Work Sucks, March Madness, Cleveland, Wiffle-Ball, iPods, Myspace

So this week has been one of the busiest weeks evah for me here at work. Monday and Tuesday I had meetings in Portland and didn't get back to town either day til about 6 or so. And the rest of the week here at my office has been so busy that for the ten hours I am here, I have actually been doing work. What's up with that?

Congrats go to Shaun Campbell who held on to win the first annual NOSE/RRR March Madness Pick 'Em. Your t-shirt will be to you soon buddy. I just need to find a place to get one printed because the one I found on-line had a minimum order of six t-shirts. And I figured having six people with "champion" shirts out of a ten person pool was kinda brokeback. The real reason is I didn't want Emily to get a shirt (don't tell her that though).

So I am gonna be heading to the land of the Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame here in May. I was selected out of the salesmen of my branch to go on a training trip to the Ridgid Tool headquarters and I am so happy about it that I just pissed in my pants a little bit. So they fly me out to Cleveland, put me up in a hotel a couple of days, and teach me about Ridgid tools. They also take us the the R'nR HoF and a Cleveland Indians game. It should be pretty cool.

Matt Jones of Jackmove fame and I are getting ready to get our inaugural season of Wiffle-Ball under way. If you live in SW Washington and would be interested in playing leave me a comment with you e-mail addy and I will definitely get a hold of you. It should be a lot of fun drinking beers, hanging out, and striking Matt Jones out numerous times. We had one tourney last year and it was a blast.

So I am approaching the 5,000 song mark on my iPod. I probably haven't even listed to about a quarter of the songs I have on there but it's still nice to have 'em. Currently I have been rocking out to some Bad Religion. If you have any suggestions of tunes I may like, leave me a comment and I will check them out.

Last night I logged onto my myspace.com account and noticed that I just passed the 100 friend mark. I feel so fuckin popular that I went and roughed up the suspect right there. I'd like to give a shout-out to Red Red Rine, who was my 100th friend. Thanks for the ego boost.

Great post

Check this out from one of my favorite blogs.
http://porktornado.diaryland.com/upssucks.html
Dusty got screwed at work because UPS didn't get a package to his boss on time. The letter that he writes to them is awesome.

And I was just watching the Mets beat the Washington team (what the fuck is their name???) and saw a sweet arguing match between the Washington coach and the ump. It was just like old Tommy Lasorda arguing matches. It was sweet.

Automobiiiillle?

Dooooonnnggggg? Where is my Automobile?

Automobiiillle?

Crash...Lake...Big Lake.

More Golf Jokes

First off, condolences to Tricia, whose fellow sonic dancers barely lost to the King's dance team. That Sucks.

As for golf jokes...

Golf
A foursome is waiting on the men's tee while another foursome of ladies is hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies are taking their time, when finally the last lady is ready to hit the ball.
She hacks it 10 feet; goes over and hacks it another 10 feet, then hacks it another 10 feet.
She looks up at the men who are watching and says apologetically, "I guess all those f----ing lessons I took this winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately replied, "Well, you know, that's your problem. You should have taken golf lessons instead."
To this day, his grave marker stands next to that tee box

and Joke #2

It seems there is a foursomes of men teeing off on Saturday morning. The last one gets up on the ladies tee goes through an elaborate pre-shot routine and addresses the ball. As he is about to swing the starter comes on the loudspeaker and announces, "Will the gentleman on the ladies tee please move back to the men's tee?" The man backs away from the ball and starts his routine over. As he addresses the ball the loud speaker crackles again, "Will the man on the ladies tee move back to the men's tee, PLEASE?" The man shakes his head, backs away and starts the routine all over again. Just as he addresses the ball and is about to swing the loud speaker crackles again, "PLEASE! WILL THE GUY ON THE WOMEN'S TEE KINDLY MOVE BACK TO THE MEN'S TEE!" The golfer shakes his head and yells, "WILL THE STARTER KINDLY SHUT UP AND LET ME HIT MY SECOND SHOT!"

and I just got back from Wine Tasting in Walla Walla all day Sunday, and then a nice leisurly drive back the Washington side of the Columbia with Abby and a few more wineries on Sunday. I will get some pictures on the net this week I hope. Man I spent a lot of money...but boy do they make some good wine in Walla Walla.

