Somone should tell Michael that his sister is planning to sing his song next week on stage. He might want to step in and stop her...oh wait, that's him? Nice cheek bones Michaela.

FACTS ABOUT NATE vol. 2
Sounds like Nate might have to break out the Michael Jackson greatest hits set that he bought before senior trip in 95 and listened to over and over and over and over again in California. Cause nothing screams cool like Michael Jackson.

BFF

Best
Friends
Forever

You know how someone is a true friend? When they call you from vegas to tell you they are sitting in a Hukah bar at the top of the stratosphere looking out over a beautiful 80 degree evening, and add that they aren't rubbing in the fact that it is shitty and gloomy and been raining for almost a week straight back where we live in wonderful Longview.

It's raining so hard the gutters, the streets, the roads, the ditches, etc. are all overflowing. The rain lately has actually ruined my hot-tub cover and there is a nice lake forming every day on top because I am too busy/lazy to rig some kind of cover for the cover, or buy a new one.

If you think that's not good enough, I didn't even get his phone call because I'm so busy at work in this shitty ass weather, that I put my phone on Do Not Disturb. It's almost 4:30 though, so I was figuring I could afford 2 minutes to type this. I think I may even go to lunch here pretty soon since I've only been here for 8 hours straight with no break. Fuck I'm hungry.

How about some positive? RA Long volleyball won district this Saturday, in one of those come from behind awesome matches where they are down in the 3rd game after losing the first two, and they end up winning that and the next two games and winning the championship. Pretty fucking cool. Then we went to Blazer opening night in Portland, and watched them come from behind and beat the Timberwolves. Then I won both my fantasy football matchups this weekend. And I did pretty good at all my pickem leagues, although probably didn't win again. And the Seahawks should be kicking the shit out of the Raiders in an hour or so. Fuck work, I'm gonna go watch that. I hear a beer or six calling my name, with their little brother whiskey sour saying "hey bitch, drink me too."

Borat

Who else wants to see this Borat movie? It looks fucking hilarious.

Dicko on TV

After giving Dicko a little crap about being courtside at the Sonics/Blazers opener, I got him to prove that he was actually there. I saw Sabrina on TV, but not him, I called him and it sounded like he was somewhere loud, but I need proof. And here it is.

Our buddies' band

I just got this email. Check out a few of our fraternity brothers' band and their new CD release. I remember the days fondly, air guitar and drums to Sublime, drinking and lighting shit (and dirk) on fire, christmas 101 proof peppermint schnapps parties at 3 in the morning... good times.

Hello Half-Track fans!!!
The day is near! Half-Track will be having our CD release this Sundayat 7:00 at the Rendezvous/ Jewel Box Theater.
Regardless of what their website says, there will be NO cover- but if you are feeling generous, you can donate $5 to our cause.
We will play from approx. 7:00-9:30, and the Rent Tent tribal belly dancers are going to perform for us during intermission!
We are expecting a good turnout and we hope to see you all there!
The Rendezvous is located at 2322 2nd Ave in belltown (2nd and Bell)
Visit their website for more info www.jewelboxtheater.com

Check out our updated website at www.half-track.com !
Listen to a few songs like I am right now. And if you want, Send them any questions at:
atkins@half-track.com
skinz@half-track.com
yost@half-track.com
larry@half-track.com

Also, check a few good pics of Smooty and Skinz here on my old website.

Vegas Baby, Vegas

So I'm off for another vacation to Sin City starting tomorrow. My flight lands in Vegas at about 3.30. At that point I plan on stopping by a liquor store and picking up a fifth of Patron and then seeing where my weekend takes me. My goal is to be Tucker Max drunk by Saturday. I'll have some pictures to share when I get back. (If I don't get arrested that is)

WSU #25

HOLY SHIT.

WSU Breaks into the top 25 on the AP poll with a win over UCLA. That would be sweet to go to a bowl game for vacation early next year, or even late this year.
http://sports.yahoo.com/ncaaf/teams/wwc

Facts About Gus vol. 17?

One thing about Erik that nobody knows is that he is a very talented musician. He started playing guitar at a very early age and learned from some of the more popular bands of that time. The only downside to him learning to play so young was that he wasn't able to change his style of play. So since the early 80's Gus has been playing glam rock. And he's been playing it well!
He is currently the leader of a band that plays local shows here in Longview. They describe their sound as "Whitesnake crossed with Culture Club with some Winger thrown it to make it 'hard'". Last night the played to a packed house at the Woodshed. It was their first show as a headliner. That's right, on this night the marquee read "Gus Loves Fag Soup". Pretty catchy name huh? Well I was there supporting my buddy and got this pic of the band right before they went on.

Pete!

halloween coming

family of halloween costumes
A whole family that dresses up together every year. The bill and ted characters is my favorite. I would like to make fun of this, and joke how the kids are probably scarred for life, but it's actually kind of cool.
It makes me remember Dirk and his stigmata costume that really bled, his Barf costume from spaceballs that had moving ears, and 97 when some of us dressed up like characters from braveheart.
We won a bottle of vodka with these badboys, so we had that going for us. Although wearing kilts in Pullman in October was not the warmest idea we ever had...

