Jagshemash!

I went and watched Borat (again) last night. It quite possibly could be the funniest movie evah. I went with a group from work and everybody thoroughly enjoyed it. And it wasn't because we all drank a bunch of beers beforehand.
If you haven't seen it yet, you should go this weekend. I may end up seeing it again with a chick I've been hanging out with. And then afterwards maybe make romance explosion on her stomach. It's nice! I like!

Apple Cup?

You can tell how exciting the apple cup will be, by how early huskies and cougars start talking shit to each other the week before. Everyone's of course always talking shit, but no one really gets specific until the week of and we see how each of our teams have fucked themselves that year. In our case, we lost to both Zona teams this month. In the huskies case, they lost to Stanford, and a bunch of other teams.

So I offer this pictures from Drew, and the following jokes from Dicko by way of Coug email chain: (the best ones are at the bottom in bold)

www.thenoseonyourface.com (and a funny site included in the email)

>Q. What do a Husky cheerleader and a Husky quarterback have in common?
>A. They both spend a lot of time on their backs.

>Q. How do keep a Husky from drinking too much?
>A. Slam the lid on his head

>{Two guys are sitting in a diner}
>Guy #1: By chance, are you a Cougar?
>Guy #2: Yes, how could you tell?
>Guy #1: Just by your sense of pride, & the way you carry yourself.
>Guy #2: I see, hey, are you a Husky?
>Guy #1: Why, yes, how could you tell?
>Guy #2: I saw your class ring while you were picking your nose.

>Q. What do you call a Husky in a 3 piece suit?
>A. The defendant.

>Q. Name the 3 famous Cougars
>A. Edward R. Murrow, Keith Jackson, and Paul Allen
>Q. Now name the 3 most famous Huskies
>A. Ted Bundy, Jerramy Stevens, and Sundodger

>Q. What's the first thing a Husky cheerleader goes in the morning?
>A. She goes home.

>Q. What did the Cougar Alumnus say to the Husky Alumnus?
>A. "You have the right to remain silent...."

>The huskies didn't want to play late in Pullman one year because they would have to drive in the dark.
>Of course, the Cougars offered a solution: ...... turn on your lights.

>Did you hear about the Coug who transferred to the UW and raised both schools GPA'S?

>How do Husky brain cells die?
>Alone.

>Did you hear about the Husky linebacker that stole the Police Car?
>He saw the "911" on the side & thought it was a Porsche.

>Did you hear about the new Husky Honor System?
>Yes, Your Honor, No Your Honor.

>What do you call a Husky with half a brain?
>Gifted.

>What is the difference between a Husky and a catfish?
>One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

>Why are Huskies like laxatives?
>They both irritate the crap out of you.

>What do you call an intelligent person in Husky Stadium?
>A visitor.

>Did you hear about the Husky who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
>He had it bronzed.

>A Cougar and a Husky were strolling down the street when the Coug said, "How sad - a dead bird." The Husky looked up and said, "Where, where?"

>A Husky football player was working out in a gym one day when he smelled smoke. He quickly rushed to the phone and dialed 911. In the calmest voice he could muster, he reported the fire. The dispatcher asked "How do we get there?" The Husky hesitated a few seconds then asked, "Don't you guys have those big red trucks anymore?"

>What's the difference between a Husky fan and a Husky dog?
>Drivers will swerve to miss the dog.

>What is the difference between a Husky cheerleader and an elephant?
>About 40 lbs.
>How do you equalize the two?
>Feed the elephant.

>A woman received some bad news one day. It seems that her husband had been in an accident and was brain dead. However, the hospital had perfected a new brain transplant procedure and luckily there were two brains available. A Cougar brain transplant would cost $10,000. A Husky transplant would cost $100,000. Curious, she asked why the Husky brain was so much more expensive. The reply...."The Husky brain has never been used."

>Four alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Northwest School, and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally, as they reached the top, the OSU Beaver hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for OSU!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the UO Duck threw himself off the mountain, proclaiming "This is for U ofO!". Seeing this, the Cougar walked over and shouted "This is for WAZZU!", and threw the Husky off the side of the mountain.

>A Cougar and a Husky get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither alumnus is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the Cougar sees the Husky's logo shirt and says, "So you're a Husky, I'm a Cougar. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign that we should be friends, put our rivalries aside, and live in peace the rest of our days." The Husky replies, "I agree with you completely." The Cougar continues, "And look at this. Here's another sign. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Jack Daniels didn't break! Surely we should drink this and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the Husky. The Husky agrees, takes a several big swigs and hands the bottle back to the Cougar Alum. The Coug takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the Husky. The Husky asks, "Aren't you having any?
"The Coug replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."

