Thought for a hot day

Thought for a hot day:

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
-Dave Barry

Man I am gonna drink some beer in a few hours. It is nice and cool at work, but it is 95-100 degrees outside and I have a feeling my grundo will be in peril without a beer or six to cool me down.

Smoot=Private Pile

Mr. & Mrs. G Jumped The Shark

The Atheist And The Bear

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes.
Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path, looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him.
His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster.
He tripped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.

At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God....!"

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident.
Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?
Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light and said: "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful, Amen. "


Have a great weekend everybody!
As an added bonus, check this great pic that Smoot (who is really too busy to post this himself, he has 5 pc’s to build from scratch, motherboard installs, poles to smoke, etc…) sent to us.

The Simpson Like You've Never Seen

This is too cool not to share....

ol home sweet home

I found this on piersma's myspace. This is the place where Smoot and I used to live, and Nate visited a few times to get drunk and abuse Dirk's screwton.

New Readers

Us here at NOSE have noticed some new readers here in the last couple of weeks and some new people commenting. We would just like to thank you all for checking out what we like to think is funny. It's nice being able to click on somebody's name and check out their blogs also.
All that being said, who the hell is Dahaka Jr.? Do we know you or do you just think the page is funny? If you could let us know that would be great, cause the three of us have a huge wager involving many ice-cold beverages on your identity.

Thanks again for keeping it real.

And if you are new to the site, you should definitely check out the Facts About Gus posts from a couple of weeks ago.

Teabag's Getting Married

So my buddy Garrett is going to get married this weekend. It should be a terrific ceremony and a lovely reception will follow. We are all so proud of him.
You see, Garrett has never really been a "ladies man". With a nickname of 'Teabag' it isn't hard to understand why.
Garrett spent many a night crying in his room and masterbating furiously. Just look at the size of his arms. He's never lifted weights a day in his life. Those muscles are from years and years of self-pleasuring.
And then he met Mrs. Right. And they are happy. Very, very happy. Because he keeps her doped up on Rohypnol. Lots and lots of Rohypnol.
So the guys here at NOSE would like to thank the fine makers of Rohypnol, for helping our pal Garrett get a wife. Keep up the great work!

2 questions & Brewfest

1. When you write a check to a friend (or to anyone I guess) do you fill out the memo line with somthing funny? Do you:

• give $50 to your friend :to pay him back for golf (sex)
• send a check to an old roommate :for back rent (sweaty monkey love)
• send a friend $45 :for old video games (Hot Man Backrubs)
• send friends a check for Coug tickets (Huskies suck)
• Pay for your share of :utilites (Sloppy seconds)

What's your best memo line entry?

2. When you walk around, do you enjoy walking silently so that you startle people around corners (bonus points if you are a waiter), when coming into rooms, when you pop out from behind the furniture? And if so, how do you respond when you scare someone by accident (on purpose)?

• Apologize?
• Laugh?
• Laugh and make fun of them?
• Tell them you are sorry that you are silent like a Ninja and will try to walk louder next time, knowing full well that you plan to walk silent and startle them again?

Also, a soon to be popular topic for the next week...
Event Name: Oregon Brewers Festival
Site: Tom McCall Waterfront Park, Portland, Oregon Main entrance at S.W. Oak Street and Bill Naito Parkway.
Dates: July 27, 28, 29 & 30, 2006 - Always the last full weekend in July.
Times: Thurs, Gates open 3:30pm Taps open 4pm-9pm
Fri, Sat, Gates open 11:30am Taps open Noon till 9pm Gates closed 10pm
Sun, Gates open 11:30am Taps open Noon till 7pm Gates closed 8pm
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

1. You buy a mug. 2. You buy some tokens (3. or a lot of tokens) 4. You trade one token for a taste, or 5. Four tokens for a mugfull of beer. You taste, or 6. drink said beer. You hang out with friends (or if single 7. look for girls). When everyone starts yelling, you yell right along with em, preferablly a nice loud GO COUGS! at the end, raise your glass, and pound it. (I'll get a picture of it this year.)

Facts About Gus Vol. 16

He does this for fun on the side......

Newest Demotivator

Because we love you Smoot

lawsuit=popular

You know you are getting popular when you get sued. Nate will be unhappy to hear that Youtube is being sued. article

And another successful night at taco tuesday.
Had tacos. Had beers. Life is good.

And in case you haven't seen demotivators before, there is a new one that is outstanding

Comments and Broken Lizard

It's nice to see our way-too-often posting is paying off with a few new commentors.
And thanks to our newest fan reelfanatic for posting about Broken Lizard’s new movie coming out, Beerfest. This movie looks awesome and focuses on the broken lizard crew (new characters of course) visiting Germany's Oktoberfest and finding out about a secret beer drinking olympics. After being humiliated, they spend the next year training (drinking) to prepare to win (drink more) next year, and much hillarity (more drinking) ensues. I can't wait to see this.

Also, the official site led me to looking at their myspace site, and upon arriving, I pondered the question, “What the fuck is 'Puddle Cruiser' and why haven’t I heard of this movie or Beerfest, which comes out in August?” I guess it came out before Super Troopers, and isn’t that good, but anyone that has it that wants to let me borrow it and judge for myself, let me know.

And because I am wondering if anyone signs up for this kind of crap, I will treat you to another of True.com's ads that popped up on myspace when I went there.