Quote of the day

sorry for no posts. busy at work, busy at life.
no one wants to hear that shit, so on with the quote.

I know, but what am I gonna do? Stop drinking?

(This being the answer to "Hey Willie, it's nice to finally be able to get ahold of you." Willie has lost his phone twice lately while drunk.)

also, a note to self: if you search the song "Lips of an angel" on google because Willie says he hates that song being replayed on the radio over and over, and you are trying to find the band name, make sure to search websites and not images. Because the girls in those pictures that came up were sure not angels. And I don't think those were the lips the song was referring to...

Hero

This is one of the most amazing stories I've ever heard. The true definition of a hero.
CORONADO, Calif. - A Navy SEAL sacrificed his life to save his comrades by throwing himself on top of a grenade Iraqi insurgents tossed into their sniper hideout, fellow members of the elite force said.
Petty Officer 2nd Class Michael A. Monsoor had been near the only door to the rooftop structure Sept. 29 when the grenade hit him in the chest and bounced to the floor, said four SEALs who spoke to The Associated Press this week on condition of anonymity because their work requires their identities to remain secret.
"He never took his eye off the grenade, his only movement was down toward it," said a 28-year-old lieutenant who sustained shrapnel wounds to both legs that day. "He undoubtedly saved mine and the other SEALs' lives, and we owe him."
Monsoor, a 25-year-old gunner, was killed in the explosion in Ramadi, west of Baghdad. He was only the second SEAL to die in Iraq since the war began.
Two SEALs next to Monsoor were injured; another who was 10 to 15 feet from the blast was unhurt. The four had been working with Iraqi soldiers providing sniper security while U.S. and Iraqi forces conducted missions in the area.
In an interview at the SEALs' West Coast headquarters in Coronado, four members of the special force remembered "Mikey" as a loyal friend and a quiet, dedicated professional.
"He was just a fun-loving guy," said a 26-year-old petty officer 2nd class who went through the grueling 29-week SEAL training with Monsoor. "Always got something funny to say, always got a little mischievous look on his face."
Other SEALS described the Garden Grove, Calif., native as a modest and humble man who drew strength from his family and his faith. His father and brother are former Marines, said a 31-year-old petty officer 2nd class.
Prior to his death, Monsoor had already demonstrated courage under fire. He has been posthumously awarded the Silver Star for his actions May 9 in Ramadi, when he and another SEAL pulled a team member shot in the leg to safety while bullets pinged off the ground around them.
Monsoor's funeral was held Thursday at Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery in San Diego. He has also been submitted for an award for his actions the day he died.
The first Navy SEAL to die in Iraq was Petty Officer 2nd Class Marc A. Lee, 28, who was killed Aug. 2 in a firefight while on patrol against insurgents in Ramadi. Navy spokesman Lt. Taylor Clark said the low number of deaths among SEALs in Iraq is a testament to their training.
Sixteen SEALs have been killed in Afghanistan. Eleven of them died in June 2005 when a helicopter was shot down near the Pakistan border while ferrying reinforcements for troops pursuing al-Qaida militants.
There are about 2,300 of the elite fighters, based in Coronado and Little Creek, Va.
The Navy is trying to boost that number by 500 — a challenge considering more than 75 percent of candidates drop out of training, notorious for "Hell Week," a five-day stint of continual drills by the ocean broken by only four hours sleep total. Monsoor made it through training on his second attempt.

Quote Of The Day

"It almost tasted like Nutria" - Teabag

8 Years In The Life Of Some Guy...

Crazy... (thanks Griff)

Todd loves Craigslist

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/14956798.html

A site where people sell stuff, AND bitch about people in a near anonymous forum? Why haven't I seen this before?

Thanks Todd.

Email Chain of the Week

Email Chain of the Week
(otherwise known as:
Nate picks Manning over McNabb. Hilarity ensues.)

October 4, 2006

• subject: Mulgrew
  That guy fucking loves me. I sent him an e-mail yesterday and he mentioned me again. I feel some self-worth now so I won't go home and drink some special kool-aid.
  -Nate

(Erik goes to http://www.jasonmulgrew.com/, reads posts about fantasy sports and T.O.)

