So I have stated in the past that I work for a pretty decent sized plumbing and industrial wholesaler. I mainly do residential plumbing sales with a little bit of commercial plumbing and some industrial mixed in just to make it exciting.
Well a couple of months ago I was selected from the salesmen at my branch to go back to Elyria, Ohio to a major tool manufacturer's headquarters and do some training. The training dealt with how their tools operated and what the major selling points of each tool was. The training was set for Monday through Thursday of this week.
Monday was supposed to be a simple travel day. Not for Nate. I woke up at 5 am that morning and hit the shower, knowing it would wake me up. J9 accompanied me to the airport in Portland which is about 45 minutes away. I made it to the airport in time to meet up with a couple of guys from our Portland branch that were also attending the training. We all boarded the plane headed for beautifully overcast Phoenix, Arizona. We were supposed to have a one hour layover in Phoenix and then board the flight for Cleveland. This is where things turned from good to not so good.
We landed in Phoenix and I proceeded to hit the pisser. Afterwards I tried to meet up with the other guys at the Fox Sports Bar. Worst. Bar. Ever.
A little backstory; About a year ago a law was passed in Washington state making it illegal to smoke in public places that are indoor. Bars, Restaurants, and whathaveyou all stopped being smokey and stinky. Verdict: Awesome!
Anyhoo, the people of Phoenix aren't really concerned with the quality of their air. This bar was packed with the oldest bar crowd I have ever seen smoking cigarettes like they were outlawing them at the end of the hour. The guys I was with, being smokers themselves, thought nothing wrong with this and headed into the bar.
Me myself and I hit up the smoke free Gordon Beirsch right down for the Fox Smoke Bar and enjoyed one of the worst $7 pints in the history of man. After such a tasty beverage, I was capital H hungry. Pizza Hut, here I come.
After devouring a personal sized pepperoni I was thirsty again. Not wanting another crappy $7 brewski I hit up the local Starbucks a.k.a. The Dark Side.
If these motherfuckers knew how to make a caramel Frappacino I would've been in Cleveland at 6 pm, Ohio time. When did I get there? I'm getting there, keep your pants on! (except you Jessica Alba)
So anyways I'm walking out of Starbucks and happen to glance up to see:
CLEVELAND : DEPARTED
FUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!
I ran faster than a crackhead with a Franklin towards gate A18. My flight was gone. I headed back up the walkway and found Customer Service. They didn't have another flight going to Cleveland until 6 am the next morning. Problem? I had training starting at 8 am. With the four hour flight and the three hour time change I just don't think I could make that.
I told them I had to be there at that time and they decided to re-route me through Sin City. Five hours later.... And then I had a three hour layover in Vegas before making my way to Cleveland.
After talking to my step-sister, who just so happens to live in Vegas, I had them change my flight there to another that was two hours earlier. I was to arrive in Vegas about a half hour after Jill got off work.
She came and picked me up, we went and had dinner, hung out at her place and then she took me back to the airport.
I arrived at the gate for my flight to Cleveland about a half hour early and easily made it onto my plane after taking two Tylenol PM's to make me sleep. Well the drunken teenager behind me had other ideas. He kept yelling to his buddies "Rectum.............. Hell it just about Killed 'em" which he followed with the most annoying laughter evah.
I was able to get a couple of hours of sleep, arriving in Cleveland at 6 am. The tool company's rep. picked me up at the airport about a half hour after that and we were off to the hotel. I made it there in time to wash my face, brush my teeth, drop off my bags, and throw on my steel-toed boots and head to training.
What did I learn from this experience? Only go to the Tilted Kilt in the Rio. Not the stand alone.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Friday, May 12, 2006
Longview and Dilbert
First off, I was driving through town, and realized how nice it is to live in such a green part of the world. Its really nice hear, with lots of trees along the lake I live by, so I took a few pics. 
Also, if you read Dilbert, and/or the Dilbert blog and newsletter, you can appreciate this from the most recent newsletter:
There’s no such thing as a Dogbert Award, but when I heard this story from a reader, I thought that maybe there should be. “I have a student whose vocabulary is rather impressive. He annoys his classmates by answering questions in such a way that they have no idea what he has just said. Finally one student had had enough and asked why his classmate couldn't say things so other people could understand him. Without missing a beat the student shot back "Because I don't speak retard!" My immediate reaction was that the entire school year had been an elaborate set up for that punchline.
Also, if you read Dilbert, and/or the Dilbert blog and newsletter, you can appreciate this from the most recent newsletter:
There’s no such thing as a Dogbert Award, but when I heard this story from a reader, I thought that maybe there should be. “I have a student whose vocabulary is rather impressive. He annoys his classmates by answering questions in such a way that they have no idea what he has just said. Finally one student had had enough and asked why his classmate couldn't say things so other people could understand him. Without missing a beat the student shot back "Because I don't speak retard!" My immediate reaction was that the entire school year had been an elaborate set up for that punchline.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Nate Bullcock's Escape From Jail
Nate escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous even though he looks kinda scrawny. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Voodoo
A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd better buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone.
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.
The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said, "Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to the door and said, "Voodoo Penis, the door."
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle.
Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"
The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiet once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis.
She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!"
The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough.
She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo.
On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.
A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right...Voodoo Penis, my ass."
The rest is history...
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.
The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said, "Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to the door and said, "Voodoo Penis, the door."
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle.
Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"
The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiet once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis.
She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!"
The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough.
She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo.
On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.
A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right...Voodoo Penis, my ass."
The rest is history...
Wiffle Ball pics
Here are a few pics from last Thursday, just to show you we mean business. They are not as cool as Kick Ball pics (Gina knows about this), but they are proof that we exist. Kinda.
#1 Alex getting ready to hit a double. Commishoner N8 and his scorekeeper Matt in the background, as well as our new signee, Garrett relieving himself to the left...
#2 A close up of the Commish and his scorebeeachhh. True athletes...
#3 That's me, with a vote of no confidence in Phil's pitching, because he walked me again...
#4 The commish taking batting practice. He really ripped that last one...
#1 Alex getting ready to hit a double. Commishoner N8 and his scorekeeper Matt in the background, as well as our new signee, Garrett relieving himself to the left...
#2 A close up of the Commish and his scorebeeachhh. True athletes...
#3 That's me, with a vote of no confidence in Phil's pitching, because he walked me again...
#4 The commish taking batting practice. He really ripped that last one...
Monday, May 08, 2006
LEAVE A COMMENT.......
Us here at NOSE have noticed a dramatic increase in readership but nobody seems to want to leave a comment. What the dilly folks? We rely on your comments to let us know how shitty we truly are. So please leave a comment, and if you get a chance check out the wiffleball page. That is all.
Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
good weekend and summer movies
Well, now that volleyball is over, I didn't have to volunteer any time this weekend (if you don't count Friday afternoon with the Lions club). So what did I do? I drank Corona and Pacifico on Friday. Then I did this again Saturday, as well as watched Mission Impossible 3 with Abby. Then Sunday our wiffle ball games got rained out, so I drank a few beers watching Nate's team try to play a game through the rain and still hit 4 home runs and demolish Hewey's team. Then it was off to finally try Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter on the Xbox360.
This weekend was the first time in almost 2 months that I had time to play video games. And it was good. I think I am going to get an HD TV just so I can see this game and a few others on a bigger clearer screen. The 360 rocks. And as you can see from my Gamer tag down to the left, they also have previews of upcoming movies, including Nacho Libre, with Jack Black, MI3, which made me go see it Saturday, and X3, which comes out this month. I might actually see some movies this summer, as MI3 was a good experience, very loud with lots of shooting and explosions, and X3 looks good, and you gotta see Jack Black movies, and Nacho Libre looks funny as hell. Speaking of Hell, there is a new Omen movie coming out. The kid in that xbox360 preview looks just a little scary staring at you in that red coat and shorts. This picture is him, and you can see the red tie, but if you have the means, see the 360 preview. And it comes out on 6-6-6, which is a cool (i.e. scary) idea.
Now tonight a little practice wiffle ball maybe after Lions, then some makeup games tomorrow. Check out our stats if you want. Cowlitz county wiffleball association
This weekend was the first time in almost 2 months that I had time to play video games. And it was good. I think I am going to get an HD TV just so I can see this game and a few others on a bigger clearer screen. The 360 rocks. And as you can see from my Gamer tag down to the left, they also have previews of upcoming movies, including Nacho Libre, with Jack Black, MI3, which made me go see it Saturday, and X3, which comes out this month. I might actually see some movies this summer, as MI3 was a good experience, very loud with lots of shooting and explosions, and X3 looks good, and you gotta see Jack Black movies, and Nacho Libre looks funny as hell. Speaking of Hell, there is a new Omen movie coming out. The kid in that xbox360 preview looks just a little scary staring at you in that red coat and shorts. This picture is him, and you can see the red tie, but if you have the means, see the 360 preview. And it comes out on 6-6-6, which is a cool (i.e. scary) idea.Now tonight a little practice wiffle ball maybe after Lions, then some makeup games tomorrow. Check out our stats if you want. Cowlitz county wiffleball association
Friday, May 05, 2006
Happy Cinco de Drinco
Here's hoping this picture resembles your dinner tonight, or breakfast tomorrow, or whatever.Also, here's hoping that less than half of you get the squirts from all the Mexican Food and Beer. I know Smoot will be leaving a porcelin imprint on that big ol butt of his tomorrow, and hope that not too many of you follow him into the throneroom.
And to all these alleged "girls" he keeps getting to hang out with, since Damien scares all the dudes away from their get togethers, I hope you enjoy your visits to NOSE, and feel free to comment. Comments make us feel important. And the more embarassing stuff you can share about Todd's drunken exploits, the better.
And for those of you finding your way here via Smooty's email..
Everyone knows that I am funnier than Todd. Todd will just have to live with that knowledge, and that rumor about his huge penis. Everyone hates it when that rumor gets spread about you.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
The Coma Patient
A woman was in a coma for months.
Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.
They tried it again and sure enough,there was sizable movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened - telling him "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy.
The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined ..no pulse, no heartbeat.
The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried.
The husband said "I'm not sure... maybe she choked."
Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.
They tried it again and sure enough,there was sizable movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened - telling him "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy.
The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined ..no pulse, no heartbeat.
The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried.
The husband said "I'm not sure... maybe she choked."
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
random question
Everyone by now has seen these self-important assholes who wear their cell-phones on their belts and my question is this.
What is the main driving force behind wearing their phone here?
What are your thoughts?
What is the main driving force behind wearing their phone here?
What are your thoughts?
- Is it just because they want you to see it?
- Do they really think it is handier than having it their pocket?
- Do they feel like gunslingers from the old west?
- Do they not realize that they look like complete tools, or am I alone in that opinion?
- Do they have really small penises?
And here are some more pictures for you to enjoy!
Monday, May 01, 2006
Wiffle Ball
Wiffle Ball If you live near me and Nate, you should be playing in our wiffle ball league. If you do not, you can at least see how good we are at it because Nate keeps stats and everything. And if you have your own league or sports team, you check out the site because league lineups.com is pretty cool for tracking your league or team, and its free.Also, for those of you loyal readers out there, I apologize for the lack of posts lately. Life has been in the way for all three of us. We are ashamed, but will make no special effort to rectify the situation.
(The previous message was written purely to say a word that sounds like rectum.)