>There was once a Cougar and a presumptuous husky who lived next door to each other. The Cougar owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg. He was about to go outside to pick up the egg when he saw the contemptuous husky sneak into the Cougar's yard and steal the egg. The Cougar ran up he overbearing husky and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The arrogant husky disagreed because he was holding onto the egg. They argued for awhile until finally the Cougar said, "At WAZZU, we normally solve disputes by the following actions. I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up. Then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg." The conceited husky agreed to this and so the Cougar found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the overconfident husky and kicked the husky as hard as he could in the balls. The egotistical husky fell to the floor clutching his nuts, howling in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually the pained husky stood up and squealed, "Now it's my turn to kick you."The Coug said, "Keep the egg."

>How do you get a husky off your front porch?
>Pay him for the pizza

>Did you hear they are resurfacing Husky Stadium with cardboard?
>Because the Huskies only look good on paper.

>What is the difference between a Husky dog and a UW alumn?
>The dog licks it's own balls.

>What happens when you give a Husky Viagra?
>He gets taller.

Sex Panther

I just found a new t-shirt and team name for what ever team Nate and I play on next.

And guess what happens when sick people go to work. They get others sick. Namely me. Dammit. So my drunkon stupor in Seattle was kept at bay this weekend. I only had 2 beers at the Irish Pub in Kirkland. Then I only had four...teen of em at Smooty's. Which was just enough to talk sick and tired Gus into walking up the street to some Seattle bar with golden tee, darts, and ugly people in the basement. But it was that or drink at home some more, so we played darts and taught Garrett's new girlfriend golden tee. X-SITE-ING. Then the sickness kept just hanging around until it could ruin my fun at James' birthday party, the actual reason we went all the way up to Seattle. I was feeling a little sick, so only had a few mimosas with breakfast, a handful of beers while waiting to take a power nap during college football, so that we could rally for partying at the West Seattle Bowl. And then the cold finally reared its ugly sinus pressure causing head. And limited me to two beers and an early trip home at midnight. But I bowled good, and everyone else got nice and drunk, so it was still very fun. James even slipped and fell into the lane, becuase Jager and bowling do not mix.

Plus Nate emailed me this, so I will post it. Cause it's funny and it fits in well with how most of those people probably felt on Sunday.

Five Levels of Hangovers

• One Star Hangover (*) No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
• Two Star Hangover (**) No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
• Three Star Hangover (***) Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.
• Four Star Hangover (****) Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your ass is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
• Five Star Hangover (*****) You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you as your passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with ar rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...

*****THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon

*****THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Specificity; British Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder;Loquacious; Transubstantiate

*****THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK :

1.) Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

2.) Nope, no more booze for me.

3.) Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4.) Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.

5.) Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

6.) Sorry I'm being such a jackass.

