BRAD KANN

We can't stay too serious around this place for long (see prior post below) so I felt it necessary to make fun of our friend Brad. He has earned many names over the past 10 years (college and after-years) including Junior Bitch, B.G.B. (big-gay-brad), and numerous others that escape me because this new round of making fun of Brad was so funny, I forgot the others.

For those of you watching basketball last Friday, I am sure you caught a glimpse of the Bradley-Kansas game. Well, what was so funny about this to us, is that on the TV screen it read like this:

BRAD
KANN

How is that funny you ask? Because we called Brad and the other guys he was watching the game with and started in with "Brad Kann suck some dick," "Brad Kann take it from behind," "Brad Kann get me a beer," etc, etc. Very funny when you are wasted off Green Beer and Guinness. Especially if you know Brad and how everyone always picks him to be the subject of their dumb drunk jokes. He is a good sport.

You have to give it to him. He takes it pretty well everytime.
(see jokes like that are what make me smile!)

Also, while searching for a picture of Brad, I found these great drinking pics I forgot about, as well as a link to a bunch of picture pages that I made on my website, including one of my favorites, this one of my and Abby.

Good luck with your picks tonight, and Go Zags!

And it looks like Tricia and the Sonics are still alive. Look for a new vote link soon.

Good Deeds done not so Dirt Cheap

I may have mentioned this before, but my grandfather passed away in December. So recently at an auction that my Church/old elementary school holds every year, my wife and I decided to purchase the name of the gym for a year and name it after my Grandpa Gunnar in his memory. So with the help of my cousin Gunnar and his wife, we forked over the necessary dough to win the auction, and here you see the end result. Pretty Cool.

In the picture is me, my grandma, Jamie (Gunnar's wife), and her boys Bryson and Kjell (bryson's first name is Gunnar). My grandma liked it as I hoped she would and said that she is sure he would have really liked it too. As an added bonus, Bryson goes to St. Rose now too, so Gunnar and Jamie get to see it all the time. Plus my Dad goes to church a lot, and he will be able to see it, and that is important to me too. Hope this only sounds like bragging a little, but I really wanted to mention it.

GO ZAGS!

Scam Alert: Home Depot

I am writing this to warn all of you loyal NOSE readers of something that happened to me. I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me at Home Depot and it could happen to you.
Here's how the scam works, two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride into town. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other.
Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen last Wednesday, Friday, twice on Saturday, again on Monday, and also yesterday and probably tonight.

get fuzzy & Sonics

Time to vote again for Tricia.

Also, another good comic today, this time from Get Fuzzy.

Way To Go, Ichiro!

Congrats to Ichiro and the rest of the World Baseball Classic champions, Japan. Hopefully this will carry over into the regular season for Ichiro and the Seattle Mariners.

Blazers good, Refs bad

The blazer game last night was exciting, but was again ruined for me by the poor officiating of the NBA league and the poor free-throw shooting of the Blazers. This write-up doesn't even mention it, but with somewhere around a minute left, Zach Randolph missed 2 free throws that would have brought them within 2. But about 30 seconds later it became a Moo point* when the Refs failed to call A BLATENT FULL BODY CONTACT FOUL that sent a Blazer player to the ground in mid-lay up after an offensive rebound, and the Bucks went the length of the floor to widen the lead to 5 or 6. It was the biggest horseshit non-call I have seen since the SuperBowl.

The game was hella exciting, and anyone that doesnt dig the Blazers lately has to realize that other than free-throw shooting and those fuckin refs (they sucked against both teams by the way) they games are still damn fun to go to. Especially when you can get tickets cheap and practically sit where ever you want. Plus there is always a chance of a fight, especially when your team keeps losing and the stupid rookie is wearing tights...

On another note, I picked up a Team Autographed ball and a bunch of memoribilla from the Blazers for the raffle. If you haven't bought any tickets to support my Club, you are missing out. Thousands of Dollars in prizes, and tickets are only $1.

*(its like a cows opinion, it doesnt matter)

dilbert is funny

Very funny comic.

Also, if you didnt see my comment to Nate's post, North Carolina was a joke pic I did not get online to change in time. There is a slight chance I will not win the Blog pool...

The Sweet Sixteen a.k.a. How My Bracket Got Busted

Note to self: Quit drinking before filling out March Madness tournament brackets. The downside to that is I will have to wait until next year to actually follow through on it. And as of Saturday, this year's bracket was completely fuckered. Here are the standings as of Monday morning:

1. Shaun Campbell - 480 pts. - still leading after an impressive first round
2. Emily "Red Red" Rine - 450 - Wow! The luck of the Irish is alive and well
tie. Erik Guttormsen - 450 - speechless
4. Alex Nelson - 440 - who knew that bankers knew basketball?
5. E. Rhodes - 430 - who?
6. n8 b - 410 - why UNC, why?
7. Ryan "Dicko" Dickerson - 400 - you suck Dicko
tie. T. Warburton - 400 - who, deux?
9. T. Tasker - 390 - who, again?
tie. Gym Hewey - 390 - now that is some funny shit. I don't care who you are that's some funny shit.

At this time I would like to give a big fuck you to UNC, Ohio State and Kansas. As for Southern Illinois and U of Wisconsin, Milwaukee...my bad, what the hell was I thinking?
As for my other brackets, they are fucked too. I actually had Illinois winning one. I guess I like just throwing money away. My only hope hinges on Dook and J.J. Redick who is looking awfully tired.
As for my St. Paddy's day I drank some green beers, and some Guinness. Erik and Mrs. G. got wasted. Good times. Quite the dangerous duo when they have both been boozing. They have been known to leave empty beer cans and half-eaten breakfast burritos in their wake.

Round 2

So I am too lazy to go find out how the pool is doing, but I would assume that with the scores I saw last night (and don't remember. hmmmm, green beer and guinness) that Shaun is no longer perfect, and we are probably equally getting screwed by picking the wrong upsets. When Nate gets on here, he can post the standings or something. Me, I've only missed 7 picks I think, and haven't lost any of my elite 8 picks, so there is still a chance.

St. Pattys day was a fucking success. If you guage success by getting real drunk, eating muchos gracias breakfest burritos, getting drunk some more, having someone drive your car home, and getting cool green heinekin and corona (corona???) beads at The Shamrock. That bar is cool, and I can't think of a better way to waste a day then drinking and watching basketball. Except maybe drinking and watching Football. (GO HAWKS!)

sea vs. hou Also, thanks for voting for Tricia and the sonics. as you can see, they are up against the Rocket Dancers on the 22nd, so make sure to get on this link and vote on that day.

edit: I did get one picture, but blogger isn't working for me either on the photos, so check myspace to see it.

F*cking Blogger & Way To Go Shaun

So I've tried FIVE fucking times now to post this really great story I have about a big fucking Grizzly Bear up in Alaska. How big? Try fourteen feet tall when it's standing on it's hind legs. And blogger won't let me post the pictures of this monster. Soon as it let's me post some pics it'll be up here.

And after one day of the NOSE/RRR March Madness Tourney Challenge, Erik's buddy Shaun when 16 for 16 on day one. Which is funny since just 72 hours ago he made his deal with the devil. I thought there was some kind of waiting period before deals with Satan went through. Oh and it's Shaun's B-Day today so happy birthday Shaun.

And a happy B-Day to little Nate, son of Matt Jones of Jackmove fame. And one of the coolest little dudes ever. (I mean the name says it all, right?)

And to everybody else, Happy St. Paddy's. Who brought the Guinness? (God I cannot wait to get off work)

3 down...

So, 3 games down, how many of you picked Wisc. Milwaukee?
and how about Boston College holding on?

