Joke of the day

The Pharmacist

A calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy and walked right upto the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I wouldlike to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big, and he exclaimed, "Lord, have mercy! Ican't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! Iwould lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds ofbad things will happen! Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husbandin bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

I have my Christmas decorating party tonight at the bank, and then the bank Christmas party tomorrow night at Rutherglen Mansion. It's a good thing I took 3 or4 days off from drinking, cause after bowling a 549 series (i.e. 76 oz of budweiser) Wed., and watching My Name is Earl and The Office (48 oz of winter beers) Thu., I have a feeling I might partake in the consumption of libations for 2 more nights. Hmmmmm, winter beers....

Best Christmas Station Ever

This song just came on Yahoo LaunchCast Scrooge Tunes Station.
I Farted On Santa's Lap
Funniest kids Christmas song ever.


Followed by Blink 182's
Happy Hollidays, You Bastard
More Christmas songs need swear words.

And that uplifting classic
Daddy Drank Our Xmas Money

On other news, in case you didn't see the thermometer to the left, it is COLD AS SHIT here. We generally don't get much snow, and never in November, and it has been winter rain storm after another for the past month or longer, and the last few days it actually snowed and iced over and has been around or below freezing all week. Man, frozen balls suck.

The Office (on my cell?)

Wierd. I just got a phone call from a pre-recorded message from Dwight from The Office. Pretty funny clip from the show, and at the end it told me to go to the website and type in a code "Dwight Rules" in order to see special deleted scenes. Wierdest phone call i've had in a while.

Anyone wanna own up to signing me up for this?

New best comeback ever

That was a good comeback by the General. Almost as good as the comeback by Dicko the other day on Nate.

• Nate - Screw you Dicko, you like pre-ops.
• Dicko - Yeah, pre-op guys. You like em post-op.

I laughed for hours on that one. Nate had no comeback.

Also, we came up with a hypothetical question on the way to the Blazer game last night, when discussing the finer points of Nate's new favorite saying, "that's gayer than a bag of dicks."

• What's gayer? A big bag of little dicks or a little bag of big dicks?

Williamson shed a little light on the subject with a new classic Willie quote of the day. "I would say the little bag, because with it full of big dicks, there is a chance they could be sticking out of the bag and touch you."

The Best Comeback Ever

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended. You gotta love the Marines