The Wonders of a Small Town Paper

Living in Longview has its ups and downs. The ups being beer, the smell of the mill, and a pretty decent cost of living. The downs being the cummulative realization that we border on the "hick-town" mentality. That and lite beer... (Recent examples include not wanting a new Lowe's because it's near peoples housing, while at the same time complaining that our county employement rate is the worst in the state...and some bullshit called rock green lite which is rolling rock that tastes like water and is better for you or something...)
I read a few funny things in the local paper today (www.tdn.com), and the more I looked, the more I couldn't realize whether I should cry...or move.

Eye Catcher Headlines:
SCOTCH & BEER (Food - Page C1) Now, this one isn't too bad, but not exactly big city...
R.A. LONG SPIKES KELSO (Sports - Page D1) Can't sports writers come up with NEW headlines?
MOSTLY NICE (High 71 Low 48 Page C8) That is a terribly vague description.
ALVORD SCOLDS A PREP COACH (Sports Page D1) A sports writer's opinion counts now???

Articles starting on the Front Page:
Meth tax going down: After close vote, county looks at resubmitting 0.2% sales-tax increase to combat meth abuse. (So it lost, so how about we waste money voting again???)
Woodland school bond passing by less than 1%: Measure to provide $3.75 million to buy land for a new high school is too close to call. (This county will not spend money to fight drugs or open schools. Great message to send out...)
Botero will face Melink for Longview council: Busack will be heavy favorite for other City Council Seat. (Its votin time on the farm again, and the people remain heavily indecisive on all issues...)
Kelso boy hospitalized after ingesting narcotic: Toddler will recover; charges pending. (I have to quote a line from the article to emphasize this one) "The resident told police he believed that a drop-in guest must have dropped a methadone pill and the child ate it." "Child protective services is investigating to determine if it is safe for the child to return home." (I swear we are not all drug taking idiots, but you would never tell from our front page.)
Growing Rita brushes Keys (Too lazy to spell out Hurricane and Florida.)
Japan's mafia created Katrina, weatherman claims (I guess it could be worse, we could be from Idaho Falls where some weatherman believes some stupid crap posted on the internet. Of course we put it on our paper, which is sad...)

Coming in the daily news:
Thursday: Punk band will attend opening of new Longview music store
Friday: The Potholes - Anglers adapt to new conditions at huge desert reservior in Central Washington
Saturday: Will RAL topple Fort? - Complete game coverage
(those are three attention grabbers that are sure to peak the attention of the teenagers, fisherman, and soccer moms of our county, which asside from the druggies and politicians, makes up the rest of our popluation...)

Double post time (to make up for days of incompetence)

Anyone planning on watching "My Name is Earl" tuesday night?
Looks very funny.
Plus Jason Lee seems to play the part perfectly in the commercials.

edit: I thought the pic would be bigger, but go to www.nbc.com and click on earl to see a bigger list.
He is going to right the wrongs he has done, including:

getting a lap dance from a friends mom and not paying her

sleeping with his prom date's sister...on prom night

littering

How you doin?

Although it may sound like I want to talk about "Friends," or lame bar pick-up lines, I was actually thinking more along the lines of the responses people give when trying to avoid a conversation.

How many times have you responded "fine" or "good" to the questions "How are you doing?" or "How you been?" and then 5 seconds later you realize you actually feel shitty? I was sick Sunday, almost didn't go to work Monday, and am not feeling too hot right now, but 2 minutes ago, when someone asked, I said "good" and said it with a smile. Why? Because lying is better than explaining that I feel shitty for 5 minutes. Lying got me out of a conversation I didn't fell like having. Lying is great. In fact, it makes me feel good thinking about it...