March Madness & Work Sucks

So it looks like Mr. Shaun Campbell is most likely gonna win the 1st annual NOSE/RRR March Madness Tournament pick 'em. Congratulations Shaun on an amazing first round and following it up with some solid couple of rounds. Mr. Tasker is sitting in third place and has a possible chance of pulling it out with a win by UCLA. And that could very well happen with how the rest of this tourney is playing out. The boys here at NOSE both scored higher than our buddy Emily over at Red Red Rine so let the shit-talking begin.
Work as been extremely brokeback this week. One of our counter salesman blew out his knee a couple of weeks ago. He's been wearing a brace on it and to the doctor a couple of times and the doc decided he needed to operate. So Bob (totally a fake name) is home recouping from surgery. Guess who gets to work his job? And still have all of my regular responsibilities too. I've been so tired every night this week that I go home, watch TV for a couple of hours and usually fall asleep on the couch.
I probably won't be writing much for the next week so I will leave you with what could possibly be the most racist robot joke evah. Hope you enjoy it.
A business man is in a new town where they just built a brand new, five-star golf course. The business man goes to the golf course and approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddy."
The man behind the counter says, "The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this. We just got 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and if you will come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today."
The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer.
He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, "I think my driver will do the job." The robot caddy turned to the man and said, "No sir. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole."Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green. The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance.
As the golfer pulled out his putter, he said, "I think this green is gonna break left to right." The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left."
Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole, thanks to the robot and his advice.
But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddy.
Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, "How was your game?"
The golfer stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next time I am in town."
A couple of weeks pass, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop.
Upon entering the pro shop he turned to the man behind the counter and said,"I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please."
The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, "Well, the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints."
Confused, the golfer cried, "COMPLAINTS? Who in the hell could've complained about those robots? They were incredible."
The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance. It was that they were shiny silver metal, and the glare from the machine was blinding to other golfers on the fairway."
The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?"
The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did. And then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for unemployment, and the other two robbed the pro shop."

The finals

Two sets of finals going on.
The first is VOTE NOW for Tricia and the sonic dancers trying to make it to the finals.

The second is of course the NCAA that we all have no chance at because of all the Sweet! upsets. Any side bets on the remaining teams from the NOSE/RED RED RINE fans? I'm going with Florida and Noah and that WNBA fro hes got going on.

Also, I will be on hiatias (or how ever you say vacation in a cool way these days) while over in Walla Walla on Saturday, and although wine-induced posts are very funny, I probably wont have internet while in a 12 passenger limo/van and hitting up my 5th or 6th winery. And since hangovers and being awake don't mix, don't expect a post Sunday either. Smoot and Nate, its up to you to not let both our readers down...

And Smoot, sorry, but you didn't win the raffle either.

Mind of Mencia

Smooty introduced me to Carlos Mencia last year. And I was just lucky enough to catch the new Mind of Mencia on Comedy Central. And that show is one of the best shows on TV. Hey made fun of Kanye West, and had some huge chicks and midgets dancing at the end of the show...absolutely hilarious. Thank you Smoot for starting down the path.

and then, a commercial for David Spade's ShowBiz News. "Michael Jackson's 2,600 sq ft Neverland Ranch closed this week. It's 15 years old, so I guess he's just not attracted to it anymore..." That's awesome. I need to watch more Comedy Central.

Oh yeah, on another note, I held the drawing for the Xbox360 and the other prizes in our Volleyball Club's raffle. Nate, you didn't win. But I held the auction during the 18s division practice, and found out that I may be out of shape, but I can still hit the ball almost as hard as half their team...of 17 year old girls, so I got that going for me. And I even blocked one...But shit, these girls are taller than me, so I feel pretty good about that.

The Broken Printer

A coworker got a pen stuck inside our printer.

He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to maintenance. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.

About 20 minutes later, one of the maintenance guy's comes in laughing and says he was just in the office, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate. Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to........

Funny stuff, and the egg

First of all, some quotes to read, so they don't have to keep going around the email chain:

• "I feel so miserable without you. It's almost like having you here." --Stephen Bishop
• "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." --John Bright (this is about Todd)
• "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." --Winston Churchill
• "He had delusions of adequacy." --Walter Kerr (Again, about Todd)
• "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." --Groucho Marx
• "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." --Mark Twain
• "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." --Oscar Wilde (this is Ahn)

And then another funny list from Alex:
How to Make a Woman Happy-
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
a friend
a companion
a lover
a brother
a father
a master
a chef
an electrician
a carpenter
a plumber
a mechanic
a decorator
a stylist
a sexologist
a gynecologist
a psychologist
a pest exterminator
a psychiatrist
a healer
etc. etc. (there is a lot more, but you get the idea)

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY- It's not difficult:
1. Show up naked 2. Bring beer

-Egg Found And for those of you in the area that read the paper, The Daily News had an easter egg hunt going, with daily clues in the paper to where the $1,000 egg was located. And after a couple weeks of good clues that sounded like the egg was at the Lake in the center of town (Longview), it was in fact located in some park I have never heard of in Castle Rock. I would like to be the first to say THAT IS FUCKING BULLSHIT. If 80% of your readers live in one area, don't make a prize available to 8% that live 20 miles North. I had never even heard of the place they found the egg, and I am sure I am not in the minority of people that thought "that sucks." I did however appreciate that a couple of "pranksters" (as the paper called them) took my idea and hid some fake eggs around town. That's awesome.

