Moo, and home values

You all wish you be Garrett's dog, and be this happy about absolutely nothing...

either he is full, or the carpet is soft, or someone was just petting him, or whatever it is...ahhhh, the simple life of licking your nuts, eating, sleeping, and pooping...

and for those of you not into puppy dogs and pooping discussions, how about this. at a recent seminar talking about trends in the home market and the "bursting bubble", they ended with these conclusions:

• Evidence that home prices have moved up faster in recent months than inflation and income, but long-term evidence suggests this increase may have been just "catch-up"
• Some likelihood of bubble developing slow leak, but with low rates and good consumer sentiment, probability of bubble pop is low
• OR and WA appear in good shape and long-term demographic trends suggest some ease in rate of growth, but no bursting of bubble.

Which means, I hope you were able to latch on to a house in the last 5 years, becuase it sounds like the recent home price value increases are here to stay. Which appears to be good to the tune of at least $40k for me, and way more for people like James that bought in very valuable areas. I wouldn't be surprised if James made $100k just becuase of the current market... Damn

Guest Blogger - Meshuggah

For your webpage:
So you think you know metal? You don't know jack. Meshuggah, a Swedishmetal band who released their first album in 1989, continues they're torridpace with a full-length album entitled "Catch Thirty-thr33." The albumfollows their first EP in ten years called "I," which was released in late2004. The newest edition to the Meshuggah discography features a slowerpace, but intricate and complex rhythms typical of Meshuggah's style. Newto this album are programmed drums, mostly produced by their drummer, TomasHaake, but also created by other members of the band. Overall, the album isan A. Meshuggah will be at Berbati's Pan in Portland on Tuesday, October25.

Alex

(anyone else got a review, opinion, picture or joke? be a guest blogger. send it to me via email.)

new favorite

http://www.nbc.com//My_Name_Is_Earl/
"My Name is Earl," Tuesdays at 9:00 on NBC
(followed by "The Office," which is also very funny.

Earl got picked up for the rest of the season, 22 episodes. I am very happy because I am so tired of unfunny reality crap that keeps getting regurtitated on the public about 3-6 times a season...plus the existing reality shows on season 13 or so...plus the cross-over shows and spin-offs from those long-running reality shows. Its nice to see a funny sitcom introduced and see it actually take hold. I'm not saying all reality shows are bad. Kathy Griffen is actually pretty damn funny. And I don't mind the game show styles like Amazing Race and Fear Factor. But then there is Survivor which borders on bad, and the rest that are just so edited that they make one person the stereotype bitch, one the asshole, one the jock, one the funny guy, one (or two) the slut, one the geek, etc. These people aren't stars, and about 80% of them don't deserve to be on TV, let alone asked back to another show or god forbid their own show. Bring back the sitcoms. I don't watch a lot of TV, but when I do I would rather turn on a Friends or Everybody Loves Raymond episode that I have already seen, then to watch one more fucking new reality show... I sure hope that Earl and shows like Grey's Anatomy and CSI and Law and Order can turn TV back to the way it was...almost reality free.

KARMA GUIDE - by Earl

• As I go through life, fixing my mistakes one at a time, I’ve learned a thing or two about Karma, and part of keeping good Karma is sharing it with others. I hope these notions help you as much as they’ve helped me.
• Do good things and good things will happen to you. Do bad things and it will come back and bite you in the ass.
• If you want a better life, you need to be a better person.
• Bad luck might be contagious. It wouldn’t be fair to bring someone into your life until you clean yours up.
• Never underestimate the power of confidence. And never underestimate fifteen beers, a little enlightenment, and the power of Rob Base and DJ Easy Rock.
• A person needs a little rest after having his moustache tickled at a gay bar.
• You have to do the hard things in life sooner or later.
• If you want the reward, you have to do the work.
• The secret to life is fixing all the bad things that you’ve done.
• Whether picking up trash, returning stolen merchandise, or helping a homosexual find love, it always has the same reward… feeling good about yourself.

Karma. You got to love it.

fantasy skillz

thats right sports fans, yours truly is 4-0 in fantasy football, only undefeated team, and ahead by a comfortable margin. The biggest reward...having a bunch of know-it-alls fall silent in the shit-talking department.

jason lee's reception was this weekend. very fun, very beautiful slide show up at Sahalle country club in sammamish (near seattle). needless to say the reception was prempted by the prefunk, and followed by the afterfunk, and then the bar scene, all followed by steak and eggs aroung 4:00 AM. so we woke up at the crack of noon or so to watch the USC game (no coug game on) then finished off the night drinking, eating pizza, playing video games, watching football, and not doing anything useful or preductive. pretty nice.

then comes monday and back to work. dammit.

