The Seahawk stocking was hung by the chimney with care and the bitter cold outside was brushed away by the smiling faces inside. Our hosts had thought of everything that makes a Christmas party great. A beautifully trimmed tree, friends, presents, a food spread to fill the healthiest of appetites. Not to mention, the festive music playing in the background, Christmas cookies and of course, a Nikki Tyler video, a DVD called Filthy Sluts and a 3 inch penis extension.
So apparently porn is the new "must have" gift of the holiday. Or so it may seem from the gift exchange I went to on Saturday. Now, this post isn't some rant about porn and why it is good/bad for society. People can make up their own minds on that. What I am saying here is, the Christmas spirit hasn't found its way to my house yet. You see, during the gift exchange, I opened a present, and low and behold, it was the 1998 classic film, "Filthy Sluts." Considering, that most of the people(and when I say people, I mean MEN) at the party were married, this gift was never "stolen" from me. Partly because most of them already had received some sort of pornography as a present, but mostly for the fear that their wife would "bobbit" them for openly and deliberately taking porn.
Here's where the "no Christmas spirit" part comes in...I get home and look at my wife and say, "Funny, there was a lot of porn at that party, eh?" She replied "yes" as she looked down at her new pink, stuffed animal, rabbit with an erection and balls. Then I say something that didn't go over well. Something about watching the porn. Who knew, she got rerally upset with me. It was like the grinch and scrooge had taken over her all at once. "What the hell, we're not watching that porn! I'm going to bed!" *SLAM* So as I sat there considering if I could get away with watching the porn in the living room without her knowing, I started thinking about how inconsiderate my wife was. Think of it, someone had spent their hard earned money to buy this porn to GIVE. It would be an injustice if the that money went to waste. There are people in Somalia that can't even afford porn and here we are lucky enough to have people care enough to buy it for us. My friend got to use his penis extension that night (even if it was only to put it into the crock pot with the little smokies and BBQ sauce) How insensitive of her. I mean, what can I expect from her down the road.
Child - "Mommy, mommy, I made this for you at school today!"
Wife - "Thanks child, I love it"
Later that night
Wife - "Did you see that crap your daughter made in class for me today. What a piece a garbage."
Me - "Don't you think we should hang it on the fridge?"
Wife - "Too late, I already burnt it. She's lucky I didn't spank her."
Scary to think about, I know. That is why I must watch this porn with her, it is my duty. Until then, I will continue to get the word out and respect those who have the spirit. Consequently, this Blog is dedicated to all the porn industry - the college students, coke heads and hard working people of Burbank, CA. Merry Christmas and I will continue to fight to bring the Christmas Spirit into my household not for only your sake, but my future children's sake. Oh, and for those people in Somalia too. Afterall, isn't it the thought that counts.
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3 comments:
just get her drunk and happy, then accidentilly start the movie playing. make sure your brother or someone was over the night before so you can blame the tape being in the machine on them. then try-again with the "shame for it to go to waste" argument. then your backup can be that it was guttormsesn's idea.
or make her happy by publicly giving the gift to someone else, say me...
Oh my! (I'm baaack! Just haven't been around a regular internet connection for a bit...)
great post Dicko....very well written. I especially liked the little look into the future.
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