I saw a healthy handful of brackets got posted. excccellent.

edit 4:00 PST: so now im 6-7. how about you?

Also, our friend Tricia and the Sonic Dancers need your help. Vote for them at VOTE NOW

edit 4:20 PST: I can't help myself. I hate work and want to be watching basketball. Check this page of first day quotes out, along with my favorite. sports.yahoo

"At the Nevada–Montana game someone held up the following sign: "Grizzly 1,300 pounds, Wolf 70 pounds. No contest." "Someone spent time writing that out? And then carrying into a stadium? And someone at CBS decided to show it? " WTF?

Get In The Pool

Our friend Emily over at Red Red Rine started a NCAA March Madness pool sponsored by her webpage and the good guys here at NOSE. So if you are interested in picking some games and talking a little smack go to here, and sign up.
The winner will have exclusive shit-talking rights plus win a brand new, extremely limited (try one of one) tee-shirt that will somewhat resemble this.
So get off your asses and sign up. And Red, you're going down!
Good luck to everybody who enters.

And to my "little" brother T.R. Happy 25th Birthday! Hope it's a good one!

NCAA and St. Patricks Day

Its tuesday before the games start. Have you got your picks in for the NOSE/RedRedRine NCAA pool on Espn.com yet?
http://games.espn.go.com/tcmen/group?groupID=122935&password=null

Or have you got in on any office pools? Who did you pick, or if it was random draw, who did you get? Inquiring minds want to know. And they also want to know how many of you take time off to watch any of the games.

And for those of you in the area, the 17th is Shaun's birthday, so we are meeting at the Shamrock Friday between 3:00 and 6:00 if you want any chance of a seat. It's drinking time baby!

quick renaming of burckhardt

Lately those of us around the Longview branch of NOSE have been referring to our favorite Wookie (burckhardt) as "Cockblocker." (stories to follow at another time) A recent advertisment in the new EGM has made realize the error of our ways. He is in fact a "Gamekiller," as described at www.gamekillers.com. The example in my ad was "The One Upper," and you can get an idea of the other types at the site. Because if he's ruining your chances of talking to girls, he's not really blocking your cock. At least not yet...

favorite funny movies?

How about a fun post with some commentor interaction?

What's the best funny movie you've seen lately?
(whether its new or something you watch over and over.)
(p.s. we'll do other categories later)

For me, it's "Harold & Kumar go to White Castle"
(favorite line: "COMMON POOKIE, LET'S BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOWN!"

And what's your favorite funny movie(s) of the last 10-20 years?

For me, the first thing that jumped in my mind was "Spaceballs."
(line: "I'm surrounded by assholes!")

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

So tonight is the night I get my new computer. It kinda feels like Christmas in March. I am so excited, every time I think about it I pee in my pants a little bit.
I stopped by T, O, double D's last night to check on the progress and he was just loading it up with some programs for me. I started asking him questions about the specs on this bad boy and he broke it down for me as best he could (I don't speak computer at all). Anyways he told me it is gonna have a 1.4 ghz, 64 bit processor, a gig of ram, and a 150 gb hard-drive for me to store movies and music on. I plan on spending the evening bulking up my iTunes collection.
So I wrote Erik an e-mail this morning asking him about his high-speed internet provider and basically just bragging about my new toy. I will enclose our e-mail exchange below because I am too lazy to recount the whole exchange.
---------------------------------------------
From: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 10:13 AM
To: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com

What's up foo? I should be getting my new computer tonight. It looks like it's gonna be a beast.
1.4 ghz 64 bit processor
150 gb hard drive
1 gb ram
17" flat screen monitor
wireless keyboard and mouse
I'm gonna go home and rough up the suspect BIG time!
How's you're day going?
---------------------------------------------
From: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com:
Sent: Thu 09-Mar-06 10:22 AM
To: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com

you getting high speed internet?
--------------------------------------------
From: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 10:13 AM
To: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com

fo sho....I'm gonna start looking at providers here in about a week....who do you use?
--------------------------------------------
From: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com:
Sent: Thu 09-Mar-06 10:22 AM
To: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com

adelphia. and i think they are running a killer $26 a month for the first 6 months or something.
--------------------------------------------
From: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 10:13 AM
To: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com

really? I will have to give them a call. That sounds good. How much is it usually?
---------------------------------------------
From: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com
Sent: Thu 09-Mar-06 10:22 AM
To: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com

i think its between 35 and 40 usually, but its grouped in with my $130 cable bill (ouch) so im not exactly sure. plus you rent the modem for 2.50 or something like that.
--------------------------------------------
From: Nate.Bullock@onecoolmofo.com
Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 10:13 AM
To: eguttormsen@ilovefagsoup.com

$130 for cable? Does it at least swallow?

Tiger Woods 2006

In case you play video games, and were considering getting the new Tiger Woods game, don't. Here is my favorite excerpt from what I think is a very funny review I did on gamespot.com

"In case dual sticks is not hard enough for you, we have placed the power button above the left stick, just because we hate you and want you to shank to the right consistantly like you do in real life."
You can see a summary here, and the full review here.

Also, Harry Potter 4 comes out on DVD today (or yesterday). Columbia House better get my friggin copy here, cause I need to drink to Harry Potter 4, and they don't allow drinks in Kids movies, or in most theaters for that matter.

Three Times in One Day? Wow!

A man scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive womanstanding alone.
He approached her and asked her name.
"My name is Carmen," she told him.
"That's a beautiful name," he said. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I likemost - cars and men."
"What's your name?" she asked.
"Beerfuck," he said.

Too Funny

I know double posts are kewl but this was too funny to not share. Big ups to planetdan.net for finding this gem. If for some reason this pic doesn't move (like it should) click on the link. You won't be disappointed.

edit by Erik: I checked out planet dan, and this site is good. I had to add these gems.

I want to see her wal-mart outfit. Moo moo or stretch pants???
And You Gotta Love Moloram and Indiana Jones.
Goes good with Nates new phrase I heart you.

I Could've Been Killed!

So yesterday, Gym from work and I were going to lunch. Taco Time was the destination as it usually is on Tuesdays. About halfway through our trip we arrive at the intersection that I have so poorly drawn out here.
This intersection is right over by were Erik works. It's a four-way stop and it tends to confuse people who can't drive, especially at lunchtime when there is more traffic than usual. So I pull up to the stop sign (I'm represented by the car-thing on the map) and wait for my turn. The other cars all go and I start out into the intersection. Well Mr. Yuck driving his brand new, shiny blue, Chevrolet Avalanche (damn those things are ugly) decides it's his turn to go. Except he isn't going to turn right like he should but instead goes straight through the intersection, stopping a couple of inches away from T-boning me.
I go to flip him off (I suffer from an extreme case of Road Rage) and notice he's an older, fat, ugly guy. Probably somewhere in his late fifties to early sixties.
And before I can even do anything he's half hangin out his window, flipping me off, and cursing me out. This angers me extremely.
I circle around the block to try to follow this guy. The traffic is so thick though that I can only get a couple blocks behind him before he turned and lost me. I'm not sure what I would've done had I caught him, seeing as I am not much of a fighter. It didn't help that this guy was older than dirt. But boy was I angry. My biggest pet-peeve is stupid people who can't drive. And you could tell this guy was stupid by his actions, and the car he was driving. What is the deal with the ugly-ass plastic that Chevrolet puts on those Avalanches.
And I know you are all amazed by my drawing abilities and if you would like me to draw you something crappy, send me an e-mail. My specialty is Ligers. Their bred for their magical powers and super jumping abilities.

quick post

I love you smoot. Don't be mad. Prove me wrong and post something before Thursday...

and good crossover article on phatphree about Tucker
http://thephatphree.com/features.asp?SectionID=1

demoted

Watched the Oscars, and realized I have missed a lot of movies in the last couple years. Gay cowboys? (probably good but haven't seen it.) A rap song winning an Oscar? (sorry but I can appreciate all music, and did not like that song, and will not see that movie, although it was cool how excited they were to win, even if they couldn't avoid getting Bleeped at least once) Everyone using Clooney to make their speech funnier? (even George didn't get it) and why don't they have more movie category awards instead of best photo editing and shit the people watching on TV don't care about?