Go Cougs

I like beaver. Anyone remember the homecoming shirt from back in 96 or 97 that had a cougar eating a beaver or beaver cereal or something like that? I hope the cougars dump all over them in the rain-fest that will be this saturday's game down in Corvallis. GO COUGS!

I will unfortunately not be going, as my drinkin skilz are required up in Seattle for Lee's reception. But I plan to root on the Cougs from a big screen somewhere in the Emerald City. Man I love beer.
and boobies.

aaaahhhhh fuck those guys

This is a little late if you already read the title, or any previous posts, but I use cuss words and stuff. What you would call, a potty mouth.

"The Parental Advisory is a notice to consumers that recordings identified by this logo may contain strong language or depictions of violence, sex or substance abuse. Parental discretion is advised."

I install this wonderful image upon you, to remind you of the days when you couldn't buy the new Public Enemy cd and so you stuck it to the man by getting your cousin to buy it for you. Or in my case, the new Eddie Murphy or Chris Rock cd. Or again in my case, having to show your ID no less than 3 years ago for a CD, and a year or two before that for fireworks...(lets see 28, minus 3 is 25, minus 2 more is 23, and you have to be 18 and 16 respectively to buy those items...THOSE FUCKERS).

And I also brought you the image to lead into the topic of violence in video games, which is a big topic for people today. And by people I of course mean narrow minded conservative fuckheads that think that violent video games are the reasons I call them fuckheads. Duhhhh, TV is the reason I call them fuckheads. They are listening to the wrong bullshit studies...

http://www.tdn.com/articles/2005/09/27/this_day/news03.txt Our local paper has a great quote in the middle of this article...

- "There really isn't any room for doubt that aggressive game playing leads to aggressive behaviors," says Iowa State University psychologist Craig A. Anderson, one of the pioneers of research in the area and a guiding force behind the association's resolution.

- But the association's action came just weeks after University of Illinois researcher Dmitri Williams, in a study of 213 players of a violent online game called "Asheron's Call 2," concluded that a month of steady, intensive play did not increase participants' aggressiveness. His study did not focus on children but included some players as young as 14.

I have said it before, and I'll say it again.
I would have no difficulty writing a thesis on any topic that would positively prove the point that for every study that says one thing, there is another that says the opposite. So video game bashers can go fuck themselves. Hard.

The Wonders of a Small Town Paper

Living in Longview has its ups and downs. The ups being beer, the smell of the mill, and a pretty decent cost of living. The downs being the cummulative realization that we border on the "hick-town" mentality. That and lite beer... (Recent examples include not wanting a new Lowe's because it's near peoples housing, while at the same time complaining that our county employement rate is the worst in the state...and some bullshit called rock green lite which is rolling rock that tastes like water and is better for you or something...)
I read a few funny things in the local paper today (www.tdn.com), and the more I looked, the more I couldn't realize whether I should cry...or move.

Eye Catcher Headlines:
SCOTCH & BEER (Food - Page C1) Now, this one isn't too bad, but not exactly big city...
R.A. LONG SPIKES KELSO (Sports - Page D1) Can't sports writers come up with NEW headlines?
MOSTLY NICE (High 71 Low 48 Page C8) That is a terribly vague description.
ALVORD SCOLDS A PREP COACH (Sports Page D1) A sports writer's opinion counts now???

Articles starting on the Front Page:
Meth tax going down: After close vote, county looks at resubmitting 0.2% sales-tax increase to combat meth abuse. (So it lost, so how about we waste money voting again???)
Woodland school bond passing by less than 1%: Measure to provide $3.75 million to buy land for a new high school is too close to call. (This county will not spend money to fight drugs or open schools. Great message to send out...)
Botero will face Melink for Longview council: Busack will be heavy favorite for other City Council Seat. (Its votin time on the farm again, and the people remain heavily indecisive on all issues...)
Kelso boy hospitalized after ingesting narcotic: Toddler will recover; charges pending. (I have to quote a line from the article to emphasize this one) "The resident told police he believed that a drop-in guest must have dropped a methadone pill and the child ate it." "Child protective services is investigating to determine if it is safe for the child to return home." (I swear we are not all drug taking idiots, but you would never tell from our front page.)
Growing Rita brushes Keys (Too lazy to spell out Hurricane and Florida.)
Japan's mafia created Katrina, weatherman claims (I guess it could be worse, we could be from Idaho Falls where some weatherman believes some stupid crap posted on the internet. Of course we put it on our paper, which is sad...)