Monday, April 24, 2006
Photo of the Week
Nothing beats an ice cold Pabst. Especially if you can get ahold of Pabst glasses to drink it out of like I have...
p.s. I am totally growing my hair out like this guy.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
I know its a little early, but...
Cinco de Mayo is the widely commemorated Mexican holiday celebrated in honor of the Mexican army's victory over the French in the Battle of Puebla in 1867. While properly a Mexican celebration, it has become increasingly popular in the U.S., especially in areas bordering Mexico.The festive spirit of the day is observed with food, folkloric dancing, music and parades.
Cinco de Drinco is the widely commemorated name for the same holiday that involves much of the same thing, except you replace folkloric dancing with drinking, and music and parades with drinking.This year will be my 9th or 10th Cinco de Drinco (I can't remember if I made that up at 19 or 20?), but the first annual Cinco de Drinco held at our house in our newly remodeled back yard will be three Fridays from now. It will also be preparation for our 6th annual 4th of July Party. And this year I have the week off again and will be just back from Mexico at the end of June (and possibly Montana for a wedding on the 1st), so get ready for a new tradition in only its 2nd year, Go 3rd. Beer Gardens on the 3rd, followed by 3 more days of partying with Go 4th at our house and the Lake, Abby's birthday the 5th, and mine the 6th. The hot tub will be fired up at all occasions, with plenty of beer, BBQ, and four-square for all.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Ping Pong and fun weekends
If you didn't have a good enough reason to buy an Xbox360 before, now you do. That's right. Ping Pong.
On another note, I had a good weekend.
Golf on Thursday with Dad. Some drinking.
Dad's birthday party on Friday. Much drinking.
Blazer game and then visiting Porky's for Easter weekend drinking.
Easter followed by seeing Larry the Cable Guy live in Portland. Very funny, as was his lead in PJ Walsh . I highly recommend the Git-R-Done tour if you get a chance to see it.
And speaking of fun weekends, N8 is planning a whiffleball league, so if you are in the area, make sure and get signed up.
Friday, April 14, 2006
WA quarter
The Simpsons have a movie in the works. Which is nice.
Also, you can vote for the design for the Washington quarter, to make sure that sucky 3rd design doesn't win...
http://www.governor.wa.gov/quarter/default.asp
And lastly, I like beer. Dark Beer, Lite Beer, Hefeweizen, Amber, IPA, Stout, Budweiser, Coors, Pyramid, Rolling Rock, Widmer, Fat Tire, Guinness, Kirin-Ichiban, Henry's, Busch, Ale, Black and Tan, Arogant Bastard, Corona, MacNJacks, Harps...man, I'm getting thirsty already and its not even lunch time.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
the Pharmacist
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
Ten minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after twenty minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
Ten minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after twenty minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
Fun with Computers
What is your biggest complaint about computers? What is your biggest praise for computers?
For me (and I am sure Smooty can eleborate, as he is in I.T.) the biggest complaint has to be people that do not, or will not, read error messages, help menus, or instructions. How many problems that some schmuck asking for your help has had are solved when you force them to read the instructions on screen and follow them.
HEY ASSHOLE, IF THE MESSAGE SAYS THAT THE SCREEN CAN NOT BE OPENED BECAUSE YOU HAVE POP-UPS DISABLED, MAYBE YOU SHOULD FOLLOW THE PROMPTS AND DISABLE POP-UPS FOR THAT SITE INSTEAD OF GETTING FRUSTRATED AND CALLING I.T!!! Am I right Smoot or what?
Also, I would prefer that people who spam and hack computers (so that my fucking computer at home takes 5 minutes to load because of all the spyware and background programs in the world before I can access a program) could be put in prison with the rapists so they can feel pain on the same level as the pain that this causes me.
On the plus side, I am a big fan of time-wasting sites on the internet and wish that it was my job to look at them or design them, kind of like a web-nanny from that movie 40 Days with Josh Hartnett. Nothing beats reading wastes of space like this blog and then creating your own.
For me (and I am sure Smooty can eleborate, as he is in I.T.) the biggest complaint has to be people that do not, or will not, read error messages, help menus, or instructions. How many problems that some schmuck asking for your help has had are solved when you force them to read the instructions on screen and follow them.
HEY ASSHOLE, IF THE MESSAGE SAYS THAT THE SCREEN CAN NOT BE OPENED BECAUSE YOU HAVE POP-UPS DISABLED, MAYBE YOU SHOULD FOLLOW THE PROMPTS AND DISABLE POP-UPS FOR THAT SITE INSTEAD OF GETTING FRUSTRATED AND CALLING I.T!!! Am I right Smoot or what?
Also, I would prefer that people who spam and hack computers (so that my fucking computer at home takes 5 minutes to load because of all the spyware and background programs in the world before I can access a program) could be put in prison with the rapists so they can feel pain on the same level as the pain that this causes me.
On the plus side, I am a big fan of time-wasting sites on the internet and wish that it was my job to look at them or design them, kind of like a web-nanny from that movie 40 Days with Josh Hartnett. Nothing beats reading wastes of space like this blog and then creating your own.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Quick joke
Thought for the day:
If a deaf kid swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Also, I heard the funniest line of the month when watching part of Fever Pitch last night.
Jimmy Fallon's buddies are forcing him to take a shower after he goes on a Bill Buckner tape-watching binge, and he looks down and one guy appears to be cleaning his "equipment," and he says "what are you doing?" the guys says, "Don't worry, I'm a doctor." And he says, "Yeah, but why are you shaving my balls Doc?"
If a deaf kid swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Also, I heard the funniest line of the month when watching part of Fever Pitch last night.
Jimmy Fallon's buddies are forcing him to take a shower after he goes on a Bill Buckner tape-watching binge, and he looks down and one guy appears to be cleaning his "equipment," and he says "what are you doing?" the guys says, "Don't worry, I'm a doctor." And he says, "Yeah, but why are you shaving my balls Doc?"
Friday, April 07, 2006
Work Sucks, March Madness, Cleveland, Wiffle-Ball, iPods, Myspace
So this week has been one of the busiest weeks evah for me here at work. Monday and Tuesday I had meetings in Portland and didn't get back to town either day til about 6 or so. And the rest of the week here at my office has been so busy that for the ten hours I am here, I have actually been doing work. What's up with that?
Congrats go to Shaun Campbell who held on to win the first annual NOSE/RRR March Madness Pick 'Em. Your t-shirt will be to you soon buddy. I just need to find a place to get one printed because the one I found on-line had a minimum order of six t-shirts. And I figured having six people with "champion" shirts out of a ten person pool was kinda brokeback. The real reason is I didn't want Emily to get a shirt (don't tell her that though).
So I am gonna be heading to the land of the Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame here in May. I was selected out of the salesmen of my branch to go on a training trip to the Ridgid Tool headquarters and I am so happy about it that I just pissed in my pants a little bit. So they fly me out to Cleveland, put me up in a hotel a couple of days, and teach me about Ridgid tools. They also take us the the R'nR HoF and a Cleveland Indians game. It should be pretty cool.
Matt Jones of Jackmove fame and I are getting ready to get our inaugural season of Wiffle-Ball under way. If you live in SW Washington and would be interested in playing leave me a comment with you e-mail addy and I will definitely get a hold of you. It should be a lot of fun drinking beers, hanging out, and striking Matt Jones out numerous times. We had one tourney last year and it was a blast.
So I am approaching the 5,000 song mark on my iPod. I probably haven't even listed to about a quarter of the songs I have on there but it's still nice to have 'em. Currently I have been rocking out to some Bad Religion. If you have any suggestions of tunes I may like, leave me a comment and I will check them out.
Last night I logged onto my myspace.com account and noticed that I just passed the 100 friend mark. I feel so fuckin popular that I went and roughed up the suspect right there. I'd like to give a shout-out to Red Red Rine, who was my 100th friend. Thanks for the ego boost.
Congrats go to Shaun Campbell who held on to win the first annual NOSE/RRR March Madness Pick 'Em. Your t-shirt will be to you soon buddy. I just need to find a place to get one printed because the one I found on-line had a minimum order of six t-shirts. And I figured having six people with "champion" shirts out of a ten person pool was kinda brokeback. The real reason is I didn't want Emily to get a shirt (don't tell her that though).
So I am gonna be heading to the land of the Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame here in May. I was selected out of the salesmen of my branch to go on a training trip to the Ridgid Tool headquarters and I am so happy about it that I just pissed in my pants a little bit. So they fly me out to Cleveland, put me up in a hotel a couple of days, and teach me about Ridgid tools. They also take us the the R'nR HoF and a Cleveland Indians game. It should be pretty cool.
Matt Jones of Jackmove fame and I are getting ready to get our inaugural season of Wiffle-Ball under way. If you live in SW Washington and would be interested in playing leave me a comment with you e-mail addy and I will definitely get a hold of you. It should be a lot of fun drinking beers, hanging out, and striking Matt Jones out numerous times. We had one tourney last year and it was a blast.
So I am approaching the 5,000 song mark on my iPod. I probably haven't even listed to about a quarter of the songs I have on there but it's still nice to have 'em. Currently I have been rocking out to some Bad Religion. If you have any suggestions of tunes I may like, leave me a comment and I will check them out.
Last night I logged onto my myspace.com account and noticed that I just passed the 100 friend mark. I feel so fuckin popular that I went and roughed up the suspect right there. I'd like to give a shout-out to Red Red Rine, who was my 100th friend. Thanks for the ego boost.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Great post
Check this out from one of my favorite blogs.
http://porktornado.diaryland.com/upssucks.html
Dusty got screwed at work because UPS didn't get a package to his boss on time. The letter that he writes to them is awesome.
And I was just watching the Mets beat the Washington team (what the fuck is their name???) and saw a sweet arguing match between the Washington coach and the ump. It was just like old Tommy Lasorda arguing matches. It was sweet.
http://porktornado.diaryland.com/upssucks.html
Dusty got screwed at work because UPS didn't get a package to his boss on time. The letter that he writes to them is awesome.
And I was just watching the Mets beat the Washington team (what the fuck is their name???) and saw a sweet arguing match between the Washington coach and the ump. It was just like old Tommy Lasorda arguing matches. It was sweet.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Sunday, April 02, 2006
More Golf Jokes
First off, condolences to Tricia, whose fellow sonic dancers barely lost to the King's dance team. That Sucks.
As for golf jokes...
Golf
A foursome is waiting on the men's tee while another foursome of ladies is hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies are taking their time, when finally the last lady is ready to hit the ball.
She hacks it 10 feet; goes over and hacks it another 10 feet, then hacks it another 10 feet.
She looks up at the men who are watching and says apologetically, "I guess all those f----ing lessons I took this winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately replied, "Well, you know, that's your problem. You should have taken golf lessons instead."
To this day, his grave marker stands next to that tee box
and Joke #2
It seems there is a foursomes of men teeing off on Saturday morning. The last one gets up on the ladies tee goes through an elaborate pre-shot routine and addresses the ball. As he is about to swing the starter comes on the loudspeaker and announces, "Will the gentleman on the ladies tee please move back to the men's tee?" The man backs away from the ball and starts his routine over. As he addresses the ball the loud speaker crackles again, "Will the man on the ladies tee move back to the men's tee, PLEASE?" The man shakes his head, backs away and starts the routine all over again. Just as he addresses the ball and is about to swing the loud speaker crackles again, "PLEASE! WILL THE GUY ON THE WOMEN'S TEE KINDLY MOVE BACK TO THE MEN'S TEE!" The golfer shakes his head and yells, "WILL THE STARTER KINDLY SHUT UP AND LET ME HIT MY SECOND SHOT!"
and I just got back from Wine Tasting in Walla Walla all day Sunday, and then a nice leisurly drive back the Washington side of the Columbia with Abby and a few more wineries on Sunday. I will get some pictures on the net this week I hope. Man I spent a lot of money...but boy do they make some good wine in Walla Walla.