I had some funny shit to say on here about friday at Nates, and golfing Saturday with Willie and Mike, but beer makes you forget shit. And since I don't have a voice recorder, you'll just have to take my word for it. I'm sure we said something about sticking our balls in the mashed potatoes, but all the other funny bits escape me after the weekend.

Smoot and Dicko. You are welcome to come back as posters, but having 4 names as contributors made the top of the page longer, and seing as you do not fucking post anything ever, I moved the actual blog posts up a little on the screen by droping you. So feel free to bitch a little more just so I know you are actually still there, and I will add you back on.

Don't Invite Willie...

Don't invite Erik Williamson anywhere, cause he will bring this guy with him.

my Weekend

First off I would like to warn everybody. What you see in the above picture may look like beer. It is not. Don't be fooled like Erik Williamson was Friday night.
So I spent my Friday hanging out with Erik W., Mike, and the Guttormsens. I went to high school with Mike and haven't seen him in a while so that was nice. They came over and drank some beers and hung out for a while. We watched Dave Chappelle's standup "For what it's worth". (I think that's the title)
After consuming my Red Stripes and Willie's Coronas, we decided we needed some more brews. Willie and I headed out to the always reliable Market Place. Decisions, decisions. We finally settled on some Killians red, some Tecate (w/limes) and Bootie Light. Good choice, good choice, terrible fucking choice. Mike compared the taste of Bootie Light to that of severely watered piss. I'm not sure how Mike knows what piss tastes like but I agreed with him after a taste of the Bootie.
(That's a great ending to a sentence "a taste of the Bootie")
Saturday I wasn't feeling too good. I don't know what it is about getting a little older that makes you a wuss. Seriously, I couldn't have had more than nine beers. It might have been on an empty stomach, as I don't remember eating anything for dinner, but still, nine beers?
So Saturday my neighbor was celebrating his 50th B-Day. Beers and BBQ for all! My buddy Ed decided to come into town and hang out so we headed over to the neighbor's, had a couple brews, ate way more than I should have, and came home to play some X-Box and have a little chat with the coach. Good times. J9 showed up about 9ish and made some of the best munchies evah. I don't remember falling asleep, but J9 woke me up about 1.30 and informed me it was time to come to bed. My couch is pretty damn comfy.
Yesterday I spent doing laundry and mastering the new Blitz: the League on X-Box. I hate doing laundry.

Ch-check it out

I am so glad it's Friday. Cannot wait for the weekend so I can waste it playing X-box and sleeping. I'll probably hang with the girlfriend a little bit too.
And last weekend I decided to buy a new bed. Best. Purchase. Ever. My old bed was great when I was single, but J9 wasn't liking it very much. So a couple of weeks ago we decide to check out the new Sleep Country in town (Longview is becoming such a metropolis). I was just going to look and check out some prices, to get a feel for what I might want to get. Only problem was their salesman. This guy was good. He could've sold a Ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves. The end result is me having a very nice king size bed with some kind of memory foam pillow top. He reassured me that it was very nice. And he was right.
So the Sleep Country delivery crew stopped by Sunday and dropped this bad boy off. Since it was the end of the weekend when I received it, I haven't really had the chance to really sleep in. The alarm going off at 5.30 in the morning kind of negates any chance of sleeping in. So this weekend I am hibernating. And it's gonna be the bombdizzle.
I also in the process of having a new computer built by my good friend T, O Double D. This guy has forgotten more about computers than I could ever hope to learn. He writes code for fun. Anyhoo I stopped by his pad the other evening to check on Operation: Goatcheese. (Operation: Computer sounded gay. So does Goatcheese I guess.) T, O, Double D tried explaining how kickass my new machine was going to be but I don't really speak computer. From what I understand it's gonna have a 17" flat screen, DVD burner, 250gb harddrive, 164 mega-pixel jiggaprocessor, a double cohesion flux capacitor and a cool wireless keyboard and mouse. I can't wait.
When I do get it I will have a chance to check out some more blogs on a semi-regular basis. I can't believe how many truly great writers there are out there. I am currently reading about ten different blogs.

1. Mulgrew
2. Pork Tornado
3. Red Red Rine
4. Ginapalooza
5. Lisaopolis
6. Waiter Rant
7. the Letter D
8. the Sneeze
9. planet Dan
10. Tucker Max

All very good. If you have the means, I highly recommend it.

Damn Jessica Alba is HOT!

Have a gr8 weekend all. Seacrest out.

International Rules of Manhood

01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella
02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
03: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
05: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
09: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never, ever ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ...and it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever

The Office

found another good site http://www.lifeintheoffice.com/index.php which is a blog about the Show The Office and its refrences to the real town of Scranton where the show takes place.

Other than that, The Blazers beat the Lakers last night. It was cool, although those of us that attended (not nate, loser...) think there is a conspiracy between the Blazers and Taco Bell. Taco Bell advertises with the Blazers, and gives coupons to everyone as they are leaving for a free Chaulupa, but ONLY if the Blazers score 100. Last night Zach Randolph missed one of two free throws with 2 seconds left to score 99. Fuckin bullshit. Saves Taco Bell about 30 grand in coupons, and they still get to advertise. I want my chaulupa!


Also, I thought I would show you a picture of the thing that decides what I have for lunch. I call it the magic eightball, because even though it is not black and does not have an 8 on it, it performs the same function. Also, I would feel silly telling Nate I can't go to lunch with him because the magic white-"imagine the possibilities"-moose-lodge ball told me so...

What's Worse? (and gaming grandma)

(note, this post is an example of what happens if you think about what you are going to post on your blog before you post it, so you have time to edit out stupid shit and then also have time to realize that your post will not be just straight from your crazy mind with no editing...)

original version:
Lets Play "What's Worse Than That?"
I say something bad, and you comment something worse.

What's worse than looking forward to leftover food all morning, only to find that fuckers had eaten it all when you weren't looking? (the answer? It's worse if the food was pizza, and it was free at work, and all that you had instead was half a 2 day old sandwhich left.)

long version: (that part plus all this)
I checked the fridge twice this morning, over a full large pizza left. I only saw one person having a few pieces. I knew for sure that no one ever eats the leftover Taco pizza, so even if the peperoni disappears, I will still get some pizza. And then I work through lunch, and go into get some at 1:30, AND THERE IS AN EMPTY FUCKING BOX IN THE GARBAGE. Sons-a-bitches. It's that kind of joy-killing thing that just underminds any happiness you expected to feel for the rest of the day. Stupid half a roast beef sandwhich. fuck.

Also, I was reading the march EG mag, and there is a couple good blogs listed about gaming, one by the developer of God of War, and one by the gaming granny. kind of cool. really kind of cool, check them both out. best example of why this blog written by her grandson is worth your time.

