Garrett's Confession
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman
The priest ask, "Is that you, little Garrett?
Yes, Father it is.
And who was the woman you were with?
I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.
Well, Garrett, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Stephani?
I cannot say.
Was it Teresa?
I'll never tell.
Was it Gina?
I'm sorry but I cannot name her.
Was it Stacy?
My lips are sealed.
Was it Carly, then?
Please, Father, I cannot tell you.
The priest sighs in frustration. You're very tight lipped, Garrett and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot attend church services for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself. Garrett walks back to his pew, and his friend Todd slides over and whispers, What'd you get?
Four months vacation and five good leads.......
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
A black tie affair (and getting old)
Black tie weddings are very nice. They cost a lot of money to put on, but damn they are nice.We stayed at the Vintage Park Hotel in Seattle (very nice, all the rooms were named after wineries, and the couple had thank you baskets with wine and cheese and chocolate, etc. waiting for us in our rooms).
We took limos to the wedding and then to the reception at the Columbia Tower Club. This was on the 75th and 76th floor of the tallest building in Seattle.
I could actually see the Seahawks preseason game we were up so high.
Crazy-nice place. And we got dressed up, drank, ate, and danced (kinda) the night away.
Quote from Nate:
"Damn getting old sucks. I'm seriously dragging ass today and I only had 4 or 5 pints. What the fuck? Oh and I just realized I'm exactly 6 months away from 30. Awesome. So I have that going for me."
That made me remember that we are really getting old. When offered a free shot last night, I asked for Jager instead of Tequila so I wouldn't be hurting as much today after the 7 or 8 beers I had smoozing with clients at a few different places.
We actually had the waitress bring a couple of shots of water instead of tequila for two girls who had to drive so that the drunk guy buying would think that the others were drinking with him. You know what sucks? When the waitress gives one of the water shots to the drunk guy. Luckily I am so smooth I convinced him that it was tequilia and he just didn't taste it. And then I got him to take the girl's shot who got the tequilia, and then smell his own glass. "See, I told yours smells like tequilia too." Man I am good...Old, but good.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
iPod Update
Just cause I feel like I need to post something because I haven't posted shit in a while (except for the cockblocked story which I feel pisses excellence). So I can't think of shit to write about, you get an iPod update.
Current songs: 6,431
23.17 gb
Number of days you could listen and not hear a song twice: 49.4 days (WHOA!)
Top 25 playlist (extra special fuck edition) is looking something like this these days:
1. the Rolling Stones, Gimme Shelter (just a great fucking song)
2. Gnarls Barkley, Crazy (just another great fucking song)
3. Interpol, Slow Hands (fuck fuck fuck fucking song)
4. Panic! at the Disco, I Write The Sins...... (fucking long title)
5. the Roots, The Seed (2.fucking0)
6. Trick Daddy & Lil John, Let's Roll (fucking What?)
7. Bloc Party, Banquet (makes me so fucking happy)
8. Arctic Monkeys, I bet you look good on the Dance Floor (fuck?)
9. I'm bored, you get the fucking top 8
Current songs: 6,431
23.17 gb
Number of days you could listen and not hear a song twice: 49.4 days (WHOA!)
Top 25 playlist (extra special fuck edition) is looking something like this these days:
1. the Rolling Stones, Gimme Shelter (just a great fucking song)
2. Gnarls Barkley, Crazy (just another great fucking song)
3. Interpol, Slow Hands (fuck fuck fuck fucking song)
4. Panic! at the Disco, I Write The Sins...... (fucking long title)
5. the Roots, The Seed (2.fucking0)
6. Trick Daddy & Lil John, Let's Roll (fucking What?)
7. Bloc Party, Banquet (makes me so fucking happy)
8. Arctic Monkeys, I bet you look good on the Dance Floor (fuck?)
9. I'm bored, you get the fucking top 8
Monday, August 14, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
Holy Shitballs Batman
Jack Black is about to strike again on the big screen.
Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny
Jack Black (JB) and Kyle Gass (KG) have formed a band the likes of which has never been seen, and they called themselves Tenacious D. This film is not just a list of things that Jables and Rage Kage have done in the past, but it's also a chronicling of their rise to power.
I still haven't seen Nacho Libre yet, but I plan too. And I think I might see the D in theatres, cause that will be the shit.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Celebrate Good Times (and Good Beer)
What: Keg of McMenamin's Ruby Ale
When: August 19th, 2:00 pm
Where: Nate's house
Why: Why the fuck not?
I'm thinking ten bucks a cup, drink til you shit (or piss your pants if your Lowell). Leave me a comment if your interested in drinking some damn good beer and playing some croquet, badminton, bocce and maybe some horseshoes.
When: August 19th, 2:00 pm
Where: Nate's house
Why: Why the fuck not?
I'm thinking ten bucks a cup, drink til you shit (or piss your pants if your Lowell). Leave me a comment if your interested in drinking some damn good beer and playing some croquet, badminton, bocce and maybe some horseshoes.
