the Adventures of Living with a Slob (part 1)

So when I first decided to leave my parent's house for the first time to live on my own, I moved into a fairly nice house with two of my good buddies. To protect the not-so-innocent we will refer to my former roomies as "Josh" and "Derek". The three of us lucked out and found the perfect bachelor pad. It was two-stories and the top floor was all hard-wood floors, a huge living room, the kitchen, a bathroom and two bedrooms. And it was considerably warmer upstairs than down in the concrete surrounded downstairs. But the downstairs had a humongous party room with a bar and fireplace where we used to have some very serious foosball tourneys, my bedroom, a laundry room, a storage room and a sweet-ass bathroom with a sauna and a 1970's era hot-tub/whirlpool. Two words: Very fucking nice.

"Josh" was one of my good buddies from high school. We used to hang out together and shoot hoops, drink brews, gang fight with midgets, play video games, and just basically get into as much trouble as we could get away with. Moving in together may have been the worst idea I ever made.
Out of the six months we lived there, I recall coming home EVERY DAY and having dishes piled up in the sink. EVERY DAY. Somewhere around month four something happened in the upstairs (my roommate's) bathroom and made it so the tub would not drain. Instead of putting some drain cleaner into it what do the roomies do? Start using my bathroom. And to say these guys were dirty is like saying "Guttormsen likes to play his X-Box 360". So after filthying up my bathroom for a solid three weeks they went on vacation with a couple of other buddies. Destination: Mexico.
About the third day they were gone I decided to go check out their bathtub to see if I could fix it (I was working in a home improvement store at the time). My first plan of attack was to drop a little drain cleaner down the drain and see if that helped. Well if you've ever used "good" drain cleaner you know not to drop it into standing water. And that presented a problem since there was a good ten inches of water that had been sitting in that tub for who knows how long. So I looked around and noticed their toilet plunger sitting in the corner right behind their toilet. I thought to myself "why not?" You know why not......once I started plunging, thick clumps of black who-know-what started coming out of the drain and into the tub. About a good ten minutes later the water started to drain leaving the black clumps sitting in the bottom of the tub. I left that as a welcome home present for the dos amigos.
And what did they do when they got home. Bitch at me for leaving a mess. What the fuck?
About two more months go by and the roomies decide they don't like living together. The failed to let me know as I was in Bellingham, Washington visiting some friends at college. I found out they didn't want to live together anymore when I arrived home to an empty house, except for my stuff, the garbage they didn't want, and a bunch of old, near rotten food. Oh and I had three days til rent was due. Suffice to say I ended up back at my mom and step-dad's.
This story is kind of running on so I will share more of my roommate mis-adventures later. And they never did clean up the black clumps.