A Funny

An elderly couple decides to go see the doctor, as their memory is deteriorating, fearing the early stages of Alzheimer's. The doc examines both of them and tells them that they are in good health and that their hearing is just a result of aging. He suggests to them that from now on they write everything down, so they won't forget anything.
A couple of nights later the couple is laying in bed. The husband turns on the lamp on his nightstand and begins to get up.
"Where are you going?" his wife asks.
The husband responds "Down to the kitchen, for some ice cream".
"That sounds delicious, I'll have a bowl too. You better write that down".
To that he says "I can remember two bowls of ice cream".
"But I want cherries on mine" his wife tells him.
"Cherries, got it" the husband replies.
"How about some whipped cream too. You better write that down" she says again.
"I can remember that!" He snorts back.
About a half an hour passes and the wife is beginning to lose hope. In walks her husband, carrying a huge tray of pancakes, eggs, bacon, orange juice, and all the condiments for the meal.
The wife asks "Where's my toast?"

more pics

Convict Nate and his girlfriend Jeannine, and Willie playing the part of Burt Reynolds.

Also, happy sad news, they are making a 184 proof whiskey, but it wont be ready for 10 years.
story

Pardon me, I have nothing to say

That's a very funny line from George Carlin's standup bit about "ways to keep people on their toes." And it fits with how I feel today. After about 40 hours of coaching this weekend in Yakima, I considered letting exhaustion, sickness, and an overall "ahh, fuck it" attitude keep me in bed all day today, but instead I am at work with the nice big bags under my eyes.

On the plus side our team did really well, in fact better than our team has ever done at the big Yakima tournament . If not for a few losses at the end of the second day, and the fact that we got bumped to a shitty little hotel with not enough hot water, it would have been perfect. So my attitude today will involve little talking, many one word answers to questions from people I can't find a way to avoid, and some kind of nap or going to be early, (of course, this will be after doing the write-up for our team, downloading pictures from our team and the other 11 teams that played this weekend, working on the raffle some more, and trying to fit in a Lions meeting.)

Come to think of it, with practice as well as training at work tomorrow night, and blazer tickets wednesday, I think I'll probably be running on empty (or emptier) til about Thursday. As a matter of fact, I think I will probably end up taking advantage of a weekend with no tournament to still NOT get all the boxes of garage sale and christmas decorations into storage, just like the last 2 months...

edit: on a side note, while getting Carlin's link, I saw on the website that he underwent an angioplasty (surgery) this winter, but is doing okay. Get better soon Mr. Carlin.

Also, Kennedy sent in this awesome link gizoogle of my website from gizoogle.com.

BREAKING NEWS: Big Bird dies from bird flu

From the article it sounds like he was just visiting Thailand. First Mr. Rogers, now Big Bird. I just don't know what to think. See the full article here.

March Madness (please don't sue me NCAA)

It's about that time of year again. Those of you down with college hoops know what I'm talking about. March Madness is about to begin. This year I am gonna jump on the Gonzaga bandwagon. Adam Morrison is killing the competition averaging 29.3 points and one terrible moustache per game.
In years past I have rooted for whichever team(s) I draw in my office pool. I haven't really paid much attention to a single team since the university of Nevada Las Vegas broke my heart in the 90-91 season when they lost to Duke. Effin Dookies. I remember getting slightly excited by the Fab Five at U of Michigan, but these last couple years I haven't really gotten too interested in basketball (college or pro).
But I do like gambling, especially on sports. I'm not talking anything too serious like Rick Tocchet, just a couple of pools and maybe a bet or two on the Super Bowl. And maybe an occasional wager on the UFC. But that's it. I'm no Burckhardt. I do tend to get a little crazy during March Madness though. Usually filling out anywhere between three to seven brackets and at least getting into one pool where you draw teams. The bad thing about drawing teams is it's all luck. And it seems like every year I am rooting for University of Louisville (seriously, I've had them the last four years) to upset some team from my beloved Pacific Northwest.
This year let's try something different. Bragging rights only here. Anybody who wants in on the First Annual NOSE March Madness basketball pool, leave a comment with your e-mail address and I will e-mail you for your picks. Winner is going to be receiving something AWESOME that is yet to be determined (just trust me on this). I realize we are a little early here but better to be safe than sorry. Anybody is allowed to enter, one entry per person. Who's up for this?

Mulgrew

If any of you out there haven't checked out www.jasonmulgrew.com now is the time to do so. We here at NOSE *heart* him very much. So much, that Erik and I both invited him to stop by Longview for some ice cold brewskis on his recent roadtrip from Seattle to Los Angeles. He didn't stop by because he is way cooler than either of us.
Anyways today he updated his blog and it's fantastic. You should check it out and if you like it, sign up for the monthly e-mail posts he will be sending out.
Also look for the post from February 17th were he gives yours truly a shout out (take that Emily), winning me a case of McMenamin's Ruby Ale (mmmmm, BEER) from Erik. And no I didn't invite him to stop by and watch me and my girlfriend have sex. Maybe some light fondeling, but sex was never part of the deal.

win an xbox 360

I said I would post more info on here about winning an Xbox 360 once I finally got the raffle I am putting together all situated. Well, I am expecting tickets to be available for sale this weekend, with the winners being drawn in late March. The money goes to benefit the Cowlitz Volleyball Club, which I coach for. There are tons of great prizes, so check out the site I made,
www.cowlitzvolleyball.com/raffle.htm, as it will be updated if I get more prizes donated to give away.

Also, for those of you already on Xbox Live, I found a calender of events that shows what games are played by tons of people each night. http://www.xbox.com/en-US/community/calendar/

And those of you not interested in Xbox, the raffle includes prizes like Mariners tickets and REI camping gear, so check it out.

Happy Birthday to Me (some things I hate)

Thanks to all for the many birthday wishes (both of them). And let me just tell you it was a rough weekend. It all started out Thursday (my b-day) when I got off work. I went home and drank a couple of Heinekens while I waited for Jeannine to come get me for dinner. We went to an Italian Steakhouse in town, Don Renato's. Verdict: Delicious. After dinner we decided to go home and have a quiet evening due to the exciting weekend we had planned.
On Friday I decided to take the day off. So I started drinking at about three in the afternoon. Grey Goose Vodka and Jones green apple soda together are delicious. Delicious and deadly. So I drank until about 6 when Jeannine and I went to meet the family for Chinese food. After a ton of General Tso's, Honey-Walnut Prawns, and various other entrees (and a couple of Tsing-tao's) we left the Golden Palace. We stopped briefly at my apartment to drop off my birthday loot. Next stop: BoPhal (bo paul) and Suriya's for a birthday/costume/housewarming party.
We arrived a little before everybody else finding Gus and Willie dressed up and drinking. Gus looked just like Marty McFly from the Back to the Future series. Willie was doing his best Burt Reynolds. BoPhal showed up shortly after and threw on his 1984 Michael Jackson Thriller ensemble. And decided to top it off with a mullet wig?
What the fuck? One thing I hate about costume parties is the people who show up not dressed up. And this party had many of them. I on the other hand was Cowlitz County Corrections February Inmate of the Month.
As soon as Jeannine and I showed up, the Grey Goose/Jones soda combo was in our cups. Add to that mix a vodka-Red Bull, a shot of Captain Morgan's, some beer and who knows what else and you have a very sick Nate. One other thing I hate is puking. And I did a bunch of it Friday night. And it was disgusting.
Here is Willie dressed up like Burt Reynolds. He found a great wig, leather jacket and Aviator shades at the Goodwill. It just wasn't complete so I drew a moustache on him with Jeannine eyeliner pencil. Voila, Burt Reynolds!
Saturday night was supposed to be strip-club night according to our original plans. I was so hungover that I really didn't feel like going but was gonna be a soldier and just get through the evening. My friends, Dez and Erica, came over to the house at about 7 on Saturday evening. Jeannine and I were already there and we waited about an hour to see if anybody else was gonna show up and join us in our adventure to Portland. After nobody (Willie) showed up we headed out on the road. None of us had eaten yet so we decided to stop in Portland for some grub. McMenamin's White Eagle, here we come! Little did we know there was a concert in session at the White Eagle and not a table to be found. After getting our refund of $6 each we headed out into Portland. McMenamin's Ringler's/the Crystal Ballroom was also packed sending us to choice number three, Rock Bottom brewery. What a great choice. We all enjoyed great food, delicious drinks and good company. Afterwards we were too full to do anything else. I hate making plans to go see some boobies and then not seeing boobies. We decided to head back to Longview and call it a night. And as soon as we hit I-5 north Jeannine and Dez were both out. We made it home in shortly under a hour and went to bed.
The other thing I hate is laundry. Which I spent my day yesterday doing in my still, slightly hung-over state.
One thing I love though is free Beer. Thanks Gus.