• to jasonmulgrew.com
  Nate (from Longview) just emailed to tell me how special he felt about being mentioned again on your blog. http://www.jasonmulgrew.com/
  
  Then I saw what he sent you and now know why I just beat him at baseball, beat him last year at football, and am beating him again in football and pick em leagues. And after all your explanations (which were right by the way), it comes down to one thing. I have McNabb on my team and am in 1st place, and he does not and is in 2nd place. McNabb = MVP for me
  
  P.S. Fuck T.O.* Go Philly.
  (see attached picture)
  
  Plus, you should have totally stopped by and watched him bang his girlfriend on your way from Seattle to California, because they are broken up now (surprise, surprise) and you would have made a great camera man. AND THAT, would be worth the case of Ruby Ale I still owe him for getting mentioned on your site. That fucker.
  -Erik (Longview, WA)
  *And if you are going to hell for hating T.O., make sure you are first in line.
• I fucking hate you Gus and plan on breaking into your house and removing your eyeballs with a rusty melon-ball maker when you are sleeping. Bitch.
  -Nate
• Now I feel some self-worth. I rock.
  -Erik
• Hey, if pushing other people down makes you feel better about yourself, you should hang out with Ahn more often. Rusty melon-ball scoopers. Think about it.
  -Nate
• Wow, you regularly correspond with a quasi-celebrity. I use to run into a bulimic cheerleader at the gym every now and then.
  -Ryan
• to: Jason Mulgrew,
  Been reading your blog for a long time now, I've never felt the need to write an email. For some reason though, when I saw Nate from Longview's statement that Manning is better than McNabb this year, I wanted to puke.
  That guy must be one of the biggest losers in Washington State. At the risk of losing stupid readers, you shouldn't allow people like Nate to write in anymore. Well, maybe that's a bad idea because then you would be left with 1 reader, an 80% drop in readers.
  In closing, Nate from Longview, WA is a tool and never gets laid. You should cut him off.
  -Ryan from Seattle
• You my friend, are a prick.-Nate
• This is shaping up to be a pretty funny blog post...
  -Erik
• I'm assuming that you all are being pricks to me because you're jealous of my girth. Do you treat Garrett this way too?
  -Nate
• Yeah, I heard getting fucked by a tiny stump is awesome. It hits the sides baby, all 4 inches of it.
  -Erik
• Is that what your wife keeps telling you?
  -Nate
• Apparently that comeback never gets old.
  How about this one?
  No, that’s what your mom keeps telling me.
  -Erik
• Dude. That's just gross.
  -Nate

(And of course, that thought ends the chain. Or so I thought.)

October 5, 2006

• Thank you, Ryan. I will take this under advisement and will reach a decision in the next 7-10 days.
  Best,
  Jason Mulgrew
  www.jasonmulgrew.com
• HAHA!!!
  -Ryan
• That's hilarious.
  -Nate

(I sense a little sarcasm. I have tought Nate well)

• You would run into her more if you had a chili dog that she could scarf down and then laugh as she runs to the bathroom to put her finger down her throat
  -Todd

(obviously Todd is a little busy and slow on the chain)

• Smoot, if you gave me a chili dog I would puke too... oh wait, you're talking about a different type of chili dog.
  -Ryan
• So I am reading Jason Mulgrew's blog ...the shout out for N8, I don't see it, is he the kid texting Foley?
  -Todd
• It's on his post about Baseball and Football. Manning vs McNabb
  -Ryan
• I think Todd was joking that Nate is the masturbating kid. Nice.
  -Erik
• I just think Todd's kinda slow.
  -Nate
• Boys,
  take it easy. I was actually (secret) in Seattle and was in the Great Northwest in April and May of this past year. We've (secret), so I may be out there (secret). Lovely area. I'm not saying we should meet up, as I will be having sex in a hotel room (hopefully) the whole time, but I'm just throwing it out there because I really don't know how else to respond.
  Best,
  Jason Mulgrew
  www.jasonmulgrew.com
  

sound off

We don't usually use this blog to sound off about real topics, but after deciding to never buy the lettuce in the below post, I saw this in the news.
Ga. Mother Seeks Harry Potter Ban

Another group of ignorant close-minded people think that Harry Potter should be banned. Kids are going to turn into witches and warlocks and join the occult if they read fiction about kids in a fictional cross-universe version of Europe. Reading stimulates the brain. You should't ban anything. What you should do is spend time educating kids to distinguish between right and wrong, fact and fiction, stupid people (like yourself) and smart people, etc.

These brainiacs also tried to ban spanish fiction from their budget because "they objected to using taxpayer dollars to entertain readers who might be illegal immigrants." Uhhh, hi. Your kids couldn't hurt from learning a second language. And by the way, every kid that isn't white isn't an illegal or a criminal. $50 says one of your kids ends up being gay, and sooo afraid to tell you that they kill themselves when you kick them out. YOU IGNORANT BITCH AND EVERYONE LIKE YOU DESERVE A LITTLE REALITY CHECK. Like a hurricane.

Tasty Salad

Look closely below the words "Fresco, Lavado"......
Don't forget this brand of fresh lettuce, folks. What probably happened is, the water the lettuce was washed in contained polliwogs and these became fresh new frogs, right in the packages. So if you're looking for salad fixins with a little more body, then be sure and try this brand. Don't forget, it's the extra care that Mexican companies take that makes the difference.

TOUCHDOWN!!!

That guy in the back is sure excited about this touchdown...