Tickled
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line
stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..." "Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line
stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..." "Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
Smoot gets a job
Smoot finally got a job, which is nice. It's also funny that Scott Adams made fun of him today in his comic.Also, finding random stuff on the web is fun.
funnyhub.com
bofunk.com
Hey, if anyone sends you an email saying that Mars will be real close this month, and you should plan to watch it, they are stupidly fowarding on a 3 year old email. http://www.snopes.com/science/mars.asp
Don't you hate it when the hole on your boxers is too long, and your junk hangs out? Scott Adams does dilbert blog- undergarments
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
quick rant
Cingular sucks balls
My phone decided not to send or receive calls for the last 2 days, and I didn't know that it wasn't working because it looked normal. WTF? Someone calls my work and says they just called my cell phone. Weird, I didn’t have a missed call. Someone calls and says they even left a message. Weird, I don’t have any messages. I try to call someone today, and my phone immediately hangs up. WTF? I have full bars, I just charged my phone yesterday, WTF? I turn the phone off, and then back on, and WOW, there is a list of missed calls, 3 messages, and the phone is almost out of power.
Anyone know if I just need a new battery? Or maybe I need to insert this crap LG phone up the salesperson’s ass to recharge it? Non-working technology sucks balls.
and a few awesome uses of the demotivator
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Cockblocked
So after my little brother's wedding last Friday my family did what we do best. We got drunk.
My bro's wedding was at the beach so we had a hotel room for the evening. After the reception I went back to the room with my mom, step-dad Bruce, sister Jill, her boyfriend TJ, my cousin Matt and his fiancee Tierna. They all decided to start with some brews but I was wanting something a little stronger. The lounge was calling my name.
I started the evening off with an old standby, the Lemon Drop. And it was so delish that I decided to have another. About halfway through my second drink TJ joined me in the lounge. He decided that he wanted a martini so I had another drink myself. As we were finishing up our drinks the rest of our group all showed up and we decided to go somewhere else. We ended up at the world famous Long Beach Tavern (or the LBT as it's affectionately known).
We ordered a couple of pitchers of Bud Light, Matt and Tierna decided on Long Island Iced Teas and Bruce went with his usual, Crown and Squirt (yummy).
Now I've known Tierna for about five years I would say. During these five years she has seemed like a pretty mellow girl. Not on this night. She drank her Long Island down and decided that she was going to sing a little Karaoke. They called her name and on her way up to the mic she grabbed my half full glass and chugged it down.
She then proceeded to blow the fucking doors off of the LBT with her rendition of some Dixie Chicks' song. I mean she nailed it. Not even looking at the monitor, dancing around the bar singing on a cordless mic. After she was done the place erupted with applause. I was shocked. She rewarded herself by pounding down my new beer.
Somewhere along the way the table next to us became occupied by a couple of girls around my age, an older lady and some dude. Teirna immediately starts chatting them up. She introduces the family and mentions that I'm single. Thanks T. Well one of the girls at the table is interested in some Nate (I'm very handsome).
She introduces herself as Danielle and we start chatting. Somewhere along the way Tierna and her decide to head outside for a smoke. I decide to follow them outside and chat with her a little more. And she is very interested.
Anyways we head back inside and I start enjoying some more brewskis. During this time the other girl at the table next to us leans over and starts talking into my cousin Matt's ear. Out of nowhere Matt screams "She wants to fuck Nate?"
My mom was not amused by this. She turns around and tells the girl "That's my son your talking about." I then got the evil eye from her. Awesome.
Anyways the night goes on and for the rest of the night my Mom is saying things like "You're not leaving with that whore", "what a classless bitch" and some others that I can't really remember. I would glance over at Danielle throughout the evening and she would be just staring me down. Winking, licking her lips, letting me know that she was interested.
Eventually Danielle's whole table gets kicked out. On her way out she comes over to where I'm sitting (right across from my mom) and straddles my leg while she whispers into my ear "Sorry you're mom doesn't like me". To which I responded "It wasn't really you it was your friend's comment". "Well I think your hot" is her answer to that. "I'll be here tomorrow night if you're interested." I wish her a good night and they are on their way.
I turn back to our table and my mom is giving me some serious stink-eye. "Just go home with the whore." Wow.
Mom + drinks = saying anything she wants
We finish another round or two and all head back to the hotel. I was sleeping on a hide-a-bed in Jill and TJ's room and my mom told them to make sure I didn't sneak out. To which I replied "Thanks for cock-blocking me Mom". We all laughed our asses off at this comment and then went to bed.
And no, I didn't go back to the LBT the next night. Any girl that's gonna give it up on the first night isn't somebody I wanna be with. I'd rather have my dick not fall off.
My bro's wedding was at the beach so we had a hotel room for the evening. After the reception I went back to the room with my mom, step-dad Bruce, sister Jill, her boyfriend TJ, my cousin Matt and his fiancee Tierna. They all decided to start with some brews but I was wanting something a little stronger. The lounge was calling my name.
I started the evening off with an old standby, the Lemon Drop. And it was so delish that I decided to have another. About halfway through my second drink TJ joined me in the lounge. He decided that he wanted a martini so I had another drink myself. As we were finishing up our drinks the rest of our group all showed up and we decided to go somewhere else. We ended up at the world famous Long Beach Tavern (or the LBT as it's affectionately known).
We ordered a couple of pitchers of Bud Light, Matt and Tierna decided on Long Island Iced Teas and Bruce went with his usual, Crown and Squirt (yummy).
Now I've known Tierna for about five years I would say. During these five years she has seemed like a pretty mellow girl. Not on this night. She drank her Long Island down and decided that she was going to sing a little Karaoke. They called her name and on her way up to the mic she grabbed my half full glass and chugged it down.
