Bumper Stickers

I followed a honda to work today sporting the following gems:

Guns Kill People, Like Spoons

Made Rosie O'Donnel Fat

along with:

Bush / Cheney 04

I thought it was a funny combination. But nowhere near as good as my favorite stickers:

If You Don't Like The

Way I Drive,

Stay Off The Sidewalk

and:

My Kid Beat Up

Your Honor Student

dreaming about pooping

I have discovered a nightmare that is worse than the one where you are falling, or the one where you are speaking in public...in your underwear, or the one with the evil ronald mcdonald (long story...). I am of course refering to the dreams where you have to urinate or deficate in the dream and have nowhere private to go, or for some other reason can't "let loose," although it is very evident that your dream-self really needs to go.

For some people this is usually prompted by waking up in the middle of night, and after a few painful minutes your body convinces you that the reason you are up is so that you can run to the bathroom. (of course, for a few of you, this dream prompts nothing, and you wake in a pile of fluids that you created...) Now I am not saying that this happened to me, but in the dream I didn't have last night, I ended up shitting all over the place in an aquaintence's house (not the bathroom for some reason) before waking and finding to my delight that it was in fact just a stomach ache. My body thankfully allowed me (if this had happened) to go in to the other room and do some word search instead of spending the early morning burning sheets, pajamas, and probably the mattress.

What's the worst dream you've had lately?
And were you happy you had it (like I was, uhhh hypothetically)?

Poop (and Dilbert)

Well...talking about poop, and/or pooping, seems to make you famous if you believe the Jason Mulgrew hype, and this random thought crossed my mind while I was updating adobe reader at work and my eyes fell on the little "search Yahoo" button.

I could think of no better way to pass the next minute and a half of my life then to search "poop" and then post a couple links on here for the blogging community. (and don't miss the jokes in the last post, especially the picture of boobees...)

• "About 3/4 of your average turd is made of water." http://www.heptune.com/poop.html quotes like that and questions like "Why does poop stink?" "Why is poop brown?" and "Can you get sick from eating poop?" will keep you entertained for minutes...
• http://www.poopreport.com/ with Poop of the Week and the Poop Blog, Your #1 Source for your #2 business
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poop the Wikipedia definition (wikipedia, home of the best "coug'n it" definition I've seen, which they did again last weekend...fuckers)
• http://www.doodie.com/ "offers several interactive cartoons featuring characters...uh...pooping." and some other funny links

http://www.dilbert.com/ also, Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert comics and a few short novels that I have mentioned in my ramblings, has his own blog http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/. He had a good post (actually, they are all pretty good, kind of like Mulgrew's and my site...) about having No Sense of Embarassment. I like that, and am posting that as my blog heading from now on.

I have been trying for a while (and by trying I mean he just reminded me, I don't actually put much thought into anything...) to come up with a phrase for myself and the attitude I inherited from my Father.
"I am secure enough to make people laugh at me, I think I am vaugely funny, and I like to make people laugh, therefore people laugh at me a lot. And I am okay with it." That can be my motto. That, and "I like Beer."

Jokes and Golf and Football

Happy Halloween from two Boobees.
and the blog title in reverse order...
GO HAWKS
Stupid Cougars, I was let down again.
I finally golfed after a month or so off, and was 7 over on 3 holes, and 8 over total for 81. So other than those 3 holes, I played really well, and considering I blew up right in the middle, I would say I had good composure to finish off only 8 over.

and guest blogger Alex N. strikes again...

• At dawn the telephone rings.
• "Hello, Senor Lucky? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country house."
• "Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
• "Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor, that your parrot died."
• "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
• "Si, Senor, that's the one."
• "Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. "What did he die from?"
• "From eating rotten meat, Senor."
• "Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
• "Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."
• "Dead horse? What dead horse?"
• "The thoroughbred, Senor Lucky. He died from all that work pulling the water cart."
• "Are you insane? What water cart?"
• "The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."
• "Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
• "The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
• "What the hell? There's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"
• "For the funeral, Senor."
• "WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!"
• "Your wife's, Senor...She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver."
• "Ernesto if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit!"

and another from Alex

• A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my beautiful wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy! What do you think I should do?"
• "Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now tell me, where is Larry's bar?"