F-U, UPS

So I was at work today waiting on an Air Separator to come in on our UPS shipment. I had checked the tracking webpage a couple of times and it was on time, scheduled for delivery on October 3rd.
When our UPS driver Ron showed up I went out and helped the receiving guy in the warehouse unload it. Guess what? My package was nowhere to be found.
So I called the national UPS hotline and the lady couldn't help me at all. So I got the number for the Kelso branch and called their. The lady I talked to there could not help me either. She suggested I call Portland, where the package was last scanned, and see if they could locate it. The lady in Portland was a bitch. She was either too stupid or too lazy to help me. So I tried the Kelso branch again and talked to the same lady and she advised me to call the national number again and have them put a search out on it. So I called the national number again and asked about this now missing package. And she argued with me. I could not fucking believe it. So I informed her that I was very disappointed with their service and wouldn't be using them ever again. I also said that I would talk to the other salesman in my company and let them know not to use UPS.
My customer was waiting on this one piece to finish a job he has in Portland. And he's going on vacation tomorrow that he can't reschedule. So basically I fucked him by not getting his part to him. But in reality, UPS fucked me. And I will never use them again.
I should have seen the warnings.....

halloween

I think this new shirt from noisebot.com made me realize what I want to be for Halloween.

What do you want to be?

dilbert=my work

Work can be wonderful.

I'm Alcohol!

Disc Golf = Good Times

So today I played my first round of Disc Golf. And it was a blast. The only thing that I would change would be the course we played. Eddie B followed me back from Portland and we met up with Dez and Collin at my house. We all jumped in Collin's VW Bus and headed over to Oregon. We arrived at the park realizing that we had no idea where the course started. So we just kinda wandered around until we found the first hole. Now we played at Trojan Park in Rainier, Oregon the site of the former Trojan Nuclear Power Plant. They blew the plant to smithereens a couple of months ago and recently installed an eighteen hole disc golf course. The only downside is the huge lake in the middle of the park. And about twelve holes had water in play. So I lost on disc, Dez lost two, and Collin lost my other disc. I just ordered some replacements off of ebay and should be playing again next weekend. And I am gonna try to drag Gus out there with me. With his love of golf and ultimate frisbee I figured disc golf would be perfect for him. Here are a couple of pics I took today of the action.
Here is Eddie B with his disc heading straight for the basket. Ed had played a couple times before and showed us the ropes. He also played the best round of his short career he said multiple times. His game was on and it was fun to see.
Here is Collin with his putt in the air for the second hole. He played a pretty great match and is looking forward to playing again.
Dez had a blast even though he missed this shot and lost two discs. He plans on playing again here shortly. We are talking about making a short trip down to Portland and checking out a couple of courses maybe next weekend. The courses in Portlands don't have huge lakes right in the middle of them.

Kidney Infections Suck, Ultimate, Applebee's, Jackass 2, P-town, Frisbee Golf

So I had my first beers in over two weeks last night. And they were delicious.
I am fully recovered from my kidney infection. Let me tell you that it was no fun. Easily one of the most painful things I have ever been through.
So after work I went and met Gus for a little Ultimate Frisbee. Also joining us was the Booths (Garrett & Irina) and Dez. As usual I pretty much dominated at Ultimate. There was a lot more people there than usual so we had to sub in and out. The first set of plays I caught a long pass for a touchdown and in my opinion I resembled a young Steve Largent. The second and third set of plays I tossed a couple of TDs. The other team never recovered, mostly from my stellar play but also because Seth Krause was on their team. He may be tall but I shut him down with my awesome defensive skills.
After Ultimate we decided some drinks and some grub was in order. Since we wanted to eat good in the neighborhood, we headed to Applebee’s. I ordered some mozzarella sticks and a bottle of Guinness. That beer was so good that I ordered two more. We had quite the group of people at Applebee’s and we were overflowing out of the large corner booth in the bar. Our group consisted of Dez & Erica, Garrett & Irina, Gus & Mrs. G-Dizzle (fo shizzle), my roomie Bish, Collin Booth, Jimmer, Jeffery D, Willie and BoPhal. About halfway through our meal a couple of girls came running into the bar screaming about a car that just hit ‘n ran a new Chevy Colorado out in the parking lot. Turns out it was Jimmer’s truck so we headed out to the parking lot to check the damage. I guess the car was parked in front of his truck and they must’ve put it into Drive instead of Reverse. We checked out the damage and were surprised to find nothing. Maybe just a small scratch on the license plate but that was it. I am convinced that Chevy trucks are the tougher than shit after seeing that.
After heading back inside I noticed it was quickly approaching 11. Since I have to get up at five in the morning for my wonderful job I decided to get my bill and head out. I was feeling pretty great until I got my bill and saw that my bottles of Guinness were over five bucks each. Ouch. Vegas prices and I don’t even get to gamble. So I have decided that next time I am gonna stick with the draft brewskis. But all in all it was a great night.
Tonight the same group is going to enjoy Jackass 2. Willie’s already seen it and said it was three times funnier than the original. I laughed so hard at the original that I pooped my pants a little bit. Seriously. We’re talking bowel movement here. It was sick. So who knows what’s in store for tonight but I’m guessing I will have a great story to tell.
On Saturday I am most likely gonna head down to Portland and visit E, double D, I, E and cause some serious trouble. We are gonna explore Portland during the day and most likely pick up a set of Frisbee Golf discs. After that we are going to get Tucker Max drunk. So that should be fun. If any of the readers out there are gonna be in P-town and want to meet up with us call Ed’s phone. His number is (503) LIL-COCK. Or (503) 545-2625. Hit us up and I’ll let you buy me some beers while I make off-color jokes and make you feel really uncomfortable.
Sunday we are going to head over to the site of the former Trojan Nuclear Power Plant and check out their newly installed Frisbee Golf Course. It’s supposed to be a nice day so we’ll probably have to bring a couple of cold beers with us. It should be a blast.