She then proceeded to blow the fucking doors off of the LBT with her rendition of some Dixie Chicks' song. I mean she nailed it. Not even looking at the monitor, dancing around the bar singing on a cordless mic. After she was done the place erupted with applause. I was shocked. She rewarded herself by pounding down my new beer.
Somewhere along the way the table next to us became occupied by a couple of girls around my age, an older lady and some dude. Teirna immediately starts chatting them up. She introduces the family and mentions that I'm single. Thanks T. Well one of the girls at the table is interested in some Nate (I'm very handsome).
She introduces herself as Danielle and we start chatting. Somewhere along the way Tierna and her decide to head outside for a smoke. I decide to follow them outside and chat with her a little more. And she is very interested.
Anyways we head back inside and I start enjoying some more brewskis. During this time the other girl at the table next to us leans over and starts talking into my cousin Matt's ear. Out of nowhere Matt screams "She wants to fuck Nate?"
My mom was not amused by this. She turns around and tells the girl "That's my son your talking about." I then got the evil eye from her. Awesome.
Anyways the night goes on and for the rest of the night my Mom is saying things like "You're not leaving with that whore", "what a classless bitch" and some others that I can't really remember. I would glance over at Danielle throughout the evening and she would be just staring me down. Winking, licking her lips, letting me know that she was interested.
Eventually Danielle's whole table gets kicked out. On her way out she comes over to where I'm sitting (right across from my mom) and straddles my leg while she whispers into my ear "Sorry you're mom doesn't like me". To which I responded "It wasn't really you it was your friend's comment". "Well I think your hot" is her answer to that. "I'll be here tomorrow night if you're interested." I wish her a good night and they are on their way.
I turn back to our table and my mom is giving me some serious stink-eye. "Just go home with the whore." Wow.
Mom + drinks = saying anything she wants
We finish another round or two and all head back to the hotel. I was sleeping on a hide-a-bed in Jill and TJ's room and my mom told them to make sure I didn't sneak out. To which I replied "Thanks for cock-blocking me Mom". We all laughed our asses off at this comment and then went to bed.
And no, I didn't go back to the LBT the next night. Any girl that's gonna give it up on the first night isn't somebody I wanna be with. I'd rather have my dick not fall off.
Nate gets another nod
Once again, Mulgrew has gone to the bullpen for some much needed celebrity mention on his website.
"Longtime reader and emailer Nate from Longview, Washington emailed me a few weeks ago after I announced my new love affair with whiskey. He said something to the effect of, "Whiskey will only destroy you in the end. Beer is the one true answer." I replied, "Well, I guess that’s something every man has to learn on his own." And while I’m not beating my wife or robbing banks, I think I may be starting to learn this. "
This is Nate's second mention on the much loved Everything is wrong with me. And this one didn't cost me a case of Ruby Ale, which is nice. Which reminds me, I should probably pay up on that bet sometime...
"Longtime reader and emailer Nate from Longview, Washington emailed me a few weeks ago after I announced my new love affair with whiskey. He said something to the effect of, "Whiskey will only destroy you in the end. Beer is the one true answer." I replied, "Well, I guess that’s something every man has to learn on his own." And while I’m not beating my wife or robbing banks, I think I may be starting to learn this. "
This is Nate's second mention on the much loved Everything is wrong with me. And this one didn't cost me a case of Ruby Ale, which is nice. Which reminds me, I should probably pay up on that bet sometime...
Monday, August 07, 2006
Brewfest 2006, part 1
A good start to a good day.
Can you spot Smoot and Shaun?
If I have to take the picture myself, I'm gonna be in one damit!
Okay I'm gonna be in more than one. Stacy and Pat finally meet up with us.
Psycho Dicko makes another camera appearance,
...or two, although he can only hold the psycho face for so long before he starts laughing about Smoot and Nate's luck with the ladies (not counting April of course)
Pat and Stacy smile about the nutshot Pat just gave Nate.
Dicko pays for room and board...
finally a normal pic of me and Shaun
After brewfest, it was on the hookah bar across the street from where we parked. The tuti-fruti was excellent, as were the numerous shots and drinks we consumed,
which was a very good idea after drinking beer all day, hence the winner of Drink til you Piss 2006... LOWELL!! There are more pics of the hookah bar and hooters, which will be part 2...maybe, if blogger will cooperate...
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Pubcrawl - Bar #2 & 3 & 4
Pubcrawl - Bar #2 The Silver Star
Dicko prepares to go "over the top" on Smoot.
Longview chicks are fans of the thundercats. (And midriff shirts that don't fit)
This picture was funny at the time, and now I can't remember why.
HEY, I'm finally in a picture...next to the ever-sober Smoot.
Dicko prepares to go "over the top" on Smoot.
Longview chicks are fans of the thundercats. (And midriff shirts that don't fit)
This picture was funny at the time, and now I can't remember why.
HEY, I'm finally in a picture...next to the ever-sober Smoot.
Pubcrawl - Bar #3 Kesslers
Nate forgot two things. To shave. And the man law that we now clink "bottoms." No spit transfer for me as I shy away from the "clink".
Pubcrawl - Bar #4 My house
Yeah, we hit Taco Bell AND Muchos Gracias. What of it?