Las Vegas, A Love Story

So I spent last weekend in beautiful Las Vegas. I flew down on Thursday and immediately started drinking. Actually I started drinking Thursday morning before my flight even left.
I landed in Vegas and realized I was hungry. It was then that I discovered the new love in my life, the Double-Double Burger from In-N-Out. It was Heaven on Earth. I felt like I should’ve had a smoke afterwards. It was that good. So I made two more stops by In-N-Out before I left sin city to enjoy the double meat and double cheese goodness.
That night I headed down to the Golden Nugget on Fremont. After putting a hurt on my stomach with their buffet offerings I tried my hand at the Wheel of Fortune slot machines. I now understand that Wheel of Fortune is the devil’s game. Fifty dollars later I was outside the casino, enjoying another Heineken and watching the Fremont Experience. Aside from losing my money, it was pretty awesome.
Friday, I woke up and decided to head out to the lovely Lake Las Vegas. While at Lake Las Vegas, I ate at an Irish Pub and enjoyed some tasty Guinness. After eating I decided it was time to gamble some more. I foolishly lost another 20 on Wheel of Fortune (damn you Bob Barker) and then made my way to the blackjack table. It was here I should’ve stayed for the rest of my trip. I was up about 150 when I walked away from the table. I’m sure if I would have sat right there for another couple of days I could’ve walked outta there owning that damn casino. But I am a very foolish man and made my way back down towards the strip.
That night I met up with my buddy Anh who is living in Vegas. I enjoyed a Grey Goose and Red Bull followed by numerous Heinekens. Feeling pretty good about life, I made my way to Terrible’s Casino for some gambling. Bad idea. I dropped $50 on the blackjack table and another $20 on that damn Wheel of Fortune (I tell you, it’s the devil). After my losses, I decided I deserved some prime rib. It was delicious and filled me up to where all I wanted to do was go pass out. Which I did successfully.
I woke up Saturday, full of piss and vinegar. Well not so much vinegar but definitely full of piss. After relieving myself, a little breakfast was in order. Hash House A Go-Go is easily the greatest place in Vegas for breakfast. The food is huge and served on some big ass plates. And their Bloody Mary’s are delish. I started drinking at 10 this morning. By the time I hit the Red Rock’s Casino I was feeling pretty good. I lost some more on Wheel of Fortune and then decided to try out some Keno. If you wanna get drunk, cheap in Vegas Keno is the answer. I played for about an hour on ten bucks. I also enjoyed a couple of Heines in the process. Afterwards I foolishly sat back down on at the blackjack table. Seventy dollars and a couple more beers later I was leaving the table with no chips. Defeated I made my way back to the house. A couple of more beers later and I was ready to go again. So TJ and I made our way to In-N-Out and enjoyed a couple of burgers, swung by the “Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas” sign for a picture and then made our way to the MGM Grand. The MGM was alright and we had a couple of beers there. We left there and made our way to the Palms. And the Palms was packed. I started back in with Grey Goose and Red Bulls and we wandered around the Palms checking out the “scenery”. After ordering my third GG&RB I sat down at a slot machine to rest my feet a little. It was then that I saw my third “rock star” in three trips. My first trip down we ran into Ice T. Last time I witnessed a very passed out Sebastian Bach relaxing on a slot machine. This trip it was Dave Navarro of Jane’s Addiction and Chili Peppers fame. I almost didn’t recognize him cause he’s so damn short. Seriously like 5’8 at the most.
We figured the Palms couldn’t get much more exciting than that and we made our way back to the Red Rocks Casino. The plan was to meet my friend Shanna (who’s also from Longview) and she was going to give me a lesson on craps. Well, a couple of beers later and I’m down $70 quick. I guess her advice of “Just bet on six and eight” wasn’t very good. After craps we made our way to a bar and resumed the GG&RB regimen. By this time it was close to 10 PM and I had been drinking for about twelve hours. Shanna got us into a new nightclub Cherry that was located inside the Red Rocks. At this point the night gets somewhat foggy. I remember seeing my friend Stacey here and drinking. Besides that, I’m lost. I slightly remember eating breakfast at a place called the Outside Inn and finishing up a couple more beers. By this time it was four in the morning.
I woke up Sunday and wanted to die. After some breakfast, I took a much needed nap and then went and enjoyed the new Borat movie. I could write a huge post on this movie alone. It was fanfuckingtastic. Go right now and watch it. Seriously. Leave work and go see it. It’s cool, I’ll wait. Go.

See, I told you it was good. And that ending? Hilarious.

Monday I spent most of the day with Anh checking out more of Vegas. I ate dinner that night with my sister and TJ and then went to the airport to come home to the torrential downpours. Of course I left a couple of things out but that’s Vegas. I plan on making a return trip in February. It will be awesome!

Hard on?

Is it okay to get a little bit of a hard on for a video game?
Gears of War
Grab the DEET! The Locust Horde is Coming!
If you're quiet you can hear them beyond the horizon, growing stronger and getting closer. To them, victory is nearly at hand. But then again, you weren't one to just roll over and die. Right? In Gears of War for Xbox 360, your fight as Marcus Fenix against the invading Locust Horde represents mankind's last chance for survival.

If you haven't seen trailers or video clips of this game, you are missing out. I've only pre-ordered three things since I got old enough to buy my own geeky shit. Halo 2, the Xbox360, and now Gears of War. It comes out today, and I say that any game where your character sports a machine gun with a chainsaw attached, is worth a little hype and excitement, and yes, a little bit of a hard on...

Cause this is Thriller!!!

Jackson Plans `Thriller' Performance
Wednesday, November 8, 2006 10:59 AM EST
Michael Jackson to Perform 1982's `Thriller' at the World Music Awards in London Next Week…


Somone should tell Michael that his sister is planning to sing his song next week on stage. He might want to step in and stop her...oh wait, that's him? Nice cheek bones Michaela.