more football and videogames

Speaking of bowl games, I was just reminded of a little known fact last night by my dad. My great-great uncle (or something like that) played for the Huskies in the 1926 Rose Bowl. George Guttormsen was the Captain at QB and a Kicker (yeah, crazy), and held the record from 1926-1963 for the longest punt in the rosebowl (73 yards), which was broke in 63, and then again in 81, both also at 73 yards. He also scored "A few plays later Wilson caught a short pass for a crucial first down and then threw a 27-yard touchdown pass to quarterback George Guttormsen." ( husky bowl history )
They lost the game 19-20 to Alabama, and some attributed it to the 2 extra points that George missed in the game (according to the Pac 10 Football book my dad has). I couldn't find mention online of him missing those kicks, or of his record, but I did find that he scored a touchdown, and I like that version better.

But I attribute the loss to the fact that the Huskies sucked, have sucked, and still suck. But its cool to have a famous family member, even if no one knows he is famous, and even if he is a hucking fusky...

Another cool fact. my licence plate is 1926, but its Coug plates since the huskies suck. But its a cool coincidence to have the same number.

The Xbox360 rocks. And I am very excited for this new shooter to come out in a few months. Until then I have Dead Rising, where I get to kill zombies by the hundreds, so I got that going for me. Which is nice.

Call of Duty 3 is in the works. Halo 3 comes out next year. They announced that Halo Wars RTS game. I just got Lego Star Wars 2. If I had more time to play, I would be loving life with all these games and new technology.

wow, that's a short list

Washington State University Bowl Game History
Nice page, but short list. Here's to a bowl bid this year, and hopes that we can hold our own against USC this weekend. And by hold our own, I mean going to the bathroom multiple times while drinking our sorrows away. At least next weekend is Oregon State, so we get back on the W train.

reader contributions

Ryan, long time friend and reader of NOSE, has these little tidbits to contribute:
Something for the blog...
First,
TV geek Dustin Diamond can now take his place with Colin Farrell, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock as the star of his very own sex tape. Everyone who remembers Diamond as a lovable putz is in for a shock once they see a 40-minute video in which he engages in a kinky three-way with two women. We can't get too graphic here, but word is that the action includes some bodily functions and an act known as a "Dirty Sanchez."
The best part about the whole story above... its called, "Saved by the Smell."

Second, a real time strategy Halo game has been anounced for the 360. http://www.halowars.com/
Q: What is “Halo Wars”?
A: “Halo Wars” is the next big real-time strategy game from Ensemble Studios, creators of Age of Empires. Designed exclusively for the Xbox 360, “Halo Wars” allows you to take charge of the human UNSC armies and see the Halo universe from a totally new perspective.

Dicko

(As Ryan knows, I was addicted to these in college, and still occasionally geek out with them. I am a little excited to buy this game and put it on the shelf next to my other games I don't have time to play. For sure.)

low

man we suck. Todd still working, pretty much not posting anymore. Nate still hurting, kidney infections and related medicines are no fun. Erik still working and helping Abby with school. We are losing readers faster than....shit, I can't even think of something funny.

How about a depressing post instead. My last grandpa died yesterday. He had a stroke earlier in the week, and his heart and body just weren't strong enough, and he passed away. And to make it worse, today is my Mom and her sister's birthday. How do you say happy birthday when its not happy? Shit. Her mom and stepdad passed away a few years ago, my dad's dad passed away last year on his birthday, and now I am down to two grandmas. And to really cap it off and make it hit home, I hadn't been out to their cabin the last two summers, and I said I would try this year. And I didn't. And now I won't ever get that chance again, because he's not there and my grandma can't drive at night so will have to sell the place. Fuck, I hope no one comes in my office right now so I don't have to explain why I'm almost crying at work.

if you have any funny stuff like the email I just got with a bunch of funny dog costumes, feel free to send it on or leave the link in the comments. (I am totally dressing my black cat up like this dog, and then letting it outside halloween night)

Almost the weekend.