Nate Bullock: Vagina Inspector
I found an acceptable distance of seperation between Sally McPass out and his sister Holly McPukesHard the next morning.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Pictures - Bowling
This weekend in pictures (notice I am not in many. Don't you hate when you take a bunch of pictures, and then look at your camera and you didn't get in any of the pictures?)
First night - Friday - Drink Til you Shit 2006 (Westcoast) kicks off with a pubcrawl that begins at the Hilander Fun Center/Bowling Alley. Great Pizza, Big ol Beers, and wonderful attentive wait staff that allowed us to keep bowling without having to stop much for trips to the lounge.
Dicko Cleans his Ball.
Smoot the Lefty trying to pick up the 9 pin spare.
Nate about to scare Dickos ball into the gutter.
Abby celebrating after the backwards between the legs strike she just picked up with no bumpers (pretty amazing actually).
Nate doing what he does best when he bowls.
A couple pics of the pubcrawl part of the trip. (notice the recurring theme of flipping off, bullshiting, and drinking. I notice that Smoots drink is consistantly empty, while nates is full...)
And I couldn't resist the pic of Lowell admiring the mailbox...
Pictures of the rest of the pubcrawl and Saturday's brewfest to follow, but for now, here is Apul's online brewfest album and a link to the wonderful supplier of cigars at brewfest cascade cigar.
First night - Friday - Drink Til you Shit 2006 (Westcoast) kicks off with a pubcrawl that begins at the Hilander Fun Center/Bowling Alley. Great Pizza, Big ol Beers, and wonderful attentive wait staff that allowed us to keep bowling without having to stop much for trips to the lounge.
Dicko Cleans his Ball.
Smoot the Lefty trying to pick up the 9 pin spare.
Nate about to scare Dickos ball into the gutter.
Abby celebrating after the backwards between the legs strike she just picked up with no bumpers (pretty amazing actually).
Nate doing what he does best when he bowls.
A couple pics of the pubcrawl part of the trip. (notice the recurring theme of flipping off, bullshiting, and drinking. I notice that Smoots drink is consistantly empty, while nates is full...)
And I couldn't resist the pic of Lowell admiring the mailbox...
Pictures of the rest of the pubcrawl and Saturday's brewfest to follow, but for now, here is Apul's online brewfest album and a link to the wonderful supplier of cigars at brewfest cascade cigar.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Damn The Man, Sales Are Easy, McMenamin's & Brewfest Pics
So today was the end of my company's fiscal year. And as the new year starts they are now deciding that they are going to monitor your e-mails and what webpages you visit. And I guess using your computer for stuff other than work will not be tolerated. So this next week is going to be extra long for me. I usually finish my work pretty quickly and spend my free time e-mailing or surfing my favorite blogs and hitting up the ol' ESPN.com. That all came to an end today. I mean is it my fault that I know how to use our system and I'm a helluva salesman? Seriously, I could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves. That's how good I am. And plumbing is a pretty easy thing to pick up, I've been doing it for about seven years now and seem to have the hang of it.
I've gotten copies of a couple of photos from my little bro and Apul and thought I would share them.
Here is T.R. getting ready to enjoy a nice porter. It was delish.
Here is a pic of T.R., cousin Matt, me and cousin Kyle getting ready to enjoy our brewery samplers. No my cousin Kyle isn't retarded, he's just being goofy for the pic. If you look close, you'll notice I have a couple of empties in front of me (I was thirsty).
Here is an overhead view of the Sampler. You can't beat it for seven bucks. Great way to get Brewfest day started.
Here is a pic of me and Apul at brewfest. I am enjoying a very potent 9% alcohol brew and Apul is enjoying a ginger ale. Just joking, I'm not sure what he's drinking.
I'm sure Erik has a bunch of other pics and I know he has some good ones of Friday night.
I've gotten copies of a couple of photos from my little bro and Apul and thought I would share them.
Here is T.R. getting ready to enjoy a nice porter. It was delish.
Here is a pic of T.R., cousin Matt, me and cousin Kyle getting ready to enjoy our brewery samplers. No my cousin Kyle isn't retarded, he's just being goofy for the pic. If you look close, you'll notice I have a couple of empties in front of me (I was thirsty).
Here is an overhead view of the Sampler. You can't beat it for seven bucks. Great way to get Brewfest day started.
Here is a pic of me and Apul at brewfest. I am enjoying a very potent 9% alcohol brew and Apul is enjoying a ginger ale. Just joking, I'm not sure what he's drinking.
I'm sure Erik has a bunch of other pics and I know he has some good ones of Friday night.
Cool
It is cool to know a lot about computers now. It is cool to blog. It is cool to be on myspace and tons of other websites. It is cool to email. It is cool to text message. It is cool to have the latest technology, TVs, cell phones, and I-pods.
All of these statements were untrue at one time, so I ask you, is it cool yet to play video games?
(borrowed from toothpastefordinner)
And another classic.
All of these statements were untrue at one time, so I ask you, is it cool yet to play video games?
(borrowed from toothpastefordinner)
And another classic.
more sites
I couldn't resist a quick post. I saw a link to the red stripe site, and it just made me thirsty again after this weekend. I want to thank all of you guys for making me feel young again. (you wussy puking bastards)
And a few fun sites.
