christmas is rad

there is no feeling like the one that makes you spend money on stuff for people on
1. stuff they don't want
2. stuff they could buy themselves.

thats why I am a big fan of money, gift cards, and liquor.

Mmmmm.....Trout

From the "what the hell?" file;
A rainbow trout fished out of Holmes Lake in Lincoln, Neb., on Dec. 17, 2005, features a double mouth. Clarence Olberding, 57, of Lincoln, wasn't just telling a fisherman's fib when he called over another angler to look at the two-mouthed trout. It weighed in at about a pound. Olberding, who plans to smoke and eat the fish, said the hook was in the upper mouth, and that the lower one did not appear to be functional.
First question: Why would you fish in a pond near a Nuclear power plant? I am just assuming that it was near a power plant due to the uniqueness of this fish. It kind of reminds me of that three-eyed fish on the Simpsons. I remember coming home from Portland and driving by the old Trojan Nuclear power plant near Rainier and seeing old guys fishing in the little ponds next to the plant. Why? I mean there are so many better places to fish than right next to a power plant.
Second question: Why the hell would you eat this thing? I mean look at the damn thing. It has TWO MOUTHS. That shit is not normal. Well at least the lower one did not appear to be functional so that makes it okay. I would imagine seeing this at Marsh's Free Museum, but if I pulled one out of a lake, I would give up seafood forever. I still might just from looking at that pic. What an ugly fuckin fish. Nuff said.

Fa-La-Lah Baby

I had to post this cause it reminded me of A Christmas Story.
"Deck the Harrs Rif Bows of Ha-Rey, Fa-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra, Ra-Raaa-Ra-Ra"

I listen to Yahoo's launchcast internet radio (highly recommend it) and I'm listening to 80s songs cause I can't stand the repetative christmas songs coming in over the speakers at work
...long story short,
"My future's so bright, I gotta wear shades" best line in the song, "50 thou a year, will buy a lot of beer..." I think I used to believe this a little in college. Now it's more like "35 thou a year will let me get drunk sometimes, but I'll have to keep drinking bud lite and busch occasionally..." Of course, that doesn't rhyme...shit.

Wow! My abs are sore.

No, not from doing situps, but from puking all night. No, not from booze or food poisoning, but I swear it was from seeing the lucky bullshit cards that people were winning with. I felt like Al Roker after a large pizza last night. I got home from a 12 hour poker marathon yesterday and I just knew something wasnt right. To spare the details, it was violent. It was a good representative of me losing to a guy that went all in with a 7, 2 off suit after the flop and all he had was a pair of twos, while I had a ace through 5 straight. Turn = 7! River = 7!!! Me = Puke.

Most Exciting

If you read "Congratulations on owning the most exciting product on the planet!" on the front of the warranty card and owners manual for the newest thing you just opened, what would you think that thing would be? (becuase it says that on my newest purchase...)

Things that make you say "hmmmm"

If you were feeling over-worked, stressed, under-paid, etc. etc. at your job, and you opened two fortune cookies out of a 500 cookie bag, and they read:

• An exciting new job is about to present itself
• You are capable of building a thriving business venture

what would you think?

No spirit in my home this holiday.

The Seahawk stocking was hung by the chimney with care and the bitter cold outside was brushed away by the smiling faces inside. Our hosts had thought of everything that makes a Christmas party great. A beautifully trimmed tree, friends, presents, a food spread to fill the healthiest of appetites. Not to mention, the festive music playing in the background, Christmas cookies and of course, a Nikki Tyler video, a DVD called Filthy Sluts and a 3 inch penis extension.

So apparently porn is the new "must have" gift of the holiday. Or so it may seem from the gift exchange I went to on Saturday. Now, this post isn't some rant about porn and why it is good/bad for society. People can make up their own minds on that. What I am saying here is, the Christmas spirit hasn't found its way to my house yet. You see, during the gift exchange, I opened a present, and low and behold, it was the 1998 classic film, "Filthy Sluts." Considering, that most of the people(and when I say people, I mean MEN) at the party were married, this gift was never "stolen" from me. Partly because most of them already had received some sort of pornography as a present, but mostly for the fear that their wife would "bobbit" them for openly and deliberately taking porn.