quote of the party and Mulgrew

Crazy party friday night. I was a good boy and stayed away from the hard liquor most of the night, therefore I actually remember the whole party until I left about 4:00AM. Best part had to be the quote by Nate:

Erik- "Hey Nate, think of something happy so that you don't puke."
Nate - (smiling) "hmmmm, Smurfs."

on a cooler note, I lost a bet to Nate today. I bet him a case of McMenamin's Ruby Ale that he wouldn't get mentioned on Jason Mulgrew's website. We emailed him offering him a beer if he wanted to stop in Longview on his way to LA last week. See how I lost the bet here.

excerpt (So I both apologize to those who wrote in and thank them for their kindness, even Nate in Longview, WA who said if I wanted, I could watch him and his girlfriend have sex. I'm going to have to take a rain check on that Nate, but thanks.)

Thank you and Happy Birthday

Thanks to all (both) the wonderful readers here at NOSE, and thanks to the contributors, because without you we would not have wonderful links and funny shit to talk about. For instance, Nate has scored again with the sneeze and probably the best place to start on the Sneeze steve_dont_eat_it .

Also, Happy Birthday Nate. I hope you get some.

(nate is the guy in black with the fem-stance. you gotta love 10 year old pictures)

tuckermax and battle of the books

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

the Maze...

My buddy Gym here at work showed me this maze. It starts off easy enough but it gets harder about the end of the third level. I barely made it past there and onto level four which I couldn't beat. What about you?

Michael Jackson announces "new" Beatles Greatest Album

So it looks like Jacko is at it again. It seems he has gotten bored with the little boys of Click'click'dert or wherever the hell he has relocated and decided to get back into the music game. As some of you may have heard, sometime back in the eighties, Jacko purchased the rights to the Beetles library. Pretty smart move for a guy who sleeps in a hyper-bolic chamber. But what he has decided to do is just plain crazy. It seems that Mike thinks it's a good idea to release a "greatest" hits for the Beatles. But basically all he is doing is re-releasing a couple of albums and repackaging it. The first one he decided to add was the 1962-1966 double album, affectionately known as the "Red Album". You can see the original artwork below.


Added to the melodic sounds of this early classic is the slightly more psychedelic 1967-1970 a.k.a. the Blue Album. Michael said "he wanted to spice it up a little". Wow, what a nutjob.

And if ripping off the Beatles music wasn't bad enough, you should see the alterations he made to the album cover. I mean combining the two is a great idea but what the hell?

hhhhmmmmmmm, piiiizzzaaaa

I love pizza, and garfield, and thought todays comic was particularlly good.

Happy Valentines Day. May you all get pizza gift certificates as presents.

Also, I got my wife the 2-disc special edition of Sense and Sensebility, a book of art by Georgia Okeefe, and a teaching book instead of flowers this year. Is that a good gift compared to something that will die in 1 week, or are flowers kinda just required?

One Last Rant

Okay so the Super Bowl was over a week ago and everybody out there is probably getting tired of us here at NOSE bitching about the officiating. So after this post, I will give it up. Let the dead dog lie.
The bottom line though is the Seahawks got screwed. If you don't think so you are blind. In any other game the calls wouldn't have mattered. But in this game their were about four calls that significantly affected the outcome. That shouldn't happen. The refs should never decide any game let alone the Super Bowl.
I was checking out the Phat Phree this morning and came across this article which even includes a couple of pictures. You can clearly see Roethlisberger being short on his so called touchdown and Hasselbeck not even being close to Steeler he supposedly illegally blocked. Check it out.
When's baseball start?

xbox360 news

The veteran difficulty on Call of Duty 2 is fucking hard. Very fucking hard. Harder than Halo 2 on Legendary. But, it is the best game I have played in a long time, which is why I continue to beat my head against the wall on a level I can not pass. Wish me luck as I may waste a few more hours tonight or tomorrow trying to clear one last house full of Nazis.
Fuck I hate Nazis.

And coming soon: Info about a raffle I will be putting on to fundraise for the Cowlitz Volleyball Club that my wife and I coach for. Why would I mention that here you ask? Because I just found out I will have an Xbox360 to include in the raffle prizes. That's right, I will be selling the opportunity to win great prizes, including an xbox360, for $1 each. Interested yet? Want to help a non-profit club that allows young volleyball players hone their skills in the off-season with the hopes of one day earning college scholarships, with the added bonus of winning a 360, or Mariner tickets, or Blazer tickets, or other great prizes??? You bet you do.

And one last-minute edit: While searching for a picture of the "geek" shirts I have to give away in the raffle, I found Cafepress.com and their huge selection of geek-themed shirts. Definitely worth a look. My favorite has got to be "I wear black because I am a ninja." The description if you click on the shirt says "Are you a ninja? Wear this shirt and let the whole world fear your ninja-ness. "

the H&R Block Experience

So last week or the week before (damn you short-term memory loss) I took my taxes in to H&R Block to have them done. It all started out well. I called and made my appointment. Showed up on time and moved right to a "tax specialist". His name was Jerry. He was about seventy years old. Despite being old enough to fart dust, he was a tax wizard.
Before I took my taxes in I figured them out on my own. I was just using H&R to get my refund in a week or so. Well Jerry got me another hundred and some odd dollars. That's my motherfucker. Something to do with my 401k or company stocks or something.
Anyhoo, I call yesterday to see if my refund was in. I was ordered (and not in a good way) to call another number. After punching in all my info I found out my refund was in fact in. Cha. Ching.
So after work I cruise over to H&R to pick it up. I show up and the place was pretty dead, yet nobody was working the front counter. I leaned up on the counter and waited about thirty seconds for a lady to come up and help me. She starts out our conversation by ordering me off of the counter. "It squeaks!" she explained.
"I need your ID!" was the next sentence out of her mouth.
After waddling back to the file cabinet and searching the alphabetical file folders for a couple of minutes, she pulls my refund out of the file.
"What's your address on the refund?" she barked at me.
"20 Jump Street*" I reply.
"Well how come your license says '1620 Memory Lane*'?" she half-yelled back before I could even finish my response.
"Umm....I moved." I explained, which I figured was a pretty rational answer.
"You need to get this changed." she ordered (see any similarities?).
I need to stop watching that damn Chappelle show, because I caught myself before I almost accidentally blurted out "Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?"
Then I went to the bank, cashed my check, and enjoyed $1000 worth of hookers and blow. (just kidding, it was $1350)

*actual addresses have been changed to protect n8

Slowly moving away from superbowl talk

I realized what was really important.
As you can see from the previous post, and the one to the left, it will be a while before we drop the superbowl issues that we have, but for now, here is some unrelated humor.
First, taken out of context, anyone can have a "quote of the day"...
"I love the airplane with the small dick"
-Nate

Second, Willie finally got off the ship in Cali, and apparently waded through months of useless fowards that he had been skipping past in his email. He sent this cool site colortest (beat my 88% on the first try if you can) and this is the best funny one he sent to me:

The Point System
In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do somethingshe dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system
==============================
SIMPLE DUTIES:
You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow. (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants. (+5)
In the rain. (+10)
But return with beer. (-15)
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)
It's her pet. (-25)
==============================
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS:
You stay by her side for the entire party. (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a collegebuddy. (-2)
Named Tina. (-4)
Tina is a dancer. (-10)
Tina has breast implants. (-80)
Really big breast implants. (-200)
==============================
HER BIRTHDAY:
You take her out to dinner. (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar. (+1)
Okay, it is a sports bar. (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is paintedthe colours of your favourite team. (-10)
==============================
A NIGHT OUT:
You take her to a movie. (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
And it's called "DeathCop". (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans that was featuredon "Oprah". (-15)
==============================
YOUR PHYSIQUE:
You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggyHawaiian shirts. (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-10,000)
==============================
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)[Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT you say.]
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, "Wh! ere?" (-35)
Any other response. (-20)
==============================
COMMUNICATION:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying whatlooks like a concerned expression. (0)
You listen for over 30 minutes. (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-5,000)

A Picture is Worth 1000 Words...