FACTS ABOUT NATE vol. 2
Sounds like Nate might have to break out the Michael Jackson greatest hits set that he bought before senior trip in 95 and listened to over and over and over and over again in California. Cause nothing screams cool like Michael Jackson.

BFF

Best
Friends
Forever

You know how someone is a true friend? When they call you from vegas to tell you they are sitting in a Hukah bar at the top of the stratosphere looking out over a beautiful 80 degree evening, and add that they aren't rubbing in the fact that it is shitty and gloomy and been raining for almost a week straight back where we live in wonderful Longview.

It's raining so hard the gutters, the streets, the roads, the ditches, etc. are all overflowing. The rain lately has actually ruined my hot-tub cover and there is a nice lake forming every day on top because I am too busy/lazy to rig some kind of cover for the cover, or buy a new one.

If you think that's not good enough, I didn't even get his phone call because I'm so busy at work in this shitty ass weather, that I put my phone on Do Not Disturb. It's almost 4:30 though, so I was figuring I could afford 2 minutes to type this. I think I may even go to lunch here pretty soon since I've only been here for 8 hours straight with no break. Fuck I'm hungry.

How about some positive? RA Long volleyball won district this Saturday, in one of those come from behind awesome matches where they are down in the 3rd game after losing the first two, and they end up winning that and the next two games and winning the championship. Pretty fucking cool. Then we went to Blazer opening night in Portland, and watched them come from behind and beat the Timberwolves. Then I won both my fantasy football matchups this weekend. And I did pretty good at all my pickem leagues, although probably didn't win again. And the Seahawks should be kicking the shit out of the Raiders in an hour or so. Fuck work, I'm gonna go watch that. I hear a beer or six calling my name, with their little brother whiskey sour saying "hey bitch, drink me too."

Borat

Who else wants to see this Borat movie? It looks fucking hilarious.

Dicko on TV

After giving Dicko a little crap about being courtside at the Sonics/Blazers opener, I got him to prove that he was actually there. I saw Sabrina on TV, but not him, I called him and it sounded like he was somewhere loud, but I need proof. And here it is.

Our buddies' band

I just got this email. Check out a few of our fraternity brothers' band and their new CD release. I remember the days fondly, air guitar and drums to Sublime, drinking and lighting shit (and dirk) on fire, christmas 101 proof peppermint schnapps parties at 3 in the morning... good times.

Hello Half-Track fans!!!
The day is near! Half-Track will be having our CD release this Sundayat 7:00 at the Rendezvous/ Jewel Box Theater.
Regardless of what their website says, there will be NO cover- but if you are feeling generous, you can donate $5 to our cause.
We will play from approx. 7:00-9:30, and the Rent Tent tribal belly dancers are going to perform for us during intermission!
We are expecting a good turnout and we hope to see you all there!
The Rendezvous is located at 2322 2nd Ave in belltown (2nd and Bell)
Visit their website for more info www.jewelboxtheater.com

Check out our updated website at www.half-track.com !
Listen to a few songs like I am right now. And if you want, Send them any questions at:
atkins@half-track.com
skinz@half-track.com
yost@half-track.com
larry@half-track.com

Also, check a few good pics of Smooty and Skinz here on my old website.

Vegas Baby, Vegas

So I'm off for another vacation to Sin City starting tomorrow. My flight lands in Vegas at about 3.30. At that point I plan on stopping by a liquor store and picking up a fifth of Patron and then seeing where my weekend takes me. My goal is to be Tucker Max drunk by Saturday. I'll have some pictures to share when I get back. (If I don't get arrested that is)

WSU #25

HOLY SHIT.

WSU Breaks into the top 25 on the AP poll with a win over UCLA. That would be sweet to go to a bowl game for vacation early next year, or even late this year.
http://sports.yahoo.com/ncaaf/teams/wwc

Facts About Gus vol. 17?

One thing about Erik that nobody knows is that he is a very talented musician. He started playing guitar at a very early age and learned from some of the more popular bands of that time. The only downside to him learning to play so young was that he wasn't able to change his style of play. So since the early 80's Gus has been playing glam rock. And he's been playing it well!
He is currently the leader of a band that plays local shows here in Longview. They describe their sound as "Whitesnake crossed with Culture Club with some Winger thrown it to make it 'hard'". Last night the played to a packed house at the Woodshed. It was their first show as a headliner. That's right, on this night the marquee read "Gus Loves Fag Soup". Pretty catchy name huh? Well I was there supporting my buddy and got this pic of the band right before they went on.

