Movie of the Day (explicit)

NEW!!!!

"Unknown Movie Title of the Day"

(Today's movie that you do not want to see)

Men in Back

This new segment is brought to you by a friend's sister who manages a small movie store here in town. The short-version is that almost none of the stores in town have a "porn room" any more, and so this store has had to expand (more than once) to fit in all the porn that their customers want, including lining the movies up so you only see the titles because the amount of space required is enormous, and the amount of space available is not.

Today was "new porn day," and needless to say she has some absolutely hilarious stories, including the dork yesterday who went up to the counter while "having the flag at full mast..." I bet the conversation went something like this...

"No video games today? Ooooh, something a little spicier I see. Your parents must be gone for the weekend. Maybe next year when you're 25 you can get your own place...""Oookay, interesting choice, but I'm not judging you... (Granny Takes a Squirt) There you go. Thanks, and uhhh sign here, and uuhhh, you might want to do something about that. Your pants seem to have shrunk. Thanks. Come again."

note to self: Always "Shake hands with the unemployeed" before going to rent porn.

2nd note to self: If you are tall enough that your waist is above the counter, WAIT UNTIL YOUR COCK IS LIMP before you rent and/or buy porn. (Or anything else for that matter)

P.S. Please feel free to comment with your favorite masterbation terminoligy and/or favorite porn movie names, whether you've seen em, or if it was just a friend of a friend's sister's cousin's hairdresser's brother who saw it becuse you would never watch such filth as "Split the Uprights."

spread em

Football:
During the Raiders pre-season game today, I swear I heard the announcer say "You want to spread em, then ram it inside." You got to love announcers that speak before they think. Either that or he was reading Playboy instead of watching the game...

Work:
I may be on here and my site less, as I have been super busy at work for about a year and a half, and am now busier. So see you around maybe...

Heather:
My sister heather emailed me back. She is in Memphis, planning to travel to Nashville, then to North Carolina in hopes of visiting a few friends with her roommate as they wait for word on when they will be able to return to New Orleans. Needless to say, she's glad she's safe, but wants us to pray for all the survivors as well as the zoo full of animals they care for...and try not to dwell on the fact she probably lost everything since her car and all her stuff were left behind. She escaped with a backpack and her kitty. That sucks.

fuck you katrina

I said I would get those pictures on the net from the various weddings, but I keep flipping from story to story about Hurricane Katrina, and realizing that I really don't feel like it. I feel selfish for being pissed gas is so expensive, while I realize my sister might have lost most of the stuff she owns since she is living in New Orleans and her rental is probably underwater. I know she got out of town okay, and she told my parents shes having a good time in Memphis, but still, Katrina sucks. I was going though all the pictures, and I realized the swamp, and the bars, and her house, and everything else we saw are totally fucked up.

So I turned on The Office on NBC. That show rocks.

Dicko's Hitched!

The rest of the pics will go on my website, hopefully tonight. Here are a few good ones, 2 nice ones, one of Dicko demonstrating how we are supposed to eat food (I hope...), and another good picture of Brad keeping it real. He's can clap-dance with the best of em...

Recommended Site

I love when someone recommends a site, and I end up laughing out loud as I read it. I hope that people find me funny as often as I do (because if you can't laugh at yourself, then how can you let others do it...), but just in case, here is another site I will be adding to the fun links to the left and to my links page on my website...
http://www.jasonmulgrew.com/index2.php

I fully recommend reading the most recent post or two, then the about me, and then you have to read the photo diary. By the third picture I was laughing out loud at work where I was supposedly doing real work, and had to come here and save the rest of the pictures for later. Needless to say he starts right off with the baby pictures that make him look like a gay sailor, and it just gets funnier from there.

Also, this weekend was Dicko's wedding. I will get some more pictures up here soon. I am sure they will be very funny, but I will need to see them to verify this, as wine was free, and tends to erase memories when drunken from the big fish bowl that used to hold the matchbooks at the bar. Man, nothing says too much to drink like going out for burgers before you pass out, and going to Dicks just so you can giggle about the phrase "I could really go for a mouthfull of Dicks."

Fantasy Football

The only good things about fantasy football are the shit talking, and the fact that its gets me to watch more football on the weekends. The whole tracking players and remembering to check your line up and all that can really drain your life away, but luckily its not baseball or basketball.

Thanks to Dicko for helping me fall back off the wagon. And for autopicking the rest of my team and smoots team when we were without computer.

And good luck to Abby, who is probably on her way over to finish up volleyball tryouts and cut some girls. Maybe James would consider coming down to coach a D-squad so they don't have to cut any...

And hopefully my next post will be a couple pictures from when I was social chair, becuase I know everyone wants to see the skit of James and Hager playing the role of Judy and James (or was it Smoot and ???).