ESPN 2

ESPN 2 is great when you aren't reading Skip (fucking hit me with a 3 iron) Bayless.
Check this out about the Superbowl and recent college basketball conspiracy theories.
The best line has to be:
Worst new slogan: "Brown and Bubbly" -- this, I must admit, does not evoke an image that makes me thirsty.

I also came up with some VERY good ideas, but don't have the time to follow through with them. Basically they involve making fun of the refs.

1. The first idea making my own "Pontiac Game Changing Performances" but you would substitute clips of the refs making or missing calls on Sunday. And then you would vote for the most outragous fuck-up.
2. The second idea would be a funny pictures of the ref making the Pass Interferance call, and the first time he tugs his flag and misses, he accidentally starts to pull out his Terrible Towel, and then tucks it back in and throws the flag.

Fucking classic, but I don't have the time or technology to pull it off, so if anyone wants to borrow the ideas and make them a reality, just give me a little side credit along the way.

These are the kind of ideas you have when you had too many HOT, HOT sausages at your superbowl party and are keeping the toilet company first thing in the morning. (ouch, I thought they were hot on the way in...) Also, the next blog button strikes again with jokesandfunnystories.

A Living Legend Retires

So the Natural has had enough. At Forty-two years old I guess he's earned that right. What an amazing career. Not just the recent battles with Chuck Lidell, or the fact that he's been the World Champion twice in two different weight classes, but just the way he carried himself. He was a class act through and through. While some of the younger guys (i.e. Nick Diaz) talk all kinds of shit about their opponents, Randy never did. He was confident but never cocky. He would wink at his oppenent and shake their hand before the fight, and then give them a respectful embrace after the match was over.
I actually had the good fortunes to meet Randy on my last trip to Las Vegas. I was in town to watch the UFC 54 in which he was going to fight Mike Van Arsdale. The night before the fights me and my buddies went and watched George Carlin (hilarious). When we got back to our hotel we noticed a black, UFC edition Hummer H2 sitting out front. Who other than Mr. Couture himself comes walking out of the hotel. We all said hello and told him to "kick Van Arsdale's ass". He shook all of our hands and I believe my buddies got some pictures takin with him (I'm not positive, this was after many Heinekens). I remember on the way to our rooms how we all talked about what a class act he is.
Thank you Randy Couture.

Four Things.....

1. Congrats to Ben Roethlisberger for fooling the officials enough to give him a touchdown.
2. Did anybody see Darrell Jackson push off right before his touchdown? Yeah, me neither.
3. Holding on Sean Locklear? If Joey Porter was a Seahawk he would be complaining about the refs wanting the Steelers to win and giving them the game.
4. How do you call a low block on Matt Hasselbeck when he makes the tackle?

The fact of it is the NFL wanted the Bus and the Steelers to win it. It was some of the worst officiating I have ever seen in my whole life. It's funny how the game was decided by eleven points, but if you give D. Jack his touchdown and don't call the phantom hold on Locklear there's more than likely eleven points right there.

Whose Side Are You On?

Even the President gets into the Super Bowl. "Are you fucking blind, Bettis was short by at least THIS MUCH!"

I got the hat, the coozy, the keychain...too early to start adding to the Diet Coke on Friday? Not when you are going to see the Blazers Friday night I say! Also, we just won a kick ass box of superbowl food for Sunday from Cascade Title. man I can't wait for Sunday. I even just bought a t-shirt, and it is the shiznit.

Fuck the media

Sports writers and talk show hosts are all pussies. I watched a show late last night, where everyone but one AGAIN sided with the Steelers. What happened to rooting for the underdog? In this case you would actually be rooting for the better team, so there is less risk than normal and you would think that more than one of these pussy comentators could side with the NW.

It's one thing to say that you have been a steelers fan and hope they win. It's another to say that the Steelers are the favorite because the NFC isn't as good as the AFC this year. So the AFC was harder this year. I bet if the Giants or the Bears were in the Super Bowl, everyone would be talking about how good they are becuase they beat the Seahawks. No-respect-giving mother fuckers. And Texas A&M, go fuck yourself.

Also, Skip (see below) is an ass. I read some more of his articles, especially this one, and he is a big part of the reason that reporters are interchangable with lawyers in the joke "what do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? -A good start"
although, this article shows that he is probably just a normal media fuckhead and not really a seattle hater. He wants drama, suffering, and arguments, becuase it gives him a job. Also, a Skip Archive link incase you want to see how full of shit this guy is, and send him multiple emails stating so.

Skip Bayless: Dumbass!

Where the hell does this guy get off calling our Super Bowl bound football team the "Sea-frauds"? This guy thinks he knows everything about the NFL yet he hasn't shown the Hawks any respect all year. I've heard him say that they are a team of nobodies and got lucky with a soft schedule. Nobodies? Wasn't our Running Back the MVP of the NFL this year? And now he goes off saying they have no place in this Super Bowl where they are way overmatched by the AFC's sixth seed, the Pittsburgh Steelers. He goes as far as calling Seattle, south Alaska. WTF? Read it all for yourself right here.
If you are a diehard Seahawk fan and don't appreciate some ESPN B-Lister disrespecting our state, sports, and way of life, I encourage you to send hate-mail here.
Who watches Cold Pizza on ESPN 2 anyways. GO HAWKS!

edit: (a good excerpt from one of his columns) - "I can relate: After opening the first few of 2,000-plus e-mail responses to my Sea-Frauds column, my computer screen cracked. Each one was a fireball of unprintable passion."
Thats right fucker, read em and like it.

the Flash?....Seriously?

I was just admiring the beauty of Ford Field, site of Super Bowl XL on Erik's last post. Who woulda thunk it? Our beloved Seahawks in the biggest game of the year. And despite what Joey Porter says, these Hawks are leaving with the Lombardi. No disrespect to Jerome Bettis (isn't he from Detroit?) but these Hawks are winning it all.
Anyways I thought I would check out the comment left on his last post and found this:
redlib said...
I was going to make some snarky East coast comment, but I can not get over how ugly that ski sweater was. Although I have a vintage 80's ski coat in toxic green with a purple swirl on it, so who am I to say?
And I am gonna have to agree with her. G, that sweater was all kinds of disgusting. Nice shoulder pads, Liberace. Anyways I thought I would check out her blog and found the "which super-hero are you quiz" and thought "why not?"

Your results:
You are The Flash

The Flash 80% Spider-Man 75% Robin 63% Green Lantern 60% Superman 50% Hulk 50% Iron Man 50% Supergirl 43% Wonder Woman 38% Batman 35% Catwoman 30%

Fast, athletic and flirtatious.