Coming in the daily news:
Thursday: Punk band will attend opening of new Longview music store
Friday: The Potholes - Anglers adapt to new conditions at huge desert reservior in Central Washington
Saturday: Will RAL topple Fort? - Complete game coverage
(those are three attention grabbers that are sure to peak the attention of the teenagers, fisherman, and soccer moms of our county, which asside from the druggies and politicians, makes up the rest of our popluation...)

Double post time (to make up for days of incompetence)

Anyone planning on watching "My Name is Earl" tuesday night?
Looks very funny.
Plus Jason Lee seems to play the part perfectly in the commercials.

edit: I thought the pic would be bigger, but go to www.nbc.com and click on earl to see a bigger list.
He is going to right the wrongs he has done, including:

getting a lap dance from a friends mom and not paying her

sleeping with his prom date's sister...on prom night

littering

How you doin?

Although it may sound like I want to talk about "Friends," or lame bar pick-up lines, I was actually thinking more along the lines of the responses people give when trying to avoid a conversation.

How many times have you responded "fine" or "good" to the questions "How are you doing?" or "How you been?" and then 5 seconds later you realize you actually feel shitty? I was sick Sunday, almost didn't go to work Monday, and am not feeling too hot right now, but 2 minutes ago, when someone asked, I said "good" and said it with a smile. Why? Because lying is better than explaining that I feel shitty for 5 minutes. Lying got me out of a conversation I didn't fell like having. Lying is great. In fact, it makes me feel good thinking about it...

Go Cougs

nothing important or very funny today. been busy if you can't tell.

Go Cougs!

It's Beer, Hooray Beer!

engrish preese

These dvd sets I mentioned last time are rad. No spell or grammer check apparently in China…

The Star Wars set I saw was actually about normal size, but Roswell’s case is the size of a hardback book, while X-files is even larger, and Friends is even bigger than a case logic dvd case. And the type on the boxes gets funnier and funnier.

(I am not misspelling these or making these up. These are as they appear on the movie cases.)

The X-files Collector’s Edition (1-9) The complete ONE to NINE Season
“You Cannot Help But be Won over By “Buddy.”It’sA Great Kids Movie”
David Duchovnt and Gillian Anderson
“*****. A Magnificent Movie”
--Michael Medved,New York Post

Then there is other fun stuff on the back like:
The Complete Eaghth Season
The Complet Ning Season
And the credits which include credits for a movie…although this is a TV show include:
The credit to Bruce Willis Die Hard 2
Based on novel 58 Minutes by Walter Wager
Www.Xthefiles.com

And then Roswell which seems allright, including correct spelling and actually referring to the correct show in its descriptions…until you get to the trademark line which reads:
Star Trek and Star Trek: The Next Generation and related marks…etc. etc.

Do Chinese piraters not have English spell check, or not know any English speaking people???

Then there is of course the best of all. The Friends set which on the back has one big tag line and 10 season descriptions, which are as follows:
“Few of the original movie’s political and philosophical preoccupations (abortion, capitalism, patriotism, individualism) remain.” –Boston Globe, Wesley Morris

(please note that the pictures that accompany each season do not match the actual pictures from that season)

Season 1: Rules at Versailles.In the North of France,Prince de Conde has come up with a plan to get his province out of debt:he ll invite the king to his country chateau for a weekend of spectacle and merriment.if he can get back in the Kings good craces,his region can avoid econom disaster.The whole plan,and the prosperity of an entire province.

Season 2: (a whole paragraph in German, still with incorrect puncuation, and it doesn’t appear to be about Friends.)

Season 3: (again, all in German, and again, I don’t think it’s about Friends)

Season 4: (you guessed it…German. And what the hell is a kurzentcholossen?)

Season 5: The acclaimed performances of two-time Academy Award win-ner Michael Caine Bbest Supporting Actor:The Cider House Rules,1999.Hannah Ande Her Sisters and Brend an Fraser The Mummy.Gods And Power a stylish political thriller where love and war col-lide in becomes entangled in adangerous love triangle when he falls for the beautiful mistress of a British journalist.As war is waged around them these only sink deeper into a world of drugs,passion and betrayat where noth ing is as it seems.

Season 6: The Fellowship has broken,but the quest to destroy the One Ring continues,Frodo and Sam must entrust their lives to Gollum if they are to find their way to Mordor.As Saruman s army approaches,the surviving members of The-earth,prepare for battle,The War of the Ring has begun.Nominated for six Acaemy Awards inclusing Best Picture.
(notice a trend of not talking about Friends here….?)