As for golf jokes...
Golf
A foursome is waiting on the men's tee while another foursome of ladies is hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies are taking their time, when finally the last lady is ready to hit the ball.
She hacks it 10 feet; goes over and hacks it another 10 feet, then hacks it another 10 feet.
She looks up at the men who are watching and says apologetically, "I guess all those f----ing lessons I took this winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately replied, "Well, you know, that's your problem. You should have taken golf lessons instead."
To this day, his grave marker stands next to that tee box
and Joke #2
It seems there is a foursomes of men teeing off on Saturday morning. The last one gets up on the ladies tee goes through an elaborate pre-shot routine and addresses the ball. As he is about to swing the starter comes on the loudspeaker and announces, "Will the gentleman on the ladies tee please move back to the men's tee?" The man backs away from the ball and starts his routine over. As he addresses the ball the loud speaker crackles again, "Will the man on the ladies tee move back to the men's tee, PLEASE?" The man shakes his head, backs away and starts the routine all over again. Just as he addresses the ball and is about to swing the loud speaker crackles again, "PLEASE! WILL THE GUY ON THE WOMEN'S TEE KINDLY MOVE BACK TO THE MEN'S TEE!" The golfer shakes his head and yells, "WILL THE STARTER KINDLY SHUT UP AND LET ME HIT MY SECOND SHOT!"
and I just got back from Wine Tasting in Walla Walla all day Sunday, and then a nice leisurly drive back the Washington side of the Columbia with Abby and a few more wineries on Sunday. I will get some pictures on the net this week I hope. Man I spent a lot of money...but boy do they make some good wine in Walla Walla.
Friday, March 31, 2006
March Madness & Work Sucks
So it looks like Mr. Shaun Campbell is most likely gonna win the 1st annual NOSE/RRR March Madness Tournament pick 'em. Congratulations Shaun on an amazing first round and following it up with some solid couple of rounds. Mr. Tasker is sitting in third place and has a possible chance of pulling it out with a win by UCLA. And that could very well happen with how the rest of this tourney is playing out. The boys here at NOSE both scored higher than our buddy Emily over at Red Red Rine so let the shit-talking begin.
Work as been extremely brokeback this week. One of our counter salesman blew out his knee a couple of weeks ago. He's been wearing a brace on it and to the doctor a couple of times and the doc decided he needed to operate. So Bob (totally a fake name) is home recouping from surgery. Guess who gets to work his job? And still have all of my regular responsibilities too. I've been so tired every night this week that I go home, watch TV for a couple of hours and usually fall asleep on the couch.
I probably won't be writing much for the next week so I will leave you with what could possibly be the most racist robot joke evah. Hope you enjoy it.
A business man is in a new town where they just built a brand new, five-star golf course. The business man goes to the golf course and approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddy."
The man behind the counter says, "The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this. We just got 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and if you will come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today."
The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer.
He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, "I think my driver will do the job." The robot caddy turned to the man and said, "No sir. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole."Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green. The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance.
As the golfer pulled out his putter, he said, "I think this green is gonna break left to right." The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left."
Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole, thanks to the robot and his advice.
But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddy.
Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, "How was your game?"
The golfer stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next time I am in town."
A couple of weeks pass, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop.
Upon entering the pro shop he turned to the man behind the counter and said,"I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please."
The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, "Well, the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints."
Confused, the golfer cried, "COMPLAINTS? Who in the hell could've complained about those robots? They were incredible."
The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance. It was that they were shiny silver metal, and the glare from the machine was blinding to other golfers on the fairway."
The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?"
The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did. And then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for unemployment, and the other two robbed the pro shop."
Work as been extremely brokeback this week. One of our counter salesman blew out his knee a couple of weeks ago. He's been wearing a brace on it and to the doctor a couple of times and the doc decided he needed to operate. So Bob (totally a fake name) is home recouping from surgery. Guess who gets to work his job? And still have all of my regular responsibilities too. I've been so tired every night this week that I go home, watch TV for a couple of hours and usually fall asleep on the couch.
I probably won't be writing much for the next week so I will leave you with what could possibly be the most racist robot joke evah. Hope you enjoy it.
A business man is in a new town where they just built a brand new, five-star golf course. The business man goes to the golf course and approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddy."
The man behind the counter says, "The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this. We just got 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and if you will come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today."
The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer.
He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, "I think my driver will do the job." The robot caddy turned to the man and said, "No sir. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole."Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green. The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance.
As the golfer pulled out his putter, he said, "I think this green is gonna break left to right." The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left."
Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole, thanks to the robot and his advice.
But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddy.
Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, "How was your game?"
The golfer stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next time I am in town."
A couple of weeks pass, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop.
Upon entering the pro shop he turned to the man behind the counter and said,"I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please."
The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, "Well, the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints."
Confused, the golfer cried, "COMPLAINTS? Who in the hell could've complained about those robots? They were incredible."
The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance. It was that they were shiny silver metal, and the glare from the machine was blinding to other golfers on the fairway."
The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?"
The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did. And then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for unemployment, and the other two robbed the pro shop."
Thursday, March 30, 2006
The finals
Two sets of finals going on.
The first is VOTE NOW for Tricia and the sonic dancers trying to make it to the finals.
The second is of course the NCAA that we all have no chance at because of all the Sweet! upsets. Any side bets on the remaining teams from the NOSE/RED RED RINE fans? I'm going with Florida and Noah and that WNBA fro hes got going on.
Also, I will be on hiatias (or how ever you say vacation in a cool way these days) while over in Walla Walla on Saturday, and although wine-induced posts are very funny, I probably wont have internet while in a 12 passenger limo/van and hitting up my 5th or 6th winery. And since hangovers and being awake don't mix, don't expect a post Sunday either. Smoot and Nate, its up to you to not let both our readers down...
And Smoot, sorry, but you didn't win the raffle either.
The first is VOTE NOW for Tricia and the sonic dancers trying to make it to the finals.
The second is of course the NCAA that we all have no chance at because of all the Sweet! upsets. Any side bets on the remaining teams from the NOSE/RED RED RINE fans? I'm going with Florida and Noah and that WNBA fro hes got going on.
Also, I will be on hiatias (or how ever you say vacation in a cool way these days) while over in Walla Walla on Saturday, and although wine-induced posts are very funny, I probably wont have internet while in a 12 passenger limo/van and hitting up my 5th or 6th winery. And since hangovers and being awake don't mix, don't expect a post Sunday either. Smoot and Nate, its up to you to not let both our readers down...
And Smoot, sorry, but you didn't win the raffle either.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Mind of Mencia
Smooty introduced me to Carlos Mencia last year. And I was just lucky enough to catch the new Mind of Mencia on Comedy Central. And that show is one of the best shows on TV. Hey made fun of Kanye West, and had some huge chicks and midgets dancing at the end of the show...absolutely hilarious. Thank you Smoot for starting down the path.
and then, a commercial for David Spade's ShowBiz News. "Michael Jackson's 2,600 sq ft Neverland Ranch closed this week. It's 15 years old, so I guess he's just not attracted to it anymore..." That's awesome. I need to watch more Comedy Central.
Oh yeah, on another note, I held the drawing for the Xbox360 and the other prizes in our Volleyball Club's raffle. Nate, you didn't win. But I held the auction during the 18s division practice, and found out that I may be out of shape, but I can still hit the ball almost as hard as half their team...of 17 year old girls, so I got that going for me. And I even blocked one...But shit, these girls are taller than me, so I feel pretty good about that.
and then, a commercial for David Spade's ShowBiz News. "Michael Jackson's 2,600 sq ft Neverland Ranch closed this week. It's 15 years old, so I guess he's just not attracted to it anymore..." That's awesome. I need to watch more Comedy Central.
Oh yeah, on another note, I held the drawing for the Xbox360 and the other prizes in our Volleyball Club's raffle. Nate, you didn't win. But I held the auction during the 18s division practice, and found out that I may be out of shape, but I can still hit the ball almost as hard as half their team...of 17 year old girls, so I got that going for me. And I even blocked one...But shit, these girls are taller than me, so I feel pretty good about that.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
The Broken Printer
A coworker got a pen stuck inside our printer.
He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to maintenance. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.
About 20 minutes later, one of the maintenance guy's comes in laughing and says he was just in the office, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate. Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to........
He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to maintenance. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.
About 20 minutes later, one of the maintenance guy's comes in laughing and says he was just in the office, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate. Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to........
Funny stuff, and the egg
First of all, some quotes to read, so they don't have to keep going around the email chain:
- "I feel so miserable without you. It's almost like having you here." --Stephen Bishop
- "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." --John Bright (this is about Todd)
- "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." --Winston Churchill
- "He had delusions of adequacy." --Walter Kerr (Again, about Todd)
- "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." --Groucho Marx
- "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." --Mark Twain
- "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." --Oscar Wilde (this is Ahn)
And then another funny list from Alex:
How to Make a Woman Happy-
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
a friend
a companion
a lover
a brother
a father
a master
a chef
an electrician
a carpenter
a plumber
a mechanic
a decorator
a stylist
a sexologist
a gynecologist
a psychologist
a pest exterminator
a psychiatrist
a healer
etc. etc. (there is a lot more, but you get the idea)
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY- It's not difficult:
1. Show up naked 2. Bring beer
-Egg Found And for those of you in the area that read the paper, The Daily News had an easter egg hunt going, with daily clues in the paper to where the $1,000 egg was located. And after a couple weeks of good clues that sounded like the egg was at the Lake in the center of town (Longview), it was in fact located in some park I have never heard of in Castle Rock. I would like to be the first to say THAT IS FUCKING BULLSHIT. If 80% of your readers live in one area, don't make a prize available to 8% that live 20 miles North. I had never even heard of the place they found the egg, and I am sure I am not in the minority of people that thought "that sucks." I did however appreciate that a couple of "pranksters" (as the paper called them) took my idea and hid some fake eggs around town. That's awesome.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Gonzaga Chokes
I can't believe Gonzaga choked that bad. I am embarrased to have visited Spokane before, after seeing Morrison crying before they had even lost. And then to see him SOBBING at midcourt after they did in fact choke on a huge lead with only 3 mintues left...You don't give up just becuase you have lost the momentum, common guys. That team has been living too close to Cougar-Land in Pullman. That was some serious Ray Finkle type shit.And I hope you all had Duke to win it, because my only chance of winning the blog-pool is if you guys lose your champion pick too. I am on fire, except for that stupid North Carolina.
And in my other Pools, I have Texas, who finished off Virginia in dramatic fashion. Very cool finish with swished long-distance, off-balance 3 pointers at both ends of the court with little time left.
and the name Bullcock is very funny (see below).
The Legend Of BULLCOK
As some of you may know I used to play tennis back in my high school days. I wasn't the greatest, but I wasn't half bad either. My high school had one of the better teams in the league so for my first two years I played junior varsity.
