Friday, January 27, 2006

the Adventures of Living with a Slob (part 1)

So when I first decided to leave my parent's house for the first time to live on my own, I moved into a fairly nice house with two of my good buddies. To protect the not-so-innocent we will refer to my former roomies as "Josh" and "Derek". The three of us lucked out and found the perfect bachelor pad. It was two-stories and the top floor was all hard-wood floors, a huge living room, the kitchen, a bathroom and two bedrooms. And it was considerably warmer upstairs than down in the concrete surrounded downstairs. But the downstairs had a humongous party room with a bar and fireplace where we used to have some very serious foosball tourneys, my bedroom, a laundry room, a storage room and a sweet-ass bathroom with a sauna and a 1970's era hot-tub/whirlpool. Two words: Very fucking nice.

"Josh" was one of my good buddies from high school. We used to hang out together and shoot hoops, drink brews, gang fight with midgets, play video games, and just basically get into as much trouble as we could get away with. Moving in together may have been the worst idea I ever made.
Out of the six months we lived there, I recall coming home EVERY DAY and having dishes piled up in the sink. EVERY DAY. Somewhere around month four something happened in the upstairs (my roommate's) bathroom and made it so the tub would not drain. Instead of putting some drain cleaner into it what do the roomies do? Start using my bathroom. And to say these guys were dirty is like saying "Guttormsen likes to play his X-Box 360". So after filthying up my bathroom for a solid three weeks they went on vacation with a couple of other buddies. Destination: Mexico.
About the third day they were gone I decided to go check out their bathtub to see if I could fix it (I was working in a home improvement store at the time). My first plan of attack was to drop a little drain cleaner down the drain and see if that helped. Well if you've ever used "good" drain cleaner you know not to drop it into standing water. And that presented a problem since there was a good ten inches of water that had been sitting in that tub for who knows how long. So I looked around and noticed their toilet plunger sitting in the corner right behind their toilet. I thought to myself "why not?" You know why not......once I started plunging, thick clumps of black who-know-what started coming out of the drain and into the tub. About a good ten minutes later the water started to drain leaving the black clumps sitting in the bottom of the tub. I left that as a welcome home present for the dos amigos.
And what did they do when they got home. Bitch at me for leaving a mess. What the fuck?
About two more months go by and the roomies decide they don't like living together. The failed to let me know as I was in Bellingham, Washington visiting some friends at college. I found out they didn't want to live together anymore when I arrived home to an empty house, except for my stuff, the garbage they didn't want, and a bunch of old, near rotten food. Oh and I had three days til rent was due. Suffice to say I ended up back at my mom and step-dad's.
This story is kind of running on so I will share more of my roommate mis-adventures later. And they never did clean up the black clumps.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Fluctuations


I just recently returned home from a short trip to Vancouver B.C. (that's in Canada) and I had a bunch of Canadian dollars left over that I needed to exchange so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. Short line... just one guy in front of me... and the guy in front of me was an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little agitated. He asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday I get two hunat dolla foyen - today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller says, "Fluctuations." The Asian guy responds "Fluc you white guys,too!"

skiing


After a 2-3 year break, I'm finally going snowboarding again. This weekend at Meadows should be hella interesting, including driving in the snow, falling down in the snow, drinking near the snow, wearing ugly sweaters Saturday night at the first annual McGinty Ugly Sweater Party, and trying not to be too sore and hung over to do it again Sunday. Wish me luck and no broken bones.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Guilty!

GUILTY Inmate Found Guilty of Killing Priest
Wednesday, January 25, 2006 2:11 PM EST
The Associated Press
By DENISE LAVOIE
WORCESTER, Mass. (AP) — A jury on Wednesday rejected a prison inmate's insanity defense and found him guilty of first-degree murder in the strangulation of pedophile priest John Geoghan, a central figure in Boston's clergy sex abuse scandal.

I'm not a big fan of murder, but you molest kids, or anyone for that matter, you should be punished. If someone wasn't already routinely beating the shit out of this guy, then John probably did what everyone else in the jail wanted to do.

Garrett gets the shaft

ohhh, you dont know about garrett? He was Blitz, of the Seahawks for a few years, but this year, they got new management, and the fuckers revamped everything, including his job. They made it part time, and eliminated the reading program part of the job that he spent 2 years creating. So he quit...and now he is hella upset about it considering they are going to the superbowl. So everyone who sees him give him some love, because when he finds his way back into the NFL next year from his current minor leauge football job, you are gonna want tickets from him again.