Season 7: Grave brings it!Producer Joel Silver and director Andrzej Brtkowiak.Who Fused martial arts with hip-hop stle in Romeo Must Die and Exit Wounds,take it to the next level with Cradle 2 the Grave.Starring as rivals-trned-partners in a volatile street war ignited by kidnapping.stolen black diamonds and a sadistic crimelord.Kelly HU and Gabrielle Union flex beauty and strength as foex destined for a clawdown And Anthony Anderson and Tom Arnold add comedy james.

Season 8: Curtis plays the cavigator of a tugboat crewe which losee its cargo during a hurricane,in the calm eye of the storm,they come caross a Russian research ship fioating dead on the water.Boarding the vessel,they initially believe it to be deserted-but they soon realize they re not alone,First,they discover a terrified surivor,and then they find that the ship has been taken over by a ruthless alien intelligence,Now,the small band must fight for their lives against a force that has come to claim Earth for its.
(I know it seems like I must be mistyping, but these are still exactly as they appear…in fact, I am typing this in word and a few of these have probably been auto-corrected.)

Season 9: In the chaos of atrench war battle,a small company of men get lost,surrounded by a thick my sterious fog.As they emerge form it,they come across a deserted German trench.Convinced they to find muitilated German corpses everywhere,Some-thing very starnge and evil has happened here.When one of When one of them is found horribly murdered wrapped in barbed wire,they know they arenot alone!

Season 10: IN this exciting supernatural thriller,Harrison Ford and Michelle Pfeiffer play a seemingly happily married couple who uncver a terrible secret…a secret so disturbing it threatens to destroy them.When Claire Spencer beings seeing ghostly images and hearing mysterious voices in their home,her husband Norman suspects it s just her toether they must uncover the truth.confront their worst fears and find what lies beneath…

quote of the day

(the names have been changed to protect the people that employee me...)

Actual Email:

Greg- "Hey Bob, we should unsubscribe from this message service."

Bob- "I never subscribed. Do you know how to get me off?"

If a co-worker asks if you know how to get them off, is it sexual harrasment if they don't realize how funny it is? Especially if they are both guys??

on another funny note, A friend of mine (I swear its not mine baby!) received some dvd boxed sets from another friend who is working in China. I absolutley love how these companies do not spell or grammer check their products before mass producing them. For example, the credits on the back of the X-files boxed set include credits to Bruce Willis for Die Hard 2 and the Star Wars boxed set includes credits for only Episode 2, while 4 of the 6 dvd inserts feature pictures of Liam Neeson who was only in 1 of the movies. The best is the back of the Friends boxed set, which I hope to post this weekend.

Because Porn is Funny

Someone asked why I would want someone to give me a list of real porn titles...Why couldn't I just make them up? My answer would have to be:

1. Because whatever name you make up, probably already exists
2. I am Funny, but I could not in a million years come up with the titles "Hotty in the Potty" and "Slammin Granny in the Fanny."

Other recent additions to the list include "Bonetown Buffet," "Bikini Top Gonna Pop," "Love Potion 69," " Whoriental Sex Academy," "Refried Teens" (Lord I apologize for that and the granny one), and "Cowabunghole."

But all kidding aside, Isn't the fact that you can find anything, I mean anything, on the internet the greatest and the worst all at the same time? Like this that Todd sent in, http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/bangbangbang.html

and good news for a change from New Orleans, New Orleans Floodwaters Begin to Ebb

Oh well, my sister is home http://www.tdn.com/articles/2005/09/06/area_news/news01.txt

and safe, so its time to take her to the Silver Star for Taco Tuesday. hmmmmm, 2 tacos for $1.00 and beer....

Movie of the Day (explicit)

NEW!!!!

"Unknown Movie Title of the Day"

(Today's movie that you do not want to see)

Men in Back

This new segment is brought to you by a friend's sister who manages a small movie store here in town. The short-version is that almost none of the stores in town have a "porn room" any more, and so this store has had to expand (more than once) to fit in all the porn that their customers want, including lining the movies up so you only see the titles because the amount of space required is enormous, and the amount of space available is not.

Today was "new porn day," and needless to say she has some absolutely hilarious stories, including the dork yesterday who went up to the counter while "having the flag at full mast..." I bet the conversation went something like this...