Here's where the "no Christmas spirit" part comes in...I get home and look at my wife and say, "Funny, there was a lot of porn at that party, eh?" She replied "yes" as she looked down at her new pink, stuffed animal, rabbit with an erection and balls. Then I say something that didn't go over well. Something about watching the porn. Who knew, she got rerally upset with me. It was like the grinch and scrooge had taken over her all at once. "What the hell, we're not watching that porn! I'm going to bed!" *SLAM* So as I sat there considering if I could get away with watching the porn in the living room without her knowing, I started thinking about how inconsiderate my wife was. Think of it, someone had spent their hard earned money to buy this porn to GIVE. It would be an injustice if the that money went to waste. There are people in Somalia that can't even afford porn and here we are lucky enough to have people care enough to buy it for us. My friend got to use his penis extension that night (even if it was only to put it into the crock pot with the little smokies and BBQ sauce) How insensitive of her. I mean, what can I expect from her down the road.

Child - "Mommy, mommy, I made this for you at school today!"

Wife - "Thanks child, I love it"

Later that night

Wife - "Did you see that crap your daughter made in class for me today. What a piece a garbage."

Me - "Don't you think we should hang it on the fridge?"

Wife - "Too late, I already burnt it. She's lucky I didn't spank her."

Scary to think about, I know. That is why I must watch this porn with her, it is my duty. Until then, I will continue to get the word out and respect those who have the spirit. Consequently, this Blog is dedicated to all the porn industry - the college students, coke heads and hard working people of Burbank, CA. Merry Christmas and I will continue to fight to bring the Christmas Spirit into my household not for only your sake, but my future children's sake. Oh, and for those people in Somalia too. Afterall, isn't it the thought that counts.

My thoughts exactly

Usually when I find something on someone else's page that is the same as what I was thinking, I write my own version, give them a little credit, and maybe post a link. Well, on Friday, Mulgrew said EXACTLY what I was thinking, so I'll just cut and paste and get on with my life.

"Speaking of famous people being assholes, has there ever been a more condescending commercial than the Destiny’s Child Wal-Mart Christmas commercial? Perhaps “condescending” is not the right word…hypocritical? Anger-inducing? Piss-me-off-ish? (Can someone help me a word here, please?)

In the commercial, Beyonce (‘cause Lord knows I haven’t seen enough of her) and the other two girls in Destiny’s Child are at Beyonce’s house on Christmas morning, exchanging gifts. These gifts include: a giant plasma TV, a laptop, a tricked out digital camera, and other exorbitantly expensive gifts.

Maybe it’s because I grew up poor, but I don’t want to see really rich celebrities exchanging $60,000 worth of gifts on Christmas morning. This doesn’t make your product more appealing to me. Instead, it makes me want to punch these rich fucks in the face.

No surprise that this commercial comes from Wal-Mart. The median income of the average Wal-Mart employee is $22,400. Of course, I just made that number up, but it’s got to be pretty low. But then they show Beyonce and the gang throwing presents around that probably 98% of their employees (and probably 90% of their customers) can’t afford. This angers me so much that I can’t believe more hasn’t been written about it.

So fuck you, Wal-Mart, and fuck you, Destiny’s Child. Take your $6000 59 inch plasma TVs and your $800 digital cameras and shove them up your asses.

And Merry Fucking Christmas.

Welcome, Welcome

Two new sucka foos added to the mix. If you are new to the blog (or even if you are a returning contestent), please keep coming back and posting your comments, because with 4 of us lurking around here, you can be sure there will be something new up here just about every day. And don't forget to surf around some of the old posts, because you are sure to miss something unless you click my blog every day like I do to J. Mulgrew's blog.

and remember
"I pity the fool that don't eat my cereal!"

also, I beat Dicko in the semi's of fantasy football. and with an upset win by the Champ over the 1st place Beat-A-Dicko, I have a chance to take it to the house next week for the big W.

and speaking of big W, congrats to the Husky Volleyball Team. I don't usually root for the Huskies (don't usually as in Never), but they won the whole NCAA tourney. That's right, best team in the nation. I watched the last couple matches and a few earlier this year and last year, and they are fuckin good.

dicko going down in fantasy football?

Everyone here needs to be rooting for Hasslebeck and the Seahawks. Cuase they can get home field advantage, which means 4 or 5 of us around these parts could go to a playoff game for the first time in a long time, maybe even my first ever now that I think about it. Also Matt is my QB against Dicko in fantasy football today. I got screwed by dropping to 2nd in the league, meaning I have to play both on fire teams instead of just one. A win this week and next could mean half my xbox360 paid for...if EB ever gets my fucking system in.. bastards.