Smoot was nice enough to download a cool spyware finder to my computer, and after I convinced him not to make my background and home website link to myfirstbigcock.com, he showed me this fun site. toothpaste for dinner
And dicko chimed in with one of his favorite humor sites. break.com
Also, I was told to go to chuck norris facts by Pam . ABSOLUTELY AWESOME. According to the site, these are a few of Chuck's favorites
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
- Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
- When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
- Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
- Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING
More brewfest
additions to that story.
After nate went home Friday, we stayed up til about 5:00...and I can't remember what the fuck we did for 2 hours. Man, beer is wonderful.
Saturday, Apul drove us (thanks Apul, you rock) and Drink til you Shit, turned into drink til you piss or puke. Lowell won the piss contest, and Smoot won the puke contest, although Dicko came in second when he puked so loud out the side of the car that he woke me up. The hukah bar was awesome, and although the pizza was good, don't eat whatever Smoot ate, because he said he tasted horrible on the way out...
Our car-full also heard the call of the Hooters on the way home. The wings were awesome, as usual, the fries were good, but whoever heard of $12 for a pitcher of domestic outside of Seattle or New York. I guess you have to pay extra or you end up wearing orange shorts that don't cover your ass all the way...
And unfortunately, we were there way later than Nate since he wasn't answering his damn phone. I am very mad I missed the T.R. show. But I did see a buddy make friends with a 60 year old dude, and then watch them both hit on a girl born in 89 (89 ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME? Man, we are old)
Sunday was supposed to be wiffleball, but it rained for about 20 minutes right when we were walking out the door to meet Nate, so that killed that plan. Of course it got sunny for the rest of the day 30 min later, but by then we were eating pizza and being lazy, so that's how that day ended.
And nate is right, I do have a lot of pictures, and will hopefully hook up the camera by tomorrow.
After nate went home Friday, we stayed up til about 5:00...and I can't remember what the fuck we did for 2 hours. Man, beer is wonderful.
Saturday, Apul drove us (thanks Apul, you rock) and Drink til you Shit, turned into drink til you piss or puke. Lowell won the piss contest, and Smoot won the puke contest, although Dicko came in second when he puked so loud out the side of the car that he woke me up. The hukah bar was awesome, and although the pizza was good, don't eat whatever Smoot ate, because he said he tasted horrible on the way out...
Our car-full also heard the call of the Hooters on the way home. The wings were awesome, as usual, the fries were good, but whoever heard of $12 for a pitcher of domestic outside of Seattle or New York. I guess you have to pay extra or you end up wearing orange shorts that don't cover your ass all the way...
And unfortunately, we were there way later than Nate since he wasn't answering his damn phone. I am very mad I missed the T.R. show. But I did see a buddy make friends with a 60 year old dude, and then watch them both hit on a girl born in 89 (89 ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME? Man, we are old)
Sunday was supposed to be wiffleball, but it rained for about 20 minutes right when we were walking out the door to meet Nate, so that killed that plan. Of course it got sunny for the rest of the day 30 min later, but by then we were eating pizza and being lazy, so that's how that day ended.
And nate is right, I do have a lot of pictures, and will hopefully hook up the camera by tomorrow.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Bar Crawling, T.R., McMenamin's, Brewfest, Short Fuse, Naked Sushi, Hooters
As soon as Smooty ordered the two shots of Jack Daniels, I knew I was in trouble. You see, I hate whiskey. Hate it. Especially as a straight shot.
But then I remembered a little tip Gus gave me at Teabag's wedding last weekend. I sitting there bullshitting with Erik at the reception when he starts telling me about some old guy he was talking too. The guy was drinking whiskey on the rocks and Erik proclaimed that no matter how much he tried straight whiskey, he can never get the hang of it. Well the older guy tells him that right before you take your drink, you should inhale through your nose. Then take your drink and exhale afterwards. Erik said he tried in and it seemed to work.
So as I was raising the Jack to my mouth, I inhaled through my nose and shot it down. As I was exhaling I thought to myself, this ain't too bad. Then my stomach trembled. And it wasn't one of those little trembles. I was scared. I started drinking down my Bud Light and it seemed to do the trick.
We made our way back out to the bowling lanes and started bowling. I finished my first game with something like a 132 (very good for me) and promptly fell apart at the beginning of game 2. My final score was something under seventy. I was feeling no pain at this time and was trying some behind the back and through the leg bullshit. And it wasn't working for me.
The plan before bowling was to hit as many bars as possible before retiring for the evening. Well somehow we got fandangled (great word) into bowling three games. And trying to bowl three games in a timely fashion while consuming more and more alcohol, not such a great plan. We were at the bowling alley a good couple of hours.
We left the Hilander Family Fun Center without playing any lazer tag and headed towards Longview. Our next stop was the Silver Star. And it was dead. We ordered a pitcher of beer or two and somewhere along the line Mrs. G-Dizzle bought me a Vodka Redbull (thanks Abby, you rule!) cause I was beginning to drag ass. As I was finishing my Vodka Redbull the Coach called me and asked where I was. He said he needed to chat with me and it was extremely important. I left and met him and we talked over our gameplan.
I made my return to the Silver Star ready to hit another bar or two. It was approximately midnight at this time. We decided our next stop should be the new bar Kesler's and made our way there. After getting carded on the street before entering (WTF? I thought we were in Longview) we were able to make our way to the bar and wait sixteen fucking minutes to order our beers as we watched ALL of the Bud Lights disappear. My the time I ordered the best possible choice was Rainier. So I snatched up five bottles of Rainier and distributed them to the Guttormsens, Smooty and Dicko.