Wow! Britney Has Really Let Herself Go

Gonzaga Chokes

I can't believe Gonzaga choked that bad. I am embarrased to have visited Spokane before, after seeing Morrison crying before they had even lost. And then to see him SOBBING at midcourt after they did in fact choke on a huge lead with only 3 mintues left...You don't give up just becuase you have lost the momentum, common guys. That team has been living too close to Cougar-Land in Pullman. That was some serious Ray Finkle type shit.

And I hope you all had Duke to win it, because my only chance of winning the blog-pool is if you guys lose your champion pick too. I am on fire, except for that stupid North Carolina.

And in my other Pools, I have Texas, who finished off Virginia in dramatic fashion. Very cool finish with swished long-distance, off-balance 3 pointers at both ends of the court with little time left.

and the name Bullcock is very funny (see below).

The Legend Of BULLCOK

As some of you may know I used to play tennis back in my high school days. I wasn't the greatest, but I wasn't half bad either. My high school had one of the better teams in the league so for my first two years I played junior varsity.
The summer between my sophomore and junior years I decided I was gonna play varsity. I played tennis all the time and even went as far as taking some lessons. My game improved dramatically.
Well school starts and my math teacher and I don't get along. At all. Long story short, he ends up flunking me. As a result I don't get to play tennis my junior year, which would have been my first year on varsity. I was pissed.
I kept playing though even occasionally practicing with the team. Kept playing all summer getting ready for senior year. I remember taking a somewhat easy schedule my senior year just so I would do good in all my classes so I know I would play tennis. I also ran cross country and "wrestled" my senior year. The reason I put wrestled in parentheses is a whole other store that I really don't have time to get into know.
Shit, where was I.
....re-reading post....
Okay so tennis season my senior year starts and we have a great team. All the guys that started their freshman year with me fill the varsity squad. I am paired up with my buddy Greg playing doubles. We were pretty damn good winning most of our matches. Well as most of you know, the local newspaper usually will do write-ups on local high school sports. I always thought it was pretty cool when I got my name in the paper and usually cut them out and put them in some half-ass scrapbook I had.
Well one of the last matches of season comes and we are playing the dreaded Columbia River high school out of Vancouver, Washington. This is the one team that every year played us tough. They always had a great team. We kicked their asses. I think Greg and I won our doubles match something like 6-1, 6-0. Stomped their Cheiftain* asses into the ground. We were pumped. That win pretty much assured us of the league title. So the next afternoon I hurry home after school and grab the local newspaper. Reading the write-up I notice something wrong. Wait a minute......What's this?

RAL vs. Columbia River

Varsity Doubles

Greg Able & Nate Bullcok

defeat

Jake Shaw & Ryan Smith

6-2, 6-0

What the fuck? Bullcok? My last name is Bullock.
What's even worse is my mom works at the Newspaper. And they still spelled my name wrong.
My buddies thought it was hilarious. I got called "Bullcok" for long, long time.
Some good did come out of it though. I ended up asking a hot chick to the prom and she said yes. Boy did that girl end up disappointed.

* Chieftain was Columbia River's mascot

BRAD KANN

We can't stay too serious around this place for long (see prior post below) so I felt it necessary to make fun of our friend Brad. He has earned many names over the past 10 years (college and after-years) including Junior Bitch, B.G.B. (big-gay-brad), and numerous others that escape me because this new round of making fun of Brad was so funny, I forgot the others.

For those of you watching basketball last Friday, I am sure you caught a glimpse of the Bradley-Kansas game. Well, what was so funny about this to us, is that on the TV screen it read like this:

BRAD
KANN

How is that funny you ask? Because we called Brad and the other guys he was watching the game with and started in with "Brad Kann suck some dick," "Brad Kann take it from behind," "Brad Kann get me a beer," etc, etc. Very funny when you are wasted off Green Beer and Guinness. Especially if you know Brad and how everyone always picks him to be the subject of their dumb drunk jokes. He is a good sport.

You have to give it to him. He takes it pretty well everytime.
(see jokes like that are what make me smile!)

Also, while searching for a picture of Brad, I found these great drinking pics I forgot about, as well as a link to a bunch of picture pages that I made on my website, including one of my favorites, this one of my and Abby.