Steeler Fans can't follow through

An article at the bottom of Saturday's daily news sheds more light on the fact that the Seahawks will win, because the Steelers and their fans just aren't good enough.

Town renames itself 'Steeler' 'til Super Bowl

WASHINGTON, PA. - Just to make sure there's no confusion about which team they are pulling for in Super Bowl XL, the mayor and council voted unanimously to change this city's name.

Welcome to Steeler, PA.

The name change for the city of about 15,000 people south of Pittsburgh will last through Feb. 5, the day of the game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Seattle Seahawks. "Iknow the folks in the state of Washington are rooting for the Seahawks, so we wanted to make sure everyone knows the city of Washington is fully in support of the Steelers," Mayor Kenneth J. Westcott said.

You'll want to keep addressing those bills, cards, and letters to Washington, PA., though, becuase the name change is cosmetic and isn't recoginzed by the U.S. Postal Service. "It's just a spoof until after the Super Bowl," Westcott said.

If you are going to change your name, then change it. Don't change it as a spoof but not actually change it. Don't take a great idea and then piss all over it by saying it's only for a week and it's not for real. That's like someone going to the game and saying "My name is The Bus, but only for today because its the Super Bowl." If a whole town of Steeler fans is too pussy to follow through 100% with their idea, then how can their team feel that they are REALLY rooting for them.

Stupid Steeler Fans.

Public service

Because all you are gonna get this week is Seahawks excitement, and the normal tits and fart information, I thought I would pass on an educational link that I found by accident (while trying to look up a video game...)
http://www.eb.com/
That's right. Why buy enyclopedia britanicas at your door, when you can search them online baby!

Also, in case you missed it in the last post comment section, Seahawks 35-Steelers 21

Only 3 More Days!

I cannot wait for the Super Bowl to get here. I have never in my life been this excited for a sporting event. The only comparison for how excited I am could be Christmas of 1985. When my little brother and I opened up our 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System I think I may have pissed in my pants a little bit. I was that excited!
I am now realizing how awkward it will be at the Super Bowl party I am going to be attending when the Seahawks score that first time and I piss my pants a little.
GO HAWKS!

ha ha, you said hump

Wednesday is Hump Day, so here you go.

I got an jokemail about 15 toys that didn't make it to production, and this was my favorite. It was a hard fought contest between My Little Pony Glue Factory (the lego gas station + my little ponies + a new Elmer's sign for the station and truck) and Little Johnny Peeper Night Vision Goggles (showing a kid in camo with goggles, and a picture from American Beauty with Thora Birtch in her underwear) but any toy about humping and robots that makes kids happy is okay by me.

Also, the next blog button strikes again, with a blog by a chick that likes Comics. That is cool, and I wish I could be a comic nerd still. http://redlibcomic.blogspot.com/

Who the Hell is Tanner Hall?

So I was sitting on my couch last night, talkin to the coach and unwinding from a long, grueling day at work. My buddy Bora called me from Colorado and told me he was at the Winter X-Games and that there was some pretty amazing stuff goin down. So I tuned into ESPN to check it out and he was right.
Has anybody noticed some of the stuff skiers are doing these days? This kid Tanner Hall threw down a fakie 1080 to win gold in super pipe. A fakie 1080? Three and a half rotations in the air after taking off backwards? That's levitation Holmes.
Well if you've ever watched the X-Games you know how they like to show a little bit of back story on each athlete. It turns out that this Tanner Hall kid had one of the most horrific wrecks ever about a year and a half before the X-Games. It seems that they were doing some filming in the backcountry of Mormonville (Utah) for a DVD where they were all hitting this jump, flying about ninety feet through the air, and hitting their landing. Tanner comes flying in fakie (backwards), hits the jump and pulls a 900 in the air. He comes up short of his landing hitting the lip of it and begins ragdolling through the air. He lands in the snow on his back and begins sliding down the slope. As he's sliding he begins screaming. "BROKEN.....MY ANKLES ARE BROKEN!" It was one of the most chilling things I have ever seen. I will never forget his screams. You can read a recollection of it here from somebody who was there that day.
So he goes from being one of the top skiers in the world to not being able to walk in a matter of seconds. And he goes through rehab and comes back to win on the biggest stage possible. Amazing.

Ski weekend pics

Although no one thought to actually bring their camera up on the mountain, there are some good pics on Apul's photo album of the drinking the night before and the night of the big ski trip. Here is me winning the ugly sweater contest saturday night, and a quick glimpse of part of the reason I puked after the first run down the mountain saturday morning.

the Adventures of Living with a Slob (part 2)

A couple of days ago I wrote about my first two roommates, "Josh" and "Derek". Some may not believe that they were as dirty as I said they were, but to the left here I have an actual snapshot of "Josh's" room. Just think ladies, somewhere under that pile of garbage is where the magic happened for him (on a somewhat regular basis that would probably surprise most of you).
I'm not sure how he wasn't embarrassed bringing a lady home to that mess. I can't speak for everybody else but when I bring a date home, beforehand I clean like Martha Stewart on methamphetamines. Not "Josh" though. But then again when it's three in the morning and your date has consumed enough Jack Daniels to kill a moose, she's not really gonna notice your room.
Okay so that's really a picture of the dump, but his room was almost as bad. I think he may have done laundry three or four times (the laundry room was all the way downstairs) while we lived in the house and the rest of the time he would just go buy new clothes. So his dirty clothes would just pile up along with empty bowls of Easy-Mac, half-empty cans of beer, dead midgets and I'm pretty sure there was a used diaper filled with Indian food in there somewhere.
But that rancid smell quite possibly could have been his socks. Combine over-productive sweat glands with bad hygeine and the habit of taking his stank-ass socks off and just leaving them around the house and you have a problem. You try putting the moves on a date when out from between the couch cushions she discovers a old, sweaty, dirty sock that smells like a turd covered in burnt hair. Needless to say, those damn socks cock-blocked me on more than one occasion.
All in all it was a good learning experience though. Except for the place smelling like Bigfoot's dick. Seacrest out.

Out of Shape

You know you are out of shape when:

• After Snowboarding your arms hurt more than your legs from picking yourself up off the ground all day.
• When you finally stop falling down every 15 seconds, but have to stop and take 5 minute breaks instead because you are so tired.
• When you puke your fucking brains out after the first run down the mountain
• When you spend as much time in the lodge as you do out in the blizzard
• When you don't go boarding a second day, because you hurt...everywhere

but on a funnier note, the ugly sweater contest saturday night was a success, and as soon as I get some pictures from Brandon, I will be sure to post a pic of me wearing one my mom's old sweaters from the 80s...that says Skiing on it. absolutely horrible.

the Adventures of Living with a Slob (part 1)

So when I first decided to leave my parent's house for the first time to live on my own, I moved into a fairly nice house with two of my good buddies. To protect the not-so-innocent we will refer to my former roomies as "Josh" and "Derek". The three of us lucked out and found the perfect bachelor pad. It was two-stories and the top floor was all hard-wood floors, a huge living room, the kitchen, a bathroom and two bedrooms. And it was considerably warmer upstairs than down in the concrete surrounded downstairs. But the downstairs had a humongous party room with a bar and fireplace where we used to have some very serious foosball tourneys, my bedroom, a laundry room, a storage room and a sweet-ass bathroom with a sauna and a 1970's era hot-tub/whirlpool. Two words: Very fucking nice.