Double Posting Cause I Can

How fast do you think they are going?
A. Not moving.
B. 1 MPH
C. Fast enough that the screaming bunny in the backseat just filled up the seat with rabbit pellets.


On another note, which actually brought me back here on the same day (double-post) My quote page has been updated a few times recently, including a great pic todd sent in, as well as this quote:
"Everyone has an opinion. Everyone has an asshole. The trick is remembering most people don't really want to hear either of them."

Todd's bday & the Foo Fighters

edit: I got reminded that its Todd's birthday today. Looks like the drinking at Dicko's wedding will be extra special, and in larger quantites than previously discussed...


I got the new Foo Fighters cd In Your Honor (not because of you, In Your Honor is the name of the cd). The songs In Your Honor and Best of You are awesome, and both cds are completely listenable (is that a word?) There is some bitching online about it being copy protected, but as near as I can figure that just means you can't copy it or rip it to your Ipod, and seeing as I have the cd and don't need a copy, and I don't have an Ipod, I am very happy with my purchase. Especially since it was $10 off ebay with shipping.

on another note, I went on Amazon.com to look up the name of one of those songs because the cd is out in the car, and I saw that their product images are finally working again. I use amazon for all kinds of research, what to buy, movie lines, trivia answers, reviews, prices, etc. (and shop on there when the price is right) and have noticed that about every couple months or so, all the images stop working. You go to the page and its just a bunch of red Xs where the images should be. Has anyone run into this? Because its very annoying, and its happened 3 or 4 times this year, for more than a week or two at a time.

The fun continues

Dicko called with the classic message this morning. "Hey G, its about 6:10 and I'm just passing by the Longview exit. I like to call at inappropriate times..." It continues on about eating lunch together or something, but the nice apart about that second line is that Abby got up for some crazy reason and got the phone. Guess maybe she thought it was hers and it was something important since volleyball tryouts are this week. Of course that wasn't as funny as the end of the message, which went something like "...and I hope you have sweet dreams of Smoot's tiny penis....(where I was just about to start laughing, and then it finished with),...inside you."

Bastard. I make a special won-ton soup for you.

edit:
Found some funny pics on Emily's site and had to post the best one here. These reminded me of the posters that circulated last year making fun of the Huskies. If anyones still has those, let me know, but they are probably on this site Huck the Fuskies.

Not chubby...Healthy.

That's right. I'm not fat. I'm not big boned. I'm not pleasently plump. I'm not a little heavy.

I'm healthy. No shortage of food here. And its not a sign of laziness that I haven't seen the gym more than twice this month. It's because I'm busy. Yeah thats it...

I need to get a kickball league started down here...

Great Song Names

Ever hear a song, and then find out the name of the song or band was just really good. That's what I thought when I found this song

A Hangover You Don't Deserve by Bowling for Soup.

Not quite the stopping power of "I want to fuck you like an animal" by Nine Inch Nails, but still good.

Got any good ones?

Spam can actually be funny

Not the spam you eat, but the spam which floods your inbox if you don't change your email address once a year....of course the spam you eat can be funny too, but that's not my point.
This is.
edit:
Todd has a penis fetish. He sent me this too.
(and in case you can't quite read it, it says "If you're going to overcompensate, then by all means, overcompensate. Ask for Tiny")


edit again:
and the great Abby quotes continue, this time with the help of her friend Amy.

8-19-05
Use the big one.
It's like 10 or 12 inches.
-Abby
That's not big enough.
-Amy
(taken out of context quotes are my favorite.)
I put stuff like this on my quote page too, if you want to check it out. http://www.angelfire.com/ma/justliving/quotes.html

edit: Smoot has small nuts too.

Coug'n it

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coug_it

Coug it is a vernacular phrase meaning "pulling defeat from the jaws of victory" or choking it. This phrase is most commonly used among sports fans in the Pacific Northwest and to a lesser extent in the West Coast of the United States, and is most often directed towards those associated with Washington State University.

You have to see the list of examples, and the other uses on this article. It is great. I hate how people mis-use the phrase "coug-it" and say it whenever we lose. They should realize that its only applicable when we blow a lead or screw up a sure thing.

edit: Gina's blog talked about flavored wine. We just tried some at a wine tasting, where the hosts spilled wine on abby, which prompted us to talk about the infamous "I spilled wine all over me" comment by Gina, when in fact it was Beth who has spilled or something. But anyways, here are two more funny pics of Gina, cause although we talked of trading cameras at the wedding so I would have pictures of me, we didnt, and I only have pictures of other people... uhh, okay there is a funny one of me, and another of Gina, which is wierd because these are before we got drunk. And then the standard KD pic, just because. (Abby, Amy, & Anne in back. Erin & Gina in front.)

Semen Tank

It was funny enough when I saw this on someones tax return depreciation list...SEMEN TANK...