The summer between my sophomore and junior years I decided I was gonna play varsity. I played tennis all the time and even went as far as taking some lessons. My game improved dramatically.
Well school starts and my math teacher and I don't get along. At all. Long story short, he ends up flunking me. As a result I don't get to play tennis my junior year, which would have been my first year on varsity. I was pissed.
I kept playing though even occasionally practicing with the team. Kept playing all summer getting ready for senior year. I remember taking a somewhat easy schedule my senior year just so I would do good in all my classes so I know I would play tennis. I also ran cross country and "wrestled" my senior year. The reason I put wrestled in parentheses is a whole other store that I really don't have time to get into know.
Shit, where was I.
....re-reading post....
Okay so tennis season my senior year starts and we have a great team. All the guys that started their freshman year with me fill the varsity squad. I am paired up with my buddy Greg playing doubles. We were pretty damn good winning most of our matches. Well as most of you know, the local newspaper usually will do write-ups on local high school sports. I always thought it was pretty cool when I got my name in the paper and usually cut them out and put them in some half-ass scrapbook I had.
Well one of the last matches of season comes and we are playing the dreaded Columbia River high school out of Vancouver, Washington. This is the one team that every year played us tough. They always had a great team. We kicked their asses. I think Greg and I won our doubles match something like 6-1, 6-0. Stomped their Cheiftain* asses into the ground. We were pumped. That win pretty much assured us of the league title. So the next afternoon I hurry home after school and grab the local newspaper. Reading the write-up I notice something wrong. Wait a minute......What's this?
What's even worse is my mom works at the Newspaper. And they still spelled my name wrong.
My buddies thought it was hilarious. I got called "Bullcok" for long, long time.
Some good did come out of it though. I ended up asking a hot chick to the prom and she said yes. Boy did that girl end up disappointed.
* Chieftain was Columbia River's mascot
The summer between my sophomore and junior years I decided I was gonna play varsity. I played tennis all the time and even went as far as taking some lessons. My game improved dramatically.
Well school starts and my math teacher and I don't get along. At all. Long story short, he ends up flunking me. As a result I don't get to play tennis my junior year, which would have been my first year on varsity. I was pissed.
I kept playing though even occasionally practicing with the team. Kept playing all summer getting ready for senior year. I remember taking a somewhat easy schedule my senior year just so I would do good in all my classes so I know I would play tennis. I also ran cross country and "wrestled" my senior year. The reason I put wrestled in parentheses is a whole other store that I really don't have time to get into know.
Shit, where was I.
....re-reading post....
Okay so tennis season my senior year starts and we have a great team. All the guys that started their freshman year with me fill the varsity squad. I am paired up with my buddy Greg playing doubles. We were pretty damn good winning most of our matches. Well as most of you know, the local newspaper usually will do write-ups on local high school sports. I always thought it was pretty cool when I got my name in the paper and usually cut them out and put them in some half-ass scrapbook I had.
Well one of the last matches of season comes and we are playing the dreaded Columbia River high school out of Vancouver, Washington. This is the one team that every year played us tough. They always had a great team. We kicked their asses. I think Greg and I won our doubles match something like 6-1, 6-0. Stomped their Cheiftain* asses into the ground. We were pumped. That win pretty much assured us of the league title. So the next afternoon I hurry home after school and grab the local newspaper. Reading the write-up I notice something wrong. Wait a minute......What's this?
RAL vs. Columbia River
Varsity Doubles
Greg Able & Nate Bullcok
defeat
Jake Shaw & Ryan Smith
6-2, 6-0
What the fuck? Bullcok? My last name is Bullock.What's even worse is my mom works at the Newspaper. And they still spelled my name wrong.
My buddies thought it was hilarious. I got called "Bullcok" for long, long time.
Some good did come out of it though. I ended up asking a hot chick to the prom and she said yes. Boy did that girl end up disappointed.
* Chieftain was Columbia River's mascot
Thursday, March 23, 2006
BRAD KANN
We can't stay too serious around this place for long (see prior post below) so I felt it necessary to make fun of our friend Brad. He has earned many names over the past 10 years (college and after-years) including Junior Bitch, B.G.B. (big-gay-brad), and numerous others that escape me because this new round of making fun of Brad was so funny, I forgot the others.
For those of you watching basketball last Friday, I am sure you caught a glimpse of the Bradley-Kansas game. Well, what was so funny about this to us, is that on the TV screen it read like this:
BRAD
KANN
How is that funny you ask? Because we called Brad and the other guys he was watching the game with and started in with "Brad Kann suck some dick," "Brad Kann take it from behind," "Brad Kann get me a beer," etc, etc. Very funny when you are wasted off Green Beer and Guinness. Especially if you know Brad and how everyone always picks him to be the subject of their dumb drunk jokes. He is a good sport.
For those of you watching basketball last Friday, I am sure you caught a glimpse of the Bradley-Kansas game. Well, what was so funny about this to us, is that on the TV screen it read like this:
BRAD
KANN
How is that funny you ask? Because we called Brad and the other guys he was watching the game with and started in with "Brad Kann suck some dick," "Brad Kann take it from behind," "Brad Kann get me a beer," etc, etc. Very funny when you are wasted off Green Beer and Guinness. Especially if you know Brad and how everyone always picks him to be the subject of their dumb drunk jokes. He is a good sport.
You have to give it to him. He takes it pretty well everytime.
(see jokes like that are what make me smile!)
Also, while searching for a picture of Brad, I found these great drinking pics I forgot about, as well as a link to a bunch of picture pages that I made on my website, including one of my favorites, this one of my and Abby. 
Good luck with your picks tonight, and Go Zags!
And it looks like Tricia and the Sonics are still alive. Look for a new vote link soon.
Good Deeds done not so Dirt Cheap
I may have mentioned this before, but my grandfather passed away in December. So recently at an auction that my Church/old elementary school holds every year, my wife and I decided to purchase the name of the gym for a year and name it after my Grandpa Gunnar in his memory. So with the help of my cousin Gunnar and his wife, we forked over the necessary dough to win the auction, and here you see the end result. Pretty Cool.In the picture is me, my grandma, Jamie (Gunnar's wife), and her boys Bryson and Kjell (bryson's first name is Gunnar). My grandma liked it as I hoped she would and said that she is sure he would have really liked it too. As an added bonus, Bryson goes to St. Rose now too, so Gunnar and Jamie get to see it all the time. Plus my Dad goes to church a lot, and he will be able to see it, and that is important to me too. Hope this only sounds like bragging a little, but I really wanted to mention it.
GO ZAGS!
Scam Alert: Home Depot
I am writing this to warn all of you loyal NOSE readers of something that happened to me. I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me at Home Depot and it could happen to you.
Here's how the scam works, two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride into town. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other.
Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen last Wednesday, Friday, twice on Saturday, again on Monday, and also yesterday and probably tonight.
Here's how the scam works, two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride into town. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other.
Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen last Wednesday, Friday, twice on Saturday, again on Monday, and also yesterday and probably tonight.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Way To Go, Ichiro!
Congrats to Ichiro and the rest of the World Baseball Classic champions, Japan. Hopefully this will carry over into the regular season for Ichiro and the Seattle Mariners.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Blazers good, Refs bad
The blazer game last night was exciting, but was again ruined for me by the poor officiating of the NBA league and the poor free-throw shooting of the Blazers. This write-up doesn't even mention it, but with somewhere around a minute left, Zach Randolph missed 2 free throws that would have brought them within 2. But about 30 seconds later it became a Moo point* when the Refs failed to call A BLATENT FULL BODY CONTACT FOUL that sent a Blazer player to the ground in mid-lay up after an offensive rebound, and the Bucks went the length of the floor to widen the lead to 5 or 6. It was the biggest horseshit non-call I have seen since the SuperBowl.
The game was hella exciting, and anyone that doesnt dig the Blazers lately has to realize that other than free-throw shooting and those fuckin refs (they sucked against both teams by the way) they games are still damn fun to go to. Especially when you can get tickets cheap and practically sit where ever you want. Plus there is always a chance of a fight, especially when your team keeps losing and the stupid rookie is wearing tights...
On another note, I picked up a Team Autographed ball and a bunch of memoribilla from the Blazers for the raffle. If you haven't bought any tickets to support my Club, you are missing out. Thousands of Dollars in prizes, and tickets are only $1.
*(its like a cows opinion, it doesnt matter)
The game was hella exciting, and anyone that doesnt dig the Blazers lately has to realize that other than free-throw shooting and those fuckin refs (they sucked against both teams by the way) they games are still damn fun to go to. Especially when you can get tickets cheap and practically sit where ever you want. Plus there is always a chance of a fight, especially when your team keeps losing and the stupid rookie is wearing tights...
On another note, I picked up a Team Autographed ball and a bunch of memoribilla from the Blazers for the raffle. If you haven't bought any tickets to support my Club, you are missing out. Thousands of Dollars in prizes, and tickets are only $1.
*(its like a cows opinion, it doesnt matter)
Monday, March 20, 2006
dilbert is funny
Very funny comic.Also, if you didnt see my comment to Nate's post, North Carolina was a joke pic I did not get online to change in time. There is a slight chance I will not win the Blog pool...
The Sweet Sixteen a.k.a. How My Bracket Got Busted
Note to self: Quit drinking before filling out March Madness tournament brackets. The downside to that is I will have to wait until next year to actually follow through on it. And as of Saturday, this year's bracket was completely fuckered. Here are the standings as of Monday morning:
1. Shaun Campbell - 480 pts. - still leading after an impressive first round
2. Emily "Red Red" Rine - 450 - Wow! The luck of the Irish is alive and well
tie. Erik Guttormsen - 450 - speechless
4. Alex Nelson - 440 - who knew that bankers knew basketball?
5. E. Rhodes - 430 - who?
6. n8 b - 410 - why UNC, why?
7. Ryan "Dicko" Dickerson - 400 - you suck Dicko
tie. T. Warburton - 400 - who, deux?
9. T. Tasker - 390 - who, again?
tie. Gym Hewey - 390 - now that is some funny shit. I don't care who you are that's some funny shit.
At this time I would like to give a big fuck you to UNC, Ohio State and Kansas. As for Southern Illinois and U of Wisconsin, Milwaukee...my bad, what the hell was I thinking?
As for my other brackets, they are fucked too. I actually had Illinois winning one. I guess I like just throwing money away. My only hope hinges on Dook and J.J. Redick who is looking awfully tired.
As for my St. Paddy's day I drank some green beers, and some Guinness. Erik and Mrs. G. got wasted. Good times. Quite the dangerous duo when they have both been boozing. They have been known to leave empty beer cans and half-eaten breakfast burritos in their wake.
1. Shaun Campbell - 480 pts. - still leading after an impressive first round
2. Emily "Red Red" Rine - 450 - Wow! The luck of the Irish is alive and well
tie. Erik Guttormsen - 450 - speechless
4. Alex Nelson - 440 - who knew that bankers knew basketball?
5. E. Rhodes - 430 - who?
6. n8 b - 410 - why UNC, why?
7. Ryan "Dicko" Dickerson - 400 - you suck Dicko
tie. T. Warburton - 400 - who, deux?
9. T. Tasker - 390 - who, again?
tie. Gym Hewey - 390 - now that is some funny shit. I don't care who you are that's some funny shit.