"Josh" was one of my good buddies from high school. We used to hang out together and shoot hoops, drink brews, gang fight with midgets, play video games, and just basically get into as much trouble as we could get away with. Moving in together may have been the worst idea I ever made.
Out of the six months we lived there, I recall coming home EVERY DAY and having dishes piled up in the sink. EVERY DAY. Somewhere around month four something happened in the upstairs (my roommate's) bathroom and made it so the tub would not drain. Instead of putting some drain cleaner into it what do the roomies do? Start using my bathroom. And to say these guys were dirty is like saying "Guttormsen likes to play his X-Box 360". So after filthying up my bathroom for a solid three weeks they went on vacation with a couple of other buddies. Destination: Mexico.
About the third day they were gone I decided to go check out their bathtub to see if I could fix it (I was working in a home improvement store at the time). My first plan of attack was to drop a little drain cleaner down the drain and see if that helped. Well if you've ever used "good" drain cleaner you know not to drop it into standing water. And that presented a problem since there was a good ten inches of water that had been sitting in that tub for who knows how long. So I looked around and noticed their toilet plunger sitting in the corner right behind their toilet. I thought to myself "why not?" You know why not......once I started plunging, thick clumps of black who-know-what started coming out of the drain and into the tub. About a good ten minutes later the water started to drain leaving the black clumps sitting in the bottom of the tub. I left that as a welcome home present for the dos amigos.
And what did they do when they got home. Bitch at me for leaving a mess. What the fuck?
About two more months go by and the roomies decide they don't like living together. The failed to let me know as I was in Bellingham, Washington visiting some friends at college. I found out they didn't want to live together anymore when I arrived home to an empty house, except for my stuff, the garbage they didn't want, and a bunch of old, near rotten food. Oh and I had three days til rent was due. Suffice to say I ended up back at my mom and step-dad's.
This story is kind of running on so I will share more of my roommate mis-adventures later. And they never did clean up the black clumps.

Fluctuations

I just recently returned home from a short trip to Vancouver B.C. (that's in Canada) and I had a bunch of Canadian dollars left over that I needed to exchange so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. Short line... just one guy in front of me... and the guy in front of me was an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little agitated. He asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday I get two hunat dolla foyen - today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller says, "Fluctuations." The Asian guy responds "Fluc you white guys,too!"

skiing

After a 2-3 year break, I'm finally going snowboarding again. This weekend at Meadows should be hella interesting, including driving in the snow, falling down in the snow, drinking near the snow, wearing ugly sweaters Saturday night at the first annual McGinty Ugly Sweater Party, and trying not to be too sore and hung over to do it again Sunday. Wish me luck and no broken bones.

Guilty!

GUILTY Inmate Found Guilty of Killing Priest

Wednesday, January 25, 2006 2:11 PM EST

The Associated Press

By DENISE LAVOIE
WORCESTER, Mass. (AP) — A jury on Wednesday rejected a prison inmate's insanity defense and found him guilty of first-degree murder in the strangulation of pedophile priest John Geoghan, a central figure in Boston's clergy sex abuse scandal.

I'm not a big fan of murder, but you molest kids, or anyone for that matter, you should be punished. If someone wasn't already routinely beating the shit out of this guy, then John probably did what everyone else in the jail wanted to do.

Garrett gets the shaft

ohhh, you dont know about garrett? He was Blitz, of the Seahawks for a few years, but this year, they got new management, and the fuckers revamped everything, including his job. They made it part time, and eliminated the reading program part of the job that he spent 2 years creating. So he quit...and now he is hella upset about it considering they are going to the superbowl. So everyone who sees him give him some love, because when he finds his way back into the NFL next year from his current minor leauge football job, you are gonna want tickets from him again.

But on another note, Smoot's wife Deanna is still cheerleading, and Smoot said that if they win, she gets a ring. How cool is that? I told him that if she gets a ring, it needs to be his pinky size so that he can wear it around like a gangsta. Nothing says cool like a slightly overweight white kid wearing a superbowl ring on his pinky finger...especially if it's his wifes'.

Exercise, Kobe, and other random thoughts

So this past New Year's I made the resolution of trying to get into better shape. I figured I would start jogging and maybe start playing tennis and basketball again. The dodgeball league I participated in just wasn't physically demanding enough.
Before I got my promotion (last September) I worked on the front counter helping customers who walked in off the street. One thing about the front counter is you have to pull all your own orders. Now that I have made the move back into the office, I no longer have the responsibility of pulling my own orders. Basically I sit at my desk, answer phone calls, write up bids and orders, and surf the internet. Not very tough at all. And in the last four and half months I have gained about twenty pounds. Skinny guys do not look good with a gut. So this weekend is gonna be my first weekend of actually trying to exercise. And I'm thinking I will be able to keep at it at least until the weather gets nicer and I can start playing paintball again.
What did everybody think about Kobe Bryant's 81 point outburst over the weekend? As I watched it, I felt like I was watching somebody play NBA Live against Danny from "the Other Sister". 81? Why stop there? Why not try to break Wilt's record? You know why? Cause Kobe is a pussy. And what kind of nickname is "Black Mamba"? This ain't Kill Bill motherfucker.
On a completely seperate note; a few friends and I are trying to get a wiffle-ball league started for the summer. If there is anybody out there in the Pacific NW that would like to play, shoot me an e-mail and I will let you know what you need to know. You may be thinking, why the fuck would you play wiffle-ball? Because it's a fucking blast. We had a tournament last year and everyone had a great time. Nothing like sitting in the sun, drinking some brews and just basically hanging with your bros. And one good thing about wiffle-ball is you don't have to run the bases. Translation: You can get fucking hammered!
And for the finale of the Last Man Standing that I spoke of earlier, I took the Pittsburgh Steelers along with another guy and three others took the Seattle Seahawks. Gym that I work with took the Denver Broncos, so he's out. So now I have to split the pot with four other winners and then split my share with the three other guys I work with. Final winnings = $76. Just a little short on the X-Box 360 that I need so badly. So I'll just have to go over to Gus' house and play his. What time you expecting me G? I'll bring the brews. Seacrest out!

Greatest. Name. Ever.

Usually when a customer calls and places in order we ask them for a P.O. (purchase order) number. Most customers number them by whatever job that customer is on but some customers (plumbers mostly) like using the person's name that they are doing the work for. So my buddy Matt Jones, of Jackmove fame, tells me one of his regular customers just called and placed an order. The P.O.? Dick E. Rect. I swear to god. I couldn't make that shit up if I tried. I am not that funny.
On another note if you haven't been to Jason Mulgrew's site, you should. He is that funny. Seacrest out.

Next Stop: Detroit

So as most of you out there know, the Seattle Seahawks dismantled the Carolina Panthers yesterday to earn their first trip to the Super Bowl in franchise history. Here in the beautiful pacific northwest this a very BIG deal. You see us here on the upper left coast haven't known the excitement of having a sports franchise win it all. I know the Seattle Storm won it all a couple years ago but really, who watches women's basketball? We've had the Mariners go off and win 116 games and then die faster than a one-eyed kitten once the playoffs get serious. And then we have the so called Super-Sonics. They were close a couple of times in the late '90s when all-world asshole Gary Payton was running point and Shawn Kemp had only eleven illegitimate children opposed to the 27 he has now. And the 'Hawks have been disappointing these last couple of years and haven't done shit in the playoffs since like 1984. I don't know about the rest of you but in 1984 I paid more attention to G.I. Joe then sports. I mean how can you go wrong with a real American hero? But this team is different. I can just feel it. As I stated about two weeks ago I am just happy they are in the big show. But they are gonna win it all. I mean the Steelers are good but they aren't that good. Hasselback, Alexander and company are bringing home the hardware. I'm calling it right here; party at Guttormsen's. (thanks Gus)
Seahawks 31, Steelers 24

Go Hawks!

Ooooooh Baby, Oooooooh Mama.

That's the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it, uh huh, uh huh.

If it's gonna be that kind of party, I'm gonna put my balls in the mashed potatoes.