Interpol just came on over my iTunes and it kicks more ass than Mr. Miyagi (R.I.P.) If you don't have it, you should get it.
We finished our Rainiers and somehow ended up outside. I don't really remember the next half hour or so but 2 AM came around and it was determined that we should make a run for the border. Eighteen dollars of tacos and burritos later we were headed back to the Guttormsen residence. Then Mrs. G-Dizzle decided she needed some Muchas Gracias too. So we went through the drive-thru picking up a couple more burritos. We made our way back to G's and grubbed down on some burritos. I finished a burrito and decided to head home since we were all going to have a long day drinking the next day.
The plan for Saturday was to get my little brother Travis (T.R. for short) drunk. You see T.R. doesn't drink much. The last time I drank with him was on New Year's Eve-Eve (12/30). And he was a trooper drinking whiskey with our step-dad. He made me very proud that night. Well what I didn't know was that T.R. got really really really sick that night and puked from about 2 AM til about 10 AM. And he spent most of New Year's Eve curled up on the couch recovering. So when he agreed to head down to Brewfest I was ecstatic. And since he is getting married in less than a week, we decided to make a mini Bachelor party out of it.
The plan was to stop in Vancouver at a place called Hot-Track that had indoor go-karts. We decided to meet at my place and then head out. T.R. and our cousins Matt and Kyle were going to ride with me. Apul was going to borrow his parents van and take Gus, Smooty, Dicko, Shaun C and our buddy Lowell. Apul and Lowell arrived late to my house due to a communication breakdown and soon realized that Apul had forgotten the third row seating in the van. So they decided to run back to his parent's place and grab the third row seat and then meet us in the Couv.
I figured that since we had a good fifteen to twenty minute head-start we would swing by the Vancouver mall and try to locate a Viking helmet for T.R. One tradition that my group of friends has had is that the bachelor would always were the Viking helmet. I'm not sure if Gus wore it or not but I'm sure that Burck, Bronson and Tosh all wore it. And I was going to be sure that my brother wore it too. The one problem was that it was missing. So we needed a new helmet. And after searching high and low in the mall there was not going to be any Viking helmets on this day.
We were leaving the mall when Gus called me. They were at Hot Tracks and the building was vacant. You would think that when the webpage looks like this you would think that they were open. The place was in fact closed. This fucking sucked. We went there for Burck's bachelor party and had the time of our lives. Well maybe not Williamson but everybody else did. The plan quickly turned into just heading to Brewfest. Matt said he was hungry so I told Gus that we were going to stop and eat and then head to the waterfront for Brewfest.
We couldn't decide between McMenamin's (my choice), or Hooter's (Kyle's choice). Well I was driving so you know were we ended up. We took an outdoor seat at McMenamin's White Eagle hotel and I ordered a Brewery Sampler for everybody. And it was delicious as usual. Kyle didn't care for the seasonal Koelsch so I drank it for him. The Ruby was the bomb as always. After eating and finishing our beers we made our way down towards the waterfront. Finding parking on this day would prove to be a challenge.
We finally just pulled into lot and paid six bucks to park. We walked the three blocks down to the waterfront and took our spot in one of the two entrance lines. Gus called me wondering where the hell I was. I told him we were in line and he said to find them at the entrance of the second tent. After getting carded (not really, the guy just glanced at my ID. It could had a picture of Bill Cosby on the mofo and they would've let me in. I jumped in line to get our beer mugs and some tokens and ordered enough for T.R. and Matt. Kyle was gonna D.D. so he cut himself off. Thanks Kyle for being so cool, cause my plan was to get wasted.
We found the group and they pointed me towards a line were they were serving some beer with 9% alcohol content. It kinda tasted like Arrogant Bastard only a little stronger. It reminded me of the brewery on the San Juan Island that brews Raging Mane, another 9% brew. After that I tried an ale then wandered to the other tent with Dicko. We decided to jump in the first short line we saw which just so happened to be for a Raspberry Wheat beer. And it wasn't too bad. Kinda fruity (like Gus) but pretty good. And it ended up being the perfect prop for what was a running joke for Dicko and I. Dicko would stop somebody and cheers them and ask if they knew where the Pabst Blue Ribbon/Old English/some other malt liquor line was. They would laugh and we would point to our cups and say we just found the Mad Dog 20/20 line and point to one end of the festival grounds. Dicko and I thought this was hilarious. Somewhere along the way Smoot got shit-faced. BIG time shit-faced. And I also lost track of my bro and cousins. After another Raspberry wheat and my third trip to the port-o-potty I jumped into a short line. After my first taste of their beer I realized why the line was so short. It was fucking terrible. It's name was Rooster. And it tasted like a barnyard smells. Dookalicious.
Somewhere along the way I ran into UFC fighter Ed "Short Fuse" Herman. I went up and said hi, shook his hand and came to the realization that he's an asshole. He thinks he's pretty fucking cool but he was a prick.