Good luck with your picks tonight, and Go Zags!

And it looks like Tricia and the Sonics are still alive. Look for a new vote link soon.

Good Deeds done not so Dirt Cheap

I may have mentioned this before, but my grandfather passed away in December. So recently at an auction that my Church/old elementary school holds every year, my wife and I decided to purchase the name of the gym for a year and name it after my Grandpa Gunnar in his memory. So with the help of my cousin Gunnar and his wife, we forked over the necessary dough to win the auction, and here you see the end result. Pretty Cool.

In the picture is me, my grandma, Jamie (Gunnar's wife), and her boys Bryson and Kjell (bryson's first name is Gunnar). My grandma liked it as I hoped she would and said that she is sure he would have really liked it too. As an added bonus, Bryson goes to St. Rose now too, so Gunnar and Jamie get to see it all the time. Plus my Dad goes to church a lot, and he will be able to see it, and that is important to me too. Hope this only sounds like bragging a little, but I really wanted to mention it.

GO ZAGS!

Scam Alert: Home Depot

I am writing this to warn all of you loyal NOSE readers of something that happened to me. I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me at Home Depot and it could happen to you.
Here's how the scam works, two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride into town. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other.
Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen last Wednesday, Friday, twice on Saturday, again on Monday, and also yesterday and probably tonight.

get fuzzy & Sonics

Time to vote again for Tricia.

Also, another good comic today, this time from Get Fuzzy.

Way To Go, Ichiro!

Congrats to Ichiro and the rest of the World Baseball Classic champions, Japan. Hopefully this will carry over into the regular season for Ichiro and the Seattle Mariners.

Blazers good, Refs bad

The blazer game last night was exciting, but was again ruined for me by the poor officiating of the NBA league and the poor free-throw shooting of the Blazers. This write-up doesn't even mention it, but with somewhere around a minute left, Zach Randolph missed 2 free throws that would have brought them within 2. But about 30 seconds later it became a Moo point* when the Refs failed to call A BLATENT FULL BODY CONTACT FOUL that sent a Blazer player to the ground in mid-lay up after an offensive rebound, and the Bucks went the length of the floor to widen the lead to 5 or 6. It was the biggest horseshit non-call I have seen since the SuperBowl.

The game was hella exciting, and anyone that doesnt dig the Blazers lately has to realize that other than free-throw shooting and those fuckin refs (they sucked against both teams by the way) they games are still damn fun to go to. Especially when you can get tickets cheap and practically sit where ever you want. Plus there is always a chance of a fight, especially when your team keeps losing and the stupid rookie is wearing tights...

On another note, I picked up a Team Autographed ball and a bunch of memoribilla from the Blazers for the raffle. If you haven't bought any tickets to support my Club, you are missing out. Thousands of Dollars in prizes, and tickets are only $1.

*(its like a cows opinion, it doesnt matter)

dilbert is funny

Very funny comic.

Also, if you didnt see my comment to Nate's post, North Carolina was a joke pic I did not get online to change in time. There is a slight chance I will not win the Blog pool...

The Sweet Sixteen a.k.a. How My Bracket Got Busted

Note to self: Quit drinking before filling out March Madness tournament brackets. The downside to that is I will have to wait until next year to actually follow through on it. And as of Saturday, this year's bracket was completely fuckered. Here are the standings as of Monday morning:

1. Shaun Campbell - 480 pts. - still leading after an impressive first round
2. Emily "Red Red" Rine - 450 - Wow! The luck of the Irish is alive and well
tie. Erik Guttormsen - 450 - speechless
4. Alex Nelson - 440 - who knew that bankers knew basketball?
5. E. Rhodes - 430 - who?
6. n8 b - 410 - why UNC, why?
7. Ryan "Dicko" Dickerson - 400 - you suck Dicko
tie. T. Warburton - 400 - who, deux?
9. T. Tasker - 390 - who, again?
tie. Gym Hewey - 390 - now that is some funny shit. I don't care who you are that's some funny shit.

At this time I would like to give a big fuck you to UNC, Ohio State and Kansas. As for Southern Illinois and U of Wisconsin, Milwaukee...my bad, what the hell was I thinking?
As for my other brackets, they are fucked too. I actually had Illinois winning one. I guess I like just throwing money away. My only hope hinges on Dook and J.J. Redick who is looking awfully tired.
As for my St. Paddy's day I drank some green beers, and some Guinness. Erik and Mrs. G. got wasted. Good times. Quite the dangerous duo when they have both been boozing. They have been known to leave empty beer cans and half-eaten breakfast burritos in their wake.