But on another note, Smoot's wife Deanna is still cheerleading, and Smoot said that if they win, she gets a ring. How cool is that? I told him that if she gets a ring, it needs to be his pinky size so that he can wear it around like a gangsta. Nothing says cool like a slightly overweight white kid wearing a superbowl ring on his pinky finger...especially if it's his wifes'.

Exercise, Kobe, and other random thoughts


So this past New Year's I made the resolution of trying to get into better shape. I figured I would start jogging and maybe start playing tennis and basketball again. The dodgeball league I participated in just wasn't physically demanding enough.
Before I got my promotion (last September) I worked on the front counter helping customers who walked in off the street. One thing about the front counter is you have to pull all your own orders. Now that I have made the move back into the office, I no longer have the responsibility of pulling my own orders. Basically I sit at my desk, answer phone calls, write up bids and orders, and surf the internet. Not very tough at all. And in the last four and half months I have gained about twenty pounds. Skinny guys do not look good with a gut. So this weekend is gonna be my first weekend of actually trying to exercise. And I'm thinking I will be able to keep at it at least until the weather gets nicer and I can start playing paintball again.
What did everybody think about Kobe Bryant's 81 point outburst over the weekend? As I watched it, I felt like I was watching somebody play NBA Live against Danny from "the Other Sister". 81? Why stop there? Why not try to break Wilt's record? You know why? Cause Kobe is a pussy. And what kind of nickname is "Black Mamba"? This ain't Kill Bill motherfucker.
On a completely seperate note; a few friends and I are trying to get a wiffle-ball league started for the summer. If there is anybody out there in the Pacific NW that would like to play, shoot me an e-mail and I will let you know what you need to know. You may be thinking, why the fuck would you play wiffle-ball? Because it's a fucking blast. We had a tournament last year and everyone had a great time. Nothing like sitting in the sun, drinking some brews and just basically hanging with your bros. And one good thing about wiffle-ball is you don't have to run the bases. Translation: You can get fucking hammered!
And for the finale of the Last Man Standing that I spoke of earlier, I took the Pittsburgh Steelers along with another guy and three others took the Seattle Seahawks. Gym that I work with took the Denver Broncos, so he's out. So now I have to split the pot with four other winners and then split my share with the three other guys I work with. Final winnings = $76. Just a little short on the X-Box 360 that I need so badly. So I'll just have to go over to Gus' house and play his. What time you expecting me G? I'll bring the brews. Seacrest out!

Monday, January 23, 2006

Greatest. Name. Ever.

Usually when a customer calls and places in order we ask them for a P.O. (purchase order) number. Most customers number them by whatever job that customer is on but some customers (plumbers mostly) like using the person's name that they are doing the work for. So my buddy Matt Jones, of Jackmove fame, tells me one of his regular customers just called and placed an order. The P.O.? Dick E. Rect. I swear to god. I couldn't make that shit up if I tried. I am not that funny.
On another note if you haven't been to Jason Mulgrew's site, you should. He is that funny. Seacrest out.

Next Stop: Detroit


So as most of you out there know, the Seattle Seahawks dismantled the Carolina Panthers yesterday to earn their first trip to the Super Bowl in franchise history. Here in the beautiful pacific northwest this a very BIG deal. You see us here on the upper left coast haven't known the excitement of having a sports franchise win it all. I know the Seattle Storm won it all a couple years ago but really, who watches women's basketball? We've had the Mariners go off and win 116 games and then die faster than a one-eyed kitten once the playoffs get serious. And then we have the so called Super-Sonics. They were close a couple of times in the late '90s when all-world asshole Gary Payton was running point and Shawn Kemp had only eleven illegitimate children opposed to the 27 he has now. And the 'Hawks have been disappointing these last couple of years and haven't done shit in the playoffs since like 1984. I don't know about the rest of you but in 1984 I paid more attention to G.I. Joe then sports. I mean how can you go wrong with a real American hero? But this team is different. I can just feel it. As I stated about two weeks ago I am just happy they are in the big show. But they are gonna win it all. I mean the Steelers are good but they aren't that good. Hasselback, Alexander and company are bringing home the hardware. I'm calling it right here; party at Guttormsen's. (thanks Gus)
Seahawks 31, Steelers 24

Go Hawks!


Ooooooh Baby, Oooooooh Mama.

That's the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it, uh huh, uh huh.

If it's gonna be that kind of party, I'm gonna put my balls in the mashed potatoes.