I found my cousin Kyle and he took me over to were Matt and T.R. were sitting. They said they were getting hungry so we decided to take off and try to find some grub. We were unable to decide between Sushi or a strip club. My cousin Kyle said his buddy knew of a strip club where you could eat Sushi off of a naked girl. I was intrigued. Kyle made a phone call and we learned that this place was about ten minutes away. After getting lost and finally finding the place about a half hour later we made our way inside. There was nothing posted anywhere about Sushi off of naked girls. I wandered back out the front door and started chatting with the doorman. He was cool as shit and explained that the Naked Sushi deal had to be called in at least four hours beforehand. We were out of luck. We left disappointed but tried another strip club. The Acropolis has some of the best steak and for six bucks who can resist. I figured we would stop there, grab a steak and a beer and then head home. One problem was that the place was packed and it was standing room only. Somebody suggested Hooter's and we were on our way.
Our waitress Amanda was cool as shit. She stood at our table bullshitting and joking with us while we decided what we were eating. Somehow the conversation got turned to the fact that T.R. was a bachelor on his last free weekend night and she said she was going to make it special. After our meal she came up to T.R. with a tank-top and a pair of the famous orange shorts and told him to put it on. There was another bachelor at the table next to us and they were also putting a tank top on him. Out of the other side of the restaurant another bachelor appeared already sporting his orange shorts. They found a fourth bachelor and make them all come up to the front of restaurant where they proceeded to make fools out of them. I had no idea T.R. knew all of the words to YMCA until last night.
After about another twenty minutes of sitting around we decided to start heading home. Somehow T.R. made it out the door with the shorts and tank-top. I think it's one of his deep down dreams to be a Hooter's girl. All in all I think T.R. had a blast.
I'm sure Gus will be posting some great pictures of our weekend here in the very near future.
But then I remembered a little tip Gus gave me at Teabag's wedding last weekend. I sitting there bullshitting with Erik at the reception when he starts telling me about some old guy he was talking too. The guy was drinking whiskey on the rocks and Erik proclaimed that no matter how much he tried straight whiskey, he can never get the hang of it. Well the older guy tells him that right before you take your drink, you should inhale through your nose. Then take your drink and exhale afterwards. Erik said he tried in and it seemed to work.
So as I was raising the Jack to my mouth, I inhaled through my nose and shot it down. As I was exhaling I thought to myself, this ain't too bad. Then my stomach trembled. And it wasn't one of those little trembles. I was scared. I started drinking down my Bud Light and it seemed to do the trick.
We made our way back out to the bowling lanes and started bowling. I finished my first game with something like a 132 (very good for me) and promptly fell apart at the beginning of game 2. My final score was something under seventy. I was feeling no pain at this time and was trying some behind the back and through the leg bullshit. And it wasn't working for me.
The plan before bowling was to hit as many bars as possible before retiring for the evening. Well somehow we got fandangled (great word) into bowling three games. And trying to bowl three games in a timely fashion while consuming more and more alcohol, not such a great plan. We were at the bowling alley a good couple of hours.
We left the Hilander Family Fun Center without playing any lazer tag and headed towards Longview. Our next stop was the Silver Star. And it was dead. We ordered a pitcher of beer or two and somewhere along the line Mrs. G-Dizzle bought me a Vodka Redbull (thanks Abby, you rule!) cause I was beginning to drag ass. As I was finishing my Vodka Redbull the Coach called me and asked where I was. He said he needed to chat with me and it was extremely important. I left and met him and we talked over our gameplan.
I made my return to the Silver Star ready to hit another bar or two. It was approximately midnight at this time. We decided our next stop should be the new bar Kesler's and made our way there. After getting carded on the street before entering (WTF? I thought we were in Longview) we were able to make our way to the bar and wait sixteen fucking minutes to order our beers as we watched ALL of the Bud Lights disappear. My the time I ordered the best possible choice was Rainier. So I snatched up five bottles of Rainier and distributed them to the Guttormsens, Smooty and Dicko.
Interpol just came on over my iTunes and it kicks more ass than Mr. Miyagi (R.I.P.) If you don't have it, you should get it.
We finished our Rainiers and somehow ended up outside. I don't really remember the next half hour or so but 2 AM came around and it was determined that we should make a run for the border. Eighteen dollars of tacos and burritos later we were headed back to the Guttormsen residence. Then Mrs. G-Dizzle decided she needed some Muchas Gracias too. So we went through the drive-thru picking up a couple more burritos. We made our way back to G's and grubbed down on some burritos. I finished a burrito and decided to head home since we were all going to have a long day drinking the next day.
The plan for Saturday was to get my little brother Travis (T.R. for short) drunk. You see T.R. doesn't drink much. The last time I drank with him was on New Year's Eve-Eve (12/30). And he was a trooper drinking whiskey with our step-dad. He made me very proud that night. Well what I didn't know was that T.R. got really really really sick that night and puked from about 2 AM til about 10 AM. And he spent most of New Year's Eve curled up on the couch recovering. So when he agreed to head down to Brewfest I was ecstatic. And since he is getting married in less than a week, we decided to make a mini Bachelor party out of it.
The plan was to stop in Vancouver at a place called Hot-Track that had indoor go-karts. We decided to meet at my place and then head out. T.R. and our cousins Matt and Kyle were going to ride with me. Apul was going to borrow his parents van and take Gus, Smooty, Dicko, Shaun C and our buddy Lowell. Apul and Lowell arrived late to my house due to a communication breakdown and soon realized that Apul had forgotten the third row seating in the van. So they decided to run back to his parent's place and grab the third row seat and then meet us in the Couv.