Pete!

halloween coming

family of halloween costumes
A whole family that dresses up together every year. The bill and ted characters is my favorite. I would like to make fun of this, and joke how the kids are probably scarred for life, but it's actually kind of cool.
It makes me remember Dirk and his stigmata costume that really bled, his Barf costume from spaceballs that had moving ears, and 97 when some of us dressed up like characters from braveheart.
We won a bottle of vodka with these badboys, so we had that going for us. Although wearing kilts in Pullman in October was not the warmest idea we ever had...

Quote of the day

sorry for no posts. busy at work, busy at life.
no one wants to hear that shit, so on with the quote.

I know, but what am I gonna do? Stop drinking?

(This being the answer to "Hey Willie, it's nice to finally be able to get ahold of you." Willie has lost his phone twice lately while drunk.)

also, a note to self: if you search the song "Lips of an angel" on google because Willie says he hates that song being replayed on the radio over and over, and you are trying to find the band name, make sure to search websites and not images. Because the girls in those pictures that came up were sure not angels. And I don't think those were the lips the song was referring to...

Hero

This is one of the most amazing stories I've ever heard. The true definition of a hero.
CORONADO, Calif. - A Navy SEAL sacrificed his life to save his comrades by throwing himself on top of a grenade Iraqi insurgents tossed into their sniper hideout, fellow members of the elite force said.
Petty Officer 2nd Class Michael A. Monsoor had been near the only door to the rooftop structure Sept. 29 when the grenade hit him in the chest and bounced to the floor, said four SEALs who spoke to The Associated Press this week on condition of anonymity because their work requires their identities to remain secret.
"He never took his eye off the grenade, his only movement was down toward it," said a 28-year-old lieutenant who sustained shrapnel wounds to both legs that day. "He undoubtedly saved mine and the other SEALs' lives, and we owe him."
Monsoor, a 25-year-old gunner, was killed in the explosion in Ramadi, west of Baghdad. He was only the second SEAL to die in Iraq since the war began.
Two SEALs next to Monsoor were injured; another who was 10 to 15 feet from the blast was unhurt. The four had been working with Iraqi soldiers providing sniper security while U.S. and Iraqi forces conducted missions in the area.
In an interview at the SEALs' West Coast headquarters in Coronado, four members of the special force remembered "Mikey" as a loyal friend and a quiet, dedicated professional.
"He was just a fun-loving guy," said a 26-year-old petty officer 2nd class who went through the grueling 29-week SEAL training with Monsoor. "Always got something funny to say, always got a little mischievous look on his face."
Other SEALS described the Garden Grove, Calif., native as a modest and humble man who drew strength from his family and his faith. His father and brother are former Marines, said a 31-year-old petty officer 2nd class.
Prior to his death, Monsoor had already demonstrated courage under fire. He has been posthumously awarded the Silver Star for his actions May 9 in Ramadi, when he and another SEAL pulled a team member shot in the leg to safety while bullets pinged off the ground around them.
Monsoor's funeral was held Thursday at Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery in San Diego. He has also been submitted for an award for his actions the day he died.
The first Navy SEAL to die in Iraq was Petty Officer 2nd Class Marc A. Lee, 28, who was killed Aug. 2 in a firefight while on patrol against insurgents in Ramadi. Navy spokesman Lt. Taylor Clark said the low number of deaths among SEALs in Iraq is a testament to their training.
Sixteen SEALs have been killed in Afghanistan. Eleven of them died in June 2005 when a helicopter was shot down near the Pakistan border while ferrying reinforcements for troops pursuing al-Qaida militants.
There are about 2,300 of the elite fighters, based in Coronado and Little Creek, Va.
The Navy is trying to boost that number by 500 — a challenge considering more than 75 percent of candidates drop out of training, notorious for "Hell Week," a five-day stint of continual drills by the ocean broken by only four hours sleep total. Monsoor made it through training on his second attempt.

Quote Of The Day

"It almost tasted like Nutria" - Teabag

8 Years In The Life Of Some Guy...

Crazy... (thanks Griff)

Todd loves Craigslist

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/14956798.html

A site where people sell stuff, AND bitch about people in a near anonymous forum? Why haven't I seen this before?

Thanks Todd.