But it was even funnier when I saw that their Schedule C (small business) principal business or profession was in fact ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION...

and i realized that asset item was not a typo, but in fact a giant holding tank full of negative nine month old babies looking to swim upstream...

I've practically got tears streaming. What a great end to a thursday.

(p.s. Double post day, so check the entry below.)

Quote of the day

Abby was talking the other day about how I should have a section on my website that just has her random quotes.
Well until I remember all these gems of wisdom, heres a few good ones from applebees last night (after wine tasting)...

Don't take my drink. I'm driving.

I know I'm driving, I just want a couple more drinks.

classics, absolute classics.

WASH ME

I'm not sure why that title popped in my head when I wanted to mention that Abby and I are cleaning house, starting with the computer room that has been a disaster since before the school year started...last year. I didn't wash the room, and WASH ME refers to people writing a message in the dirt on your car with their finger (fuckers), but it popped in my head, and so I shared it with you.

I have been wanting to get this room straightened up for months, but most of the stuff in the mess is Abby's, and I am not allowed to touch Abby's paperwork/clothes/books/etc. for fear that they might be lost/destroyed/ruined/moved/etc. In the middle of all this (after flushing two rather large spiders and looking them up on the net to make sure their realtives wouldn't kill us) Abby suggested that we paint the room. It's a good idea, except it is now item one bazillion on the list of stuff I don't want to make the time for.

On the plus side, I've got a banana for breakfest, which is nice. And Dusty has a funny journal post http://porktornado.diaryland.com/ called Full Penetration Spooning. If you don't read Dusty, you really should.

digital cameras are wonderful

Well, I'll keep this short. I basically took my camera along to Katie's wedding for two, no wait, three reasons. One, to get a pic of me and abby. Two, to get some pics of the wedding. Three, to get a funny pic of Gina so that she could link to my blog from hers. So without further ado...(or is adoo?) here are a few. The rest will go on my site, hopefully today.
You've got Gina graciously posing so that we could get a shot of the stellar waitress in her best halter-top-bra-showing-at-a-wedding-goodness. Then Me and Abby. Then the dancing baby who was tearing up the dance floor for at least 30-45 minutes. Then the awesome Shelton Inn, where Gina proceeded to pass out first and get her picture taken... he he he.

Note to Cingular

I can't believe that after the complaints I had about my service, my phone, and my plan, that Abby and I stayed with cingular, thinking that a new plan and phone would solve the problems.

Well,.....
FUCK YOU CINGULAR. FUCK YOU IN YOUR STUPID ASSES!

My new cool phone has shity battery life, mediocre picture taking abilities, and confusing menus. It came with no good ringtones, as well as buttons conviently located to accidentally get you to login to the internet. But on the plus side, its smaller and its a flip phone. But I still don't get reception at work or at home. This is probably because of the building, but with all the technology in the world, how come my cell phone signal can't travel through walls???

another wedding weekend...

...and another golf tournament I can't play in. I have been on my game this year, and I keep missing tournaments, including 3 tournaments that I wanted to defend my title from the year before. It sucks to win, and then not be able to play the next year. And I am playing better than last year, so I'm missing out on all the wonderful prizes and beautiful people that come along with possessing such awesome powers.

Okay, so one tournament was a scramble, and my buddy Josh pretty much carried the team. And one was a family reunion with only like 12 golfers. But the other one was a 2-day moose lodge tournament, and I shot my best round (78) ever the first day and followed it with an okay round (85) the second day to win it. I just shot a 77 this year, and I am sure that I could have spanked all those old drunk guys a second year in a row.

But Katie's wedding will be hella-fun (the new title for this weekend) and its in Shelton, which means we can hopefully crash Amy's high school reunion party, or at least the after party. I better start practicing my drinking now...

And I finished Harry Potter. The book is so good that I really felt the need to punch one of the imaginary characters in the mouth. If anyone would have spoken bad about Harry Potter right after I finished the book (2:00 AM), it would have been on like donkey kong beeatttchhhh! If that's not good writing, then I don't know what is.

Harry Potter is almost as addictive as Ebay

The title pretty much speaks for itself, and in case you are too lazy to remember the title you just clicked on, let me do a little cut and pasting for you...

Harry Potter is almost as addictive as Ebay

The reason being that I finished half the book in one day (with a few chapters on saturday, but whos counting...) If I wasn't busy at work, I probably would have stayed home sick to finish it.

And I continue to look for a few books I need (I mean want) to finish off the extensive book collection that I have been working on since college and before. People think I have a lot of movies (which is true cause that collection is well over 700), but its nothing compared to the 1000+ books I now have. Especially considering I am still looking for 100 or so odds and ends to finish collections of my favorite authors, and its going to take a while because I am cheap. So ebay is the devil. Which leads me to a favorite quote I read on gamespot.

Remember: you're not a pack rat, you're an archivist.