At this time I would like to give a big fuck you to UNC, Ohio State and Kansas. As for Southern Illinois and U of Wisconsin, Milwaukee...my bad, what the hell was I thinking?
As for my other brackets, they are fucked too. I actually had Illinois winning one. I guess I like just throwing money away. My only hope hinges on Dook and J.J. Redick who is looking awfully tired.
As for my St. Paddy's day I drank some green beers, and some Guinness. Erik and Mrs. G. got wasted. Good times. Quite the dangerous duo when they have both been boozing. They have been known to leave empty beer cans and half-eaten breakfast burritos in their wake.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Round 2
So I am too lazy to go find out how the pool is doing, but I would assume that with the scores I saw last night (and don't remember. hmmmm, green beer and guinness) that Shaun is no longer perfect, and we are probably equally getting screwed by picking the wrong upsets. When Nate gets on here, he can post the standings or something. Me, I've only missed 7 picks I think, and haven't lost any of my elite 8 picks, so there is still a chance.
St. Pattys day was a fucking success. If you guage success by getting real drunk, eating muchos gracias breakfest burritos, getting drunk some more, having someone drive your car home, and getting cool green heinekin and corona (corona???) beads at The Shamrock. That bar is cool, and I can't think of a better way to waste a day then drinking and watching basketball. Except maybe drinking and watching Football. (GO HAWKS!)
sea vs. hou Also, thanks for voting for Tricia and the sonics. as you can see, they are up against the Rocket Dancers on the 22nd, so make sure to get on this link and vote on that day.
edit: I did get one picture, but blogger isn't working for me either on the photos, so check myspace to see it.
St. Pattys day was a fucking success. If you guage success by getting real drunk, eating muchos gracias breakfest burritos, getting drunk some more, having someone drive your car home, and getting cool green heinekin and corona (corona???) beads at The Shamrock. That bar is cool, and I can't think of a better way to waste a day then drinking and watching basketball. Except maybe drinking and watching Football. (GO HAWKS!)
sea vs. hou Also, thanks for voting for Tricia and the sonics. as you can see, they are up against the Rocket Dancers on the 22nd, so make sure to get on this link and vote on that day.
edit: I did get one picture, but blogger isn't working for me either on the photos, so check myspace to see it.
Friday, March 17, 2006
F*cking Blogger & Way To Go Shaun
So I've tried FIVE fucking times now to post this really great story I have about a big fucking Grizzly Bear up in Alaska. How big? Try fourteen feet tall when it's standing on it's hind legs. And blogger won't let me post the pictures of this monster. Soon as it let's me post some pics it'll be up here.
And after one day of the NOSE/RRR March Madness Tourney Challenge, Erik's buddy Shaun when 16 for 16 on day one. Which is funny since just 72 hours ago he made his deal with the devil. I thought there was some kind of waiting period before deals with Satan went through. Oh and it's Shaun's B-Day today so happy birthday Shaun.
And a happy B-Day to little Nate, son of Matt Jones of Jackmove fame. And one of the coolest little dudes ever. (I mean the name says it all, right?)
And to everybody else, Happy St. Paddy's. Who brought the Guinness? (God I cannot wait to get off work)
And after one day of the NOSE/RRR March Madness Tourney Challenge, Erik's buddy Shaun when 16 for 16 on day one. Which is funny since just 72 hours ago he made his deal with the devil. I thought there was some kind of waiting period before deals with Satan went through. Oh and it's Shaun's B-Day today so happy birthday Shaun.
And a happy B-Day to little Nate, son of Matt Jones of Jackmove fame. And one of the coolest little dudes ever. (I mean the name says it all, right?)
And to everybody else, Happy St. Paddy's. Who brought the Guinness? (God I cannot wait to get off work)
Thursday, March 16, 2006
3 down...
So, 3 games down, how many of you picked Wisc. Milwaukee?and how about Boston College holding on?
I saw a healthy handful of brackets got posted. excccellent.
edit 4:00 PST: so now im 6-7. how about you?
Also, our friend Tricia and the Sonic Dancers need your help. Vote for them at VOTE NOW
edit 4:20 PST: I can't help myself. I hate work and want to be watching basketball. Check this page of first day quotes out, along with my favorite. sports.yahoo
"At the Nevada–Montana game someone held up the following sign: "Grizzly 1,300 pounds, Wolf 70 pounds. No contest." "Someone spent time writing that out? And then carrying into a stadium? And someone at CBS decided to show it? " WTF?
Get In The Pool
Our friend Emily over at Red Red Rine started a NCAA March Madness pool sponsored by her webpage and the good guys here at NOSE. So if you are interested in picking some games and talking a little smack go to here, and sign up.
The winner will have exclusive shit-talking rights plus win a brand new, extremely limited (try one of one) tee-shirt that will somewhat resemble this.
So get off your asses and sign up. And Red, you're going down!
Good luck to everybody who enters.
And to my "little" brother T.R. Happy 25th Birthday! Hope it's a good one!
The winner will have exclusive shit-talking rights plus win a brand new, extremely limited (try one of one) tee-shirt that will somewhat resemble this.
So get off your asses and sign up. And Red, you're going down!
Good luck to everybody who enters.
And to my "little" brother T.R. Happy 25th Birthday! Hope it's a good one!
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
NCAA and St. Patricks Day
Its tuesday before the games start. Have you got your picks in for the NOSE/RedRedRine NCAA pool on Espn.com yet?
http://games.espn.go.com/tcmen/group?groupID=122935&password=null
Or have you got in on any office pools? Who did you pick, or if it was random draw, who did you get? Inquiring minds want to know. And they also want to know how many of you take time off to watch any of the games.
And for those of you in the area, the 17th is Shaun's birthday, so we are meeting at the Shamrock Friday between 3:00 and 6:00 if you want any chance of a seat. It's drinking time baby!
http://games.espn.go.com/tcmen/group?groupID=122935&password=null
Or have you got in on any office pools? Who did you pick, or if it was random draw, who did you get? Inquiring minds want to know. And they also want to know how many of you take time off to watch any of the games.
And for those of you in the area, the 17th is Shaun's birthday, so we are meeting at the Shamrock Friday between 3:00 and 6:00 if you want any chance of a seat. It's drinking time baby!
Friday, March 10, 2006
quick renaming of burckhardt
Lately those of us around the Longview branch of NOSE have been referring to our favorite Wookie (burckhardt) as "Cockblocker." (stories to follow at another time) A recent advertisment in the new EGM has made realize the error of our ways. He is in fact a "Gamekiller," as described at www.gamekillers.com. The example in my ad was "The One Upper," and you can get an idea of the other types at the site. Because if he's ruining your chances of talking to girls, he's not really blocking your cock. At least not yet...
favorite funny movies?
How about a fun post with some commentor interaction?
What's the best funny movie you've seen lately?
(whether its new or something you watch over and over.)
(p.s. we'll do other categories later)
For me, it's "Harold & Kumar go to White Castle"
(favorite line: "COMMON POOKIE, LET'S BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOWN!"
And what's your favorite funny movie(s) of the last 10-20 years?
For me, the first thing that jumped in my mind was "Spaceballs."
(line: "I'm surrounded by assholes!")
What's the best funny movie you've seen lately?
(whether its new or something you watch over and over.)
(p.s. we'll do other categories later)
For me, it's "Harold & Kumar go to White Castle"
(favorite line: "COMMON POOKIE, LET'S BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOWN!"
And what's your favorite funny movie(s) of the last 10-20 years?
For me, the first thing that jumped in my mind was "Spaceballs."
(line: "I'm surrounded by assholes!")
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy
So tonight is the night I get my new computer. It kinda feels like Christmas in March. I am so excited, every time I think about it I pee in my pants a little bit.
I stopped by T, O, double D's last night to check on the progress and he was just loading it up with some programs for me. I started asking him questions about the specs on this bad boy and he broke it down for me as best he could (I don't speak computer at all). Anyways he told me it is gonna have a 1.4 ghz, 64 bit processor, a gig of ram, and a 150 gb hard-drive for me to store movies and music on. I plan on spending the evening bulking up my iTunes collection.
So I wrote Erik an e-mail this morning asking him about his high-speed internet provider and basically just bragging about my new toy. I will enclose our e-mail exchange below because I am too lazy to recount the whole exchange.
---------------------------------------------
From: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 10:13 AM
To: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com
What's up foo? I should be getting my new computer tonight. It looks like it's gonna be a beast.
1.4 ghz 64 bit processor
150 gb hard drive
1 gb ram
17" flat screen monitor
wireless keyboard and mouse
I'm gonna go home and rough up the suspect BIG time!
How's you're day going?
---------------------------------------------
From: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com:
Sent: Thu 09-Mar-06 10:22 AM
To: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
you getting high speed internet?
--------------------------------------------
From: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 10:13 AM
To: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com
fo sho....I'm gonna start looking at providers here in about a week....who do you use?
--------------------------------------------
From: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com:
Sent: Thu 09-Mar-06 10:22 AM
To: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
adelphia. and i think they are running a killer $26 a month for the first 6 months or something.
--------------------------------------------
From: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 10:13 AM
To: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com
really? I will have to give them a call. That sounds good. How much is it usually?
---------------------------------------------
From: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com
Sent: Thu 09-Mar-06 10:22 AM
To: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
i think its between 35 and 40 usually, but its grouped in with my $130 cable bill (ouch) so im not exactly sure. plus you rent the modem for 2.50 or something like that.
--------------------------------------------
From: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 10:13 AM
To: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com
$130 for cable? Does it at least swallow?
I stopped by T, O, double D's last night to check on the progress and he was just loading it up with some programs for me. I started asking him questions about the specs on this bad boy and he broke it down for me as best he could (I don't speak computer at all). Anyways he told me it is gonna have a 1.4 ghz, 64 bit processor, a gig of ram, and a 150 gb hard-drive for me to store movies and music on. I plan on spending the evening bulking up my iTunes collection.
So I wrote Erik an e-mail this morning asking him about his high-speed internet provider and basically just bragging about my new toy. I will enclose our e-mail exchange below because I am too lazy to recount the whole exchange.
---------------------------------------------
From: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 10:13 AM
To: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com
What's up foo? I should be getting my new computer tonight. It looks like it's gonna be a beast.
1.4 ghz 64 bit processor
150 gb hard drive
1 gb ram
17" flat screen monitor
wireless keyboard and mouse
I'm gonna go home and rough up the suspect BIG time!
How's you're day going?
---------------------------------------------
From: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com:
Sent: Thu 09-Mar-06 10:22 AM
To: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
you getting high speed internet?
--------------------------------------------
From: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 10:13 AM
To: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com
fo sho....I'm gonna start looking at providers here in about a week....who do you use?
--------------------------------------------
From: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com:
Sent: Thu 09-Mar-06 10:22 AM
To: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
adelphia. and i think they are running a killer $26 a month for the first 6 months or something.
--------------------------------------------
From: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 10:13 AM
To: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com
really? I will have to give them a call. That sounds good. How much is it usually?
---------------------------------------------
From: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com
Sent: Thu 09-Mar-06 10:22 AM
To: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
i think its between 35 and 40 usually, but its grouped in with my $130 cable bill (ouch) so im not exactly sure. plus you rent the modem for 2.50 or something like that.
--------------------------------------------
From: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 10:13 AM
To: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com
$130 for cable? Does it at least swallow?