Crazy Girl #3 (part 1 of 2)

I'm just finishing my second beer when she walks in with her friends. She is absolutely amazing. Completely stunning. One of the girls in her group waves at my buddy Ed, who I'm sitting with at the table.
"Who's that?" I ask Ed.
"That's Trish*" responds Ed as he waves back at her.
"No, not her" I say "the blonde..." (have I mentioned my weakness for blondes?)
"I dunno" he tells me.
So we sit at our table finishing our next beer and Trish waves us over. Cha-ching! Ed and I make our way to their table and I just so happen to end up right next to the hottie.
"Hi, I'm Molly*. You look familiar, where do I know you from?" says the hottie.
"I'm Nate. You look familiar too." I lie (I have no idea who this girl is).
So Molly and I sit their and talk for a while. She tells me that she is just getting out of a really bad relationship. I tell her that I just got out of one a couple of months ago.
After about fifteen minutes, it's clear that she digs me. I buy her a drink, we play some tunes on the jukebox and sit around flirting shamelessly with each other.
"Let's go to the Maltese" one of her friends says. Now me personally, I can't stand the Maltese. It's a little hole-in-the-wall tavern that somehow has gotten cool. But they insist on going so Ed and I hop into his Jeep and follow Trish and Molly over to the Maltese. We pull into the parking spot next to them and accompany them into this fine drinking establishment.
Once inside we find a table with some more of their friends right inside the door. One added bonus is that it's Karaoke night! Awesome. I decide against breaking out my superior Karaoke skills and instead sit next to Molly, bullshitting, flirting and drinking beer. After about another hour or so Ed and I decide to head home (it was a work-night) but before we leave I exchange numbers with Molly.
A couple of days later Molly calls while I'm bowling in the league I used to play in (Franks and Beans rule!). I am super excited as we make plans to meet up for a drink after I'm done. She is at Porky's with Trish. Trish is asking were Ed is, and requests that I bring him to Porky's with me. Since Ed was also on my bowling team, this is not a problem. We finish bowling and head over to Porky's.
We walk in and find a seat with the ladies. Molly is drunk. She scoots in close to me and starts telling me how much fun she had the other night. We flirt back and forth for a while when somebody decides we should go to the Silver Star. Ed and I agree and follow the girls over to the Silver Star. Somebody needs some smokes (either Trish or Ed) so we make a pit-stop at AM/PM. At this point, Molly wanders over to the passenger seat of Ed's car (where I'm sitting) opens the door, crawls up onto my lap and starts kissing me.
We must've kissed for a couple of minutes because neither of us heard Ed get back into his car. The sound of Ed's car door closing snaps Molly back to reality. She kind of laughs and slides out of Ed's Jeep on her way back over to Trish's car.
We stop by the Star and sit around drinking beers. After a hour or so we all decide to head back to my place (Yahtzee!).
So we're sitting at my place and somehow Molly and I end up in my bedroom. After a little fooling around, she sits up and say "I have to go home" out of nowhere.
"Okay, do you want me to take you home?"
"I need to talk to Trish."
She jumps up, gets dressed and goes and assaults Trish. From the looks of it, if she would have waited any longer Ed may have eaten Trish's face off. She grabs Trish and pulls her outside to talk. Ed looks devastated.
After a couple of minutes they come inside. Molly tells me that she needs to go home and Trish is going to take her. Trish asks if we want to go along for the ride, and we accept. We take Molly home and drop her off then return to my house where I promptly pass the fluck out.
I tried calling Molly for a couple of days after that, until I hear from Trish that she got back together with her boyfriend. The same boyfriend that she said treats her like shit. Awesome.


*All names have been changed to protect the not so innocent....
(This post is running a little long, but there is mos def more to this story that happens a couple of months later. I'll post it today if I get the time.)

Have I Mentioned How Much I Love Youtube?

Seriously. They have everything on that mofo. Set back and relax. You are in for a treat. I present to you, the Big He-Bowski. Enjoy.

A little local news

At the Go 4th celebration in Longview, and the Rainier Days in the Park, the committees sell buttons in order to raise money to pay for the fireworks and various other costs. If you bought a button, and can never find the winning numbers in the paper, here are two links.

The first to longview/kelso.com that has the winning numbers and 2nd redraw (a good sign that this news is hard to find is if the grand prize is still unclaimed), so if you have a button and want a motorcycle or other unclaimed prize, check your numbers 1st drawing. Or if you want to see if you would have won had you checked your number in time, check 2nd drawing.

And in a few days, they should post the Rainier button winners. They have a way better sales team as they require you to buy a button to get into the beer gardens, so maybe Nate and I have a chance of winning...

Pics and headbutts

No, no mexico pics yet, but I did see a pic of Star Wars, and I can't resist star wars, so you get to see it too. Who here thinks Han Solo is still the coolest Mo-Fo in movies?

And going back through some papers I missed over vacation, I found a couple great golf cartoons in the comics with this dilbert comic being the best one by far. Sorry it's too large to fit on here, so just go check it out. A beer helmet for golfing is ingenious.

Also, if you never read the dilbert blog, and know anything about the ending to the world cup this year, you have to read Scott Adam's take on why one of the best players in the world might have possibly decided to head butt another player, possibly costing his team the world cup. headbutter

Bush Visits Germany, Terrifies Children

I don't even know what to write about this. What a douchebag.

Ouch...

Here I am trying to get a good shot of the pitcher from Puyullap and he goes and hits me in the nuts. WTF?

Here is another video of him pitching. He is damn good.