I figured that since we had a good fifteen to twenty minute head-start we would swing by the Vancouver mall and try to locate a Viking helmet for T.R. One tradition that my group of friends has had is that the bachelor would always were the Viking helmet. I'm not sure if Gus wore it or not but I'm sure that Burck, Bronson and Tosh all wore it. And I was going to be sure that my brother wore it too. The one problem was that it was missing. So we needed a new helmet. And after searching high and low in the mall there was not going to be any Viking helmets on this day.
We were leaving the mall when Gus called me. They were at Hot Tracks and the building was vacant. You would think that when the webpage looks like this you would think that they were open. The place was in fact closed. This fucking sucked. We went there for Burck's bachelor party and had the time of our lives. Well maybe not Williamson but everybody else did. The plan quickly turned into just heading to Brewfest. Matt said he was hungry so I told Gus that we were going to stop and eat and then head to the waterfront for Brewfest.
We couldn't decide between McMenamin's (my choice), or Hooter's (Kyle's choice). Well I was driving so you know were we ended up. We took an outdoor seat at McMenamin's White Eagle hotel and I ordered a Brewery Sampler for everybody. And it was delicious as usual. Kyle didn't care for the seasonal Koelsch so I drank it for him. The Ruby was the bomb as always. After eating and finishing our beers we made our way down towards the waterfront. Finding parking on this day would prove to be a challenge.
We finally just pulled into lot and paid six bucks to park. We walked the three blocks down to the waterfront and took our spot in one of the two entrance lines. Gus called me wondering where the hell I was. I told him we were in line and he said to find them at the entrance of the second tent. After getting carded (not really, the guy just glanced at my ID. It could had a picture of Bill Cosby on the mofo and they would've let me in. I jumped in line to get our beer mugs and some tokens and ordered enough for T.R. and Matt. Kyle was gonna D.D. so he cut himself off. Thanks Kyle for being so cool, cause my plan was to get wasted.
We found the group and they pointed me towards a line were they were serving some beer with 9% alcohol content. It kinda tasted like Arrogant Bastard only a little stronger. It reminded me of the brewery on the San Juan Island that brews Raging Mane, another 9% brew. After that I tried an ale then wandered to the other tent with Dicko. We decided to jump in the first short line we saw which just so happened to be for a Raspberry Wheat beer. And it wasn't too bad. Kinda fruity (like Gus) but pretty good. And it ended up being the perfect prop for what was a running joke for Dicko and I. Dicko would stop somebody and cheers them and ask if they knew where the Pabst Blue Ribbon/Old English/some other malt liquor line was. They would laugh and we would point to our cups and say we just found the Mad Dog 20/20 line and point to one end of the festival grounds. Dicko and I thought this was hilarious. Somewhere along the way Smoot got shit-faced. BIG time shit-faced. And I also lost track of my bro and cousins. After another Raspberry wheat and my third trip to the port-o-potty I jumped into a short line. After my first taste of their beer I realized why the line was so short. It was fucking terrible. It's name was Rooster. And it tasted like a barnyard smells. Dookalicious.
Somewhere along the way I ran into UFC fighter Ed "Short Fuse" Herman. I went up and said hi, shook his hand and came to the realization that he's an asshole. He thinks he's pretty fucking cool but he was a prick.
I found my cousin Kyle and he took me over to were Matt and T.R. were sitting. They said they were getting hungry so we decided to take off and try to find some grub. We were unable to decide between Sushi or a strip club. My cousin Kyle said his buddy knew of a strip club where you could eat Sushi off of a naked girl. I was intrigued. Kyle made a phone call and we learned that this place was about ten minutes away. After getting lost and finally finding the place about a half hour later we made our way inside. There was nothing posted anywhere about Sushi off of naked girls. I wandered back out the front door and started chatting with the doorman. He was cool as shit and explained that the Naked Sushi deal had to be called in at least four hours beforehand. We were out of luck. We left disappointed but tried another strip club. The Acropolis has some of the best steak and for six bucks who can resist. I figured we would stop there, grab a steak and a beer and then head home. One problem was that the place was packed and it was standing room only. Somebody suggested Hooter's and we were on our way.
Our waitress Amanda was cool as shit. She stood at our table bullshitting and joking with us while we decided what we were eating. Somehow the conversation got turned to the fact that T.R. was a bachelor on his last free weekend night and she said she was going to make it special. After our meal she came up to T.R. with a tank-top and a pair of the famous orange shorts and told him to put it on. There was another bachelor at the table next to us and they were also putting a tank top on him. Out of the other side of the restaurant another bachelor appeared already sporting his orange shorts. They found a fourth bachelor and make them all come up to the front of restaurant where they proceeded to make fools out of them. I had no idea T.R. knew all of the words to YMCA until last night.
After about another twenty minutes of sitting around we decided to start heading home. Somehow T.R. made it out the door with the shorts and tank-top. I think it's one of his deep down dreams to be a Hooter's girl. All in all I think T.R. had a blast.
I'm sure Gus will be posting some great pictures of our weekend here in the very near future.
Friday, July 28, 2006
arrrgh, pirates
I found another great site. OfficePirates Especially funny are the photo gallaries and the captions.
and I changed my profile pic. It's just like my dad in the 70s.
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