Tiger Woods 2006
In case you play video games, and were considering getting the new Tiger Woods game, don't. Here is my favorite excerpt from what I think is a very funny review I did on gamespot.com
"In case dual sticks is not hard enough for you, we have placed the power button above the left stick, just because we hate you and want you to shank to the right consistantly like you do in real life."
You can see a summary here, and the full review here.
Also, Harry Potter 4 comes out on DVD today (or yesterday). Columbia House better get my friggin copy here, cause I need to drink to Harry Potter 4, and they don't allow drinks in Kids movies, or in most theaters for that matter.
"In case dual sticks is not hard enough for you, we have placed the power button above the left stick, just because we hate you and want you to shank to the right consistantly like you do in real life."
You can see a summary here, and the full review here.
Also, Harry Potter 4 comes out on DVD today (or yesterday). Columbia House better get my friggin copy here, cause I need to drink to Harry Potter 4, and they don't allow drinks in Kids movies, or in most theaters for that matter.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Three Times in One Day? Wow!
A man scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive womanstanding alone.
He approached her and asked her name.
"My name is Carmen," she told him.
"That's a beautiful name," he said. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I likemost - cars and men."
"What's your name?" she asked.
"Beerfuck," he said.
He approached her and asked her name.
"My name is Carmen," she told him.
"That's a beautiful name," he said. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I likemost - cars and men."
"What's your name?" she asked.
"Beerfuck," he said.
Too Funny
I know double posts are kewl but this was too funny to not share. Big ups to planetdan.net for finding this gem. If for some reason this pic doesn't move (like it should) click on the link. You won't be disappointed.
edit by Erik: I checked out planet dan, and this site is good. I had to add these gems.
I want to see her wal-mart outfit. Moo moo or stretch pants???
And You Gotta Love Moloram and Indiana Jones.
Goes good with Nates new phrase I heart you.
I Could've Been Killed!
So yesterday, Gym from work and I were going to lunch. Taco Time was the destination as it usually is on Tuesdays. About halfway through our trip we arrive at the intersection that I have so poorly drawn out here.
This intersection is right over by were Erik works. It's a four-way stop and it tends to confuse people who can't drive, especially at lunchtime when there is more traffic than usual. So I pull up to the stop sign (I'm represented by the car-thing on the map) and wait for my turn. The other cars all go and I start out into the intersection. Well Mr. Yuck driving his brand new, shiny blue, Chevrolet Avalanche (damn those things are ugly) decides it's his turn to go. Except he isn't going to turn right like he should but instead goes straight through the intersection, stopping a couple of inches away from T-boning me.
I go to flip him off (I suffer from an extreme case of Road Rage) and notice he's an older, fat, ugly guy. Probably somewhere in his late fifties to early sixties.
And before I can even do anything he's half hangin out his window, flipping me off, and cursing me out. This angers me extremely.
I circle around the block to try to follow this guy. The traffic is so thick though that I can only get a couple blocks behind him before he turned and lost me. I'm not sure what I would've done had I caught him, seeing as I am not much of a fighter. It didn't help that this guy was older than dirt. But boy was I angry. My biggest pet-peeve is stupid people who can't drive. And you could tell this guy was stupid by his actions, and the car he was driving. What is the deal with the ugly-ass plastic that Chevrolet puts on those Avalanches.
And I know you are all amazed by my drawing abilities and if you would like me to draw you something crappy, send me an e-mail. My specialty is Ligers. Their bred for their magical powers and super jumping abilities.
This intersection is right over by were Erik works. It's a four-way stop and it tends to confuse people who can't drive, especially at lunchtime when there is more traffic than usual. So I pull up to the stop sign (I'm represented by the car-thing on the map) and wait for my turn. The other cars all go and I start out into the intersection. Well Mr. Yuck driving his brand new, shiny blue, Chevrolet Avalanche (damn those things are ugly) decides it's his turn to go. Except he isn't going to turn right like he should but instead goes straight through the intersection, stopping a couple of inches away from T-boning me.
I go to flip him off (I suffer from an extreme case of Road Rage) and notice he's an older, fat, ugly guy. Probably somewhere in his late fifties to early sixties.
And before I can even do anything he's half hangin out his window, flipping me off, and cursing me out. This angers me extremely.
I circle around the block to try to follow this guy. The traffic is so thick though that I can only get a couple blocks behind him before he turned and lost me. I'm not sure what I would've done had I caught him, seeing as I am not much of a fighter. It didn't help that this guy was older than dirt. But boy was I angry. My biggest pet-peeve is stupid people who can't drive. And you could tell this guy was stupid by his actions, and the car he was driving. What is the deal with the ugly-ass plastic that Chevrolet puts on those Avalanches.
And I know you are all amazed by my drawing abilities and if you would like me to draw you something crappy, send me an e-mail. My specialty is Ligers. Their bred for their magical powers and super jumping abilities.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
quick post
I love you smoot. Don't be mad. Prove me wrong and post something before Thursday...
and good crossover article on phatphree about Tucker
http://thephatphree.com/features.asp?SectionID=1
and good crossover article on phatphree about Tucker
http://thephatphree.com/features.asp?SectionID=1
Monday, March 06, 2006
demoted
Watched the Oscars, and realized I have missed a lot of movies in the last couple years. Gay cowboys? (probably good but haven't seen it.) A rap song winning an Oscar? (sorry but I can appreciate all music, and did not like that song, and will not see that movie, although it was cool how excited they were to win, even if they couldn't avoid getting Bleeped at least once) Everyone using Clooney to make their speech funnier? (even George didn't get it) and why don't they have more movie category awards instead of best photo editing and shit the people watching on TV don't care about?
I had some funny shit to say on here about friday at Nates, and golfing Saturday with Willie and Mike, but beer makes you forget shit. And since I don't have a voice recorder, you'll just have to take my word for it. I'm sure we said something about sticking our balls in the mashed potatoes, but all the other funny bits escape me after the weekend.
Smoot and Dicko. You are welcome to come back as posters, but having 4 names as contributors made the top of the page longer, and seing as you do not fucking post anything ever, I moved the actual blog posts up a little on the screen by droping you. So feel free to bitch a little more just so I know you are actually still there, and I will add you back on.
I had some funny shit to say on here about friday at Nates, and golfing Saturday with Willie and Mike, but beer makes you forget shit. And since I don't have a voice recorder, you'll just have to take my word for it. I'm sure we said something about sticking our balls in the mashed potatoes, but all the other funny bits escape me after the weekend.
Smoot and Dicko. You are welcome to come back as posters, but having 4 names as contributors made the top of the page longer, and seing as you do not fucking post anything ever, I moved the actual blog posts up a little on the screen by droping you. So feel free to bitch a little more just so I know you are actually still there, and I will add you back on.
Don't Invite Willie...
Don't invite Erik Williamson anywhere, cause he will bring this guy with him.
my Weekend
First off I would like to warn everybody. What you see in the above picture may look like beer. It is not. Don't be fooled like Erik Williamson was Friday night.
So I spent my Friday hanging out with Erik W., Mike, and the Guttormsens. I went to high school with Mike and haven't seen him in a while so that was nice. They came over and drank some beers and hung out for a while. We watched Dave Chappelle's standup "For what it's worth". (I think that's the title)
After consuming my Red Stripes and Willie's Coronas, we decided we needed some more brews. Willie and I headed out to the always reliable Market Place. Decisions, decisions. We finally settled on some Killians red, some Tecate (w/limes) and Bootie Light. Good choice, good choice, terrible fucking choice. Mike compared the taste of Bootie Light to that of severely watered piss. I'm not sure how Mike knows what piss tastes like but I agreed with him after a taste of the Bootie.
(That's a great ending to a sentence "a taste of the Bootie")
Saturday I wasn't feeling too good. I don't know what it is about getting a little older that makes you a wuss. Seriously, I couldn't have had more than nine beers. It might have been on an empty stomach, as I don't remember eating anything for dinner, but still, nine beers?
So Saturday my neighbor was celebrating his 50th B-Day. Beers and BBQ for all! My buddy Ed decided to come into town and hang out so we headed over to the neighbor's, had a couple brews, ate way more than I should have, and came home to play some X-Box and have a little chat with the coach. Good times. J9 showed up about 9ish and made some of the best munchies evah. I don't remember falling asleep, but J9 woke me up about 1.30 and informed me it was time to come to bed. My couch is pretty damn comfy.
Yesterday I spent doing laundry and mastering the new Blitz: the League on X-Box. I hate doing laundry.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Ch-check it out
I am so glad it's Friday. Cannot wait for the weekend so I can waste it playing X-box and sleeping. I'll probably hang with the girlfriend a little bit too.
And last weekend I decided to buy a new bed. Best. Purchase. Ever. My old bed was great when I was single, but J9 wasn't liking it very much. So a couple of weeks ago we decide to check out the new Sleep Country in town (Longview is becoming such a metropolis). I was just going to look and check out some prices, to get a feel for what I might want to get. Only problem was their salesman. This guy was good. He could've sold a Ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves. The end result is me having a very nice king size bed with some kind of memory foam pillow top. He reassured me that it was very nice. And he was right.
So the Sleep Country delivery crew stopped by Sunday and dropped this bad boy off. Since it was the end of the weekend when I received it, I haven't really had the chance to really sleep in. The alarm going off at 5.30 in the morning kind of negates any chance of sleeping in. So this weekend I am hibernating. And it's gonna be the bombdizzle.
I also in the process of having a new computer built by my good friend T, O Double D. This guy has forgotten more about computers than I could ever hope to learn. He writes code for fun. Anyhoo I stopped by his pad the other evening to check on Operation: Goatcheese. (Operation: Computer sounded gay. So does Goatcheese I guess.) T, O, Double D tried explaining how kickass my new machine was going to be but I don't really speak computer. From what I understand it's gonna have a 17" flat screen, DVD burner, 250gb harddrive, 164 mega-pixel jiggaprocessor, a double cohesion flux capacitor and a cool wireless keyboard and mouse. I can't wait.
When I do get it I will have a chance to check out some more blogs on a semi-regular basis. I can't believe how many truly great writers there are out there. I am currently reading about ten different blogs.
- Mulgrew
- Pork Tornado
- Red Red Rine
- Ginapalooza
- Lisaopolis
- Waiter Rant
- the Letter D
- the Sneeze
- planet Dan
- Tucker Max
All very good. If you have the means, I highly recommend it.
Damn Jessica Alba is HOT!
Have a gr8 weekend all. Seacrest out.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
International Rules of Manhood
01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella
02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
03: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
05: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
09: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never, ever ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ...and it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever
02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
03: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
05: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
09: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never, ever ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ...and it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever
The Office
found another good site http://www.lifeintheoffice.com/index.php which is a blog about the Show The Office and its refrences to the real town of Scranton where the show takes place.
Other than that, The Blazers beat the Lakers last night. It was cool, although those of us that attended (not nate, loser...) think there is a conspiracy between the Blazers and Taco Bell. Taco Bell advertises with the Blazers, and gives coupons to everyone as they are leaving for a free Chaulupa, but ONLY if the Blazers score 100. Last night Zach Randolph missed one of two free throws with 2 seconds left to score 99. Fuckin bullshit. Saves Taco Bell about 30 grand in coupons, and they still get to advertise. I want my chaulupa!