GO COUGS! Here's to another fun weekend of watching football. Make sure to get to http://www.capitalonebowl.com/ and vote for Butch. As of this post, he is only beating the stupid Terps mascot by a few thousand.

Sorry about your infection Nate. At least it's not in your happy place. I'll bring you the Tucker Max book so you have something to do when the crappy games are on.

I just saw an article in the daily news and another on yahoo about how the NFL thinks that we artificially pump noise over our speakers at Qwest field, and thats why have the reputation of being one of the loudest fan bases/stadiums in the country.
How loud do you fucking think it is going to be this weekend? I want to get a ticket just so I can go there and scream my fucking head off until I can't speak anymore, so I bet you the regular crazies are gonna be so loud that Eli starts to cry.

Another Moo tribute, in case those of you that didn't know him want to see what he looked like in his drywall eating prime.

Infected

So the doc just called and I have a kidney infection. Awesome!

Sicker Than Sick

So I just got back from the doctor's office for the little illness I've been battling. I started out like a flu so I thought I would just tough it out and get over it. That was last Tuesday.
So it went from flu symptons to terrible pain in my lower back right in the kidney area. I was snooping around WebMD a little and found this:

Kidney Stones Symptoms
Kidney stones may stay in the kidney or travel out of the body through the urinary tract—the tubes that connect the kidney to the bladder (ureters) and lead outside the body (urethra). Their movement may cause:
- No symptoms, if the stone is small enough. (not here, immense pain)
- Sudden, constant pain. Stones may cause intense pain in the back, side, abdomen, groin, or genitals. People who have had a kidney stone often describe the pain as "the worst pain I've ever had." (check, and my appendix just about ruptured on me years ago. this is ten times worse)
- Feeling sick to the stomach (nausea) and vomiting. (check, ugggh)
- Blood in the urine (hematuria), which can occur either with stones that stay in the kidney or with those that travel through the ureters. (nope, thank god that would've scared the shit out of me)
- Frequent and painful urination, which may occur when the stone is in the ureter or after the stone has left the bladder and is in the urethra. Painful urination may occur when a urinary tract infection is also present. (check on the frequent, not so much the painful)
- Fever. (check, at times)
- Loss of appetite. (check, haven't been hungry in four days)
- Diarrhea or constipation. (check, you don't want to know)
- Sweating a lot. (yeah and it's gross)
- Fatigue. (extreme fatigue, I actually fell asleep in between sweating a lot and fatigue)

So anyways, the doc checked me out and told me it's most likely muscle spasms. I wanted to laugh in his face but said "really?". So he gave me some muscle relaxers and a pain pill, took a urine test (he had cold hands) and said he would call me if anything is wrong.

So I should be hearing from him sometime tomorrow when my test hopefully comes back with just a kidney infection and not kidney stones. The symptoms are about the same but the stones are definitely more painful. Some have compared it to childbirth. So pray for me. Hopefully I will be back to full health soon.

"MOO 10/30/04 - 9/17/06"

http://www.myspace.com/gtfastback67
A quick little tribute to Garrett's best friend Moo who passed away this Sunday. Although this puppy picture doesn't do justice to the 50-100 lbs of stacked muscle and fat that this little guy became in his short 2 years, it shows you just how cute and loveable he was.

He was the kind of dog that made we wish for a dog instead of my cats dumb and dumber. He will be missed. Please visit Garrett's myspace site if you want to leave him a message and/or leave one here, as he will probably make it here later in the week to view them.

Random Shiite

So the life of n8 has been a hectic one as of late. Last weekend my former roommate Todd got married. Since I am great friends with him and his wife they asked me if I could housesit for them while they are on their honeymoon in Cancun. I told them that they should just send me to Cancun that way they wouldn't need a house-sitter. They didn't buy it. So I've been staying at their place which is kinda cool since I used to live here. I've had some time to chat with the neighbors who are the same ones since I've moved out.
Anyways, the reason they needed somebody to housesit was because of their cat and their two dogs. They have two pitbulls who are the sweetest dogs in the world. Well as long as they know you. As sweet as these two may be the don't really listen to me that well. It has been a very hectic week trying to control two dogs and their meals and bathroom breaks. There were a couple of accidents but nothing uncle n8 couldn't fix.
Until Wednesday. I got sick Wednesday. And I have no idea what the hell it is. It is now Saturday and somewhat lingering around but I am over the worst part of it. I have had the worst abdominal pain and a fever. And no I did not eat any bad spinach. So I didn't go to work on Thursday and instead spent the day in and out of conciousness while trying to control two dogs that were super excited because I was home. Better times have not been had (that was sarcasm Gus).
Also my buddy TJ (from the CCWA champion Suckerpunch Pirates) came back into town for big Sully's wedding. Since I've been house-sitting I haven't seen him much. It's looking like I will be making a trip to Sin City here in the near future to visit him and my sister.
And since I was camping on Labor Day, I didn't change the lineup for my fantasy baseball team. And it just so happened to be week one of the playoffs. With two of my pitchers on the DL (shit!) I was pretty much screwed. So I lost my playoff game and am now playing for the 5th spot in the league (out of 6 teams). My opponent is Crackerass-Cracker, which just so happens to be Erik's team. So us here at NOSE are gonna finish in the last two spots of the league. Awesome!
Well I need to sign off of here. I've got tons of chores to do today, including changing my oil, washing my car (inside & out; it's fucking filthy), going to the bank and making my car payment and all kinds of other good stuff. So I've got that going for me...