"No video games today? Ooooh, something a little spicier I see. Your parents must be gone for the weekend. Maybe next year when you're 25 you can get your own place...""Oookay, interesting choice, but I'm not judging you... (Granny Takes a Squirt) There you go. Thanks, and uhhh sign here, and uuhhh, you might want to do something about that. Your pants seem to have shrunk. Thanks. Come again."

note to self: Always "Shake hands with the unemployeed" before going to rent porn.

2nd note to self: If you are tall enough that your waist is above the counter, WAIT UNTIL YOUR COCK IS LIMP before you rent and/or buy porn. (Or anything else for that matter)

P.S. Please feel free to comment with your favorite masterbation terminoligy and/or favorite porn movie names, whether you've seen em, or if it was just a friend of a friend's sister's cousin's hairdresser's brother who saw it becuse you would never watch such filth as "Split the Uprights."

spread em

Football:
During the Raiders pre-season game today, I swear I heard the announcer say "You want to spread em, then ram it inside." You got to love announcers that speak before they think. Either that or he was reading Playboy instead of watching the game...

Work:
I may be on here and my site less, as I have been super busy at work for about a year and a half, and am now busier. So see you around maybe...

Heather:
My sister heather emailed me back. She is in Memphis, planning to travel to Nashville, then to North Carolina in hopes of visiting a few friends with her roommate as they wait for word on when they will be able to return to New Orleans. Needless to say, she's glad she's safe, but wants us to pray for all the survivors as well as the zoo full of animals they care for...and try not to dwell on the fact she probably lost everything since her car and all her stuff were left behind. She escaped with a backpack and her kitty. That sucks.

fuck you katrina

I said I would get those pictures on the net from the various weddings, but I keep flipping from story to story about Hurricane Katrina, and realizing that I really don't feel like it. I feel selfish for being pissed gas is so expensive, while I realize my sister might have lost most of the stuff she owns since she is living in New Orleans and her rental is probably underwater. I know she got out of town okay, and she told my parents shes having a good time in Memphis, but still, Katrina sucks. I was going though all the pictures, and I realized the swamp, and the bars, and her house, and everything else we saw are totally fucked up.

So I turned on The Office on NBC. That show rocks.

Dicko's Hitched!

The rest of the pics will go on my website, hopefully tonight. Here are a few good ones, 2 nice ones, one of Dicko demonstrating how we are supposed to eat food (I hope...), and another good picture of Brad keeping it real. He's can clap-dance with the best of em...

Recommended Site

I love when someone recommends a site, and I end up laughing out loud as I read it. I hope that people find me funny as often as I do (because if you can't laugh at yourself, then how can you let others do it...), but just in case, here is another site I will be adding to the fun links to the left and to my links page on my website...
http://www.jasonmulgrew.com/index2.php

I fully recommend reading the most recent post or two, then the about me, and then you have to read the photo diary. By the third picture I was laughing out loud at work where I was supposedly doing real work, and had to come here and save the rest of the pictures for later. Needless to say he starts right off with the baby pictures that make him look like a gay sailor, and it just gets funnier from there.

Also, this weekend was Dicko's wedding. I will get some more pictures up here soon. I am sure they will be very funny, but I will need to see them to verify this, as wine was free, and tends to erase memories when drunken from the big fish bowl that used to hold the matchbooks at the bar. Man, nothing says too much to drink like going out for burgers before you pass out, and going to Dicks just so you can giggle about the phrase "I could really go for a mouthfull of Dicks."

Fantasy Football

The only good things about fantasy football are the shit talking, and the fact that its gets me to watch more football on the weekends. The whole tracking players and remembering to check your line up and all that can really drain your life away, but luckily its not baseball or basketball.

Thanks to Dicko for helping me fall back off the wagon. And for autopicking the rest of my team and smoots team when we were without computer.

And good luck to Abby, who is probably on her way over to finish up volleyball tryouts and cut some girls. Maybe James would consider coming down to coach a D-squad so they don't have to cut any...

And hopefully my next post will be a couple pictures from when I was social chair, becuase I know everyone wants to see the skit of James and Hager playing the role of Judy and James (or was it Smoot and ???).

Double Posting Cause I Can

How fast do you think they are going?
A. Not moving.
B. 1 MPH
C. Fast enough that the screaming bunny in the backseat just filled up the seat with rabbit pellets.


On another note, which actually brought me back here on the same day (double-post) My quote page has been updated a few times recently, including a great pic todd sent in, as well as this quote:
"Everyone has an opinion. Everyone has an asshole. The trick is remembering most people don't really want to hear either of them."