Also, I thought I would show you a picture of the thing that decides what I have for lunch. I call it the magic eightball, because even though it is not black and does not have an 8 on it, it performs the same function. Also, I would feel silly telling Nate I can't go to lunch with him because the magic white-"imagine the possibilities"-moose-lodge ball told me so...
Other than that, The Blazers beat the Lakers last night. It was cool, although those of us that attended (not nate, loser...) think there is a conspiracy between the Blazers and Taco Bell. Taco Bell advertises with the Blazers, and gives coupons to everyone as they are leaving for a free Chaulupa, but ONLY if the Blazers score 100. Last night Zach Randolph missed one of two free throws with 2 seconds left to score 99. Fuckin bullshit. Saves Taco Bell about 30 grand in coupons, and they still get to advertise. I want my chaulupa!
Also, I thought I would show you a picture of the thing that decides what I have for lunch. I call it the magic eightball, because even though it is not black and does not have an 8 on it, it performs the same function. Also, I would feel silly telling Nate I can't go to lunch with him because the magic white-"imagine the possibilities"-moose-lodge ball told me so...
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
What's Worse? (and gaming grandma)
(note, this post is an example of what happens if you think about what you are going to post on your blog before you post it, so you have time to edit out stupid shit and then also have time to realize that your post will not be just straight from your crazy mind with no editing...)
original version:
Lets Play "What's Worse Than That?"
I say something bad, and you comment something worse.
What's worse than looking forward to leftover food all morning, only to find that fuckers had eaten it all when you weren't looking? (the answer? It's worse if the food was pizza, and it was free at work, and all that you had instead was half a 2 day old sandwhich left.)
long version: (that part plus all this)
I checked the fridge twice this morning, over a full large pizza left. I only saw one person having a few pieces. I knew for sure that no one ever eats the leftover Taco pizza, so even if the peperoni disappears, I will still get some pizza. And then I work through lunch, and go into get some at 1:30, AND THERE IS AN EMPTY FUCKING BOX IN THE GARBAGE. Sons-a-bitches. It's that kind of joy-killing thing that just underminds any happiness you expected to feel for the rest of the day. Stupid half a roast beef sandwhich. fuck.
Also, I was reading the march EG mag, and there is a couple good blogs listed about gaming, one by the developer of God of War, and one by the gaming granny. kind of cool. really kind of cool, check them both out. best example of why this blog written by her grandson is worth your time.
original version:
Lets Play "What's Worse Than That?"
I say something bad, and you comment something worse.
What's worse than looking forward to leftover food all morning, only to find that fuckers had eaten it all when you weren't looking? (the answer? It's worse if the food was pizza, and it was free at work, and all that you had instead was half a 2 day old sandwhich left.)
long version: (that part plus all this)
I checked the fridge twice this morning, over a full large pizza left. I only saw one person having a few pieces. I knew for sure that no one ever eats the leftover Taco pizza, so even if the peperoni disappears, I will still get some pizza. And then I work through lunch, and go into get some at 1:30, AND THERE IS AN EMPTY FUCKING BOX IN THE GARBAGE. Sons-a-bitches. It's that kind of joy-killing thing that just underminds any happiness you expected to feel for the rest of the day. Stupid half a roast beef sandwhich. fuck.
Also, I was reading the march EG mag, and there is a couple good blogs listed about gaming, one by the developer of God of War, and one by the gaming granny. kind of cool. really kind of cool, check them both out. best example of why this blog written by her grandson is worth your time.
A Funny
An elderly couple decides to go see the doctor, as their memory is deteriorating, fearing the early stages of Alzheimer's. The doc examines both of them and tells them that they are in good health and that their hearing is just a result of aging. He suggests to them that from now on they write everything down, so they won't forget anything.
A couple of nights later the couple is laying in bed. The husband turns on the lamp on his nightstand and begins to get up.
"Where are you going?" his wife asks.
The husband responds "Down to the kitchen, for some ice cream".
"That sounds delicious, I'll have a bowl too. You better write that down".
To that he says "I can remember two bowls of ice cream".
"But I want cherries on mine" his wife tells him.
"Cherries, got it" the husband replies.
"How about some whipped cream too. You better write that down" she says again.
"I can remember that!" He snorts back.
About a half an hour passes and the wife is beginning to lose hope. In walks her husband, carrying a huge tray of pancakes, eggs, bacon, orange juice, and all the condiments for the meal.
The wife asks "Where's my toast?"
A couple of nights later the couple is laying in bed. The husband turns on the lamp on his nightstand and begins to get up.
"Where are you going?" his wife asks.
The husband responds "Down to the kitchen, for some ice cream".
"That sounds delicious, I'll have a bowl too. You better write that down".
To that he says "I can remember two bowls of ice cream".
"But I want cherries on mine" his wife tells him.
"Cherries, got it" the husband replies.
"How about some whipped cream too. You better write that down" she says again.
"I can remember that!" He snorts back.
About a half an hour passes and the wife is beginning to lose hope. In walks her husband, carrying a huge tray of pancakes, eggs, bacon, orange juice, and all the condiments for the meal.
The wife asks "Where's my toast?"
Monday, February 27, 2006
Pardon me, I have nothing to say
That's a very funny line from George Carlin's standup bit about "ways to keep people on their toes." And it fits with how I feel today. After about 40 hours of coaching this weekend in Yakima, I considered letting exhaustion, sickness, and an overall "ahh, fuck it" attitude keep me in bed all day today, but instead I am at work with the nice big bags under my eyes.
On the plus side our team did really well, in fact better than our team has ever done at the big Yakima tournament . If not for a few losses at the end of the second day, and the fact that we got bumped to a shitty little hotel with not enough hot water, it would have been perfect. So my attitude today will involve little talking, many one word answers to questions from people I can't find a way to avoid, and some kind of nap or going to be early, (of course, this will be after doing the write-up for our team, downloading pictures from our team and the other 11 teams that played this weekend, working on the raffle some more, and trying to fit in a Lions meeting.)
Come to think of it, with practice as well as training at work tomorrow night, and blazer tickets wednesday, I think I'll probably be running on empty (or emptier) til about Thursday. As a matter of fact, I think I will probably end up taking advantage of a weekend with no tournament to still NOT get all the boxes of garage sale and christmas decorations into storage, just like the last 2 months...
edit: on a side note, while getting Carlin's link, I saw on the website that he underwent an angioplasty (surgery) this winter, but is doing okay. Get better soon Mr. Carlin.
Also, Kennedy sent in this awesome link gizoogle of my website from gizoogle.com.
On the plus side our team did really well, in fact better than our team has ever done at the big Yakima tournament . If not for a few losses at the end of the second day, and the fact that we got bumped to a shitty little hotel with not enough hot water, it would have been perfect. So my attitude today will involve little talking, many one word answers to questions from people I can't find a way to avoid, and some kind of nap or going to be early, (of course, this will be after doing the write-up for our team, downloading pictures from our team and the other 11 teams that played this weekend, working on the raffle some more, and trying to fit in a Lions meeting.)
Come to think of it, with practice as well as training at work tomorrow night, and blazer tickets wednesday, I think I'll probably be running on empty (or emptier) til about Thursday. As a matter of fact, I think I will probably end up taking advantage of a weekend with no tournament to still NOT get all the boxes of garage sale and christmas decorations into storage, just like the last 2 months...
edit: on a side note, while getting Carlin's link, I saw on the website that he underwent an angioplasty (surgery) this winter, but is doing okay. Get better soon Mr. Carlin.
Also, Kennedy sent in this awesome link gizoogle of my website from gizoogle.com.
Friday, February 24, 2006
BREAKING NEWS: Big Bird dies from bird flu
From the article it sounds like he was just visiting Thailand. First Mr. Rogers, now Big Bird. I just don't know what to think. See the full article here.
March Madness (please don't sue me NCAA)
It's about that time of year again. Those of you down with college hoops know what I'm talking about. March Madness is about to begin. This year I am gonna jump on the Gonzaga bandwagon. Adam Morrison is killing the competition averaging 29.3 points and one terrible moustache per game.
In years past I have rooted for whichever team(s) I draw in my office pool. I haven't really paid much attention to a single team since the university of Nevada Las Vegas broke my heart in the 90-91 season when they lost to Duke. Effin Dookies. I remember getting slightly excited by the Fab Five at U of Michigan, but these last couple years I haven't really gotten too interested in basketball (college or pro).
But I do like gambling, especially on sports. I'm not talking anything too serious like Rick Tocchet, just a couple of pools and maybe a bet or two on the Super Bowl. And maybe an occasional wager on the UFC. But that's it. I'm no Burckhardt. I do tend to get a little crazy during March Madness though. Usually filling out anywhere between three to seven brackets and at least getting into one pool where you draw teams. The bad thing about drawing teams is it's all luck. And it seems like every year I am rooting for University of Louisville (seriously, I've had them the last four years) to upset some team from my beloved Pacific Northwest.
This year let's try something different. Bragging rights only here. Anybody who wants in on the First Annual NOSE March Madness basketball pool, leave a comment with your e-mail address and I will e-mail you for your picks. Winner is going to be receiving something AWESOME that is yet to be determined (just trust me on this). I realize we are a little early here but better to be safe than sorry. Anybody is allowed to enter, one entry per person. Who's up for this?
In years past I have rooted for whichever team(s) I draw in my office pool. I haven't really paid much attention to a single team since the university of Nevada Las Vegas broke my heart in the 90-91 season when they lost to Duke. Effin Dookies. I remember getting slightly excited by the Fab Five at U of Michigan, but these last couple years I haven't really gotten too interested in basketball (college or pro).
But I do like gambling, especially on sports. I'm not talking anything too serious like Rick Tocchet, just a couple of pools and maybe a bet or two on the Super Bowl. And maybe an occasional wager on the UFC. But that's it. I'm no Burckhardt. I do tend to get a little crazy during March Madness though. Usually filling out anywhere between three to seven brackets and at least getting into one pool where you draw teams. The bad thing about drawing teams is it's all luck. And it seems like every year I am rooting for University of Louisville (seriously, I've had them the last four years) to upset some team from my beloved Pacific Northwest.
This year let's try something different. Bragging rights only here. Anybody who wants in on the First Annual NOSE March Madness basketball pool, leave a comment with your e-mail address and I will e-mail you for your picks. Winner is going to be receiving something AWESOME that is yet to be determined (just trust me on this). I realize we are a little early here but better to be safe than sorry. Anybody is allowed to enter, one entry per person. Who's up for this?
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Mulgrew
If any of you out there haven't checked out www.jasonmulgrew.com now is the time to do so. We here at NOSE *heart* him very much. So much, that Erik and I both invited him to stop by Longview for some ice cold brewskis on his recent roadtrip from Seattle to Los Angeles. He didn't stop by because he is way cooler than either of us.
Anyways today he updated his blog and it's fantastic. You should check it out and if you like it, sign up for the monthly e-mail posts he will be sending out.
Also look for the post from February 17th were he gives yours truly a shout out (take that Emily), winning me a case of McMenamin's Ruby Ale (mmmmm, BEER) from Erik. And no I didn't invite him to stop by and watch me and my girlfriend have sex. Maybe some light fondeling, but sex was never part of the deal.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
win an xbox 360
I said I would post more info on here about winning an Xbox 360 once I finally got the raffle I am putting together all situated. Well, I am expecting tickets to be available for sale this weekend, with the winners being drawn in late March. The money goes to benefit the Cowlitz Volleyball Club, which I coach for. There are tons of great prizes, so check out the site I made,
www.cowlitzvolleyball.com/raffle.htm, as it will be updated if I get more prizes donated to give away.