Branch in Seattle

Sorry, no posts for 4 days, cause as you can see in the prior post, its work, work, work for all of us. Todd has disappeared thanks to his new job, and Nate and I are throwing down 9-10 hour days every day, with not much time for relaxing or blogging.

But something that has to be mentioned, is the return of the Seahawks to the Super Bowl. Can I get a HELL YEAH!? (except for you Emily, your Steelers got their ring and now they are done...or are they?) Deion Branch is coming to Seattle and even though our offensive line is missing Hutch, I still think we are poised to get back into the playoffs, and dare I say it, even the superbowl. And there is no fucking way we could get screwed by the refs twice in a row, so we should have a legitimate chance. The reason? Quality players like Hasslebeck, Alexander, Strong, Jackson, Trufant (GO COUGS) and now Branch.

(from the daily news article): This is a man who, on the morning of Super Bowl XXXIX, got on the phone and called all his former coaches, from youth teams through college, to thank them for helping him reach this point. Then he went out and won the game's MVP award."I never forget the people who were there before I became the Deion Branch you see now," he said Tuesday, attired in a sharp suit and wearing a $39 million smile.

I can't wait for him to get set in our offense. We are gonna beat the shit out of Arizona this week.

OUTRAGE

So, here I sit, 7:15 on a Friday afternoon, approximately 11 hours and 15 minutes after I got to work, still fucking working because everyone else has the day off, or called in sick, or didn't show up, or just did nothing all day while I worked, so it left me and Phuong here to do everything.

The reason I bore you with my tired whining? BECAUSE MY COMPUTER JUST GAVE ME AN ERROR MESSAGE ON EXCEL AND CLOSED THE FILE WHILE I WAS TRYING TO PRINT MY VERY LAST PIECE OF WORK SO THAT I COULD GO HOME! But I'm not mad. I will enjoy working until 8, so I can put in 12 straight hours. Cause free overtime is my favorite. Especially when "we don't have any extra money to give you a raise again this year," is probably what I will hear. Fuck that shit.

Well at least I had lunch right? Yeah right, I ate chilli in the lunch room for 10 minutes at about 3:00 in between meetings with customers, because that is the first chance I had, and then went back to work. But there always is a bright side right? There was birthday cake and fruit for breakfast. Plus I got to leave for 30 minutes to go visit a customer, so I got that going for me. Plus I found a milky way in the freezer at work, and I fucking stole it and ate it in 2 bites. Cause that's how I roll. Bitch.

More great sites

So I was looking up Zach Galifianakis because I was still bummed I missed him and the other comedians at bumbershoot and I was avoiding going through more old paperwork in our office. And I found a great site. Comedy Central with free clips from stand up comedy. Fucking rad. Here you go. comedycentral.com/zach galifianakis

I also found a folder full of drink recepies, drinking games, and old jokes that I had printed out in college. A lot of them were here, http://www.webtender.com/, which is a great site, so here is the link so I can shred all these pages I will never look at again.

Then I added some more beer links to the left. Then before I shredded all these jokes, I went to the link where I got them. Although the page and some of the humor is a little outdated, there is some really funny stuff compiled here. ~vanhoose/humor, like this beauty.

Note: If you are easily offended, don't read. (to the tune of the Macarenna:)
Sitting in my house, and I know that I'm alona,
Feeling kinda horny, got a jingle in my bona.
Go and grab a Penthouse its the one with Sharon Stona.
Hey Masturbata!!

I go a little faster and its feeling kind of nicea,
Once ain't enough so I have to do it twicea.
If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advicea.
Hey Masturbata!!

I use some baby oil or a little Vaselina,
Laying down a towel so I keep my carpet cleana
Never shake my hand cause you don't know where its beena
Hey Masturbata!!

I do it in the car when I'm driving down the streeta,
One hand on the wheel and the others on my meata.
I can't get out the car cause I'm sticking to the seata.
Hey Masturbata!!

Since I was a kid I have been a Masturbater,
Choke the chicken, hum the knob, squeezing the tomata.
I've looked at Ms. November now I'm gonna decorate her.
Hey, Masturbata!!

Buffing the banana, Mr. Lizard shaking bacona,
Pounding on the flounder and its mayonnaise I'm makinga.
Spank the frank, wax the carrot, god my hand is achinga.
Hey, Masturbata!!

