Living in Longview has its ups and downs. The ups being beer, the smell of the mill, and a pretty decent cost of living. The downs being the cummulative realization that we border on the "hick-town" mentality. That and lite beer... (Recent examples include not wanting a new Lowe's because it's near peoples housing, while at the same time complaining that our county employement rate is the worst in the state...and some bullshit called rock green lite which is rolling rock that tastes like water and is better for you or something...)
I read a few funny things in the local paper today (www.tdn.com), and the more I looked, the more I couldn't realize whether I should cry...or move.
Eye Catcher Headlines:
SCOTCH & BEER (Food - Page C1) Now, this one isn't too bad, but not exactly big city...
R.A. LONG SPIKES KELSO (Sports - Page D1) Can't sports writers come up with NEW headlines?
MOSTLY NICE (High 71 Low 48 Page C8) That is a terribly vague description.
ALVORD SCOLDS A PREP COACH (Sports Page D1) A sports writer's opinion counts now???
Articles starting on the Front Page:
Meth tax going down: After close vote, county looks at resubmitting 0.2% sales-tax increase to combat meth abuse. (So it lost, so how about we waste money voting again???)
Woodland school bond passing by less than 1%: Measure to provide $3.75 million to buy land for a new high school is too close to call. (This county will not spend money to fight drugs or open schools. Great message to send out...)
Botero will face Melink for Longview council: Busack will be heavy favorite for other City Council Seat. (Its votin time on the farm again, and the people remain heavily indecisive on all issues...)
Kelso boy hospitalized after ingesting narcotic: Toddler will recover; charges pending. (I have to quote a line from the article to emphasize this one) "The resident told police he believed that a drop-in guest must have dropped a methadone pill and the child ate it." "Child protective services is investigating to determine if it is safe for the child to return home." (I swear we are not all drug taking idiots, but you would never tell from our front page.)
Growing Rita brushes Keys (Too lazy to spell out Hurricane and Florida.)
Japan's mafia created Katrina, weatherman claims (I guess it could be worse, we could be from Idaho Falls where some weatherman believes some stupid crap posted on the internet. Of course we put it on our paper, which is sad...)
Coming in the daily news:
Thursday: Punk band will attend opening of new Longview music store
Friday: The Potholes - Anglers adapt to new conditions at huge desert reservior in Central Washington
Saturday: Will RAL topple Fort? - Complete game coverage
(those are three attention grabbers that are sure to peak the attention of the teenagers, fisherman, and soccer moms of our county, which asside from the druggies and politicians, makes up the rest of our popluation...)
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4 comments:
Oh my heck... Thanks for reminding me why I moved out of Cowlitz county!
1) The smell of the mills is a good thing?!? Clearly you're a native and associate this with "The smell of money." To all outsiders, its just an awkward, "Oh, I wonder if that was him... or maybe its just the mills?"
2) I saw that the meth tax was lowered and got all excited that my price per fix would be dropping soon. Darn it!
3) The toddler overdose made me glad that I don't have to see that everyday anymore. Don't you just love having "drop in" guests who are drug-users come over to hang out with your kids? Heck, free baby-sitting! Sign me up!!
Peace out yo.
Dude, I've dabbled in describing small town life in all its glory too. Check these doosies out about small town Ohio/WV life in my hometown of 2000 people. http://redredrine.blogspot.com/2005/08/double-duty-in-ohio.html
http://redredrine.blogspot.com/2005/07/just-plain-scary.html
http://redredrine.blogspot.com/2005/05/getting-back-to-my-roots.html
the smell was an attempt at sarcasm, and it appears to have failed to reach the awesomeness which is your sense of humor...
Ah, sorry- yes, it did escape my awesomness. I just remember complaining about the smell of mills in the greater Longview area and being verbally beaten down by some townies about the great contribution that the paper and pulp industry has made to the community.
Sheesh.
So is making fun of someone's town one of those things that you can only do if you live there? Kind of like... I can talk about how naughty/annoying/stinky/hairy my dog is, but if someone ELSE complains about her, I get all pissed??
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