Also, for those of you already on Xbox Live, I found a calender of events that shows what games are played by tons of people each night. http://www.xbox.com/en-US/community/calendar/
And those of you not interested in Xbox, the raffle includes prizes like Mariners tickets and REI camping gear, so check it out.
www.cowlitzvolleyball.com/raffle.htm, as it will be updated if I get more prizes donated to give away.
Also, for those of you already on Xbox Live, I found a calender of events that shows what games are played by tons of people each night. http://www.xbox.com/en-US/community/calendar/
And those of you not interested in Xbox, the raffle includes prizes like Mariners tickets and REI camping gear, so check it out.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Happy Birthday to Me (some things I hate)
Thanks to all for the many birthday wishes (both of them). And let me just tell you it was a rough weekend. It all started out Thursday (my b-day) when I got off work. I went home and drank a couple of Heinekens while I waited for Jeannine to come get me for dinner. We went to an Italian Steakhouse in town, Don Renato's. Verdict: Delicious. After dinner we decided to go home and have a quiet evening due to the exciting weekend we had planned.
On Friday I decided to take the day off. So I started drinking at about three in the afternoon. Grey Goose Vodka and Jones green apple soda together are delicious. Delicious and deadly. So I drank until about 6 when Jeannine and I went to meet the family for Chinese food. After a ton of General Tso's, Honey-Walnut Prawns, and various other entrees (and a couple of Tsing-tao's) we left the Golden Palace. We stopped briefly at my apartment to drop off my birthday loot. Next stop: BoPhal (bo paul) and Suriya's for a birthday/costume/housewarming party.
We arrived a little before everybody else finding Gus and Willie dressed up and drinking. Gus looked just like Marty McFly from the Back to the Future series. Willie was doing his best Burt Reynolds. BoPhal showed up shortly after and threw on his 1984 Michael Jackson Thriller ensemble. And decided to top it off with a mullet wig?
What the fuck? One thing I hate about costume parties is the people who show up not dressed up. And this party had many of them. I on the other hand was Cowlitz County Corrections February Inmate of the Month.
As soon as Jeannine and I showed up, the Grey Goose/Jones soda combo was in our cups. Add to that mix a vodka-Red Bull, a shot of Captain Morgan's, some beer and who knows what else and you have a very sick Nate. One other thing I hate is puking. And I did a bunch of it Friday night. And it was disgusting.
Here is Willie dressed up like Burt Reynolds. He found a great wig, leather jacket and Aviator shades at the Goodwill. It just wasn't complete so I drew a moustache on him with Jeannine eyeliner pencil. Voila, Burt Reynolds!
Saturday night was supposed to be strip-club night according to our original plans. I was so hungover that I really didn't feel like going but was gonna be a soldier and just get through the evening. My friends, Dez and Erica, came over to the house at about 7 on Saturday evening. Jeannine and I were already there and we waited about an hour to see if anybody else was gonna show up and join us in our adventure to Portland. After nobody (Willie) showed up we headed out on the road. None of us had eaten yet so we decided to stop in Portland for some grub. McMenamin's White Eagle, here we come! Little did we know there was a concert in session at the White Eagle and not a table to be found. After getting our refund of $6 each we headed out into Portland. McMenamin's Ringler's/the Crystal Ballroom was also packed sending us to choice number three, Rock Bottom brewery. What a great choice. We all enjoyed great food, delicious drinks and good company. Afterwards we were too full to do anything else. I hate making plans to go see some boobies and then not seeing boobies. We decided to head back to Longview and call it a night. And as soon as we hit I-5 north Jeannine and Dez were both out. We made it home in shortly under a hour and went to bed.
The other thing I hate is laundry. Which I spent my day yesterday doing in my still, slightly hung-over state.
One thing I love though is free Beer. Thanks Gus.
On Friday I decided to take the day off. So I started drinking at about three in the afternoon. Grey Goose Vodka and Jones green apple soda together are delicious. Delicious and deadly. So I drank until about 6 when Jeannine and I went to meet the family for Chinese food. After a ton of General Tso's, Honey-Walnut Prawns, and various other entrees (and a couple of Tsing-tao's) we left the Golden Palace. We stopped briefly at my apartment to drop off my birthday loot. Next stop: BoPhal (bo paul) and Suriya's for a birthday/costume/housewarming party.
We arrived a little before everybody else finding Gus and Willie dressed up and drinking. Gus looked just like Marty McFly from the Back to the Future series. Willie was doing his best Burt Reynolds. BoPhal showed up shortly after and threw on his 1984 Michael Jackson Thriller ensemble. And decided to top it off with a mullet wig?
What the fuck? One thing I hate about costume parties is the people who show up not dressed up. And this party had many of them. I on the other hand was Cowlitz County Corrections February Inmate of the Month.
As soon as Jeannine and I showed up, the Grey Goose/Jones soda combo was in our cups. Add to that mix a vodka-Red Bull, a shot of Captain Morgan's, some beer and who knows what else and you have a very sick Nate. One other thing I hate is puking. And I did a bunch of it Friday night. And it was disgusting.
Here is Willie dressed up like Burt Reynolds. He found a great wig, leather jacket and Aviator shades at the Goodwill. It just wasn't complete so I drew a moustache on him with Jeannine eyeliner pencil. Voila, Burt Reynolds!
Saturday night was supposed to be strip-club night according to our original plans. I was so hungover that I really didn't feel like going but was gonna be a soldier and just get through the evening. My friends, Dez and Erica, came over to the house at about 7 on Saturday evening. Jeannine and I were already there and we waited about an hour to see if anybody else was gonna show up and join us in our adventure to Portland. After nobody (Willie) showed up we headed out on the road. None of us had eaten yet so we decided to stop in Portland for some grub. McMenamin's White Eagle, here we come! Little did we know there was a concert in session at the White Eagle and not a table to be found. After getting our refund of $6 each we headed out into Portland. McMenamin's Ringler's/the Crystal Ballroom was also packed sending us to choice number three, Rock Bottom brewery. What a great choice. We all enjoyed great food, delicious drinks and good company. Afterwards we were too full to do anything else. I hate making plans to go see some boobies and then not seeing boobies. We decided to head back to Longview and call it a night. And as soon as we hit I-5 north Jeannine and Dez were both out. We made it home in shortly under a hour and went to bed.The other thing I hate is laundry. Which I spent my day yesterday doing in my still, slightly hung-over state.
One thing I love though is free Beer. Thanks Gus.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
quote of the party and Mulgrew
Crazy party friday night. I was a good boy and stayed away from the hard liquor most of the night, therefore I actually remember the whole party until I left about 4:00AM. Best part had to be the quote by Nate:
Erik- "Hey Nate, think of something happy so that you don't puke."
Nate - (smiling) "hmmmm, Smurfs."
on a cooler note, I lost a bet to Nate today. I bet him a case of McMenamin's Ruby Ale that he wouldn't get mentioned on Jason Mulgrew's website. We emailed him offering him a beer if he wanted to stop in Longview on his way to LA last week. See how I lost the bet here.
excerpt (So I both apologize to those who wrote in and thank them for their kindness, even Nate in Longview, WA who said if I wanted, I could watch him and his girlfriend have sex. I'm going to have to take a rain check on that Nate, but thanks.)
Erik- "Hey Nate, think of something happy so that you don't puke."
Nate - (smiling) "hmmmm, Smurfs."
on a cooler note, I lost a bet to Nate today. I bet him a case of McMenamin's Ruby Ale that he wouldn't get mentioned on Jason Mulgrew's website. We emailed him offering him a beer if he wanted to stop in Longview on his way to LA last week. See how I lost the bet here.
excerpt (So I both apologize to those who wrote in and thank them for their kindness, even Nate in Longview, WA who said if I wanted, I could watch him and his girlfriend have sex. I'm going to have to take a rain check on that Nate, but thanks.)
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Thank you and Happy Birthday
Thanks to all (both) the wonderful readers here at NOSE, and thanks to the contributors, because without you we would not have wonderful links and funny shit to talk about. For instance, Nate has scored again with the sneeze and probably the best place to start on the Sneeze steve_dont_eat_it .
Also, Happy Birthday Nate. I hope you get some.
(nate is the guy in black with the fem-stance. you gotta love 10 year old pictures)
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
tuckermax and battle of the books
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the Maze...
My buddy Gym here at work showed me this maze. It starts off easy enough but it gets harder about the end of the third level. I barely made it past there and onto level four which I couldn't beat. What about you?
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Michael Jackson announces "new" Beatles Greatest Album
So it looks like Jacko is at it again. It seems he has gotten bored with the little boys of Click'click'dert or wherever the hell he has relocated and decided to get back into the music game. As some of you may have heard, sometime back in the eighties, Jacko purchased the rights to the Beetles library. Pretty smart move for a guy who sleeps in a hyper-bolic chamber. But what he has decided to do is just plain crazy. It seems that Mike thinks it's a good idea to release a "greatest" hits for the Beatles. But basically all he is doing is re-releasing a couple of albums and repackaging it. The first one he decided to add was the 1962-1966 double album, affectionately known as the "Red Album". You can see the original artwork below.
Added to the melodic sounds of this early classic is the slightly more psychedelic 1967-1970 a.k.a. the Blue Album. Michael said "he wanted to spice it up a little". Wow, what a nutjob.
Added to the melodic sounds of this early classic is the slightly more psychedelic 1967-1970 a.k.a. the Blue Album. Michael said "he wanted to spice it up a little". Wow, what a nutjob.
And if ripping off the Beatles music wasn't bad enough, you should see the alterations he made to the album cover. I mean combining the two is a great idea but what the hell?
hhhhmmmmmmm, piiiizzzaaaa
I love pizza, and garfield, and thought todays comic was particularlly good.Happy Valentines Day. May you all get pizza gift certificates as presents.
Also, I got my wife the 2-disc special edition of Sense and Sensebility, a book of art by Georgia Okeefe, and a teaching book instead of flowers this year. Is that a good gift compared to something that will die in 1 week, or are flowers kinda just required?
Monday, February 13, 2006
One Last Rant
Okay so the Super Bowl was over a week ago and everybody out there is probably getting tired of us here at NOSE bitching about the officiating. So after this post, I will give it up. Let the dead dog lie.
The bottom line though is the Seahawks got screwed. If you don't think so you are blind. In any other game the calls wouldn't have mattered. But in this game their were about four calls that significantly affected the outcome. That shouldn't happen. The refs should never decide any game let alone the Super Bowl.
I was checking out the Phat Phree this morning and came across this article which even includes a couple of pictures. You can clearly see Roethlisberger being short on his so called touchdown and Hasselbeck not even being close to Steeler he supposedly illegally blocked. Check it out.
When's baseball start?
The bottom line though is the Seahawks got screwed. If you don't think so you are blind. In any other game the calls wouldn't have mattered. But in this game their were about four calls that significantly affected the outcome. That shouldn't happen. The refs should never decide any game let alone the Super Bowl.
I was checking out the Phat Phree this morning and came across this article which even includes a couple of pictures. You can clearly see Roethlisberger being short on his so called touchdown and Hasselbeck not even being close to Steeler he supposedly illegally blocked. Check it out.
When's baseball start?
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