Camping

So I spent my Labor Day weekend camping in Hood's Canal. For those of you who don't know where Hood's Canal is, it is on the Olympic peninsula in northern Washington state. My friend Garrett's grandparents built a cabin there and have a nice little camping spot off to the side.
Dez and I drove up Saturday morning, making stops in town for beer and gas. After about two and a half hours in the car we arrived. We were immediately greeted by Garrett and his wife Irina and some nice ice cold brews.
After setting up our tents we decided to go out and check the crab pots. I've got a keeper below and Garrett is fucking ecstatic. Look at the look on his face. It looks like me on Christmas 1985 when I opened up my Nintendo Entertainment System.
Here is that same crab getting the "official" measurements done. Way to be "Gary"!
Here is Dez, myself and Garrett looking tough with the two keepers we had out of the six crab pots. The next day Garrett, Dez, and Collin went out and got three more crabs. It was pretty much awesome.
As for the rest of the weekend, Collin, Erica and Eddie B. all showed up Saturday night and camped. Between the seven of us, we consumed three cases of Bud Light, two six-packs of Skinny Dip, a six-pack of Saison, a half gallon of Vodka, a fifth of Bourbon and two Olde English 40 ozs. (way to go Dez and Ed). Besides trying to pollute our livers, we went hiking at Fort Holden State Park near Port Townsend. We also tossed the frisbee around quite a bit. We would've played some wiffleball but I'm a dumbass and forgot to bring my wiffleball bat.
Sunday night Garrett got extremely wasted. Extremely. He kept fucking with Ed to the point he couldn't sleep, and somehow I woke up halfway in my tent and halfway out. WTF? I found out later that Garrett had pulled me out but I was in a very "relaxed" state at that time and there was no waking me.
All in all it was a great weekend. It was so nice to get out of town and relax. So how was your Labor Day?

Reason #3567 I <3 Youtube

Waddup peeps? Hope everybody had a great Labor Day weekend, I know I did. You will hear about my mis-adventures of last weekend at another time. But now I must share with you the most hilarious Youtube clip I have ever seen. Enjoy "Completely Uncalled For" by Barats and Bereta. It looks like they post all kinds of crazy skits that I will further explore at a later date.

I told you it was funny didn't I? Let me know what you think.

links

A few links to fun this weekend.
http://www.myspace.com/yellowcard
http://www.myspace.com/hawthorneheights
http://www.myspace.com/afi

I saw all three of these bands this weekend, and I was pretty impressed all the way around. Check it out.



This little girl is balancing on that ball, hula-hooping, and playing the violin. We also saw a young girl, probably about 10-12, playing the drums right along with some hard rock playing from a stereo, and it sounded like she was in the fucking band. Crazy good talent at bumbershoot, even just in the people playing for fun.


A picture for Williamson. He passed out in Mike D's garage friday night after he disappeared from the bars. Mike didn't even know Willie was at his house. Classic.



Hawthorne Heights setting up. This was the only good daytime shot I got.

Yellowcard had Boba Fett and some Stormtroopers come out on stage. Kind of geeky, which he admitted, until he said this..."Boba Fett just brought me a fucking beer. How many of you can say that?"


AFI fucking rocking out and going crazy screaming for minutes on end.

the weekend and reader contributions

So, out of all those choices, I sold Stacy's tickets, got absolutely tore-up Friday night for no good reason except that I had a ride to Seattle the next morning, and woke up to take furniture to my sister's new townhouse in Seattle. I went to Bumbershoot and saw Hawthorne Heights, Yellowcard, and AFI. 3 concerts on the mainstage that were pretty kickass, considering I am almost 30 (inside joke), plus lots of booths, performers, other stages, comedy, beer gardens...all for $30. Not bad. I think the only bad part was the cost of beers at a whopping $5 or $6 each. And the fact that I found out Zach Galifiankakis (from the movie Out Cold), David Cross, the Upright Citzens Brigade, and other comedians were at bumbershoot and I did not run back from the Funhouse (bar across the street with a great happy hour and jello shots) quick enough to catch Zach. I plan to go next year and get the schedule so I can plan my day out in between beers and waiting in lines for concerts. One beer garden had a concert stage right inside, so that was nice. Then I spent Sunday morning waiting for my ride and moving furniture at my sister's place until my ride showed up. (Thanks a bunch to Apul and Avish for the ride and for moving furniture with me. You guys rock. Go to Quizno's and buy a sandwhich from Avish if you get the chance. They are delish.)

Later, I will get some pictures, but for now until Nate posts about his weekend, you get some reader commentary, sent in by our very own Stacy.

"Matt Leinart is going to be a father. I'm devastated. He was on my 'list' and considering he lives in the vicinity (Phx), I was up to at least a 5% chance."

"You could also add a link to the ever popular www.mulletsgalore.com. If you haven't been there in awhile, it's worth a look. You have to look at the 'classifications' section. I think my favorite is the albinoinbredmullet - although they are all extremely hilarious."